The Light to My Darkness - Chapter 25
Sunday
Maybe I was wrong about Axel weighing more than Scarlett.
Tonight she felt like she weighed a ton.
It was almost tempting to wake her up so that she could walk.
Instead, I adjusted her on my hip and pressed the button for the elevator.
James had been gone less than an hour and I already missed him terribly.
I carried Scarlett onto the elevator and leaned against the wall as the doors closed.
Ow. I slouched forward as a pain rippled through my side. Are you doing cartwheels now too? I put my free hand on my stomach. I need you to behave while your father is gone. Okay? Another sharp pain made me wince.
When the elevator doors opened, I slowly stepped out.
I glanced at the sign posted on the wall, signaling that our room was to the right.
I adjusted Scar again and made my way down the hall.
My hand rummaged around in my purse, searching for the keycard.
Damn it, where did I put it? This was why I didn't like when James left.
I wasn't good at handling more than one thing at a time.
I was exhausted. My stomach hurt. It felt like I was holding a bag of concrete in my arms. And I couldn't find my fucking keycard.
I knew it was just my hormones that made me start crying.
I wasn't even sure why I had agreed to spend the night in the hotel.
All I wanted to do was curl up on James' side of the bed at home and breathe in his smell.
I was always a mess when he wasn't around.
The sound of a door opening and laughter made me turn my head in the opposite direction. I'd recognize Tyler's laugh anywhere. I didn't want anyone to see me in my current state, whether I knew them or not. Come on, you stupid keycard.
"Penny? Are you okay?"
I could smell the alcohol on him. But his appearance was evidence enough that he was drunk.
His tie was hanging loosely around his neck.
Half the buttons were undone from his dress shirt and his tuxedo jacket had long ago been abandoned downstairs in the ballroom.
He was holding an ice bucket in one hand and was awkwardly trying to button his shirt back up with the other.
I turned away. "Yeah, I'm just trying to find my keycard. Goodnight, Tyler."
"Let me help you," he said and reached for Scarlett.
The relief of having her weight off of me made me sigh.
"You're not really supposed to be lifting anything, are you?"
"No, not really, but she's not that heavy." Now that I could actually see into my purse better, I was easily able to find the keycard. "Found it." I lifted it up and smiled at Tyler. "Thanks." I put my arm out for Scarlett, but he kept her on his hip.
"I'll put her down for you." He nodded to the door.
"Oh, that's not necessary. I can do it."
"You're not really supposed to be lifting anything," he repeated.
I rolled my eyes and he laughed.
"Fine." I put my keycard in the door and it beeped open.
Tyler followed me in, hitting the lights as he made his way through the room. He set his ice bucket on the nightstand and easily pushed back the sheets while still balancing Scarlett in his arms. He gently laid her down and pulled the covers up, tucking them under her chin.
I leaned against the wall as I stared at them.
He pushed her hair off her face. "She looks just like you."
"She has James' eyes."
Tyler nodded and looked up at me. The smile seemed to evaporate from his face. "Have you been crying?"
I quickly shook my head. "No. I'm just tired."
"Why do you like to pretend that I can't tell when you're lying?"
I didn't know what to say. That I missed James desperately? That my baby wouldn't stop kicking me? That I was worried a snake was going to kill me in my sleep?
"Okay, you don't have to tell me." He pulled the covers off of Scarlett and lifted her back in his arms. "But you don't have to sit here moping all night." He grabbed the ice bucket off the nightstand and walked past me.
"Where are you going?"
"To get ice. And then all three of us are going to go watch a movie."
"Tyler, I'm not going to interrupt your night with Hailey." I tried to grab Scarlett, but he shifted her away from me.
"You're not. We were renting a movie to watch with Axel. Unlike Scarlett, the kid is completely wired. I think he got more cake when we weren't looking."
I laughed. "I don't want to ruin your night."
He started walking backwards. "When have you ever ruined my night?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe that time I kneed you in the junk?"
He laughed. "I'm pretty sure I deserved that one. You coming or not?" He somehow managed to open the door even though his hands were full.
I looked back at the empty bed. He was right. I didn't want to spend the night alone. I followed him out of the door and grabbed the ice bucket out of his hand. "I can at least get the ice for you." We had passed it on the way to our room.
"You really don't want to talk about what's wrong?" Tyler asked.
