A Whirlwind of Color - Chapter 30
Monday
“I’m sorry, James.” I had listened to his retelling of his childhood.
And the few funny stories scattered throughout didn’t change the fact that it sounded miserable.
His parents were God-awful. How had they not seen that he was so unhappy?
I barely knew Scarlett and I could tell when she was angry with me.
Which was most of the time, but I was improving.
I wanted to improve. His parents? They didn’t care enough about him to even try. It was heartbreaking.
“It’s okay. I met you. I found my love of teaching. I love the life we’ve made together. Besides, nothing heals the past like time.”
“So you’re on good terms with both your parents now? I know your father visited me in the hospital. But your mother? How is she?”
“We haven’t spoken since everything that happened with Isabella.”
“You mean her forcing you to marry Isabella?”
“Well, that and the fact that my mom was trying to help Isabella break you and me up before our wedding. She sided with a monster instead of her own son. I don’t know how to forgive her for that.”
“Isn’t forgiveness the key to happiness, or something like that?”
“Maybe. But I almost died. She almost prevented me from ever being a father.”
I nodded. I wasn’t an expert on forgiveness. If I ever saw the doctor who had poisoned me I was worried I’d try to stab him or something. He had taken away all my most wonderful memories. Of James, of Scarlett, of Liam. “Then screw her.”
He laughed.
I took the pause in the conversation to help myself to another serving of the delicious penne noodles with chicken and vodka sauce. “Don’t let me forget to tell Ellen how delicious this is. She’s a great cook.”
“I actually made it.”
I looked up from my fork. “Really? James, it’s so good. I didn’t know you could cook.”
“I can’t. Not really. It’s one of the only things I know how to make. And in the interest of full disclosure, I made this for you on one of our first dates. I already had the whole night planned before you called me out on my games.”
I smiled. He had planned to spend the whole night trying to win me over? How could I not swoon over that? “What else did you have planned?”
“Do you really want to know, or do you want to just play along?” His dark brown eyes were so mischievous.
I laughed. “That convinced it’ll work, huh?”
“I just know I can’t stop trying. Even when you call me out on it. I tried the whole not touching you thing. And the not sleeping next to you thing. I can say with full confidence that it wasn’t for me.”
“I’m trying my best to remember. Just, take things slowly with me. I’ve only ever dated one guy. And I don’t know if you can even really call it that. We were never actually exclusive.”
“I know.”
Of course he knew.
“I believe in us. And I don’t care if it takes me the rest of my life to convince you to love me again,” he said. “I’ll never stop trying.”
I’m pretty sure I sighed out loud from how romantic that was. But instead of telling him that, I took another huge bite of food. I still had a lot of questions for him and no good segue. The note I had found in the trash was burning a hole in my pocket. And his scars were still staring back at me.
“How did you get your scars?” For some reason, that question seemed like the easier of the two.
“From when I got shot on our wedding night. Three times.” He gestured to his bicep, his stomach, and his ribcage. “My lung collapsed and I had my spleen removed, but I’ve made a full recovery.”
“And the new one? You told me you took some of the poisoned pills too. What happened?”
He immediately looked more tense. “I had a cardiac episode.”
“Like a heart attack?”
“Not exactly. It wasn’t as severe. Just set me back a little. And I tweaked my knee when I fell down the stairs. But nothing serious. I’ve been going to physical therapy for everything. I’ll be good as new soon enough.”
I thought about all the times I saw him take a break from walking. Or put his hand down for balance. “All of it sounds serious to me. They clearly had to operate.” I pointed to his chest. “You’ve been telling me to take it easy, but you should be too. I wasn’t the only one that got hurt.”
“I’m fine. I’ve always had issues with stress so…poison didn’t help with that.”
“Huh. I never would have guessed that you have stress issues. You seem so carefree.” I smiled at him as he laughed. “But seriously, James. Are you going to be okay?”
“Yes. When have I ever lied to you?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Ever since I woke up?”
He smiled. “Well, I promise I’m not doing that now. The physical therapy is working. I’m feeling stronger every day. How are you feeling?”
“Honestly? I physically feel okay. Nothing hurts. But when I think about everything, I feel so overwhelmed. Do you know that Scarlett doesn’t believe I’m her mom? She thinks I’m some imposter.”
