City of Sin - Chapter 5
Bee
"I'm so, so sorry," Kendra said. "For what it's worth, your idea was a lot better than Jenkins'."
"Thanks." I took a bite of my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "Can I run something by you real quick?"
"Of course."
"I think if I'm ever going to make it in advertising I need to get some experience. There's probably a better shot of me getting something in one of the small agencies back home. Even if it's unpaid or something. Don't you think?"
"Back home?"
"Yeah. I'm thinking I might move back to Wilmington for awhile. Just until I figure some stuff out."
"Wait, what?" Kendra put her sandwich down on her desk. "You're not serious? Just because of the meeting? Whatever, people will forget about it tomorrow. And like I said, it was a good idea. Mr. Ellington will notice you eventually. You just need to give it more time."
I sighed. "I'm pretty sure Mr. Ellington has already noticed me. The only promotion I'll ever get here is becoming one of Mr. Ellington's mistresses."
"Ew." Kendra frowned. "I'm sure that's not true."
"Yeah, well I told him I didn't want to be his secretary forever. And he said I was due for a promotion. And then he looked at me in a really creepy way."
"He always looks creepy. You probably imagined it."
"But right before that he said that my skin wasn't thick enough to be in advertising. So what else could the promotion he suggested be? He definitely wasn't referring to an advertising gig."
Kendra took a sip of her diet coke. "If that really is what he meant, you can sue him you know. That's sexual harassment."
"I'm not going to sue my boss."
"And why not? He's a complete pig. If anyone ever filed a lawsuit, every girl in this office would sign off on it."
"Would you lower your voice?" We were eating lunch in Kendra's cubicle, which wasn't that far away from Mr. Ellington's office.
"I tried. I gave it my best shot. I'm not cut out for this city.
Mr. Ellington's right. I don't have thick skin.
My skin is thin." I looked down at my arm.
"Translucent, really. I'm so pale, I look sickly. "
Kendra laughed. "You know what, fuck Mr. Ellington. You do have thick skin. You're finally moving on from Patrick. Don't let this set you back. You have that date tonight. Things are looking up. You're Kick Ass Bee."
"Yeah, I can't go on that date. Mr. Ellington is punishing me by having me transfer tons of useless documents into digital form. It's going to take forever. There's no way I'll have time to go back to my apartment and change before my date. I'm just going to cancel."
"You're not canceling."
"So you think I should just go like this? It will look like I didn't try at all. That's a terrible first impression."
"Bee, you always look great. Don't give me that shit. And being a dedicated employee is nothing to be ashamed about. But I agree, you have to look amaze-balls for a first date. And I have the perfect solution."
"I can't afford to go shopping. My rent is due in a few weeks and I..."
"It doesn't involve going shopping. I have a sexy dress here that you can borrow." She stood up and grabbed a dry cleaning bag that was hanging from the side of her cubicle.
"We don't wear the same size."
"Yes we do."
"Fine. But we don't have the same style."
"You mean you like to dress conservatively? I know. Which is why it's probably for the best that you have to borrow something from me." She pushed back the plastic that was covering it.
It was a short, low-cut black dress. Which actually wasn't what I was expecting at all. I thought there'd be more straps. And less fabric.
"So? What do you think?"
"It's great. Are you sure it's okay if I borrow it?"
"Absolutely."
"Why do you have this here?"
"I picked it up from the drycleaners before lunch. I was going to wear it to that bar that just opened up."
"Oh. Kendra, I can't borrow this if you're going to wear it tonight."
Kendra laughed. "Yeah, I'm fine going to that bar wearing what I'm wearing. I'm sure everyone's just going straight there after work anyway."
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely. This dress is going to look amazing on you."
"I feel like going on this date a different night would be better though. I haven't exactly been having a stellar day."
"Which is why you should go. A great date will turn your whole day around. Besides, if you really want to get over Patrick you need to get under someone else."
"Ew. Seriously? That's terrible advice. I'm not doing that."
"Actually, it's great advice. And you know it. How did you get over the guy you dated before Patrick?"