He was a good designated uncle. He was a great dad. But none of that surprised me. Tyler was good at everything he did. "Does Axel ever say anything that scares you?"
"What do you mean? Like how he wants to grow up and be a football player? Because I have issues with that. I'm pretty sure their concussion protocol scares every parent now."
I laughed and tried to let my thoughts disappear with the churning of the ice machine. I picked up the full ice bucket. "You're right. You shouldn't let him be a football player."
Tyler grabbed the ice bucket from me.
"I can carry a little ice," I said.
"You can do anything. But it doesn't mean you should." He smiled at me.
We were quiet the rest of the way back to his room. I was pretty sure he was waiting for me to tell him what Scarlett said that scared me. But I didn't feel like talking about it. A movie to distract me actually sounded kind of perfect.
"Scar!" Axel yelled when we entered the room.
Scarlett immediately opened her eyes. She looked over Tyler's shoulder at me. "Slumber party?" she asked and yawned.
I nodded.
Tyler set her down on their king-sized bed and she plopped herself next to Axel in the middle.
Tyler walked to the other side of the bed and climbed over Hailey to the empty spot that he had apparently abandoned on his ice expedition.
He put his arm around Hailey's shoulders. "What are we watching?"
"We agreed on Trolls," Hailey said. "Does that sound alright, girls?" She reached over and tickled Scarlett.
I smiled and sat down in the chair in the corner. "That sounds great."
"Mhm," Scar said. "But, Mommy, you sit here." She patted the bed beside her.
"Oh, no. I'm okay right here."
"That chair is like a rock," Hailey said. "Get up here, Penny!"
I laughed. It really was uncomfortable. I was so glad that Hails wasn't mad at me anymore. "Okay." I climbed up on the bed beside my daughter. I thought she might snuggle up next to me, but instead she put her head on Axel's shoulder, mimicking the way that Hailey and Tyler were sitting.
I had walked into this room knowing I'd feel like the third wheel to Hailey and Tyler. But I didn't expect to feel like the fifth wheel.
***
"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" Tyler asked.
I glanced over at him. Everyone seemed to be asleep but us. Somehow watching trolls singing on the screen had calmed me down. And Tyler had always been good at listening to me.
"Scar said a snake was going to get me," I said. "And that she was worried about James not being a good dad when I was gone."
"Well, that's not creepy at all." Tyler smiled. "Sometimes Axel says weird stuff, but it's usually from something he heard."
"We let her watch Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. You know, the one with that huge snake? She started saying it after that."
"So that's it. She's just scared of the movie."
"I guess. I don't know why she's projecting the snake on me though."
"We're all worried about you, Penny. Kids are smart. They can pick up on stuff like that."
"Yeah, I know." I ran my fingers through Scarlett's hair. "James worries all the time about being a bad father. Yet, I'm the one terrifying our daughter."
"Penny, you're a great mom. Right up there with Hailey and my own mother."
I smiled. "Thanks, Tyler. It's late, I should probably get us to bed." I scooted off the side of the bed.
"You can spend the night if you want," he said. "The bed is certainly big enough."
I laughed. "I appreciate the offer, but we paid for a perfectly good room down the hall." I leaned over the bed to reach for Scarlett.
"Do you want me to carry her for you?"
"No, I've got her." I lifted her up into my arms.
She moaned lightly in her sleep.
"Thanks for tonight, Tyler. It was just what I needed."
"Any time, Penny." He yawned and switched off the television. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight." I walked out into the hall. This time I had no trouble finding my keycard. I carried Scarlett into our hotel room and switched on the lights so I wouldn't trip on the way to the bed.
But that made Scarlett open her eyes. She looked around for a moment, slightly disoriented.
"Can't we sleep in Axel's room?" she said. "It's slumber party."
I laid her down in the bed. "We're going to sleep in here tonight." I pushed her bangs off her forehead and pulled the covers up around her.
"But, Mommy, I'm scared."
"There's nothing to be scared of." I leaned over and kissed her forehead.
"I miss Daddy. The snake never comes when Daddy is here."
I swallowed hard. "Scar, there is no snake. Didn't Daddy tell you that earlier today?"
"No, he said you were scared of him and that I shouldn't talk about him coming anymore. But I'm scared of him too."
She blinked up at me in the most innocent way. But the words she said weren't innocent. They were haunting.