Third Chances - Chapter 27
Daphne
I was only half paying attention to the instructor.
I kept glancing over my shoulder waiting for Rob to come.
But he never did. None of them did. I told myself I wanted to avoid him, but I couldn't deny my disappointment that he had skipped the zip lining tour.
I needed to apologize to him. That was it.
I definitely wasn't thinking about his naked body glistening with water. Stop thinking about him naked.
I tried to focus on what the instructor was saying. One of the other people on the tour was already getting straps tightened around their thighs and torso. I had missed all of the instructions.
"This is going to be awesome," Alina said. "Are you excited?"
"How does it stop?"
"It angles up a little at the end. It's not like a sudden stop, it's gradual."
"Have you done this before?"
"No, but the instructor was just talking about it."
I fidgeted with the bracelet on my wrist, trying to ignore the ones for the stupid bracelet game.
No one had approached me or tried to present a card.
No one else looked at me the way Rob did.
No one ever had. And I had basically called him an irresponsible idiot that I wanted nothing to do with.
And now I was going to die. I was going to fall off the zip line onto the muddy ground and snap my neck.
Why did anyone ever do this? How was a few minutes of flying through the sky worth the risk?
"I can't do this," I whispered.
"What do you mean? You basically just sit there. You don't have to do anything."
"It's too dangerous..."
"Daphne, he just said that the only thing you shouldn't do is touch the rope. That's it."
"I didn't hear him say that. I wasn't listening."
"Why weren't you listening?"
"I don't know, I'm freaking out. I made a mess of everything. I need to apologize to Rob before I die."
"Die? What are you talking about? It's not dangerous."
"Everything okay, Momma Bear?" Kristen asked.
"No. I'm just going to meet you guys back at the hotel, okay?"
"Daphne, we're all supposed to be doing this together. How about you go first and get it over with?" Kristen looked over her shoulder. Layla was already getting strapped in. "Daphne's going to go first."
"Oh good," Layla said with a laugh. "Geez, I'm so nervous. After you," she said and gestured to the edge of the platform.
Hell no. "No, I mean, I seriously can't do this."
"Okay." Alina put her hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to do it. We can just go back to the hotel."
I put my face in my hand. "No, I don't want to ruin your day. Just go. Have fun. I'll catch you guys later."
"If you're upset about Rob, we can go find him after," Kristen said. "We'll all help you apologize. He'll understand. Besides, I want to see James again."
I wanted to laugh at her comment, but I felt paralyzed with fear. I was starting to feel all sweaty. "You weren't there. You didn't see how upset Rob was. I said some awful things."
"Who's next?" the instructor asked.
"Daphne, I really think you should try it," Alina said. "There's nothing to be afraid of."
Alina was supposed to understand the most. She had grown up with Derek too.
She was there when I got the phone call.
There was everything to be afraid of. "I can't." I turned around and started to climb down the platform.
None of them came after me. As soon as my feet hit the safe ground I took off running.
And I kept running until I reached the hotel and found Rob sitting with his friends by the same pool from yesterday.
I took a deep breath and pushed the doors open and walked toward him determinedly.
Until he looked up at me from the pool chair he was sitting on. We locked eyes and I immediately froze.
I was falling apart and none of my friends understood.
I had a feeling Rob would. I knew our situations were different and it was wrong for me to assume they were the same.
I still felt like he'd understand what I was feeling, though.
The pain. The fear. But I had pushed him away.
I didn't have anything to say. Nothing would take back everything that had already come out of my mouth.
He lowered his eyebrows slightly as he stared back at me.
I couldn't tell if he looked angry or if he was just judging me on my horrendous appearance.
I had just run a few miles through the rainforest. I was sweaty and my hair was a mess.
Half the time I had been running I had been crying, so my eyes were probably red.
I'm a lunatic. There was no way he wasn't thinking the same thing about me.
I needed to stop standing there like an idiot. He had asked me to leave him alone. I wasn't Kristen. I wasn't a stalker. I turned around and started walking back toward the doors.
God damn it. I had to apologize. Why was I such a coward?
I shook my head and turned around. Part of me hoped that Rob would be running toward me.
But this wasn't a romantic comedy. And Rob certainly wasn't in love with me.
Instead, Rob was just sitting there still staring at me like I was the weirdest person he had ever had the displeasure of meeting.
Right. He doesn't need my apology. He doesn't want to talk to me. I swallowed hard. Again I was standing there awkwardly staring at him.
He slowly stood up from his chair.
I didn't want him to talk to me because he thought I was a pathetic crazy person. I wanted to remember him looking at me like he desired me. Maybe I could just forget all about this stupid vacation.
When he started walking toward me, I turned around and pushed through the doors. I didn't need his sympathy. I was fine. I'm going to be fine, right?
I quickly walked toward the elevators.
"Daphne Hughes?"
I turned around. Javier was smiling at me from the front desk.
I was angry with myself, but I had always found it easy to push all that anger toward someone else.
And Javier was the most unhelpful concierge I had ever met, forcing me to wear these stupid bracelets.
If I hadn't been wearing them, Rob and I never would have interacted in the first place.
It was his fault that I felt like shit right now.
"Yes? Have you decided to let me remove my bracelets?"
He smiled. "No. More than one again today, though, huh? You really must be enjoying the game."
"Not really," I said under my breath.
He kept his smile planted on his face. "I have a letter for you."
No one knew I was here. Not even my parents, because Kristen hadn't told me where it was we were going. "I think you have the wrong person."
"Is your name not Daphne Hughes?" He probably wasn't trying to be sassy, but in my embarrassed, angry state he sounded like the sassiest human being alive.
