Exposed - Chapter 3
Saturday
Matt
“Matt,” Kennedy said again.
I was aware of Kennedy’s presence beside me. I was aware of Nigel yelling weird things to the team. I was aware that there were only a few seconds left on the clock. But it was like I was numb to all of it.
She’s alive.
She’s alive.
She’s alive.
It was good the team didn’t need me. Because I was standing on the sidelines doing nothing.
It didn’t even feel like I was here. I was back in that auditorium with Brooklyn.
I’d forgotten how good she’d felt in my arms. And I’d forgotten how much it hurt to lose her.
Because it felt like I’d just lost her all over again.
“Matt.” Kennedy touched my arm.
I pulled away from her. “Who else?” I asked.
“Who else what?”
I finally looked at her. “Who else knew Brooklyn was alive?”
She opened her mouth and then closed it again. But I saw her glance up at the stands.
I looked up there too. And Mason, Rob, and James all looked guilty. Tanner was missing. Maybe he couldn’t even face me. “Are you saying they all knew?”
“I don’t know. I know Brooklyn ran into Penny and…”
“Penny too?” What the fuck?
“Brooklyn said she wanted to tell you herself. She probably told them all the same thing. I was trying to respect her wishes. You know how much I regretted my last words to her. I didn’t want to regret something else.”
I just stared at her. “You let me fall for you. Don’t you regret that? How was that trying to respect her wishes?”
“Matt…”
“I don’t understand how you could do this to me. How you could look me in the eye and lie about everything.”
“I didn’t lie about anything. Everything that’s happened between us…”
“Don’t, Kennedy.”
“I fell for you before she came back. You have no idea how much this has torn me up.”
I didn’t respond. I knew. She’d been a mess all week.
“I tried to break it off with you on Saturday as soon as I found out.”
She’d known a whole week. But she’d also tried to push me away. She’d tried to put a wall between us. She’d tried to be a good friend to Brooklyn.
“Brooklyn said it was okay,” Kennedy said. But she didn’t sound like herself. Her voice was small. And hurt.
I knew I was being a dick. And I think it was partially because of what I’d done during halftime in that auditorium. I felt guilty. And angry. I was so fucking angry. “She said what was okay?”
“For us to date. I told her I…I told her I loved you. And she said she was happy for us.”
It felt like a knife in my chest. “Brooklyn said that?”
Kennedy nodded.
Brooklyn definitely wasn’t the same girl I used to know. The Brooklyn I loved wasn’t…heartless. It was like she didn’t care about me at all. Had she ever?
“Victory is ours!” Nigel yelled. “We vanquished the foe!” He ran past us, storming the field with the players.
I turned to see them all celebrating. Jefferson was in the middle of the chaos. I’d done what I’d set out to do. Jefferson fit in. He looked so happy.
And I felt…nothing.
Brooklyn was married to another man. And she didn’t care that I was seeing Kennedy. I looked back up at the stands at my supposed friends.
I wished I was still angry. But I really did feel nothing. I was numb to everything around me. And everyone.
“I’m so sorry,” Kennedy said.
I looked down at her. “I know. Me too.”
She nodded.
I stared at her face. And I thought about what Tanner had asked me. Could I see myself marrying Kennedy? Having children with her? Even though I was still in love with someone else?
For a little while, I thought the answer was yes. But when I saw Brooklyn running down the stands? When for just a few minutes I’d held her in my arms again? I’d remembered what love felt like. Real love. I’d forgotten how all-consuming it was.
I felt a tear run down my cheek.
“Matt,” Kennedy said.
I wiped my face. I loved Kennedy. But not like I loved Brooklyn. I’d never be able to give Kennedy my whole heart. Because it was still with someone else.
And the worst part was that I knew what I needed to do. I had to break up with Kennedy. And I knew it meant I’d be alone. Forever. I was still in love with Brooklyn. But she was married to someone else. She didn’t want a future with me. I felt more alone than ever.
I pulled Kennedy into a hug and rested my chin on the top of her head. Why couldn’t I love her more? Why couldn’t I love her most? Why wasn’t my heart big enough to move on like Brooklyn had? Why was I the only one that had to be miserable?
Kennedy hugged me back.
“I adore you,” I said. “I do love you. I just…”
“I know.” Her voice was barely a whisper. “But you’re not in love with me. I tried to tell you.” She laughed, but it sounded forced.
“Yeah, I guess you did.” She really had tried to tell me. While still being loyal to Brooklyn’s wishes.
“It was really nice being loved for a few days there,” she said.
“Kennedy…”
“It’s fine, Matt.” She pulled back. “I knew as soon as Brooklyn got back that the two of you would get back together. It was always meant to be the two of you. Always.” She pressed her lips together like she was trying to force herself not to cry.
Did she not know that Brooklyn was married?
There was no me and Brooklyn. I’d slipped up in the auditorium, but only because I didn’t know.
If we were always meant to be, she wouldn’t have married someone else.
She wouldn’t have disappeared for 16 years.
She would have cared about me. But she didn’t.
“Well, I don’t know about any of that. But I really am sorry. ”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Really, Matt. I think maybe you liking me helped heal my heart a little, you know? I haven’t let anyone in since high school. I’ve been so closed off and you…you kind of…fixed me.”
I smiled. I’d wanted to help her. I’d wanted to help her because I couldn’t help Brooklyn all those years ago. Who knew that Brooklyn hadn’t even wanted my help? I’d been torturing myself for so long. And she…she was busy loving someone else.
And I was choosing to be miserable. Brooklyn wasn’t mine anymore. And Kennedy deserved so much better than me.
Everyone was still cheering all around me. And I wasn’t a part of it. I’d never get to be a part of that happiness.
