Untouchable - Chapter 10
Friday
“That was so much fun,” I said as the taxi pulled up outside our apartment building. “Can we do that again next week?”
Kennedy opened the cab door. “I think you’ll be singing a different tune tomorrow morning.” She stepped out onto the curb and I followed her.
The movement made my stomach feel weird. Or was it my legs that felt off? Like they weighed more than usual. The thought made me laugh, which made Kennedy start laughing too.
“Cut it out, we have to be quiet.”
“But my legs are so heavy,” I managed to say through my laughter.
She grabbed my arm to steady me on the curb. “Seriously you have to stop laughing or I’m going to keep laughing. I can’t believe you only had two cups.”
“I love punch!” I yelled.
She put her hand over my mouth. “Oh my God, Brooklyn stop. You’re going to get us in so much trouble. We’re definitely sleeping at your uncle’s instead of my place.” She removed her hand from my mouth and gave me a hard stare. “Did you just lick my palm?”
I started laughing again.
“No more punch for you.” She pulled me toward our apartment and somehow managed to force me up the seven flights of stairs, despite my protests.
“I really do love punch,” I said as we finally made it to our floor.
“You’re a closet alcoholic.”
“How many times do I have to explain this to people? First Matt, now you.” I leaned against the wall outside my uncle’s apartment. “I only had punch.”
“Which had alcohol in it.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I’ve never had alcohol before.”
Kennedy shook her head. “Well that explains a lot. You should have told me. I wouldn’t have let you have any.”
“But I love it!”
“Shhh! I got that. Be quiet for one minute, okay? Hopefully your uncle is already asleep.” She pulled out the key from her purse and was just about to turn it when the door opened by itself. Like magic.
Only it wasn’t magic. It was my uncle. And he looked…not happy.
He shook his head. “Get in here before you wake up the whole floor.” He opened the door wider and Kennedy pulled me inside.
“I’m sorry, Uncle Jim,” Kennedy said. “We’re just really wound up from an exciting night of work. So we should probably just go to Brooklyn’s room to cool off.” She started to pull me toward my room.
“Not so fast.”
I bumped into Kennedy when she froze.
“Brooklyn, look at me,” my uncle said.
I turned around and looked. Really looked. I just wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be looking for.
“Have you girls been drinking?” he asked.
“Only punch,” I said.
Kennedy elbowed me in the side, which made me start laughing again.
My uncle ran his hand down his face. “Where were you two tonight?”
“At work,” Kennedy said.
But at the same time I said, “At Felix’s house.”
He just stared at us, waiting for our stories to align.
Kennedy sighed. “We went to a classmate’s party for a few hours after work. Please don’t tell my mom.”
“It was my idea,” I added. “I forced Kennedy to go with me. I’d never been to a party before and I thought it would be fun. And it was. It really was. But I’m also pretty sure I’m asleep so…”
My uncle started coughing, drowning out my words.
“Are you okay?” I asked. I started to walk over to him but he held up his hand.
He cleared his throat. “You two need to take better care of each other, okay? I know teenagers drink. I’m not an idiot.
I prefer if you don’t, but if you’re going to drink, make sure to have a glass of water between every glass of alcohol.
I don’t expect to see either of you like this again. Is that clear?”
“I’m sorry,” I said. But I was more concerned about his cough than his lecture on underage drinking. I really hoped this was a dream, because his cold was getting worse instead of better. I was getting worried that he had the flu or something.
“I don’t want an I’m sorry. I want you to promise me that the two of you will take care of each other. No more getting drunk. No more of this nonsense.”
“I promise I’ll watch out for her better,” Kennedy said.
“Me too,” I said. Which sucked because I really did like punch. “My arms are heavy now too.”
Kennedy laughed.
“Go to your room,” my uncle said, his voice sterner than I had ever heard it. He didn’t have to tell us twice. We both ran out of the kitchen.
Once the door was closed behind us, I breathed a sigh of relief. “That was a close one,” I said.
“A close one? Brooklyn, we got caught.” Kennedy collapsed onto my bed.
“But he wasn’t that mad. Besides, it’s all just a bad dream.”
She shook her head. “Was it also a bad dream that you almost kissed Felix tonight?”
“No, that was a good dream.” I lay down beside her. “But I don’t know if he was actually going to kiss me. It just seemed like he wanted to.”
An uncomfortable silence stretched between us. I was just nodding to sleep when she spoke again.
