A Whirlwind of Color - Chapter 29
Monday
My hand was practically shaking as I unlocked the door. I felt like I had soiled my one chance. Literally.
I glanced at Scarlett. Porter was carrying her now. He gave me a sympathetic smile.
That just made me more nervous. Was that sympathy because he knew I was about to experience James’ wrath? Or because he thought I was a terrible mom? Probably both. Here goes nothing.
As soon as we were inside, Porter set Scarlett down and disappeared back out the door.
I was probably supposed to yell something like, “Honey, I’m home!” But James wasn’t my honey. Besides, I was hoping to sneak Scarlett upstairs and wrassle her into a pair of pants before James saw us.
“Let’s go change,” I said to Scarlett and held out my hand.
She held on to the paper towel skirt for dear life.
“Melissa, can you help me get her upstairs?” I asked.
“James is going to find out one way or the other. Scarlett still doesn’t feel well.” She tussled Scarlett’s hair.
Traitor.
“Daddy!” Scarlett yelled.
They were all a bunch of traitors. Damn it!
James walked into the foyer. He pushed his hair off his forehead, like he was trying to look more presentable. As if he ever looked un-presentable.
“I didn’t expect you back so soon…” his voice trailed off when he looked down at Scarlett. “Pumpkin, what happened?”
Scarlett immediately let go of her paper towel skirt, sending it to the floor, and ran over to James. Her little naked butt was the biggest traitor of all.
“What happened to your pants?” James asked as he lifted her into his arms.
“She fed me a bad snack.” The little traitor pointed directly at me.
“It was just a tiny accident,” Melissa said. “We didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. No big deal.”
Thank you, Melissa.
“My tummy hurts,” Scarlett said.
Was she trying to get me in trouble?
“She gave me fibey snacks. And they made my tummy hurt.”
James looked up at me. “What is she talking about?”
This time Melissa didn’t come to my rescue.
I was on my own. “I grabbed the wrong fruit gummies. She wanted a snack and I only had the fiber ones. Apparently those aren’t for kids.
But I had no way of knowing that, James.
I seriously thought it would be okay, or else I wouldn’t have fed them to her. ”
“It doesn’t matter.” But the way he said it didn’t make me believe him. His tone screamed, "It matters a lot, you incompetent idiot." He adjusted Scarlett onto his hip. “Let’s go get you cleaned up, pumpkin.”
I sighed as they left the foyer.
“So that went well,” Melissa said. “He didn’t even seem that mad.”
“Are you kidding? He was so pissed.”
“Really? He said it didn’t matter.” She shrugged.
She couldn’t tell that he was mad? Maybe I knew him better than I thought. Or maybe I’m remembering. I shook the thought away. If I was remembering, I’d know what to do around Scarlett. I’d be a good mom. I clearly wasn’t remembering anything.
“So, I’m supposed to meet Josh for dinner in a bit. I thought I’d leave you to get better acquainted with your family tonight.”
“You’re abandoning me?”
She laughed. “No. But family dinners are something you always do. Maybe it’ll trigger a memory.” She smiled. “Is it okay if I go get ready?” She was already backing away.
Maybe she wasn’t abandoning me. But it felt like she was. “Yeah, that’s fine.”
“Don’t worry about today. It happens to the best of us.”
I knew that wasn’t true. She had said that she had never even experienced such a big bowel movement. I sighed. I just hoped tonight would get better. I walked into the living room and froze.
The room wasn’t the same at all. There were no longer any empty hooks in the walls. There were pictures everywhere. Images of me and James. Pictures of Scarlett. Photos of us with our friends and family. Ones with all of us together. And in every single one we were all laughing and smiling.
Scarlett’s laughter drifted downstairs. It was foreign to me. Just like the pictures on the wall.
James had removed the pictures to help me ease back into my life.
He had tried to erase everything we had.
And I wasn’t sure why. I tried to wipe away the tears in my eyes, but they just kept coming.
These images were proof of what we had. The majority of them weren’t professionally done or posed.
They were candids. And I could see it on my face.
I could see the love. In several photos, I wasn’t even facing the camera, I was staring at James like I adored him.
Like he was the only person I ever wanted to see.
Like I lived to wake up next to him. And to fall asleep in his arms at night.
“Penny?”
I turned to see him standing there, watching me.
He looked happy that I was staring at the pictures.
