Matchmaker - Chapter 8
Saturday
I hurried back to our table before Rob could say anything rude to Tanner. “Hey,” I said, slapping Tanner on the back. “Glad you could come.”
Rob didn’t say anything snarky, but he squinted his eyes at Tanner. I ignored him.
“Me too,” Tanner said. “Have you met Abigail?” He touched the blonde’s lower back, gesturing her forward. Almost like he was giving her to me as an offering. Which was weird, because she was clearly his date.
“No,” I said. “But it’s nice to meet you.” I put out my hand to be polite. Not that it was necessary. Tanner went through women even faster than I did. I’d never see this girl again.
Instead of shaking my hand she laughed and gave me a hug. “Nice to finally meet you,” she purred in my ear. “Tanner told me you were handsome, but his words didn’t do you justice.”
I did not hug her back. Why the hell was Tanner telling his date that I was handsome?
Tanner gave me a thumbs up when Abigail didn’t move from my arms.
Holy hell. He wasn’t seriously trying to set me up with this chick? During boys’ night. I’d told him I didn’t want to actually meet anyone. Several times.
“What do you say we get out of here?” She booped me on the nose like I was five years old.
Nope. I pulled myself out of her embrace. “Sorry, I’ve had a long day,” I said. “I was just hoping to hang out with my friends.”
She literally pouted.
Maybe she really was just a kid. How old was this girl? And if this was the kind of girl Tanner thought I’d find true love with or whatever bullshit he was calling it, he’d lost it. He was as crazy as Rob said.
I sat down on my stool and pretended that awkwardness hadn’t just happened.
Tanner said something to Abigail, she pouted again, kissed him on the cheek, then walked away like he’d dismissed her. “Sorry about that,” he said. “I thought she might be a good fit.” He sat down next to me and stole my drink.
“A good fit for Matt?” Rob asked. “Was she even legal? She looked like she was 17.”
“She’s 25.”
Rob shook his head. “She booped his nose. I boop my daughter’s nose.”
“Well, she has a kid,” Tanner said. “She’s probably just used to hanging out with little Timmy all day. Anyway, how is everyone? It’s been forever.”
“It really has,” Mason said. “Bee and I have been so busy. How is Club Onyx going under new management?”
“Don’t worry,” Tanner said. “It’s still running as efficiently as ever. You’ll have to stop by sometime. It’s been far too long. And I’ve made some very interesting changes. But no business talk tonight. What about you, James? How are you?”
“Good,” James said. “Penny and I have been busy too, but not with work. Liam isn’t sleeping through the night. But at least he doesn’t pee in my face.”
“Like a boss,” Rob said. “My son is going to go pro. In something. But we’re more interested in what you’re up to, Tanner. Especially on Tuesday nights.”
“Hm?” Tanner laughed. “What about Tuesday nights?”
Rob leaned forward. “Don’t play dumb with me. I saw you rocking a man bun and a leopard printed tux last Tuesday outside of One57. And a few Tuesdays before that…a maroon tux with black paint splatters all over it.”
“A man bun?” Tanner laughed again and ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t think I could pull that off.”
“It was you.”
Tanner shook his head. “I promise you, young sir, it wasn’t.”
Young sir? Rob was older than him.
“But it looked just like you,” Rob said. “Except without the glasses. And obviously, your clothes and hair were more…extra.”
“Maybe I have a very extra twin running around town then?”
“But…”
“Rob, come on,” I said. “Stop interrogating him. Besides, Tanner was with me on Tuesday night.” Wait, was he?
Or was that Monday? Actually, Tanner usually was busy on Tuesday nights.
And Thursdays too, now that I thought about it.
But I doubted he was gallivanting around the city in weird suits.
He owned like a million businesses. He was just a busy guy.
“Enough about me,” Tanner said. “And more about…Georgia.” He said “Georgia” like he was the host of a game show.
“The state or the country?” James asked.
“The woman.”
A girl I hadn’t seen a few seconds ago melted into Tanner’s side. “Sorry I’m late. I had a meeting.”
