Forever - Chapter 34
Thursday
Matt
I put my hand on Brooklyn’s thigh. I wasn’t sure what was going on with Rob tonight, but I hoped he wasn’t seriously hitting on Brooklyn.
Not that I didn’t deserve it. I did. Karma or whatever.
I’d constantly hit on Penny over the last several years.
And Daphne and Bee a bit too. But that was different.
I’d been a mess. Rob had his shit together.
He had a very patient and understanding wife who somehow put up with his shit on a daily basis.
He didn’t need to be flirting with my fiancée.
Tanner cleared his throat. “I’m so happy to welcome you all into my home for such a special occasion. My best friend is getting married…”
“Oh please,” Rob muttered under his breath but loud enough for at least me to hear.
“And I couldn’t be happier for you, Matt,” Tanner continued. He opened his mouth to continue his speech, but music started playing. Tanner looked around the room in confusion.
The music was playing pretty quietly. It sounded like it was coming from the floor for some reason. Were there speakers beneath the table? Probably a ‘billionaire thing’ as Tanner would say. I was pretty sure the music was Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy from The Nutcracker .
Rob started giggling.
“Nigel, where is that music coming from?” Tanner asked and turned around to look at Nigel at the kids’ table.
Nigel shrugged. “From the second story?” He looked up.
I was pretty sure it was coming from beneath us. Or maybe it was above? The music was very disorienting. Wait, there was no second story here…
Rob giggled even louder.
I turned to look at him.
“I got him so good,” he whispered to Brooklyn.
Brooklyn just looked confused.
But Rob was barely controlling himself. It looked like he was seconds away from exploding with laughter.
I breathed a sigh of relief. Rob loved pranks.
But sometimes he went way too small. And this seemed like one of those instances.
I’d hardly even classify this as a prank.
The music was too quiet to interfere with Tanner’s speech.
And the music combined with the fairy lights crisscrossing above the table was actually quite magical.
Tanner shrugged. “Anyway, where was I? I am so glad the two of you found your way back to each other. I can’t believe I almost made a terrible match for Matt which would have ruined both your lives in the process. Or I guess three lives?” He shrugged like he didn’t care.
I was pretty sure that was a weird stab at Kennedy.
“No, four lives,” Tanner said. He nodded to himself, like that was definitely the right number.
I guess that included Felix. I was glad that Tanner had been a little rude to Kennedy when we’d dated. She belonged with Felix. And I’d always belonged with Brooklyn.
“All four of you certainly made me work for it. Love was staring you all right in the face and you were all trying to run in the opposite direction or latching on to the wrong person.” He shook his head and this time he did look at Kennedy.
Brooklyn and Kennedy both laughed.
Tanner turned his attention back to us. “I really can’t remember meeting two people more perfect for each other with so many excuses on why they couldn’t be together. But true love always prevails. That’s why I started my club in the first place.”
Where was he going with this? I wasn’t sure this was the right time to talk about his sex club. My parents were here. I cleared my throat and stared at him.
“Right,” Tanner said. “I give so many speeches in boardrooms, but not many like this. I’ve had a ton of best friends over the years, but none as great as Matt.”
What other best friends? And why did he have so many?
Tanner smiled, but it looked sad. “I’ve experienced more love and loss in my life than anyone else here.”
I wasn’t sure he knew that for a fact…
“And I know moving forward isn’t easy. But I am just so proud of you, Brooklyn. For embracing today. For being fearless. For believing that the love Matt has for you isn’t replaceable. Because you’re not replaceable. You’re perfectly…you. And the two of you are a perfect match.”
I looked over at Brooklyn. There were tears in her eyes again.
“Even if I can’t verify it,” Tanner said.
“I know it. I’ve made enough matches over the years to know.
This right here is true love in its most pure form.
And it’s worth waiting a hundred years for.
Luckily the two of you didn’t need to wait quite that long.
” He smiled. “And I just wanted to take a minute to congratulate my favorite couple. And to thank you for both being so wonderful to me. You are both so kind and…”
Suddenly the music changed. Tanner looked around again.
I definitely knew this song. It was Russian Dance from The Nutcracker this time. It started getting louder.
“Where is this coming from?” Tanner asked and looked around again. “I’m so confused.”
Rob giggled even louder.
