Exposed - Chapter 30
Wednesday
Brooklyn
I pulled out a tray of brownies. Baking always made me feel better.
But it wasn’t the guilt that was making me feel uneasy today.
Having my rings against my chest somehow eased the pain of missing Miller.
I barely noticed the rings on my finger.
But I noticed them pressed against my chest because it was a new sensation.
The rings shifted every time I moved. A constant reminder.
And it was like Miller was where he belonged… right next to my heart.
Jacob reached out for a brownie, but I grabbed his hand.
“In a minute, sweet boy. They need to cool.”
He reached out with his other hand.
I grabbed that too. “Fine, you win.” I released his hands and grabbed a knife to cut him a small piece.
He shoved the entire thing in his mouth.
I laughed. “What’s the verdict? Good?”
“Oui.”
Luckily that was one of the only French words he’d picked up from Nigel. Because I really didn’t know any French. I tickled his side and he laughed.
His laughter made me smile. I knew Miller meant what he wrote in his letter to me. He wanted me to be happy. And I was doing my best to choose that. I also felt him here in this house. I wouldn’t have loved it so much if I hadn’t felt his presence.
So no, for the first time it wasn’t Miller’s absence that made the quiet of the mornings unbearable.
It was that my dad kept texting me. And calling.
Every few hours. I pressed the center of my chest, feeling the rings through my shirt.
What should I do, Miller? I knew what I wanted to do.
Push my father into oncoming traffic. But what if he was telling the truth?
What if he hadn’t ordered the hit that killed Miller?
I wasn’t sure it mattered if he had or hadn’t. It was still his fault.
My phone buzzed. Speak of the devil. I grabbed my phone and stared at his words: “Angel, please answer my calls. We need to talk.”
I was gripping my phone so tightly that my knuckles were turning white.
What would Miller have done in this situation?
I thought about how he’d told Jacob to punch my father.
I knew exactly what he’d do. And it was better to take care of this now.
I texted him back: “We have nothing to discuss. Please stop contacting me.”
My phone started ringing.
I’d said what I needed to. I rejected his call and started on another batch of brownies. Hopefully the team would be hungry today.
“Mommy?”
“Yes?” I stopped stirring when I saw his face. I’d been stirring too hard again. I’d had a bad habit of doing that recently.
He glanced at the spoon in my hand and then back at me. “When’s Coach coming back?”
“I’m…I’m not sure.” When he’d left this morning he said he’d see me later. I didn’t know if that meant at practice. Or after work. Or…some other time soon.
“Can he come back now?”
“He’s at work right now. But we’ll see him later this afternoon.”
“Can we call him?”
I put my elbows on the counter to get on eye level with Jacob. “You want to call him?”
“Yessie.”
I could never say no to him when he said that. And honestly, I was happy that Jacob wanted to talk to Matt. “Okay, let’s call him. But don’t be upset if he doesn’t answer, okay? He has meetings and things.”
I hit Matt’s name in my phone and put it on speaker. I expected it to go straight to voicemail, but he picked up in two rings.
“Miss me already?” Matt said in a very seductive tone.
“Hiya, Coach,” Jacob said. He didn’t seem to notice that Matt was definitely talking to me.
“Oh.” Matt cleared his throat. And then he coughed. “Hey, kiddo. Did you steal your mom’s phone?”
“No. Mommy let me call you.”
“Hey,” I said, stifling a laugh. “Jacob wanted to call and say hello.”
“No,” Jacob said. “I called because we need you, please.”
“Is everything okay?” Matt asked. A bell chimed. It sounded like he’d just stepped on the elevator.
“Everything’s fine,” I said and looked at Jacob.
“Nooooo. We need you.”
Jacob was used to Miller having a bit of flexibility in his schedule. But Matt had already been missing a lot of work since I’d been back in town. And I knew he was busy. “I think he just misses you,” I said. “But we’re baking brownies and everything is fine.”
“Noooo.”
“Jacob, Matt’s at work. He can’t come home right now.”
“I can come,” Matt said. “Just give me a few minutes. I’m heading outside right now.”
“That’s really not necessary…”
“Yes, please,” Jacob said.
What was he doing? “Really, Matt. You don’t need to come. We’ve just had too much sugar this morning or something. How about I make us some sandwiches, Jacob?”
“Nooooo.”
“Tanner was actually going to stop by here for lunch in about an hour,” Matt said. “How about I order some extra food and you two join us at the office?”
“Yessie,” Jacob said.
“If you’re sure that’s okay?” I asked.