"I didn't. I mean, Patrick was my only boyfriend. I never dated anyone before him."
"Wait, are you telling me you've only ever had sex with Patrick?"
"Jesus, Kendra, please lower your voice."
She laughed. "I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous. No wonder you were so upset about the break up."
"I was upset because we dated for five years and were engaged. And he was cheating on me. And I don't even know for how long."
"I know. I'm sorry. But you don't even know what else is out there. Dating is fun, Bee. There's someone out there that is so much better than Patrick. And probably a better lay too. You should really be more adventurous." She took a bite of her sandwich.
"Maybe."
"Let's stalk Mason. What's his last name?"
"I don't know. Marie didn't say."
"Damn. There's probably thousands of Mason's in New York."
"And isn't that cheating anyway? We're both supposed to go into the date blind."
"You don't think he already looked you up?"
"Wait, you think he did?"
"Maybe. Let's see what he could have found." She typed my name into Google and clicked on my Facebook profile. "Why the hell is there a picture of you and Patrick as your profile picture?"
"I haven't been on it in awhile."
"Bee, it still says you're engaged to him! What is wrong with you?!"
"I know. It's just...he never changed it either. I thought maybe it meant he was still holding on somehow. Won't he get a notification if I change it? It's almost like that makes it officially over."
"It was officially over when you gave him back the ring."
I ran my thumb along the spot where my ring had once been.
Kendra clicked on Patrick's name. "See." She turned her screen to me. There was a picture of Patrick with his arms wrapped around some brunette girl with huge breasts.
"Okay. I'll change my relationship status to single. I'm going to go get my work done."
"Bee." Kendra put her hand on my wrist. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make you upset. I'm just trying to help."
"No, it's fine. You're right. If he really wanted me, he would have tried to make it work. I'll change it." I walked back to my desk and sat down.
I had thought Patrick and I were okay. We were both working long hours.
When I had found out about him cheating, he had said it was my fault.
That I wasn't giving him what he needed.
Because I came back from work tired and ready for bed.
So for a long time after I found out he was cheating I had blamed myself.
As if him being a dick was somehow my fault.
It wasn't. He was just an asshole. And I did need to move on.
He wasn't the same person that he was when he had proposed.
When he had proposed he had meant what he said.
But the city had changed him. His new life wasn't something that I fit into.
And now it seemed more like it was because I never belonged in New York in the first place.
***
"Hey, are you almost done?" Kendra was standing by my desk holding the dress in her hands. There were only a few people in the office still. It was past 5 o'clock on a Friday. Most people had left exactly at five.
"No. But I should be done in a few hours."
"Is it something I could help with?"
"You're already letting me borrow your dress. You should go have fun at that bar."
"Look, Bee, I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have looked at Patrick's Facebook page. I wasn't trying to rub it in your face..."
"I know. You're just trying to help. And I am ready to get over him. But what if I don't know how? I don't even remember how to go on a date."
Kendra laughed and pulled up a chair to my desk. "Of course you know how to date. It's like riding a bike."
"A bike doesn't try to have a conversation with you."
"But you ride both a date and a bike."
"Oh, God." I rolled my eyes.
"Just be yourself, Bee. Any guy would be lucky to have you. You should try that thing where you say yes to everything."
"So, like if he says let's go have sex in my car I should say yes without even thinking about it?"
"Absolutely."
"I thought you told me to be myself."
Kendra laughed. "Well be a sexy, flirtatious version of yourself. How about I call you at nine? That way if you need an escape you can pretend there's some emergency you need to attend to."
"Now you're talking."
"Okay. I'll call at nine. But if you're already home in bed alone, I'm never speaking to you again. Our friendship is over." Kendra stood up.
"That's a little harsh."
"Tough love, Bee. And don't you dare start talking about Patrick on your date. There's nothing less sexy than talking about an ex on a date."
"Okay. I didn't realize how many rules there were to blind dates."
"You'll be fine. I'll call you at nine. Have fun." She gave me a huge smile.
"When you smile like that you look like a psychopath."
"Thanks. Bye, Bee."
"Bye, Kendra."