Homecoming - Chapter 12
Monday
Brooklyn
I wasn’t thinking about where I was going as I ran through Central Park.
But my feet seemed to remember the paths I’d walked years ago.
And before I knew it, I was at the edge of a bridge.
I leaned over to catch my breath instead of crossing it.
I wanted to just turn around and run in the opposite direction.
Instead, I found myself lifting my head and staring at the restaurant where I’d planned to marry Matt.
I’d imagined us taking wedding pictures right here with all our friends.
And I had no idea why my feet had led me here.
Despite what my father and Kennedy thought, I didn’t come back to the city for Matt. Honestly, I didn’t even know why I was here. But Jacob was happy. And his happiness made me feel some small semblance of normalcy. And I didn’t know how to keep going without that.
I turned away from the restaurant. No, I had no idea why my feet had led me here. I started running in the opposite direction, pushing thoughts of Matt out of my head.
The farther I ran, the more out of breath I got, the better I felt. There was this doom pressing against my chest. And running made it lighter. Just like it had at the beach house all those years ago. I’d lost people before. I’d loved and lost. And I’d always found a way to pick myself back up.
That wasn’t true. I felt tears running down my cheeks as I ran faster.
I’d always found someone to help me pick myself back up.
Matt. I shook my head. No. Miller. Miller had always been there to help pick me back up.
I’d been mourning the loss of my mother and my uncle when I’d stumbled into Miller’s bed.
He’d held me through the night. He’d held me when Matt wasn’t there at the beginning.
And he’d held me every night since I’d chosen him.
I wasn’t strong.
And I didn’t know how to lift myself back up from losing him.
I veered off the running path and into the grass. I let myself collapse and cry. How was I supposed to pick myself up without him?
I hugged my knees into my chest.
I hated how weak I felt. I hated being outside my safe bubble back at the lake house.
I hated this fucking city and the fucking memories that plagued me.
I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs like I’d started doing at the beach.
Which I’d started doing again when I couldn’t get pregnant with our second child.
I just wanted to fucking scream out the pain.
But I was in the middle of a crowded park. I wasn’t in the middle of nowhere. And I didn’t know how to expel the sadness out of my body. I didn’t know how to stop making my heart feel like it was burning. I just wanted my lungs to stop working.
It should have been me.
It should have been me.
It should have been me.
I didn’t know how to be strong enough for our son. But Miller would have.
It should have been me that died.
***
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there. But when the walking paths grew more crowded, I knew I needed to head back. Mrs. Alcaraz and Kennedy both had to go to work. Jacob needed me.
I took a deep breath and pushed myself up. I shouldn’t have come to Central Park. I thought breathing the fresh air would help soothe my soul somehow. Make me feel closer to Miller. But it just made it worse. There was a hole in my chest. I wasn’t even sure how I was still breathing.
My body felt heavy as I walked back toward the city streets. And even heavier as I got a taxi back to Kennedy’s.
Miller wasn’t coming back.
I forced my chin not to quiver and blinked more tears out of my eyes.
And I was all Jacob had.
No, I didn’t feel strong right now. But I’d figure it out for him. I’d do anything for him.
The taxi got stuck in traffic a few blocks from Kennedy’s. I climbed out and walked down the sidewalk.
I could do this.
I had to do this.
I passed by a newsstand and slowly exhaled. But then it felt like I was choking. Isabella’s face was plastered on a tabloid staring back at me. With big bold letters: “WEDDING DATE SET FOR THIS WINTER.”
I lifted up the tabloid. It wasn’t Isabella. It was Poppy Cannavaro. I shook my head. God, she looked so much like Isabella. I swallowed down the lump in my throat and started to read the article. It was filled with direct quotes from Poppy:
“I knew the proposal was coming.”
“The two of us were always destined to be together.”
“Matthew has always been close to our family.”
“I’m not sure either of us knew what true love was until we met.”
“The venue was an obvious choice. It was where Matthew took me on our first date.”
Each quote made me feel more and more sick to my stomach.
At the bottom of the article there was a picture of the two of them kissing at a restaurant. No, not just a restaurant. The restaurant where I was supposed to marry Matt. Was that where they were planning on getting married?
My dear cousin my ass. True love? Destiny? My wedding venue? What a bitch.
