Matchmaker - Chapter 34
Thursday
I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face as I walked toward the romantic restaurant Tanner had picked.
The rose petals all over the marble floors in the entranceway didn’t bother me.
And I didn’t care that the hostess practically forced me to take a complimentary rose for my date.
Or the fact that the dim lighting was dangerously close to being erotic instead of romantic.
Honestly, this was probably a great place for a Club Onyx event. Tanner would be pleased.
The hostess rearranged her bucket of roses to accommodate the missing space, then checked her book for the reservation.
This was going to be epically gay. But I was too happy to care.
I’d play along with Tanner’s restaurant scouting tonight to apologize for making him worry two nights in a row.
And he could celebrate my good news and commiserate with me on my bad news.
I just couldn’t stop smiling. Fuck Poppy.
I didn’t even care about that. But I was hoping Tanner would have some advice on how to delicately explain my relationship with Poppy to Kennedy.
He was good at stuff like that. Finagling his way out of a crunch.
I needed to figure out a way to tell Kennedy that wouldn’t result in her dumping me.
I really liked her. I just needed to sort out this mess.
“Right this way,” the hostess said.
Tanner was already seated at our table.
I knew he’d reprimand me if I didn’t pretend we were on a date.
For the sake of leaning into the role and tricking the waiters into giving us the full treatment, I handed Tanner the rose that the hostess had made me take.
“Your rose, monsieur,” I said in a terrible French accent. Hopefully that was good enough.
Tanner stood up. “You magnificent, secretive beast! I knew it! You’re in love, you’re in love, and you don’t care who knows it!” He grabbed both sides of my face and planted a kiss right on my lips.
What the actual fuck? I made a gagging noise.
Tanner ignored it. He pulled back and patted my cheeks. “I knew it, you scoundrel. Tell me everything.”
I swatted his hands away. I’d seen him mouth kiss random people at bars when he was excited.
I preferred he did that instead of planting one on me.
I wiped my mouth off with the back of my hand.
Sometimes I forgot that he grew up overseas.
Or went to school overseas. Or did something overseas for some vague period of time he’d never tell me about.
Had I somehow reminded him of those memories?
It was probably the French accent. I’d have to make sure never to speak a foreign language in front of him again.
“You’re speechless,” Tanner said. “I understand. Love makes people lose their thoughts.” He leaned forward and hugged me super tight, practically lifting me off the ground.
At least he wasn’t kissing me again. “Tanner, I’m pretty sure you sold the whole dating act to everyone in the restaurant. Let me go.”
“What?” He released me from his embrace. “Sold what? Matt, we’re celebrating the fact that you’re officially in a relationship again.” He picked up a magazine off the table and waved it in the air.
I grabbed it to see what he was talking about. Poppy and I were making out on the front page. Or at least, it looked like we were. I’d gagged as much during that kiss as I had when Tanner just planted one on me. “It’s not what it looks like.”
“I’m going to give you two a moment,” the hostess said and quickly walked away.
“Damn,” Tanner said. “Now she’s going to think we’re not together.”
“Tanner everyone in the fucking restaurant thinks we’re together. You just kissed me.”
“I didn’t kiss you,” he said and sat down like he hadn’t just put his lips directly on mine.
I sat down too and leaned forward, hoping that a lower voice would make everyone stop staring at us. “What the fuck do you mean you didn’t just kiss me? I spoke in French and you literally tried to put your tongue down my throat.”
He laughed. “Gross. I don’t want my tongue anywhere near your tonsils. I was simply congratulating you with a platonic celebratory peck. And I feel sorry for you for never having received one in your few years on this earth.”
“You are so weird.”
“You’re weird,” he said, even though he didn’t look very insulted by my comment. “Americans are so basic.”
I laughed and shook my head. He was technically an American too.
“Next time I won’t congratulate you then.
I’ll just sit here brooding eating my pastrami and bagels,” he said in an overexaggerated New York City accent, that sounded very mobstery.
“Actually, I don’t think they have either of those things.
Maybe a New York City style cheesecake for your basic ass. ”
“Okay, I get it. I’m basic. Don’t kiss me again.”
Tanner sighed. “Don’t make it sound so gay. It wasn’t a gay thing. Now pretend we’re on a date so the waiters treat us the right way.”
“So don’t be gay? But be gay?”
“What? No. You’re just not getting it. We’re straight men on a fake gay date.
Now let’s talk about your actual kiss. I thought you said you didn’t like Poppy?
