This Is Love - Chapter 20
Friday - Penny
Our few days in Newark had flown by. I had never been more in love with the man beside me. I was so blissfully happy. James and Liam had both been given the all-clear. We were going home today.
It felt like we were back where we started. Despite the changes around campus. I pulled James toward the strange new statue I had seen last time I was here.
“And this,” I said. “What the heck is this?” I gestured to the hideous thing.
“You don’t like change very much.”
“I don’t mind change if it makes any sense at all. But this thing ruined the aesthetic of this circle. Remember how you could go to the center and clap and it would echo?”
James shoved his hands into his pockets as he watched me examine the statue. “No, I wasn’t aware of that.”
I looked back up at him. “What kind of professor were you?”
He smiled in that seductive way of his. “A bad one.”
I walked back over to him. “You were a great professor. With a bad habit of seducing students.”
“Student. Not plural.”
“See. You were a good professor. And you still are back home. Let me see if it still echoes.” I looked over my shoulder to see if anyone was coming before I proceeded to climb up onto the concrete book.
James laughed as I started clapping in the center of the book.
“Am I centered? Or is over here better?” I stepped to the side and started clapping again.
James started laughing even harder.
“Why are you laughing at me?”
“Because you look like a lunatic.”
I stuck my tongue out at him and looked back down at the statue I was standing on. “It doesn’t echo back. This stupid statue ruined everything.”
“Everything?”
“Fine, not everything.” I let James help me down from the hideous monstrosity. “Just this circle. And those huge new residence halls they built.” I pointed to the buildings in the distance. “Hideous, right?”
“But you still love it here, don’t you.” He didn’t phrase it like a question. He knew I loved it.
“Of course. Coming to this college was the best decision of my life. It led me to you.”
He cupped my cheek in his hand. “How much would it upset you to know that some of our donation probably helped pay for those huge hideous buildings.”
“A travesty.”
He laughed. “And the hospital. That wasn’t a travesty.”
“No. That was a life saver.”
“The personal attention we got at the hospital was impressive," said James. "I don’t want to know how much money you donated, but do we practically own that hospital because of all the donations we’ve made?”
“Probably. But if we ever have any health problems, we know where to come.”
His hand slid down the side of my neck in the most distracting way. But the way he was staring at me made it impossible for me to think about anything else.
“Or maybe we should just stay,” he said.
“Stay.” I stared into his eyes. “In Newark?”
“I can’t remember the last time I saw you this happy, Penny. I want to see you smile as much every day as you have in the past few days.”
“I smile plenty.”
“You haven’t smiled plenty. You’ve been upset in New York. You think I didn’t notice you crying after opening the mail? And I’ve never heard laughter flowing out of your office while you work. You haven’t been happy. And somewhere along the way you forgot that I’ve always seen you, Penny.”
I moved a fraction of an inch closer to him. “Are you not happy in New York?”
“Not if you aren’t.”
I bit the inside of my lip as I stared into his eyes. “The city is our home.”
“But it doesn’t have to be. We can move anywhere you want.”
I shook my head. “I love our apartment. And all our friends are right there.”
“All I’m concerned about is your happiness.”
“I’m happy in the city.”
He shook his head. “I’ve never seen you climb random statues in Central Park with a huge smile on your face.
And I can’t remember the last time where we ate so much pizza that our stomachs hurt.
Or watched a romantic comedy curled up on the couch together.
Or took the time to take a walk just the two of us.
Penny. I don’t want to go back if your smiles are going to disappear again. ”
I swallowed hard. Maybe somewhere along the way I had forgotten that he saw me. For what I really was. What I was really thinking. Was I unhappy in New York?
“I think we should stay,” he said.
“I don’t really understand where this is coming from. We’ve done nothing but talk about bringing Liam home. Home is in New York. We’re leaving in less than an hour.”
“But we don’t have to. We can stay here. Scarlett can come join us down here.”
“Your old apartment is a bachelor pad. It’s not home.”
“If we brought all our stuff here it would feel like home. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to risk losing you.”
“Why would you lose me if we went back?”
He shook his head. “Everyone thought…I didn’t want to believe it.
I told myself it couldn’t be true. But it’s been eating me alive.
You remember the day you went into labor now.
I wasn’t there. And after I found the note you left…
I have to know. Did you try to take your own life?
It’s been in the back of my mind. And it won’t go away.