Matt wasn’t quoted at all. But him making out with her in our restaurant was proof enough of his feelings. What had happened to him? How could he look at her the same way he used to look at me? I shook away the thought. I knew that wasn’t fair. And yet…why her ? Of all people.
At the bottom of the page it said that the rest of the article was on page 6. Was there seriously more? Maybe that’s where some quotes from Matt would be. I started thumbing through the pages.
“Are you going to pay for that?” the cart vendor asked.
“Oh. Yeah, sorry.” I reached for my wallet in my jacket pocket. I handed him a couple dollars and did my best not to crumple the tabloid in my fist.
I had no idea why I was so angry.
I was over Matthew Caldwell. I’m pretty sure I stopped loving him as soon as I saw his hands all over someone else. And I’d finally convinced my heart to stop loving him too. It had taken me years to quit him. But I had.
And seeing him suddenly staring back at me in a photo felt like a slap in the face.
I hated how looking at him with another woman made my heart race and my palms feel sweaty.
Like I was reliving that day I went to see him 16 years ago.
I completely avoided thinking about him because he betrayed me.
But also because I still wanted him to be happy. He was supposed to be happy.
And how could he be happy with Poppy? He was allowed to make his own mistakes. But Poppy? Seriously? She was practically Isabella’s twin. And our wedding venue? Had I really meant so little to him?
I shook the thought away. I already knew the answer to that. He didn’t give a shit about me.
“Excuse me, madame,” a man said before I grabbed the handle to Kennedy’s apartment building.
Madame? I turned to look up at the man. He was in a freshly pressed suit and his hair was perfectly pushed to the side. It looked like he’d stopped by on his way to work.
Basically he looked put together. The complete opposite of me. I was drenched in sweat and my face was surely puffy and red from crying.
“Do you happen to know a Kennedy Alcaraz? It’s spelled A-L-C-A-R-A-Z, no tildes or anything unfortunately.” He sighed, like he was truly devastated about the spelling of her name.
That was a very weird way to ask if I knew someone. “Yes…”
“Oh, thank goodness. I’ve been trying to buzz her.” He pointed to the intercom. “But there’s no answer. And I’ve called a few times too, but she hasn’t responded. I really just need to talk to her for a moment. It’s quite urgent, actually. Would you mind letting me up?”
“Oh…um…” I stared at him. I wondered if she was dating this guy. I had kind of been hoping that she and Felix had found their way back together. The cut of his suit and his expensive shoes screamed NYC elite. Which didn’t really scream Kennedy to me. “I’m sorry, what did you say your name was?”
“Tanner.” He put his hand out for me. “Tanner Rhodes.”
I shook his hand. Kennedy hadn’t mentioned a Tanner. But we really hadn’t had a chance to catch up. “I’m sorry, Tanner, but if Kennedy isn’t speaking to you, she probably has a reason.”
A smile spread across his face. “I’m not a suitor, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“A suitor?” I laughed. I’d been living in a bubble, but I didn’t think people had started talking like that again.
“We’re friends,” he quickly added. “Obviously no one uses the term suitor anymore. Quite a shame really.” He cleared his throat.
“What I meant is, she’s actually dating my best friend.
Bro code and all that modern stuff. So friends of friends is what we are.
Exclusively platonic, but I really need to see her.
” He tilted his head to the side. “You look very familiar by the way. I’m trying to place it.
” He shook his head. “Have you ever posed for a painting? I feel like I’ve seen a whole gallery of just you. ”
I laughed. “No.”
“Are you sure? I swear I’ve seen your face.”
“Trust me, I’m not a model.”
He shook his head. “But I’ve definitely seen you before. I’m sure of it. In the painted form. I feel like the artist’s name is on the tip of my tongue. Don’t you hate when that happens?”
I laughed. “Yeah.”
“But I can’t shake it. What did you say your name was?”
“Brooklyn.”
For a second it looked like his face froze. But then he looked back at the intercom. “Wait. Don’t tell me.” He turned back to me. “No, do. Are you living with the Alcaraz’s?”
I nodded. “I mean, just until I…” Until I what? Found my own place? Convinced Jacob to go home? “I’m just a guest.”
He clapped his hands together. “I knew it. And you’re reading about Matthew Caldwell!
” He sounded so excited as he pointed to the tabloid in my hand.
But then he gasped and grabbed my hand. For a second I thought he was going to kiss it.
But he was just staring at my ring. “You’re married?
