Runaway - Chapter 38
I opened up the back door. “Miller, Miller come here!” The screen door banged shut as I ran back down the stairs.
“Is everything okay?” he called.
I felt bad about the alarm in his voice. I hadn’t meant to scare him. But this was a very momentous occasion.
“Look!” I pointed to the first cherry tomato in my garden.
It was green and tiny and barely really anything at all yet.
But it was there. I’d done tons of research over the winter.
I’d finally done it. I dropped to my knees in front of the elevated planter Miller had built me and squinted at the little tomato plant. “Look.” I pointed to it.
He squatted down beside me. “What exactly am I looking at?”
“A future tomato.” I gently touched the side of the little green circle. “We can make a lasagna with fresh tomatoes from the garden in a few weeks.”
“How much do you want to bet?”
I lightly shoved his shoulder. “Don’t talk to him like that. He needs support in order to grow.” I started humming to my plant.
“You’ve completely lost it, kid.”
“They like music.”
“We’ve been over this. I’m pretty sure that’s houseplants.”
“Definitely not. It’s all plants.” I think. Honestly I wasn’t even sure anymore. We’d had this discussion several times and I always stayed firm on my side. I quickly shook my head instead of admitting that I wasn’t sure. “No, Henry loves music.”
“You named it?”
“He’s my first healthy plant.”
“Don’t tomato plants have to be replanted every year?”
“That’s not the point. The point is that I’m going to fill all these planters you built with fresh veggies and herbs and everything we can possibly imagine.
It’s going to be amazing.” I looked over at the other planters that were very much empty despite the seeds I’d planted.
It was a work in progress. I’d spent hours out here trying to grow things the past couple years.
But it was never a waste of time. Because I got to enjoy the view of the lake the whole time. Our backyard was beautiful.
“That does sound amazing,” Miller said.
“So you’ll sing to it?”
Miller laughed but didn’t reply.
I always begged him to sing. We danced to music all the time but I’d never once heard him sing.
Unless you counted him talk-singing me happy birthday every year.
I most certainly did not count that. He swore he had a terrible singing voice.
But I secretly thought that maybe his voice was as beautiful as the rest of him.
And that he was keeping it hidden for no good reason at all.
“I can do you one better,” he said.
I shook my head. “I doubt that.”
“Close your eyes.”
“You know I don’t like surprises.”
Miller laughed. “And like I always say…it’s a good surprise. I’m not going to steal your other kidney.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Okay…” I reluctantly closed my eyes.
I heard his feet retreating. It was tempting to sneak a peek but I somehow managed to keep my eyes shut tight.
Music started lightly playing around me and then I felt Miller’s hands on mine, pulling me to my feet.
“You can open your eyes,” he whispered in my ear.
I slowly opened my eyes. Miller lightly touched the bottom of my chin, lifting my eyes to the trees above us.
The whole sky was lit up with lights. “Oh my God.” I twirled in a circle staring up at the fairy lights he’d strung between the huge trees in our backyard, extending all the way down to the dock.
And the music? I looked over at the speaker on the side of the house.
I wasn’t sure how I hadn’t noticed it before.
But I’d been very distracted by my beautiful tomato.
“Congratulations on graduating,” he said. “I know we couldn’t do the whole cap and gown thing. I hope this makes up for it.”
Was he kidding? This was so much better than walking across some dumb stage. I smiled up at him. “I can’t believe you did all this.”
“Do you like it?”
“I love it. Henry will like it too. The music. And extra light and…everything.” I felt tears welling in my eyes. This was the most beautiful present I’d ever received. Although, that Christmas morning when he’d surprised me was at the top of the list too. “Thank you.”
“Of course.”
I blinked my tears away. He refused to sing.
But he’d made it so we could play my plants music.
And the lights? I looked back up at the sky again as he pulled me in close.
We started swaying to the music. Usually I was very distracted by Miller’s face but tonight I couldn’t help looking up at the sky.
It was like we were dancing in the stars.
I laughed as he dipped me and then pulled me in close again.
His eyes locked with mine as we swayed to the music. “There’s one more thing,” he said.
“What?” How could he have possibly gotten me something else? This was so perfect… My train of thought quickly stopped when Miller dropped to his knee.
“Brooklyn. You’ve turned my world upside down. In the best way possible. I never imagined when we first met that this would have happened. I tried to fight it. But I think you and I were written in the stars.” He glanced up for a second.
I knew he was looking at the lights above us. The ones he must have spent hours setting up. Just for this occasion. Because he thought our love was written in the stars. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box.
I started crying. “Miller…”
“I love you. With all my heart. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?” He opened up the ring box.
It wasn’t anything like the ring Matt gave me.
This one was simple. Just a thin elegant gold band with a small single diamond in the middle.