Penny, I need to know. I’ll do anything to make you happy and it kills me that… ”
“No.” I grabbed both sides of his face. “Never.” I blinked away the tears in my eyes.
“I was worried that something might happen to me. Because of my heart. I wanted to add that letter to the will so that you’d have something to hold on to.
Or…” I shook my head. “A push in the right direction of letting me go. I just wanted you to keep our family whole. And happy.”
“I’m not whole or happy without you.”
“Well good, because I’m not going anywhere. And I’m sorry if I’ve seemed upset the last year or so. I mean…getting rejection letters has been hard. But you just got me a publishing deal. So I don’t really have to worry about that anymore.”
“A publishing deal that you’re not going to accept. Because it’s not what you want.”
“It is what I want. It’s everything I wanted. Not exactly the way I wanted it, no.”
“I’m so sorry, Penny.”
“It’s fine. Besides, it’s too late now.” I shook my head. “I’ll never really know if I had what it took now. But it is what I wanted. And you helped me get it.”
“Of course you’ll know. You turn down the offer I got you and keep trying.”
“Yeah but…literary agents talk. She probably pitched it to more than one publishing house. Everyone will already know that my pen name is actually me.”
“No. She worked for an imprint in London. She wouldn’t have pitched the idea to anyone else because then another publishing house could have reached out to you to offer you a better deal and cut her out.
Besides, she met with me, not you. She doesn’t have rights to your story.
We didn’t sign any paperwork with her. And I never mentioned your pen name.
That was for you to hash out with her on your own. ”
“No one knows my pen name?”
“Or your story. She only read the first few chapters.”
“ Our story. It’s our story, James. Not just mine.”
“Then let’s do this our way. On our own. Self-publish it, Penny.”
“I don’t know anything about self-publishing.”
“Me either. Isn’t that half the fun? Besides, a publisher will want to change it. And I don’t want you to change one word.”
“You really liked it?”
“I loved it.” He leaned down and kissed me. “You were meant to do this.”
He wasn’t trying to help me with his last name or money.
He was offering to help me research how to be an indie author.
How to create a new business. “I thought I could do this all on my own. But I don’t want to.
I want to do it with you.” I wanted to do everything with him.
“But don’t get any ideas on Hunter Publishing House or anything else like that. All of this has to be anonymous.”
“What, you think I can’t be a well behaved Mr. Smoak?” He backed away from me slowly with his eyebrow raised.
“Mr. Smoak. I scrunched my nose up. Stick with Professor Hunter.”
He laughed as he hopped up onto the statue. “Now let’s see if we can get this echo thing going.” He held out his hand for me.
I grabbed it and climbed back up on the statue with him.
But we didn’t clap. Instead, he pulled me in for a kiss.
Right in the middle of campus. And I savored the moment.
It was something we’d never been able to do when we first met.
Our relationship had been a secret. But he wasn’t a professor anymore.
And I wasn’t a student. We had escaped to New York so we could be ourselves.
But he was right, we could move here now and be happy.
I just wasn’t sure if that’s what I wanted.
I pulled away from his kiss. “Rehoboth.”
He smiled down at me. “What about it?”
“I want to stay in New York. But we should look into getting a beach house in Rehoboth. Where we can come whenever we need a break from the chaos of the city. It would be perfect with the kids. I loved going to the beach when I was little with my parents. Liam and Scarlett will love it too. And I know you’re relaxed at the beach, so if we get away more often… ”
“Done. You don’t have to sell me on the idea. I think it’s great. We can look at properties as soon as you want.”
“And we can always stop here on the way down to the beach. Make sure our kids know how important this university is to our family. We can annoyingly point out all the silly changes they make. And talk about the good old days. It’ll be perfect.”
“Hmm. Perfect.” He stared at me like I was the perfect one. Like nothing else in the world mattered to him. We stood in the middle of the statue for a long time, just being happy. Being us. “Let’s take our son home,” he finally said, breaking the spell.
I felt tears welling in my eyes. Because it wasn’t just me who he thought was perfect anymore. He loved his children just as much as he loved me. And that was perfect.
He jumped off the statue and pulled me down into his arms. My feet stayed suspended in air as he held me tightly in his embrace.
I had never felt so full. I had come to Newark scared of losing the two men in my life. But I was keeping both of them. Liam was healthy now. And James was too. There was no alternate ending to our story. It had to be a happily ever after.