” The joy from his voice was gone. He sounded more devastated by this than the spelling of Kennedy’s last name.
“Yes. I mean…no.” I had to stop lying to myself. Hiding from the truth was just a fairytale. And I learned a long time ago that my life was no fairytale. “He…passed away recently.” I pulled my hand out of Tanner’s.
“So you’re single?”
Was he hitting on me right now? Hadn’t he heard the recently part of that? This was one of the weirdest conversations of my life. “I wouldn’t really say that.” Even though Miller was gone, I was still married. I’d promised Miller forever. And I meant it.
“I could kiss you right now I’m so happy!” Tanner said.
Okay, I think this guy might be a crazy person.
“But that’s been getting me in trouble as of late. And alas, I don’t want to get my face smashed in.”
“I do have a pretty good right hook,” I said.
He laughed. “Not by you.” He rubbed his hands together. “This is fantastic. Fated. Do tell me. Because I need to rectify a few things to set it all in motion. You knew Kennedy back in high school, yes?”
How did he know that? I nodded.
“Did she ever have a crush on anyone? Someone she might be more suited to?”
More suited to than who? But…there was someone I’d just been thinking of. “Felix Green.”
“The art dealer?”
“Is that what he does?” I bit the inside of my lip. That’s what his parents did. But they’d dealt more than art. And I wondered if Felix was back in the drug business. I really hoped not.
“This is really quite something,” Tanner said. “I know him . I know you . I’m so good at this. Some days I doubt my talent, but not today!”
“Good at what exactly?”
“True love.”
Okay, yeah, this guy was nuts. “I should really be getting up. My son’s waiting for me.”
“You have a son? How old? Ah, it doesn’t even matter. This is perfect. He’s great with kids.”
“Who’s great with kids?”
“Just you wait for it. I love a big reveal. It was lovely to meet you, Brooklyn Sanders.” And with that, he walked away.
Had I told him my last name? I shook my head and opened the door. I must have. That was seriously the weirdest conversation of my life.
I let myself into Kennedy’s apartment.
“Mommy! Yo hablo espanol!” Jacob called from the kitchen table.
I smiled down at him. He hadn’t been the most talkative child. I was a little worried I was a bad teacher. But now he was picking up Spanish? “You speak Spanish now? Is that so?” I kissed the top of his head.
“Más o menos,” Mrs. Alcaraz said. But she looked proud of him.
“Mi abuela,” Jacob said and pointed to her.
“Mi amor.” She patted his cheek. “The both of you,” she added and smiled at me.
“Now eat.” She put an omelet down on the table.
And I realized that Jacob was already eating one.
I breathed a sigh of relief. How had she gotten him to eat anything besides cuppycakes?
I set the tabloid down on the table and took a huge bite.
Seriously, there was no better cook than Mrs. Alcaraz.
Kennedy hurried out of her room, hopping on one foot as she pulled on her boots. “I really need to set a backup alarm,” she said with a laugh. She leaned down and gave Jacob a big hug. “Now you better eat all of that, or I’m going to steal it.”
Jacob took another big bite of his omelet. Maybe Kennedy was the one I needed to thank for him eating normal food again.
“There was a guy outside looking for you. A Tanner Rhodes? Do you know him?”
“Oh. Yeah. I was just running late so I didn’t have time to speak to him. I’ll call him later.”
“He’s…odd.”
Kennedy laughed. “He is a little odd, isn’t he? But he’s also incredibly nice. Did he um…happen to say anything to you about anything?”
That was vague. “Weirdly enough we talked for a while, but I honestly have no idea about what. I still don’t even know what he wanted to speak to you about.”
Kennedy laughed again. “That sounds about right. I promise I’ll call him. But I have to get going…” her voice trailed off as she picked up the tabloid.
“Can you even believe it?” I asked. I knew Matt and Poppy were dating.
But all that stuff in the article? It just felt like a big middle finger to me.
I took a deep breath. No, it wasn’t a middle finger to me.
I’d been dead. Matt had just forgotten about me.
I wasn’t sure why I was so shaken about it. He’d forgotten about me ages ago.
“No,” Kennedy said deadpan. “I can’t.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, I really have to go. See you guys later,” She ruffled Jacob’s hair. “See you tonight, Mama.” She kissed her mom’s cheek and hurried out the door.
It was only after she left that I realized she’d taken the tabloid with her.