Third Chances - Chapter 15
Daphne
This was what living was supposed to be like.
I stared up at the canopy of green above us.
It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
I let myself spin in a circle as I stared up at the parrots darting between the leaves.
This was how I felt whenever I stood in front of the ocean.
Small. It grounded me somehow. I fidgeted with the bracelet on my wrist, the one that I always wore.
The one I hadn't taken off since I got it.
It made me feel even smaller in the sight of all the beauty.
Like my problems weren't significant. Like everything was how it should be.
These were the moments that made everything worth it.
For some reason I wanted to cry. I stopped touching the bracelet and just stared at all the green.
I didn't want to think about him. I couldn't think about him.
Not now. I had been doing so well. I breathed in the musty smell of the rainforest and relished the humid air against my skin.
It almost felt like I was floating amongst the trees.
"You okay, Daphne?" Alina asked.
I was pulled back down to the ground, back to the now. My legs were tired from trekking through the rainforest and I was thirsty. I tried to focus on that. It was safer to think about the now. Much safer than the future. And definitely safer than the past.
"I'm good." I looked ahead at the tour. We were falling behind. "We should probably catch up with everyone."
Alina looked over her shoulder and then back at me. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I remember all those pictures in his room growing up. I know he wanted to come here."
I shook my head. If I had wanted to cry looking up at the canopy a minute ago, I definitely wanted to cry now.
No matter how much time passed, the wound never seemed to heal.
I distracted myself by pulling my hair into a ponytail, getting my hair off my neck which was sticky with sweat.
But I didn't need to hide how I was feeling to Alina.
She knew. She understood better than anyone else.
"It's so beautiful," I said. I blinked to remove the tears from my eyes. I wasn't going to cry. "He would've loved it."
Alina put her arm around my shoulders and we started walking toward the others. She didn't say anything because there was nothing to say. Her being next to me was what I needed. A constant reminder that I was never alone.
Kristen squealed up ahead as a monkey ran in front of her. "Did you see that?" she said as she turned back to us. "It almost attacked me."
Alina laughed and squeezed my shoulder once more before catching up with everyone else, leaving me behind.
I felt that bitterness seeping back into me for a second.
That feeling that I was falling behind. The feeling that I actually was alone.
Stop it. Alina had been my best friend since elementary school.
Just because she was getting married didn't mean she'd forget about me.
Kristen still had time for me even though she was dating Tim.
And Layla was married, yet she was still here.
I thought about my empty apartment back home.
Everything perfectly organized. I was a huge believer of the motto that everything needs a place and everything should be in said place.
But I was starting to wonder where I really belonged.
In my apartment alone? In my life alone?
Which made my mind wander back to what Rob had said to me.
In a lot of ways he was right. I did feel like I was slipping behind.
All my friends were moving forward in their lives and I was just stuck.
I didn't know how to let loose and have fun.
I didn't like giving up control. But he didn't know why.
He didn't know how much I had lost. He didn't know how scared I was.
I winced at my own thoughts. Scared? That wasn't a strong enough word.
I wasn't scared; I was terrified. Terrified of being left alone.
Terrified of feeling loss. Because it almost drowned me the first time.
I wasn't sure if I could handle it again.
So I protected myself with my endless checklists and analyzing every little thing whenever I met someone I might like.
I had to protect myself because no one else would. Not anymore.
I pushed a branch out of my way. The humidity was stifling. I jogged to catch up with my friends. I didn't want to think about what I had lost right now. And I certainly didn't want to think about Rob's stupid opinions. They didn't matter. He didn't know me.
"Rob really knows his Costa Rican geography," Kristen said when I caught up to them.
They had all stopped. I joined them at the side of a pristine pool of water and glanced up at the beautiful waterfall.
The scene was breathtaking. I stepped forward onto one of the rocks jutting out of the water.
It was slippery with mist from the waterfall or the humidity of the air, but I kept my balance as I walked closer to the water.
I had seen much bigger waterfalls, but there was something more impressive about this one.
The sound of the water crashing down combined with the noises of the rainforest was all consuming.
I thought being in the middle of the rainforest was amazing, but this.
..I felt like I belonged here. Like I was being pulled toward the waterfall.
I wanted to feel the water cascading down on me.
"Is it okay for us to swim?" I asked and turned back toward the tour guide.
Kristen had already taken off her clothes and was standing in her bikini. "Even if it wasn't, I'd go in anyway." She laughed and joined me on the rocks, being careful not to lose her footing.
"Yes," the tour guide said.
I stripped down to my bikini and dipped my toes into the water. It was chilly, but it felt amazing in the Costa Rican heat.
"Just watch out for crocodiles," the tour guide added.
I immediately pulled my foot of the water. "What?"
Kristen grabbed my hand before I could step back. "It's fine. The water is clear. I don't see any."
Layla grabbed my other hand. "Just don't close your eyes or one might sneak up on you." She winked.
Alina joined Layla on her other side.
"Ready?" Kristen asked, bending her legs, ready to jump into the surely crocodile swarmed water.
"No," I said immediately. But my words were drowned out as they all jumped, pulling me with them.