“Do you like him?” she asked.
“Who?”
“Felix.” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“He’s nice to me. He understands what it’s like to not fit in at school. He doesn’t make me feel invisible.”
“Yeah.” Another long stretch of silence. “He’s good at that.”
My eyelids were getting heavy now too. “Then why are you so mean to him?”
Kennedy didn’t respond. I turned to look at her, but her eyelids were closed. They must have been as heavy as mine.
***
Oh God, I’m definitely not dreaming. I ran out of my room as fast as I could, trying not to leave a trail of vomit. I reached the bathroom just in time as the contents of my stomach came back up and into the toilet. Again. Fuck my life. And again. Until nothing was left.
There was a knock on the door. “How are you doing, kiddo?” my uncle asked.
“Bad.”
“Can I come in?”
“Mhm.” I draped my arm over the toilet seat.
He walked in. To his credit, he didn’t look disgusted. He didn’t even look upset anymore. He sat down next to me on the bathroom floor, his back against the vanity.
“Do you want to talk about why you drank so much tonight?”
“I thought it was just punch. I swear I didn’t know. But for a few minutes, everything felt better. You know?”
He nodded. Somehow in that one nod, I wanted to tell him everything. Like I knew he’d understand.
“My heart didn’t hurt anymore.” I rested my head on my outstretched arm. “Like I was numb. Happily numb.”
“Numb is numb. There’s no happily about it. And being numb is no way to live.”
I closed my eyes when I felt a tear fall down my cheek. “But I miss her so much that it hurts.”
“Me too, kiddo.”
I let my tears fall freely.
“You know, you look so much like your mother. I actually caught her many times in this very same position. Right here in this apartment.”
Was that why I liked punch so much? Because my mom was secretly an alcoholic? It would explain why there wasn’t any liquor in the house.
“Only once because of drinking,” my uncle said, like he could read my mind. “But lots of times when she was pregnant with you. She had really bad morning sickness.”
“She was here when she was pregnant?”
He nodded. “Your room was hers. Until she left town in her third trimester.”
I always thought my mom was all alone during her pregnancy with me.
It was us against the world. Apparently my uncle had been part of that us.
And for some reason, knowing she had been here in this apartment made me feel closer to her.
She had sat right where I was, sprawled out on the bathroom floor.
The thought made my tears stop. “Why didn’t you two see each other more when I was little? ”
“She hated the city. And it was hard for me to get time off of work.”
“Why did she hate it here so much?”
“Because your father was here.”
My father? I lifted my head. “Do you know who he is?”
My uncle opened his mouth and then closed it again.
“You do.” For some reason I thought that secret had died with my mom.
I never cared about my father before she died.
He hadn’t wanted me, so why should I want to know him?
But ever since my mom had died, I’d thought about him more.
Because maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t feel so alone if I knew he was out there.
And maybe after sixteen years he’d changed his mind about wanting me. “Who is he?”
“This is a conversation for another day.” He patted my shoulder and started to stand up. “You need to get some more rest.”
“You said he was in the city. Does that mean he isn’t anymore?”
“Kiddo, your mom didn’t want you to know him. And I have to respect her wishes. I have to.”
My tears had started again. “But he’s all I have left. You have to tell me. Don’t you see that I’m drowning? I can barely breathe in this city. I’m all alone.” I started sobbing harder. “I’m all alone without her.”
My uncle knelt down beside me and pulled me into his arms. “You’re not alone. I’m here.”
He held me even though I smelled like vomit and my tears and snot were staining the shoulder of his shirt.
“I’m here.” He ran his hand up and down my back. “You have me.”
I hugged him tighter.
He let me cry until I didn’t have any tears left. I appreciated him more than I could ever say. I knew he was trying his best here.
After Uncle Jim gave me a glass of water and sent me back to my room, I lay down and looked up at the ceiling.
My mom had been here. Right in this room, staring at the same ceiling I was.
Had my father been here too? Had he loved her once?
Was it possible that he was somewhere in this city wishing he could know me too?
I stared at the ceiling all night. Eventually the sun started filtering into the room. The sound of cars honking increased. Kennedy started to stir.
I’d come to three very important conclusions. One: Alcohol was absolutely not worth those few minutes of numbness. Two: I could never speak to Felix or Matt again after how embarrassing I was last night. Three: Secrets weren’t meant to be kept if the only person that wanted them kept was dead.