It was classic. It was…it was perfect. And yet…
“I can’t.” I took a step back from him. “I can’t.
” It felt like I was choking. I pictured Matt’s face when he’d fake proposed with a hotdog.
I pictured being sprawled in the sheets with him as we talked about getting married.
I pictured joking with him when I said he’d be my first husband.
And he promised he’d be my only husband.
I pictured the wedding we were planning.
I pictured the future I’d imagined with him.
With kids and our friends and… “I can’t. ”
I took another step back. I wanted to turn around and run. I wanted to run as fast and as far as I could. I wanted to run away from the pain in my chest. I took another step back.
Miller stood up and put his hands on my shoulders. “Okay. That’s…that’s fine. You don’t have to say yes. That’s why it’s a question.” He smiled but there was so much pain in his eyes.
I dropped my face into my hands. What was I doing?
Why did I want to suddenly run away from the one person I had?
The one person who loved me? The one person who actually cared whether I was alive or dead?
The one person who cared if I smiled and laughed every day?
Miller had given me his whole heart. And I’d only given him fragments of mine.
All I had to offer him were the pieces of my heart that weren’t broken.
“I’m sorry,” I choked.
“It’s okay.” He pulled me into his chest, running his hand soothingly up and down my back. “You’re not ready. It’s okay, Brooklyn.”
But that wasn’t the truth. Nothing about this was okay.
And it had nothing to do with me not being ready.
I was ready. I loved Miller. I was head over heels in love with that man.
But I’d made a promise to Matt. Yes, I’d joked around with him about being my first husband.
But I’d meant my first and only. How could I possibly accept this proposal?
But that was the whole problem…I was upset because I did want to accept. I held Miller tighter, letting my tears stain the front of his shirt.
“It’s okay,” Miller said again, more believably this time. “I’m happy. Right here, right now. With you. I can’t imagine being any happier. I shouldn’t have tried to change anything…”
“No.” I took a step back from him again. Yes, I’d made promises to Matt. But I’d also promised myself to put those demons to rest. I promised myself to live in the moment. To let my past go. There were tears in my eyes again as I looked up at Miller’s face.
I reached out and gently traced the scar under his eye with my index finger.
I stared at the hurt in his eyes. We were an us.
It was us against my dad. Us against Isabella.
Us against the whole world. I just needed more time.
I was trying so hard to live in the present.
And being terrified of the future was the exact opposite of that.
I’d be ready soon. I would be. Just not yet.
I needed just a little more time. “I’m not ready to get married. ”
“That’s okay. I’m sorry, Brooklyn. I just…”
“But I want this.”
“What?”
I reached into his pocket and grabbed the ring box. “I want this. I want to be your fiancée. Do it again and this time I won’t mess it up.” I pushed the ring box into his chest.
He laughed. But he didn’t protest at all. He got back down on one knee. “Brooklyn, one day I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife. But in the meantime, I’m promising you forever. Will you marry me one day, when you’re ready? Will you be my fiancée?”
“Yes.” This time my tears were happy ones. This felt less scary. This was a promise. But it gave me time.
He slid the ring onto my finger. And even though it was lighter than the one Matt had given me, it felt heavier. More important. More…everything.
This ring meant I was living. It meant I’d found love again. It meant I wasn’t broken.
Miller lifted me in his arms, twirling us around.
I laughed and looked up at the stars, trying hard not to start crying again.
Because as happy as I was…this ring also meant that one day soon I’d be exactly what Matt had called me. I hadn’t given Miller any new firsts yet. But when I walked down the aisle with him? I’d be exactly what Matt called me. His last words to me. Liar.
I closed my eyes and held Miller tight. Because I didn’t care if I was a liar or not. All I cared about was that I was happy. Just like Miller had said. I was happy. Right here right now. With him. I couldn’t imagine being any happier.
He set me down on my feet again and I looked up at the fairy lights. Maybe it was always me and Miller written in the stars. I was supposed to have loved and lost all along in order to find this love. A great love.
“Just tell me when you’re ready,” Miller said as we started swaying to the music again. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.” His lips dropped to my neck.
He was the world’s most patient man. I looped my hand behind his neck, guiding his lips to mine. I kissed him like I’d just said yes to his first proposal. I kissed him like I was ready to marry him. Because in my heart…I was. It was my head that was all messed up.
“I love you,” I whispered against his lips.
“Be careful, Henry over there is getting jealous.” He nodded toward my tomato plant.
I laughed. I could see the reflection of the lights in Miller’s eyes.
“I’ll be ready soon.” I searched his face.
He looked happy now. The sadness in his eyes gone.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life making him as happy as he made me.
“I promise,” I said. I didn’t care that I’d be a liar soon.
I’d rather lie a million times to Matt than a single time to Miller.