Homecoming - Chapter 42
Saturday
Brooklyn
Matt’s face had grown blurry to me over the years. I couldn’t remember his laughter. And I’d forgotten how he smelled. But I remembered as soon as the doors closed.
He smelled like cinnamon.
The same aroma I’d surrounded myself with for years when I took up baking. I hadn’t even realized it.
He’d been with me this whole time.
Baking had made me feel close to him.
Because I still fucking loved him.
And I hated myself for it. I hated that he still held a piece of my heart. I hated that Miller had known. I hated that Miller had to put it in a fucking goodbye letter.
“This isn’t easy for me to say, but I need you to know that I’m okay if you choose him now.”
The guilt was heavy on my chest.
But when Matt touched the side of my face?
When he wiped away my tears?
Everything subsided. Like his touch took away my pain.
It was like no time had passed. Like it was still me and him against the world. He’d always been able to make me feel better.
And I knew how to smile again. I knew how, if even just for a moment. I just needed to feel like I wasn’t drowning anymore.
I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him.
And time stood still.
His lips were salty and I wasn’t sure if it was from my tears or if he was crying too.
But then he kissed me back. And suddenly nothing else mattered.
I just wanted him closer.
I wanted more.
Take away my pain. Please just make it stop.
It was like he could read my mind. His hands slid to my ass as he hoisted my legs around his waist. My back slammed against the wall.
Each frantic kiss made me feel less. Yet somehow more.
More. I buried my fingers in his hair and breathed him in. More. Please help me.
I wasn’t drowning anymore. I was just drowning in him. I couldn’t help the moan that escaped my lips. I could feel his hardness pressing against me. And I remembered how good that felt. There was nothing in the world plaguing my thoughts when he was deep inside of me.
“More.” I hadn’t even realized I’d said the words out loud.
But he reached for the button on my jeans and I didn’t stop him. I just kissed him harder. It only took me a second to unwrap my legs from around his waist and discard my jeans. His lips never parted from mine. He lifted me back up.
I had a million questions for him as he slammed my back against the wall again.
I was sure he had a million more for me.
But right now nothing else mattered.
I heard his pants unzip.
It was all wrong.
But it was also perfect.
I didn’t care if someone could walk in and see us. For just one fucking second I needed to stop feeling like my life had stopped. Like it should have been me in that car.
He groaned as he thrust inside me.
It felt like my heart was ripping out of my chest.
Yet it felt like coming home. I held him tighter. It felt so much like coming home.
And I just needed more.
I gripped the back of his neck harder as he slammed into me again. And again.
Please don’t stop. Please don’t ever stop.
I’d only meant to kiss him. But this was a hell of a lot better to numb the pain.
All I could focus on was the building pleasure. And if I closed my eyes tight, I could just pretend we were back in high school. And he’d pulled me into the auditorium because he loved me. Just as much as I loved him.
How could I feel so numb, yet feel everything all at once?
Please don’t stop.
Matt’s hands wandered all over my body. My breasts. My ass. His fingers dug into my waist as he slammed into me harder.
I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist. And I didn’t even realized I’d bit his lip until I tasted the blood.
I wanted to touch him everywhere. And nowhere at all.
But my hands were more willing than my head.
I ran my fingers up underneath his shirt.
It had been a lifetime since I’d touched him.
Since I was wrapped up in him. His abs were more defined.
The muscles on his back larger. All of him just felt bigger and more powerful.
Like he was more capable of carrying all my pain for me.
A moan fell from my lips as he thrust even harder inside of me. God, I’d missed this feeling. Of being his.
I was glad the lights were off. It was easier to push away the feelings of love. Or whatever the fuck we had. And focus on the feeling of him inside of me. Of his fingers on my skin. His tongue swirling against mine.
I felt drunk. Drunk on him. Numb to the pain in my chest.