On a Saturday? What was she…a stripper? She was certainly dressed like it.
“You must be Matthew,” she said and stuck her hand out for me. “Tanner has been telling me all about you.”
I didn’t take her hand, because at the same time another girl walked up to our table.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Tanner, am I early? I’m always early.” She laughed awkwardly. “You must be Matt. I’m Stacy.” She gave me a huge smile.
I turned to Tanner. “Tanner, a word?” I didn’t wait for his response. I just walked over to the bar to get another drink. Since he’d stolen mine.
“What’s up?” Tanner said when he joined me.
“What’s up? What the hell are you doing?”
“Hanging out with the guys…”
“I don’t mean that. Why do random women keep showing up saying they’ve heard all about me?”
“Oh, those are potential love interests. Sorry Abigail was a bust. But if you don’t like Georgia or Stacy, Beatrix is coming by in ten minutes. Give Georgia a go though. She has great ratings.”
“Ratings?”
“Yeah. In my binder…”
“Stop it with the binder!” I realized I’d just yelled and swallowed hard. “Man, I told you. I’m just hanging out with Penny for the sake of hanging out with her.”
“Yeah, but you’re going to have to start going on dates or she’ll catch on to your scheme. And it’s of vital importance that I’m the one that finds your match.”
“I’m not finding a match.”
“But…”
“Tanner, get rid of Georgia and Stacy. And call off Beatrix and whoever else is going to walk into the bar having heard all about me. I don’t want to be set up tonight. I just want to drink.” I lifted up my glass. “In peace. And catch up with the guys.”
“Right. But there’s a Jennifer due here at 10:15 that I think would really…”
I ignored him as I downed half my drink. “I don’t want to be set up. Not now. Not ever.”
Tanner sighed. “Very well.” He pulled out his phone to shoot off a few texts. “But if you change your mind, I’ve got you covered.”
With a whole binder full of women. Yeah, I knew that. “I’m not going to change my mind.” It didn’t matter that I had a stupid crush on Penny. Or if I slept with half the women in New York. I wasn’t going to find someone to replace Brooklyn. I just wasn’t. She wasn’t replaceable. She was everything.
“Okay.” He patted my shoulder. “No more lovers are stopping by. Let’s go have the best damn guys’ night in the history of guys’ nights.” He raised his glass to mine.
I tapped mine to his and we both took a drink.
“Let me get rid of Georgia and Stacy. Then please rejoin us at the table.” He nodded and then walked over. Georgia blew me a kiss before looping arms with Stacy and pulling her over toward a different table filled with hopefully single men looking for what I assumed was not true love.
I took a deep breath before rejoining my table.
“Are you two finished with your lover’s quarrel?” Rob asked.
I did not find that joke funny.
“Because if you really want to be set up, as your best friend, I have a few people in mind.”
I cringed. First Penny. Then Tanner. Then James. Now Rob too? Was Mason also suddenly going to be a matchmaker?
“I’m his best friend,” Tanner said. “And I’ve got this covered.”
Rob laughed. “You’re surely mistaken. I’m Matt’s best friend. Tell him, Matt. Tell him I’m the one that’s going to help set you up.”
James jumped in to save me. “Enough about Matt’s dating life. If he wanted any of our help, he’d ask us.” He gave me a small smile. “Anyway, how are renovations on your place going?”
Thank God for the change of subject. “Good. I’m almost done.”
“So are you finally going to have us over?”
I never invited anyone back to my place. Ever. None of my friends or family had ever been to my place. None of my one-night stands. I valued my privacy. And I didn’t want them poking around. “I’m actually just going to sell it, so no housewarming party needed.”
“You’re selling it?” Mason asked. “I thought you loved that place? You went on and on about how quiet the street was when you made a bid.”
Too quiet. I shrugged. “I changed my mind.”
“You decided you want to live on a noisier street?”
“I just outgrew the place. I have Bill stopping by to figure out the listing price.”