And then the volume increased again and the white pumpkin closest to Tanner exploded, sending brown goo in every direction. Some of it hit him right in the face, speckling his cheeks in brown.
Fuck, was that chocolate pudding?
Everyone near the pumpkin pushed their seats back, trying to get away from the mess.
Tanner wiped his hand across his face, smearing the chocolate pudding.
Rob burst out laughing.
Brooklyn threw her hand over her mouth in horror.
James groaned and shook his head.
Rob started pointing at the pumpkins as one by one they exploded down the length of the table. Each hard note of the violins caused another explosion. Rob kept pointing, acting like he was the conductor of this nightmare.
And I realized he definitely was. What. The. Fuck. Rob!
One of the cornucopias exploded, sending chocolate pudding and an assortment of zucchinis flying through the air. A zucchini hit the string lights, causing them to blink and sag down toward the table.
I pushed my seat back and pulled Brooklyn back too as mayhem broke loose.
The pumpkins down the center of the table exploded one after another as Rob kept pointing in rhythm to the music. And then the next cornucopia exploded. Everything in it was decimated this time, chunks of different colored gourds flying everywhere.
One slimy piece hit my cheek as more pudding flew through the air. I tried to block it from Brooklyn, but we both took it in the face.
I tried to wipe it out of my eyes.
“Rob, stop this!” Brooklyn screamed at the top of her lungs.
Rob just laughed. “But you said…”
Someone else screaming drowned out his words.
More lights fell and people started to get tangled up in them as they slipped in the chocolate pudding.
The lights connected to the Christmas tree.
And it was only a matter of seconds before the huge tree started to fall.
It smashed against the floor-to-ceiling windows in Tanner’s living room.
For a moment I thought I was going to break through, but it bounced off and slammed onto the couch instead.
It knocked over a few candles on an end table in the process, and then the whole tree caught fire.
I instinctively put my hand over my junk, remembering my pants lighting up like a Christmas tree on that blind date from hell.
The blaze quickly spread to the couch. It was nowhere near me, but I still kept my hand in the front of my pants.
“Fire!” someone shouted.
The kids were far away from the mayhem, but they started screaming and running around.
Tanner picked up Jacob to make sure he didn’t get anywhere near the fire.
Everyone else started running toward their kids, slipping in the pudding.
I heard someone gagging, but I could barely see. I wiped more pudding out of my eyes.
“Robert Hunter!” Brooklyn yelled.
Nigel sprinted toward the fire with a fire extinguisher, blasting the spreading flames in white.
A crunching noise made me turn my head. Half the table started to fall through the floor.
It tilted, sliding all the food, pudding, and any remaining decorations down into the apartment below Tanner’s.
The candles that teetered over immediately went out though, being snuffed by heaps of pudding.
The table looked like the fucking Titanic, sinking into the ocean.
And then the rest of the floor started creaking.
I pulled Brooklyn farther away as the floor beneath the table collapsed, sending everything through with a deafening crash.
Bee almost slipped into the hole, but Mason grabbed her waist, pulling her to his chest as they both toppled backward into more lights.
He reached behind him for purchase, and grabbed the corner of a cloth.
He pulled downward and the cloth fell from the portrait, revealing Tanner in some kind of old-fashioned military uniform riding a horse.
The music stopped and everything was eerily quiet.
“My relics!” Nigel screamed, breaking the silence. He tossed the fire extinguisher to the side and ran to the edge of the broken floor. He stared down into the hole. I’d never seen Nigel so upset before.
I didn’t know what to do. I blinked and looked around at the carnage.
All the beautiful lights were flickering off and on.
The fire was out, but the tree was still smoking.
People were helping each other up off the slippery floor.
Everyone was covered in pudding. And there was a fucking hole in the middle of Tanner’s dining room floor.
“Good one, Sanders,” Rob said.
Brooklyn shook her head.
There was no way Brooklyn had been a part of this…
“Rob, you didn’t,” Daphne said. She looked so disappointed in him.
“Yeah I did,” Rob said. “Best prank ever. A classic Hunter Sanders mess around.” He lifted his hand for Brooklyn to high five.
She pushed his hand out of the way. “I did not help with this! You could have killed someone!”
“James?” Rob held up his hand even though James was on the other side of the hole in the floor and couldn’t possible high five him.