We sunk down into the water. It was way deeper than it looked and it took awhile for my feet to touch the mud at the bottom.
I pulled my hands out of Kristen and Layla's and swam to the surface of the water, breaking through the surface and taking a huge breath of air.
Everyone was laughing around me, splashing each other with water.
No one else was thinking about the imminent danger.
Just me. I swam over toward the rocks to climb out.
Momma Bear. God I hated that nickname. If I climbed out right now, they'd surely keep calling me that.
I could have fun too. I could let loose.
I took a deep breath and submerged back into the water, swimming toward the waterfall.
Before I knew about the dangers, I had wanted to feel the water falling on my head. I'd do that before getting out. Then no one could say anything to me. Plus, I still wanted to do it. It still felt like the waterfall was calling to me. It was the strangest feeling.
I paused at the base of the waterfall and looked up, blinking rapidly to avoid the droplets of water spraying from it.
This really was breathtaking. I had stared at waterfalls from a distance, but I had never done anything like this.
I closed my eyes and swam closer and closer until the water started falling on the top of my head and shoulders.
It was cooler than the pool of water I was swimming in.
It felt even more refreshing. I thought the water might hurt, falling so rapidly.
But the waterfall was small enough that it felt more like a massage than anything else.
My peace was interrupted by something gripping my arm.
Crocodile! I pulled my arm, but it was firmly in the animal's grasp.
I opened my mouth to scream, but water fell into my mouth, muting my cries.
I didn't feel any pain, probably from the adrenaline coursing through my body.
And I was able to briefly think about the fact that sharks hated being hit in the nose.
Did crocodiles hate that too? I slammed my fist on top of where the beast was latched onto my arm, aiming for a nose I couldn't see.
"Daphne!"
My name was being called. It was a male voice. Probably the tour guide. It seemed far away from the deafening roar of the waterfall. Too far away to save me. I kicked out, making contact with something solid, probably the crocodile.
"Shit." The same voice said as the crocodile pulled me behind the waterfall toward its lair of death. I was blind in the darkness.
"Help me!" I screamed, still feeling like I was drowning in the water. I continued to kick and squirm and hit the beast as it pushed my back against slippery rock, away from the cascading water, ready to bite into my flesh.
But I didn't feel teeth. I felt lips brush gently against mine, warm breath on my skin. "It's me. It's just me. It's okay. You're safe."
My heart felt like it was breaking through my ribs as I gasped for air.
My eyes still hadn't adjusted from the darkness, but I knew the voice.
It wasn't the waterfall calling me toward it.
It was him. Had my senses somehow known what I didn't? Had it known he was here, waiting for me?
My body wanted him. But my mind was lagging behind.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Rob? You scared me half to death."
He laughed, releasing me from his tight grip, but he kept me sandwiched between his torso and the rocks. "I was trying to surprise you."
"I thought you were a crocodile."
He laughed again. "How? I wasn't biting you. Although, if that's what you're into, I can arrange that."
His words made me shiver. "I thought I was having one of those experiences where you don't feel the pain because your body knows it needs to get out of danger. You know, like when moms can lift cars off their kids."
"Well, I'll certainly have a few bruises from you trying to beat me up."
I didn't react to his jokes. I was having a hard time calming down.
"I thought I was going to die." I clutched onto his strong shoulders.
He was right. I was safe. Nothing could happen to me when I was being protected by someone so strong.
I let my hands slide down to his biceps.
It was like my hands had a mind of their own.
"Your heart's beating so fast."
"Because you scared me."
"I don't think that's why." His face was so close to mine. I could feel his warm breath. The smell of mint and coconuts mixed with the sunscreen I had put on him was intoxicating.
I didn't want my mind to catch up to my body and tell me no. For one second I wanted to give into my impulses. I wanted him. Oh God, did I want him.
Before I could lean closer to him, his lips landed on mine, easily parting them with his tongue. If his smell was intoxicating, there were no words to describe the taste of him. All I wanted was more. My hands wandered to the back of his neck as he pressed his body more firmly against mine.
I moaned into his mouth as I felt his erection press against me. My legs instinctively wrapped around his hips. One of his hands slipped to my ass as the other trailed down my back. I felt his fingers tug on the string of my bikini.
My mind had finally caught up. I put my hand on his chest and gripped his hair in my hand, pulling away from his kiss.
That wonderful, wonderful kiss. My fingers tugging on his shaggy hair made me even hornier.
Be sensible. I immediately released his hair.
"I don't do one night stands. I can't do this. "
"Daphne, I'm not planning on having you only once." His voice was low and husky. I could hear the desire just as much as I could feel it pressing against me. He felt so big. I wanted to reach down and touch him. I wanted to wrap my fingers around his erection and hear him groan my name.
I swallowed hard. "But how long are you even here?" Please be for a week like me. Please. I could rationalize a week. It was so much harder to rationalize one night.
He kissed the side of my neck, making me moan again. My body was betraying me. "Until tomorrow night," he whispered in my ear.
Tomorrow night. He was only here for one more day? And then he went back to wherever he was from. I'd never see him again. I couldn't do this. I'd get attached. I'd want more. He'd leave me. I let my thighs fall from around his waist. "I can't."