“Of course it’s okay, Brooklyn. I’ll see you both in an hour.”
“We’ll come now,” Jacob said.
I just stared at him.
“Even better,” Matt said. “Love you.”
There was an awkward silence. I knew he was saying that to me.
We hadn’t gotten a chance to tell Jacob about our relationship yet.
So it was an awkward slip. But…maybe he hadn’t said it to me.
Maybe Matt had said it to Jacob. And something about that made my chest feel all warm and fuzzy.
But he probably hadn’t meant to… It probably just slipped out by mistake.
I opened my mouth to try to ease the awkward silence, but Jacob cut me off.
“Love you too, Coach.” Jacob hit the end call button. He looked up at me. “Do I have to wear clothes?”
I laughed, even though all I wanted to do was pepper his face in kisses. He loved Matt. And that meant everything to me. “Yes, you do have to wear clothes. Matt works in a very fancy office building.”
“With clothes?”
“Yes, with clothes.” I put the last batch of brownies in to cook while we got ready. “Why did you tell him we needed him?”
“Because you looked sad. And he makes you happy.”
Sweet boy. I pulled him off the counter. “You make me happy.” I carried him up the stairs to his bedroom.
“But Coach makes you happy like Daddy makes you happy.”
I wasn’t entirely sure what he meant by that. And now I was a little worried he’d overheard Matt and me last night.
“I think Daddy would have really liked Coach.”
I was absolutely positive that was not true. But Miller did understand that Matt could make me happy again. He knew it better than I had. “And do you like Matt?” I asked.
“Yessie.”
I set him down on his bed and opened up one of his drawers.
There was no way any of these clothes were going to stay on.
But I pulled out a shirt and a pair of pants anyway.
I turned back toward Jacob. He was smiling up at me.
And this seemed like just as good of a time as any to talk about Matt moving in.
I sat down next to him on the bed. “How would you feel if Matt moved in here with us?”
Jacob shrugged his shoulders.
“That’s not an answer.” He’d just insisted that Matt needed to come home to hang out with us. And he’d told Matt that he loved him. I kind of thought Jacob would be excited about this.
Jacob just shrugged again and grabbed his shirt.
“Do you not want him to move in? You know you can tell me anything.”
“I want him to.” He looked down at his shirt. “But only if he promises to never leave like Daddy.”
God, the knife in my chest. “Hey, remember, what I told you?” I grabbed his hand. “Daddy didn’t leave. He didn’t leave us.”
“But can Coach stay forever?”
I hope so. I nodded.
Jacob smiled. “Okay. But I don’t want to share my room. You’ll have to share yours.”
“I can do that.” Honestly, that made this whole conversation a little easier. “Now let’s get dressed and go visit him at work.”
Jacob threw the shirt on the floor and leapt off the bed.
I laughed and ran after him.
***
I was sweating by the time I opened the door from the stairwell. I really needed to somehow convince Jacob to try out elevators.
“Wow,” Jacob said as he looked around the reception area.
He’d said the same thing when we’d walked into the building.
The marble floors and tall ceilings somehow seemed more impressive up here though because of the view of the city.
But my eyes were glued to the gold-plated MAC International sign on the wall.
Matt had done it. He’d gotten everything he’d ever wanted.
The only thing he’d dreamed of that he hadn’t achieved was a house full of kids.
I kissed the top of Jacob’s head. I’d tell Matt that I didn’t think I was able to have any more kids tonight. And then there wouldn’t be a single secret I was keeping from him. He’d know it all.
And I realized I probably should have told him about that before I’d gotten Jacob’s hopes up. I’d told Jacob that Matt would live with us forever. I really hoped I hadn’t lied to my son. But I didn’t think I had. I’d been so wrong about Matt. He was a good guy. And he wasn’t going to hurt us.
A receptionist told us to take the hall to the left.
And that Matt’s offices were all the way in the back.
The center of the office was full of cubicles.
But it all felt open and airy because the offices on the sides were made of all glass.
The view could be seen from anyone’s desk, whether they were in a cubicle or a fancy office.
Matt’s office was in the back corner. His blinds were the only ones that were drawn. An older woman was behind a desk outside his office.
“Excuse me,” I said. “We’re here to see Matt.”
“Well aren’t you cute,” the woman said and smiled at Jacob. “You must be Jacob.”
He ducked beneath my arm.
I smiled. I was glad Matt had told his administrative assistant that we were coming. “He’s a little shy,” I said. “I’m Brooklyn.” I put out my free hand for her. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Mary,” she said and shook my hand. “I’ve heard so much about you.”