Exposed - Chapter 24
Tuesday
Brooklyn
I’d texted Kennedy, asking if she’d mind if Jacob and I invaded their practice. She said she couldn’t wait to see us.
But I knew she was hurting. I knew she’d fallen for Matt. Honestly, I knew exactly how she felt. Because Matt had broken my heart before too.
A part of me wanted to just stay home and bake more cupcakes with my new assistant. Nigel had been here all day with us. And even though he sampled as much as Jacob, he was much more helpful in the kitchen.
The timer went off and Nigel scrambled off the counter to pull out the most recent batch. Yes, he was sitting on the counter with Jacob. I tried to tell him he could sit in a normal chair, but he wouldn’t hear of it.
Nigel pulled on his oven mitts and grabbed the tray. “Perfection, mademoiselle,” he said and smiled at me. “Time to taste test!” He hoisted himself back onto the counter and grabbed a cookie for himself and Jacob.
“Wait until you try Mommy’s cuppycakes,” Jacob said. “They’re delicioso.”
“You’re a fan of the fine art of language, Mr. Jacob? My Spanish is rusty. But I can teach you French.”
“Sí.”
“It’s oui in French,” Nigel said.
Jacob nodded. “Oui.”
Honestly, Jacob learning yet another language didn’t sound great to me. I didn’t even know all the words he’d started using in Spanish. But I was happy that the two of them were getting along.
“It’ll have to wait though,” Nigel said. “We must get to practice.”
“Oh, are you coming too?” I asked.
Nigel slid off the counter and turned the oven off. “Oui.”
“Oui!” Jacob yelled.
“They can’t practice without me,” Nigel said. “I’m the water boy.”
Somehow that made so much sense.
“And we mustn’t be late. I’ll drive. I don’t have the limo today though. We’ll have to take my Hummer. Are you ready, Mr. Jacob?”
“Sí oui!”
“We’ll work on it. Let’s wrap up these cookies for the hungry gents. Today I’m also the snack boy!”
I was nervous the whole ride over to Empire High.
I hadn’t seen Kennedy and Matt together up close.
What if they looked…right together? What if me showing up back here was just messing up Kennedy’s life all over again?
I’d stayed away because I thought everyone was better off without me.
I never intended to show up and cause chaos.
I wasn’t sure if I could walk away now though. It was selfish, but I wanted to be here. And I wanted Matt.
And Nigel’s driving didn’t help my nerves. He was a freaking crazy driver. I swear he drove through two red lights within two minutes.
“Nigel!” I yelled as he sped up and switched lanes without a signal.
“What?”
“Slow down! And obey traffic lights. And use your signal.”
“Newfangled stuff. I don’t need them. Besides, this thing is like a tank. Also, I would never let harm come to you or Mr. Jacob.” He drove through another red light.
Jesus. I grabbed on to the dashboard. “Nigel!”
“But if you insist I use my turn signal…” He flipped on the right turn signal and turned left.
That’s even worse! “Please just a little slower.”
“Too late, we’re here.” The Hummer jumped over a curb and came to a screeching halt in the small parking lot by Empire High.
“Again, again!” Jacob said from the back seat and clapped.
Nope. Never again. I climbed out of the Hummer and got my son out too.
Nigel was talking about the shortfalls of American football to real football all the way to the stadium. Jacob was nodding along, absorbing all of it.
Kennedy and Matt were both already on the field. They were both laughing about something. Kennedy punched his arm.
Honestly…they looked like they always had. Like friends. The three of us had hung out all the time back in high school. This didn’t have to be weird.
And Jacob running right up to Matt made whatever nerves I had dissipate. This was going to be okay. As long as Jacob was smiling, it was impossible for me not to.
Matt lifted Jacob up and put him on his shoulders.
“Mommy, Mommy look how big I am!”
“So big!” I said and smiled up at him. One day he’d be tall, just like his father. But I didn’t want that day to come any time soon. I wanted him to be my little boy forever.
Matt leaned forward and kissed my cheek. Yeah, this didn’t feel weird even in the slightest.
“Hey,” Kennedy said and gave me a big hug.
She sounded as happy as Jacob. I hugged her back.
“I really need to talk to you,” she whispered. “Like right now.”
Oh crap. She didn’t actually sound happy at all when she was whispering to me. It was all an act. I knew all this was too good to be true.
“Maybe we can go sit on the bleachers for a minute?” she asked.
“I’m so sorry, Kennedy. I knew we shouldn’t have come…”
“What?” She pulled back. “Of course you should have. I want you here. Matt wants you here. This is exactly where you should be.”
“Then…what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I just really need to talk to you about…”
“Congratulations on the coitus, Kennedy,” Nigel said and plopped the cookies down by the water.
We both turned to Nigel.
“What…how did you…” Kennedy’s voice trailed off. “How did you even know that, Nigel?”
“Tanner told me.”
“How did Tanner know?”
Nigel pressed his lips together. “I presumed you called him?”
“No. Wait did Felix…”
“Yes that was it. Felix did it! He tattled!”
“Wait,” I said and turned to Kennedy. “You and Felix?”