"No, it is." I walked over to the desk. "Who's it from?"
"Another patron of the Blue Parrot Resort." He handed me an envelope. "Good day to you, ma'am." He was right to get rid of me as soon as possible before I completely lost it.
I looked down at the envelope. It only had my name on it. "Thanks," I mumbled and walked back to the elevator. As soon as the doors closed behind me, I opened up the envelope. I didn't recognize the handwriting, and it wasn't signed. It had to be from Rob. I stared down at the words:
You're not wrong about me. You have a right to judge me.
I folded it before I got a chance to read the rest. He was apologizing? He had said some terribly rude things to me, but I didn't feel like I needed an apology. He was right. He was right about everything.
I stepped off the elevator and unlocked the door to our room. I tossed the letter onto the bed and sat down Indian style on the comforter. He wasn't the one that should be apologizing, I was. I unfolded the letter and placed it on top of my legs.
You're not wrong about me. You have a right to judge me.
Because I used to be an addict, it means I am an addict.
I know that's how it works. But I no longer need to numb my pain.
For three years, I've been in complete control.
I moved, I cut ties to toxic people in my life, I started teaching, I met the love of my life, and I became whole.
To say that I'm different now is an understatement.
My fiancée has changed me for the better.
But to say I couldn't go back to what I was would be a lie.
If I lost her, I would need to numb the pain.
So yes, I am an addict. I understand why that would push someone away.
But I don't see why my shortcomings have to affect my brother. Rob isn't me. He finds joy in living, not from filling his body with chemicals. He's smart, funny, and kind. He defends me when I clearly don't deserve defending. And he looks at you in a way I haven't seen him look at someone before.
I'm at peace with my past. I have to be in order to move forward. So judge me all you like. I can handle it. It's my burden. Don't place that burden on my brother. I've already put him through enough. I'd hate to know I'd messed up his life any more than I already have.
I wiped away the tears on my cheeks. God, I'm such an asshole.
I hadn't just offended Rob, I had offended his brother too.
Yet, instead of avoiding me, James had written me this letter.
It was a mixture of apology, understanding, and forgiveness, none of which I deserved.
If I hid in my room for the rest of the day, I'd regret it.
These guys weren't bad news. I had to apologize to both of them.
I stuffed the note in my pocket and ran toward the door.
I retraced my steps until I was standing out by the pool again.
But Rob wasn't there anymore. James was sitting next to Mason and there was an empty seat on the other side of him where Rob had once been.
Maybe apologizing to them one at a time would be easier.
I walked toward him before I could chicken out.
"James?"
He looked up from his book and smiled. "Hey, Daphne."
I didn't deserve that smile. Why was he so nice? He should be angry at me. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"I was hoping you would." He put down his book and turned toward me. "I'm assuming you got my note?"
I nodded. Again, I hadn't planned what to say. I sat down in the empty seat beside him. "I owe you an apology."
"You don't, actually. If anything, I should be thanking you for looking out for me last night."
I shook my head. "No. I didn't even stay long enough to make sure you were okay, I..."
"I'm still grateful." He stared at me for a second. "You do, however, owe my brother an apology."
I was a little taken aback by his honesty. "I know. I thought he'd still be out here. Do you know where he went?"
"I'm pretty sure he went looking for you."
"Why?
James smiled. "Because he saw that you were upset, and that's the kind of man he is."
I looked down at my hands. "I'm not sure how much Rob told you about what I said last night..."
"Enough to realize that you were upset by me and not him."
"I wasn't upset with you."
"It's okay. I understand why you would jump to conclusions about me. I think I've done enough to earn people's skepticism."
"That's not why I said what I did." I didn't want James to think I was a judgmental monster for no reason. Why was this still so hard to talk about? "I lost someone close to me because of an overdose. I just...I was worried."
"I'm sorry."
"And I was scared that if I got close to Rob and something happened to you..." my voice caught in my throat.
"If I've learned one thing in my life it's that you need to stop living in the past. It'll eat you up until nothing is left."
"I wish I had you in class. I feel like you were probably a really good professor."
He laughed. "Yeah, maybe."
"Do you ever think about teaching again?"
"I've made my choices and I'm happy with them."
He was too obliterated to remember last night. Which meant he didn't remember confessing that he missed being a professor. But his answer about being happy with his choices seemed so honest. Maybe he wasn't even aware of what he really wanted.
"You don't ever miss it?" I asked.
He lowered his eyebrows slightly. When he did that, he looked so much like Rob. "Sometimes. It was always going to be temporary, though."
I wasn't sure what he meant by that. I shrugged my shoulders. "If you say so. I should probably go find your brother. Any ideas of where he might be?"
"I love him to death, but patience isn't one of his virtues. If he hasn't found you yet, he's probably admitted defeat. Check our room or take a look in some of the bars here."
I laughed. Maybe that was why Rob seemed so surprised when I said love grew from patience. "Okay." I stood up. "Thanks for being so understanding."
"Of course I understand. Like I said, I don't blame you for thinking what you did."
He carried a lot on his shoulders. Why wouldn't he let anyone else help with his burden?
He said he was at peace with his past, so why did it seem like he hadn't let it go?
At the same time, he didn't appear upset about the conclusions I had jumped to.
He just accepted it, adding to the weight on his shoulders, like he could take anything at all.
He seemed so invulnerable, the complete opposite of what he was like last night.
I can't believe I didn't think he had his life together.
He was nothing like Derek. "Penny's a lucky girl. "
"I'm the lucky one." The way he said it made it sound like there was no room for doubt. He lifted his book back up, and picked up where he had left off.