Like I was doing exactly what he had planned.
And he was shirtless again. He kept doing that.
It was so distracting. It was almost like he was trying to…
God. I was so dumb. Of course he was trying to make me notice him.
I thought about earlier when he said he just wanted for us to be friends.
How angry I had gotten. He knew how to push my buttons.
He knew it would turn me on. He knew me.
He hadn’t given up on us being more than friends. Because there was more than my love in those pictures. There was his love too.
But there was also one huge problem. Just because I could see the love in the pictures, it didn’t mean I felt it.
Just because he knew how to trick me into wanting him, it didn’t mean I actually did.
Him angering me? Him walking around without a shirt?
Him putting up these pictures? He was trying to trick me into falling in love with him again.
And my heart couldn’t just flip a switch and feel everything he wanted it to feel.
Love didn’t work like that. He had to know that.
He had to know I needed more time. Just because he knew me, it didn’t mean I knew him.
Or that he understood what I was going through.
“I’m not upset about what happened with Scarlett,” he said. “I was a little at first, but it could have happened to anyone. You don’t have to cry. I’m sorry if I overreacted. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
I could see it on his face. He wanted to comfort me. But he was worried I would freak out. He was trying to keep his word. And it was killing him.
“I’m not crying about that.” I wiped my tears away.
“I mean, yes, I’m sorry I wasn’t more careful.
I should have known better. But I’m crying because…
” I couldn’t look at him. Instead, I stared at one of the pictures of us.
“I’m crying because you love me. And for some reason, you decided it would be fun to pretend you just want to be friends even though you obviously want more.
And you keep doing that.” I waved at his six-pack without looking at him.
“And you keep pushing my buttons. And it’s not fair that you know more about me than I know about you. You’re messing with my head.”
“Is it working?” James asked.
That was not the reaction I had expected. I was almost positive that he’d deny it. I finally made eye contact with him, just in time to see him run his fingers through his hair. “No, it's not. And that. Stop doing that.”
He laughed and lowered his hand to the side. “I don’t know what you expect me to do, Penny. I keep having new plans on how to fix everything and you keep derailing them.”
“Is that an admission that you're prancing around the house shirtless because you want to seduce me?”
“I’m not trying to seduce you. I’m actually trying to get you to want to seduce me.”
I stared at him. “Seriously? That’s the master plan I derailed?” That was never going to happen. My eyes wandered down to his six-pack. Fine. Maybe it would have happened eventually if he kept looking so amazing.
“It wasn’t that horrible of a plan. You should have seen your face earlier when I said I just wanted to be friends. You looked like you wanted to kill me.”
“I did not.”
“Yes.” He stepped closer to me. “You did. Can’t you just admit that you’re starting to fall, even if you’re not starting to remember? That kiss we shared yesterday…”
“Even if I was starting to fall for you, it’s because you’re tricking me. You’re messing with my head instead of letting me make my own decisions.”
“I’m not trying to trick you, Penny. I’m trying to jog your memory.
I was trying to make you want me. And trying to push you away at the same time.
” He sighed. “That’s how we started. A little give.
A little pull. I thought if I acted that way, you’d remember.
And I just ruined it by letting you know you already have my heart. ”
The way he was looking at me made my chest hurt. “Recreating stuff doesn’t seem to help. Can’t we just…start over?” I needed a level playing field. I needed to know more about him. “I think that maybe…”
“Story time?” Scarlett said.
I jumped. I still wasn’t used to a little kid running around. Where had she even come from? She was standing behind us, hugging a book close to her chest.
“I don’t feel well,” she said. “Can I have a bedtime story?”
“Hold that thought,” James said to me. “I want to keep talking about this. I just have to…” he nodded toward Scarlett.
“Yeah, no, it’s fine. I’ll just keep looking at the pictures. Even though you put them up to manipulate me, you never should have hidden them. They’re wonderful.”
He smiled as he glanced at one of our wedding photos. “They really are. I’ll be right back.”
“No, Daddy. I want her to do it.” Scarlett pointed at me.
I was pretty sure my whole face lit up. “Me?”
She nodded.
In a matter of minutes I had turned things around. I had been honest with James about needing to make my own decisions. And he seemed open to letting me figure things out. Or maybe he was just out of ideas on how to trick me. Regardless, it felt like progress. I was excited to talk to him more.