She nodded, a huge smile on her face.
I squealed and hugged her again. “It’s about time.”
She laughed.
“What’s coitus, Coach?” Jacob asked.
“Oh.” Matt cleared his throat. “That’s when two people…ummm…you’re a little young for that, but…”
As curious as I was to find out how Matt would finish that sentence, I grabbed the whistle around his neck and blew it. “Time for practice!”
Matt looked very relieved as all the players ran over.
“How many girls are you dating right now?” one of the players asked.
“Shut it, Smith,” Matt said.
At least he knew how to handle that question. I grabbed Kennedy’s hand and pulled her over to the bench. “Tell me everything.”
She was beaming. “I don’t even know what happened…
” she laughed. “Sorry, wrong words. I remember every second this time. But Felix just…ugh. I don’t know how to explain it.
I thought I was so far in the friend zone with him but when we hung out one on one it was just different.
A good different. A really really good different. ”
I couldn’t stop smiling.
“I really did think we were just friends. But he told me the other night at dinner that he had liked me freshman year. And I never knew that. I always thought it was one sided. But when we met up last night just the two of us, I saw everything differently. I never saw him as just a friend. I always wanted more. Kind of like the opposite of what I had with Matt. Matt and I were friends that turned…whatever it was for a second. And I had the biggest crush on Felix but we were just friends for the longest time. And now? This feels so right.”
“I’m so happy for you, Kennedy.”
“Just for the record, I don’t ever hop in bed with guys on the first date. Ever. There was a reason why Matt and I didn’t do that. He told you that right? That we didn’t…”
I nodded.
“I actually hadn’t slept with anyone since Cupcake. Every guy that was ever remotely interested in me, I kept at arm’s length. Taking things slow. Including Matt. But I think maybe I just knew it wasn’t right. Especially with Matt.”
I laughed. “Kennedy, it’s fine, you don’t have to keep diminishing that.”
“I know but…I think maybe I was just waiting for Felix this whole time.”
“You know, back at the lake house, I didn’t know what anyone was actually up to.
But I had this vision in my head of what I thought everyone was doing.
I pictured Matt with a big family.” I stared out at the field where the team was letting Jacob run around the field with the ball.
It looked like Jacob and Nigel were playing keep away from the players.
The more days that passed, the more right this felt. I wasn’t scared of giving Matt my heart again. And I was hoping that Jacob and I were enough for him. Especially surrounded by all our friends. We were one big family. Just…different than how we’d originally planned. Different wasn’t bad.
I turned to Kennedy. “And I thought you were married to Felix. Traveling the world together taking photos. I pictured it so clearly. And I can’t picture it any other way.”
“I guess it’s never too late for that to come true,” Kennedy said. She stared at me for a few seconds. “And you swear you don’t like Felix? Because I’m really tired of sharing guys.”
I laughed. “It’s like what you said about Matt. I love Felix. So much. But I’m not in love with him.”
Kennedy exhaled slowly. “Good.” The smile slowly spread across her face again. “I’m going to marry that boy.”
I felt tears welling in my eyes.
“And you’re going to marry Matt. And everything is going to be like how it was supposed to be 16 years ago.”
I wanted her words to make me smile too. But they felt like a knife in my chest. Supposed to be. No, Matt and I weren’t supposed to be 16 years ago. Because I was supposed to have 15 beautiful years with Miller instead. Sixteen if I was being completely honest. I’d loved Miller for 16 years.
I stared at Matt running after Jacob on the field. And if I was still being completely honest…I’d been in love with Matt for 16 years too.
I’d always loved both of them.
And I always would.
Nothing hurt more than loss. But one thing I’d learned over the years was that knowing how much your heart could hurt made little moments like this feel so much bigger. I knew how fleeting they were. Miller was gone. And I was going to keep living for him.
“Which one is Henry?” I asked.
“The kicker.” Kennedy pointed to the scrawniest guy on the field.
It felt like Matt had been a world away from me. But we both had Henry projects. We were both haunted by each other’s ghosts. We both still loved each other. And that was all that mattered.
The cool autumn breeze blew and I shivered. I turned around and stared at the empty stands. Miller had sat in them when I came to Matt’s games. He would have loved seeing Jacob out on the field. He would have loved this.
And I was hoping that what Matt said was true…that on game days, if you squinted and let the faces blur in the stands, that you could see ghosts. I hoped that I’d be able to see Miller smiling at me. Letting me know this was okay. Because I really needed it to be okay.
“What are you looking at?” Kennedy asked.
I shook my head. “Just remembering.” The wind blew again and I closed my eyes.
I knew why Matt kept coming back here. And it wasn’t just the ghosts in the stands.
The freshly cut grass of the field and the fall air reminded me of him too.
We’d fallen in love in the fall. We’d had one season together.
And now I was ready to experience the rest of them with him. I was ready. I opened my eyes and stared at Matt.
He turned to me, like he could sense I was staring. He lifted his hand and rubbed the tip of his nose with his index finger.
I smiled. Our secret signal from back in high school. So that I’d know he was thinking about me even when we weren’t beside each other.
I rubbed the tip of my nose too and he smiled.