A Whirlwind of Color - Chapter 16 #2
What had I done to her? I suddenly actually felt cold.
I tucked my hands into the front pocket of the hoodie.
The more I learned about the person I had become, the more I hated her.
I didn’t know how I had become this monster.
All I knew was that Penny Hunter was clearly not a good person.
It was just more reason to leave. “I’m sorry.
I’ll take them off. Just give me a few minutes, okay?
” I left the room without waiting for a response.
When I got to my room, I pulled the duffel bag over my shoulder.
I was about to go hide when I realized this was exactly what a monster would do.
Leaving without saying anything was harsh.
I didn’t want James to worry, I wanted him to let me go.
I grabbed a piece of paper off the nightstand and left a quick note.
James,
I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. This is better for both of us. Please forget about me.
-Penny
I dropped it in front of the bathroom door and then ran out of the room. My whole body froze when I heard James’ voice from downstairs. Him being home ruined everything. Shit, shit, shit!
“I assumed you knew,” he said.
“Why would you assume that? I was completely blindsided today, James,” Melissa said. “You asked me to help her try to remember you, but how can I possibly do that when I don’t know anything about you.”
“She never told you?”
“No.” They were both quiet for a moment. “So it’s true? You’re an addict?”
“I…I’m good right now.”
“You don’t look good, James. Honestly, you look terrible and…”
“How do you think you’d look if Josh almost died? I’m dealing as best I can. And I’m not using.”
“Do you swear?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Because you’ll need your A-game tonight. Penny’s lost her freaking mind. She stole Josh’s pants and then pretended it wasn’t weird at all and then ran away to take a bath because apparently she’s freezing cold.”
“She never takes baths.”
“Yeah, well, she’s not exactly acting like herself. God, I barely recognize her. I’ve known her longer with you two together than I ever knew her when she was single. I’m used to you two being solid.”
“I’m going to go check on her.”
“Let me,” Melissa said with a sigh. “She used to always wear Tyler’s sweatpants when she’d come over. I may have snapped at her because it reminded me of that.”
Man of my dreams Tyler? I bet I did want to be in his pants. I almost laughed at the thought. There was no way I had tried to steal Melissa’s boyfriend. She had to know that.
James laughed. “Yeah. I hated when she’d do that too.”
“Why didn’t you tell her to stop then? You could have saved me from a huge fight we had.”
“I was trying to be less...possessive. I trusted her.”
“So not cool, James.”
There was a pause.
“I noticed that you used the past tense there,” Melissa said.
“I’m trying to hold on.” He sounded so defeated. “But I’m tired. I want to wake up and for all of this to be over.”
Me too.
“Well, let me go check on her. Sit down and relax. That’s why I came…to help.”
“Thanks, Melissa.”
“I’ll be right back.”
Oh my God. I looked both ways and then ran to the hall closet and jumped inside. I didn’t even have time to close the door when I heard her footsteps on the stairs.
“Penny?” she called as she went into the bedroom.
Please work. Please don’t see me.
I heard her knock on the bathroom door. “Penny?”
Silence.
“Penny!” she screamed at the top of her lungs and banged on the bathroom door. “Penny, let me in!” She banged harder. “Open the fucking door, Penny!” More banging. “Josh! Josh, get help!” she screamed down the stairs. “Someone help!”
Commotion, shouting, footsteps pounding on the stairs.
“Penny!” James yelled. “Penny, open the door! Baby, please.” It sounded like he was dying. Like his heart was breaking.
I thought about what I had written and cringed. I told him I was sorry. I told him I couldn’t do this anymore. That this was better for both of us. That he needed to forget about me.
“Penny!” Pure agony coated every syllable. “Penny, don’t do this! Let me in!”
I could barely understand him through his sobs.
And I knew what he thought. I hadn’t meant the note to make it worse.
But it had. He thought I was trying to kill myself.
Maybe he thought I already had. Guilt seeped into my bones, paralyzing me.
I should have been running. But I couldn’t make myself leave when he sounded so distraught. It physically pained me.
“I thought she was downstairs.” I recognized one of the security guard’s voices. “We saw Josh go into the room…” his voice trailed off. “When the hell did you go back downstairs?”
“I never left my room,” Josh said.
“Oh, fuck.” More footsteps on the stairs.
“Penny!” James yelled as he pounded his fist against the door. “You can’t leave me!” he sobbed. “Baby.”
I wanted to curl up in a ball and die in that closet. His pain tore me in two. His words shattered me. But the crack of wood breaking pulled me out of my trance. They were breaking the bathroom door, which meant they were about to see that I wasn’t in the bathroom.
It was now or never. I’m sorry. I burst out of the closet and ran as fast as I could. And I didn’t stop. I ran away from the pain in his voice. The pain in my chest. I ran as fast as I possibly could away from the life I didn’t want. I’m sorry, James. I’m so so sorry.