But you’re on the front page of a dozen tabloids right now giving her an un-congratulatory kiss.
I need to meet her immediately. Please tell me you haven’t sealed the deal yet. ”
“Gross. She made me do it.”
“Are you telling me she put hands on you without permission?” He looked very concerned as he leaned forward. “You can tell me.”
“No. What? Are you seriously asking me if I got raped?”
“If you don’t want to talk about it, but it’s true, blink twice. If you’re in a fragile state, I don’t mind talking to the police on your behalf. But if you could at least write down the details it would be helpful for the statement.”
I didn’t blink at all. “Poppy and I just made an arrangement.”
“Of the sexual variety? What was the contract like? I’d love to see it, just in case it gives me a few more ideas.”
“No, not of the sexual variety. She agreed to not hurt Scarlett as long as I pretend to date her.”
“Well that’s a boring contract.”
“I didn’t sign anything. It’s just a verbal agreement.
Poppy wants to take over the family business and doesn’t think Mr. Pruitt will step down until she seems like she can handle the finances.
She thinks dating me will show her uncle that she’s serious about every aspect of the business.
And the deal is only going to last as long as it takes for her to take over for Mr. Pruitt. ”
Tanner just stared at me. “So have you had sex with her yet or not?”
“I’m not going to sleep with her.”
“Oh.” Tanner sighed. “Well, what a waste of a congratulatory kiss.”
“Yeah, if you ever try to kiss me again, I’ll punch you in the face.”
He laughed. “In your dreams. Both the kissing and the punching. You couldn’t punch me. I’m much too quick. I’d have you rolling on the floor in pain before you even lifted your hand.”
“Yeah right.”
“Indeed. I am right.”
I reached out, not to punch him, but maybe just to slap him to prove my point.
But he grabbed my hand before it came anywhere close to him. He slammed it onto the table, twisting my arm so I was leaning over. He’d somehow grabbed a steak knife at the same time and was hovering it over my hand too.
“What the fuck?” I said.
He let me go, then twirled the knife in his hand and stabbed it into the bread on the table. “Can’t touch me.”
I rubbed my hand. Now I really did want to slap him. But I’d wait until I got a better opportunity. It would have to be a sneak slap-attack.
“Shall we order?” he asked and lifted up his menu.
“Where did you learn to do that?” I rubbed my hand again.
“Do what?”
“That kung fu shit you just did.”
“Oh, I just picked it up over the years. Oh wow, they do have cheesecake. Should I order you some?”
“I’m good.” I picked up the menu to look at the options.
“I’m just messing with you anyway,” Tanner said and set down the menu. “I hope you’re hungry because I already know what I’m going to order for us.”
Of course he did. He’d want to know how delectable their specialties were.
He waved over the waiter and ordered half the menu. When the waiter finally walked away, looking a little frazzled, Tanner sighed.
“They don’t seem to handle stress here very well,” he said. “That’s telling. They probably wouldn’t like surprises either.” He jotted something down in his notebook. “Could you imagine one of those big cages over there with some models dancing in it?”
I looked over to where he was pointing. “Sure. It would probably fit.”
“Excellent.”
“So…” I let my voice trail off. I needed to word this as nicely as possible. “I really appreciate you letting me stay with you during all this craziness with Mr. Pruitt. But now that I have that deal with Poppy…I should be safe to go back to my house.”
“You’re sure she’s trustworthy?” he asked.
No. Not really. But Nigel was driving me crazy. I couldn’t stay with Tanner any longer unless I wanted Nigel to…get the wrong idea or something. “Yeah, Poppy will stick to her word.”
Tanner nodded. “Well, regardless, you’ll have to speak to Nigel about it. He’ll need to coordinate your move back.”
“I can’t talk to Nigel about it. He’ll never let me leave.”
“Of course he will. I’ll tell him to be accommodating. Surely he has room in his schedule. He moved you out of your house in record time if I remember correctly.”
Yeah, but that was because I was coming to live with him. Not moving out. “Did you know that he writes me letters and puts them in my lunches?” I pulled out the one Nigel gave me today and handed it to Tanner.
“You kept it? That’s cute.”
“I kept it in case I show up murdered and they’re looking for a suspect.”
“Nigel isn’t violent. He’s a caretaker if anything.”
“Maybe to you. He creeps me out. Look at what your weird little houseboy said to me.”
Tanner unfolded the letter and started reading aloud.
Mr. Caldwell,