“Why do you look so sad?” Kennedy asked. “Brooklyn’s back. You should go after her.”
It didn’t feel like Brooklyn was back. The Brooklyn I knew was a ghost. My stomach twisted. But she’d looked the same. She’d smelled the same.
I took a deep breath. No, she wasn’t the same. And standing here with Kennedy while our team celebrated was where I needed to be right now. Because no, I wasn’t in love with Kennedy. But I still cared about her. And I needed to make sure she was okay.
I cleared my throat. “When you said you had something you needed to tell me after the game…I thought you were going to say you still had feelings for Felix.”
“What?” She laughed. “No.”
“Really? Because you two were flirting pretty hard the other night at dinner.”
“We definitely weren’t.” But she was smiling again.
“Well, he was definitely flirting with you. I never meant to get in between the two of you in high school. I hadn’t realized I was doing that. I think I owe you an apology for that too.”
She shook her head. “I wanted to be there for you.”
“Right. Because Brooklyn would have wanted that.” But I don’t think either of us knew Brooklyn as well as we thought we had.
And I was honestly a little surprised that Kennedy wasn’t more upset with Brooklyn.
I wasn’t the only one who’d struggled after Brooklyn’s supposed death. Kennedy had too. All my friends had.
“Besides,” Kennedy said. “I wasn’t ready for a relationship back then anyways.”
Yeah. Because of freaking Cupcake. If I ever saw that guy again I was going to punch him square in the nose. And not just for Kennedy, but for Ash too. He really had a way of fucking over good people.
“He said he liked you first.”
“What?” Kennedy said.
“Felix. He said he liked you first. You deserve someone who liked you first. Who will always put you first. You deserve the world, Kennedy.” She deserved a hell of a lot better than me.
“Thanks, Matt. But Felix and I are just friends. Like you and I are just friends.” She lightly punched my bicep.
“That was weird.”
She laughed. “Yeah. It was. And I know we were supposed to have dinner with your friends, but I think I’m just going to go congratulate Henry and get going, okay?”
I nodded. “Okay.” I didn’t think I’d be going to dinner with my friends either. I wanted to get out of here just as badly as Kennedy did.
“Okay then.” She gave me one last smile and ran out onto the field.
I thought I’d known what I wanted. Her. How could I have been so wrong?
“Matt?” James said.
I turned around to see all my friends standing there. Staring at me with very concerned expressions.
“Congrats on the win,” Rob said. “You killed ‘em.”
Daphne elbowed him in his side.
“Ow. I was just breaking the ice. Look, Matt. We all have a confession.”
I put up my hand. “Let me guess. You knew Brooklyn was back and you didn’t tell me?” I looked at Penny when I said it.
“Matt,” Penny said. “Brooklyn asked us not to. She wanted to speak to you herself. I…”
“And you’re not friends with Brooklyn, Penny.
You’re supposed to be friends with me.” I forgave Kennedy for not telling me because she was best friends with Brooklyn.
Her loyalties were with her friend like they should be.
So why the fuck had my friends kept me in the dark?
They were supposed to have my back. They were supposed to care.
Especially Penny. I’d just opened up to her about how much losing Brooklyn broke my heart. She’d sat in my art studio and held my hand as I cried. How could she have kept Brooklyn’s return from me? How could she?
“I don’t think that’s really fair,” Mason said.
I stared at him. “And you’re the worst of all. We’re family, man. You’re supposed to always have my back.”
“We both know that Brooklyn’s family too.”
Was Mason fucking kidding me right now? Brooklyn wasn’t my family. She was married to someone else.
“How about we all go to dinner and cool off,” James said. “We can fill you in on everything that happened this week and…”
“I can’t do this right now.” I knew I’d snap. And right now, I just wanted to be numb for a little longer. “I’m going home.” Well, not home. Back to Tanner’s place. I turned around to call for Nigel, but he’d already appeared beside me.
“Come on, man,” James said. “Just give us a chance to explain.”
“Shame!” Nigel said and pointed at James. He trailed his finger through the air pointing at all my friends. “Best friends have each other’s backs. Shame! Shame on all of you. Let’s go home, Master Matthew.”
Damn right, Nigel. At least one person in my life hadn’t been sabotaging me behind my back.
“Did Nigel just call him Master Matthew?” Rob asked as Nigel and I walked away.
I didn’t even care about Nigel being weird anymore. He had my back more than anyone else. And maybe Tanner. Wait, where was Tanner?
I looked back over my shoulder as Nigel and I walked out of the stadium. That homecoming show hadn’t been random. The song. The dance on the float. And based on Brooklyn’s reaction, she definitely hadn’t planned it. And my friends probably would have said if they’d done it.
I only knew one person who loved grand gestures on an extreme level. The same guy who insisted Kennedy wasn’t a good match for me. The same guy that said he’d find me a more suitable match. Fucking Tanner.
***
“Touchdown!” Tanner’s voice boomed as Nigel and I entered the apartment.
Nigel and I both looked at each other. Tanner rarely watched sports on TV. He preferred to attend “live spectacles” as he put it.
I rounded the corner into the great room. “Tanner we need to talk…” My voice trailed off.
There was a naked little boy holding a football in the middle of the room. Well, the child wasn’t entirely naked. He was wearing a hat that was way too big for his head. It completely covered his eyes.
“What’s going on?” I asked. I remembered earlier this week Tanner had been talking about hanging out with a kid. And sleeping pills. Or something. And I had a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.
The boy ran behind Tanner to hide.
“It’s okay, little man,” Tanner said and patted the kid’s head. “This is a friend. He’s safe. And nice. You’ll really like him.”
But the boy didn’t run back out.
“Tanner, did you kidnap this child?”