Forever - Chapter 41
Friday
Brooklyn
It looked like Matt was going to drown in his pain. I saw it flash across his face, if only for a moment. And he was misunderstanding what I was about to say.
He already knew I couldn’t say all that back to him. I’d fallen in love with someone else. Had a life with someone else. Had a baby with someone else. I couldn’t tell him that I loved him and only him. But I could tell him exactly how I felt.
“I can’t…” I smiled. “…possibly put this as eloquently as you did.”
Our family and friends laughed.
“Really not funny,” Matt said.
“A little funny.” I smiled up at him. “Did you seriously think I was about to run from the altar?”
“It wouldn’t be the first time I had to chase you. But like I said…you’re worth fighting for, Brooklyn.”
His words made my heart beat funny in my chest. My uncle had told me that exact same thing.
And I couldn’t believe that Matt remembered how much that meant to me.
After all these years, Matt truly did remember everything about our time together.
And it felt like fate. Because that was exactly how I was planning on ending my vows to him.
It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me.
And I wanted him to know that’s how I felt about him.
Matt was so full of surprises. And he was making me like surprises again. For so long I was scared. But I was done running.
“I’m in love with you,” I said.
“Good, I’m in love with you too.” He smiled down at me.
“You’re not supposed to respond to everything I say. Let me get this out.”
The crowd laughed and Matt nodded silently.
I stared up into Matt’s eyes. “I’m serious.
I can’t top what you just said.” Seriously, why had I let him go first?
“But you’re right about all of it. When I first met you, I felt invisible.
I used to stare at you because you looked so…
happy. And I was so sad. I thought maybe, if I was lucky, that some of your joy would rub off on me.
And that maybe I’d learn how to smile again.
You were the breath of fresh air in a city that didn’t feel like my home.
“I have this whole thing with home. Because I kept losing mine. But I always had you. Even when I thought I didn’t.
Even when I stayed away for 16 years, you were still there.
Waiting. Perpetually waiting. Fixing up homes that we were always meant to share together.
Because you are home to me, Matt. You’ve always been home to me.
“I can’t stand here and say I regret anything that’s happened. But I can say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you 15 years ago when I escaped. I’m sorry I ran away from you when I promised I’d never run away. We promised that we’d always talk things through…”
“Baby.” Matt grabbed my hand. “It’s okay. It’s…”
I shook my head. It wasn’t. I’d hurt him. And I couldn’t undo that pain. “I will spend the rest of my life making up for that hurt. By loving you. By choosing you. By being Mrs. Matthew Caldwell.”
He smiled.
“Because I never forgot you, Matt. I baked so I could smell cinnamon in the air. Watching football reminded me of you. Crisp fall air reminded me of you. Certain songs reminded me of you. I put all my hopes and dreams on you for so long. And that doesn’t just go away. Not even in 16 years.
“No, you’re not the same boy I fell in love with.
And I’m not the same girl that you fell in love with.
But you still are and always will be the boy I stare at when I think no one’s looking.
” Tears started streaming down my cheeks.
“I still want your joy to rub off on me. And I still dream of being your wife. Today it feels like all my dreams are coming true.”
Matt reached out and wiped my tears away with his thumbs.
“You were my first love. And my last love. And I will love you until the day I die, Matt. Always and forever. I promise to never run away from what we have ever again. Because you’re worth fighting for too.” I went to slide the ring on his finger, but he pulled me into a searing kiss instead.
God I’d never grow tired of Matt’s kisses.
I heard Rob whistle.
And the pastor cleared his throat.
I put my hand on Matt’s chest.
He slowly pulled back.
The pastor looked down at the ring in my hand.
Oh, I’d almost forgotten. I grabbed Matt’s hand and slid the ring onto his finger.
I smiled up at him. That felt like a long time coming.
I was so lucky that he’d waited for me. And I meant what I’d said.
I’d spend my whole life making up for all the time we’d spent apart.
We were finally allowed to be happy. We were finally free.
“Matthew Caldwell,” the pastor said. “Do you take Brooklyn to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold until death do you part?”
Matt smiled down at me. The kind of smile he used to have back at Empire High. Like everything was right in the world. “I do.”
“Brooklyn, do you take Matthew Caldwell to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold until death do you part?”
A thousand percent yes. “I do.”