“Yeah. I’ve talked to her about that. I can talk to her again.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll figure it out. But it is upsetting.
Dr. Nelson stole my memories. And I know that I have children.
But it still feels like I’ll never have them.
I always pictured a bunch running around, you know?
And I expected to remember being pregnant with them. He stole all of that from me.”
“I know. I pictured that too.”
I bit the inside of my lip. “Do you really think we’re safe now? From Dr. Nelson I mean?”
“The police think so. They think he’s long gone.”
“And you?”
“Our security detail has been very diligent. There hasn’t been any suspicious activity. No sightings. Nothing. It’s not like the guy is going to be able to practice medicine here ever again. Maybe he went somewhere he could start over.”
“That makes sense.” I took a deep breath. “So maybe we could get rid of all these cameras? They make me nervous. I feel like I’m being watched right now.” I looked up to one of the ones mounted in the dining room.
James ran his fingers through his hair. “Most of them are already disabled. We found out that they were how Dr. Nelson got access to our apartment in the first place.”
“He broke into the security system?”
“I thought this was the safest apartment in the whole city. But everything worked against me. I’m updating the software. Until then, there’s only a few active ones.”
“You’re updating it?”
“That’s what Hunter Tech does. I thought we were un-hackable. I was wrong. We’re going back to the drawing board. Well, mostly the company. I’ve been preoccupied.”
“But you mostly teach, right?”
“Yeah. After what happened I took a leave of absence from the university though. Another professor is handling my summer session classes.”
“Will you go back in the fall?”
“That depends on a lot of things. How Liam is doing. If you remember me.”
I laughed. “You can teach without me remembering anything. Your life can’t just stop. You’ve said that yourself.”
“I know. But it feels like it’s stopped. It’s hard to breathe when I look at you and you don’t look at me the same in return.”
I was about to say I was sorry when music started playing lightly in the other room. I looked past him to the living room. Melissa winked at me and then disappeared down the hall.
When I turned back to James he was standing beside my chair with one hand stretched toward me.
“May I have this dance?”
This was part of the evening he had planned for me. And I wanted to remember. How could I not want to remember loving this beautiful man? I slid my hand into his and he pulled me to my feet. His hand squeezed mine as we walked into the living room and stopped in front of the amazing view.
“It’s beautiful,” I said.
He spun me around and pulled me into his chest. Our laughter drifted together.
It felt right to have his hands on my waist. I lightly wrapped my hands around the back of his neck.
All of it felt right. But there was still a note in my pocket that claimed I didn’t love all this.
That I wasn’t happy even though life had handed me everything I could possibly dream of.
I had to ask him about it. But I didn’t want to break the spell. “What song is this?”
James spun me again. “Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional.”
“And it means something to you?”
He lifted one of his hands off my waist and placed it on my cheek. “To us. We played this song during our first dance at our wedding. It was also the first song we ever danced to when we started dating. We were on a walk in Central Park.”
My mouth felt dry. I could picture it so clearly.
We walked slowly back toward the hotel. It was nice walking through the street holding hands like a normal couple. We'd never be able to do this on Main Street. Maybe he was right. Disclosing our relationship would be for the best. I heard music playing in the distance.
A smile spread across Professor Hunter's face. "Come with me." We jogged into Central Park until we came to a guitarist. He was strumming his guitar and singing. I laughed as Professor Hunter twirled me and then pulled me in close.
His hand was on the small of my back. It reminded me of when he had walked me home in the rain. The smell of him and the look in his eyes took my breath away.
"Do you know this song?" My voice sounded airy. I wanted to know what it was so I could find it on YouTube and remember this moment forever.
"I believe it's called Hands Down." He twirled me again and placed both of his hands on my waist.
"Every day I spend with you I fall harder and harder." I looked up into his eyes.
He leaned down and kissed me. When the song ended he didn't pull away. We kept swaying to the loud sounds of the city. "I should get you home."
"Does that mean going home with you? Or are you sending me back to my dorm?"
He laughed. "I'd like to bring you home with me."
"I don't want tonight to end." I put my hands in his hair and brought his lips back down to mine.
There was a quiet groan in his throat as he pulled away. "I love you, Penny."
"I love you, James."