“Oh, so you mean like right away,” Mason said. “We all have to come over before you sell then…”
“Really, it’s fine. I’ll have you guys over to my next place.” I wouldn’t. They’d ask too many questions. They wouldn’t understand. Just thinking about them peeking around made me start to sweat.
“You okay?” Rob asked. “You look a little pale. Please don’t tell me you’re secretly a serial killer and have a bunch of dead bodies in your basement or something. Did you guys hear about all the crazy people in Penny’s old neighborhood? James was just telling me about it the other day.”
James laughed. “I’ve banned Penny from going home for a little while. There’s a serial killer loose. Or maybe a few.”
“Really?” I shook my head. “The world’s a crazy place.”
“Just imagine how crazy it was living in London while it was being bombed during World War 2,” Tanner said. “All those air raids?” He closed his eyes, his eyebrows pinched together, as he took a sip from his drink. “That must have been terrifying.”
“Are you a big history buff?” Rob asked.
Tanner opened his eyes again and cleared his throat. “History is a fascinating subject. As long as you don’t get stuck in the past.”
I felt like that was a jab at me.
“Hmm…” Rob looked back and forth between me and Tanner. “It’s interesting that you have a love for history. Matt finds history very boring. Most best friends enjoy the same hobbies.”
“History isn’t a hobby,” I said.
“Can we have a word in private, Matthew?” Rob said.
God, I was sick of all these sidebars. I followed him over to the bar. “If you called me Matthew I must be in trouble.”
“I need you to tell Tanner once and for all that I’m your best friend. This isn’t funny.”
“It’s a little funny,” I said, smiling as I took a sip.
Rob punched my shoulder a little too hard.
“Ow.”
“Who’s known you the longest? Who was there for you when you had food poisoning sophomore year at Harvard and were projectile vomiting everywhere?”
That was a gross night.
“Who had sleepovers with you every weekend growing up? And acted like an idiot so girls you’d like would choose you?”
“You did that on purpose?”
“Shut up. Whose kids call you Uncle Matt?”
“James’ do too…”
“This isn’t about James. This is about you and me. I was your wingman. And now you have Tanner parading randos in front of you when you’re supposed to be hanging out with us?”
“Right. You were my wingman. But you guys are all married. I needed a single friend.”
“Daphne wouldn’t care if you needed me to wingman for you.”
“Daphne would care.”
“Fine, she might care a little. But she’d understand that you needed me.”
That was true. “It’s not easy, you know. Being the seventh wheel.”
“You’re not the seventh wheel. And if you’re actually looking for a girlfriend, I can help.” He lowered his eyebrows as he stared at me. “I didn’t realize you were ready. We’ve never really talked about…”
“I’m not ready.” I wasn’t going to have this conversation twice today. “I have no idea why Tanner brought those girls here. I’m not interested in anything but a one-night stand.”
“Oh.” Rob nodded. “Okay. Well, good. That makes me feel better. Well, not better for you. I’m sorry, man.”
“It’s fine. Really.”
“If you want to talk about it…”
“I really don’t,” I said. “You know what would make tonight great? If no one brought up my love life again.”
Rob laughed. “You know what would make tonight great for me? If you just told Tanner that you and I are besties.”
“You’re both my friends. Can’t you try not to be jealous and get along?”
“I’m not jealous. I’m protective. That shady guy is definitely up to something on Tuesday nights. And I’m going to find out what it is.”
“Until then…be nice?”
“Fine.” He put his arm around my shoulders. “I’ll be nice to your back-up best friend.”
“Not a great start.” We made our way back over to the table.
“So you and Penny are solid then?” Tanner asked. He was leaning forward a little too far on the table. It looked like he was running an interrogation. “You’re absolutely sure of that?”
James frowned. “I’m positive.”
What was Tanner doing? Everyone was out of control tonight.
“Interesting,” Tanner said. “The last time I saw her she seemed kind of…I don’t know…off.”
“I don’t think you’ve been around my wife enough to know if she’s off .”
“Who wants another round?” I asked, trying to distract my friends before we all got into a brawl like we were dumb high schoolers again.