“Then by the power vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Go ahead and kiss your bride again ,” he said with a smile.
I laughed.
Matt leaned down and kissed me as cheers erupted from all our friends and family.
Our first kiss as husband and wife.
Sixteen years in the making.
And I was going to make it count. I grabbed the lapels of his jacket to deepen our kiss.
His hands slid to my ass.
And I didn’t even care. I didn’t care who was watching. Or silently judging us. All that mattered in that moment was him and me. The kiss was somehow sweet and sinful, and salty from my tears. And I never wanted this moment to end.
But then I felt something land on the tip of my nose.
I pulled back and stared up at the light snow that had started to fall. Today had been much colder than the original forecast had predicted. And no one had predicted snow.
I smiled. I knew in my heart that this was Miller’s doing.
I lifted my hand and watched a snowflake land on my palm and melt away. I closed my hand in a fist and looked back up at the falling snow. Each flake that landed on me felt like a kiss from Miller.
Miller and I had gotten married in the snow on Christmas Day. Just the two of us. The only witness the silent falling snow.
Yes, this was definitely him. His blessing. He’d meant what he’d written in that letter. He wanted me to keep living. To keep loving. To never take a single day for granted. Another snowflake landed on the tip of my nose and I smiled at Matt. “It’s snowing.”
“That’s all you have to say?” Matt said. “We’re married!” He lifted me into his arms and spun me around.
“We’re married!” I yelled and lifted my hands in the air.
“You’re supposed to start walking,” Mason said. “Everyone’s freezing their asses off.”
I laughed and Matt lowered me to my feet.
“We’re married,” he said again, this time like he couldn’t believe it. Like he really did think he was dreaming.
“You’re my husband.”
“You’re my wife.”
Hearing him say that made tears pool in the corners of my eyes.
Sixteen years ago we’d dreamed of a future where we’d be married. Our future was finally here. Our happily ever after.
I grabbed his hand and lifted it in the air.
Everyone cheered again.
And then we ran through the falling snow toward the restaurant.
For some reason I kept laughing. Like I’d been holding on to all this joy in my chest and it finally wanted out.
From this day on I was choosing to be happy.
From this day on I was Brooklyn freaking Caldwell.
It was a blur of pictures and congratulations. We took a lot of pictures inside but ventured outside in the falling snow for a few in front of our bridge.
Rob almost pushed Tanner into the freezing cold water, but luckily Tanner had excellent balance.
But I was barely paying attention.
I kept waiting for someone to pinch me.
Because for a while there, I was so scared I’d never smile again. And now I couldn’t seem to stop.
“So this was the dress you picked out in high school?” Matt whispered when we were supposed to be posing.
“With a few alterations.” I put my fingers on the tulle between my breasts.
Matt groaned. “Who knew that 16 years would make you such a tease.”
I laughed and pushed on his arm.
“But seriously, baby. You are the most beautiful bride.” He intertwined his fingers with mine. “And I am the luckiest man alive.”
For so long I’d felt like bad luck. But it was easy to believe my luck had changed when I was standing here in my wedding dress. “I feel pretty lucky myself.” I squeezed his hand.
“This is the best day of my life.”
“You might feel differently in several months.” I put my free hand on my stomach. He didn’t know the joy of holding his child for the first time.
He dropped his forehead to mine. “I’m scared for someone to pinch me.”
I smiled. I’d just been thinking the same thing. “Oh, this is very much real.” I reached out and pinched him.
He laughed.
“Pinch me back.”
He lightly pinched my elbow.
I smiled. “Guess we’re not dreaming.”
“Mommy, Mommy!” Jacob ran up to us through the snow. “Snowball fight!” He threw a very tiny snowball right at Nigel.
“Oh, it’s on, Mr. Jacob.” Nigel leaned down and started to make a much bigger snowball.
“Nope,” Matt said sternly to Nigel. And then Matt turned back to Jacob. “We’ll do that later, kiddo. But right now I need you to smile for the cameras.”
Jacob reached up to him, the way he did when he wanted to be lifted up.
Matt immediately picked him up.
They already understood each other. We were already a family. And I couldn’t wait for it to grow even bigger.
The photographer kept snapping pictures.
Tanner and Nigel started moving farther and farther away from everyone. I tried to wave them back over. But it was pretty clear that they both hated being photographed. And I couldn’t force them.