Stalker Problems - Chapter 31 - The Fourth Incident
Dr. Lyons was waiting for me outside the restaurant. He looked great in crisp blue slacks and a white button-down.
“You look stunning,” he said.
“Shall we?” He put his hand on the small of my back and led me into the restaurant.
The hostess seated us at a cute little table next to a fish tank.
We both immediately buried our heads in our menus.
An awkward silence took hold of our table.
And as much as I wanted it to release its grip, I was unable to speak.
Oh God, oh God. This was my worst nightmare.
Were we just going to sit in silence the whole night?
I had to say something. I’d just promised myself I wouldn’t be awkward. Think.
“Nice place,” I said. My voice cracked halfway through.
Dr. Lyons looked up from his menu. “Yeah.”
Really? That’s all you have to say?
He cleared his throat. “One of my friends recommended it. And I saw on yelp that they said it was nice and spacious. I hate when you go somewhere and end up bumping elbows with the couple next to you.”
“I know! That’s the worst.” I saw Chastity and Madison walk into the restaurant.
Madison saluted me and then they somehow convinced the hostess to give them the table right next to ours, which was way too close!
What were they doing? Were they trying to get caught spying on my date?
“Chastity,” I hissed in my head. Except Dr. Lyons lowered his eyebrows, so maybe I’d accidentally said it out loud.
“Who?”
I cleared my throat to stall as I gave my friends a death glare.
“My friend Chastity. She knows all about sitting too close.” Hopefully she’d heard that and would move.
I couldn’t have a normal date with them sitting literally right next to me.
“We…er…went to this cute little French café a few weeks ago and the tables were so close that we could hear every word the couple next to us was saying. We didn’t talk the whole time.
We just listened to the couple talk about how much they hated their youngest child.
Her name was Mia and they called her Meatball because she was so chunky.
I could tell you her entire life story. Although she was only two months old, so it’s not a very long story. ”
Dr. Lyons laughed. “So you like eavesdropping on people, huh?”
“It can be fun.” I tried to keep my eyes trained on him even though I could just barely hear Chastity and Madison discussing Twilight.
God, that meant that they could hear me.
And they were going to critique me later.
Just the thought made me want to end the date right now.
Where was a candle when a girl needed one?
“What do you think that couple’s saying?” Dr. Lyons pointed to an older couple - probably in their 70s.
At least Dr. Lyons was good at distracting me. I watched the couple for a second to get a feel for their conversation. “The lady just said that they should order dessert to go so that he can lick it off her body.”
“Right? I had a feeling that’s what they were talking about.”
I laughed. “Your turn.” I pointed to another couple.
“I think he just told his wife how fortunate the gentleman by the fish tank is to be on a date with such a beautiful redhead.”
I looked to either side of us. “There’s another redhead here?” I was used to being the only one around.
A smile stretched across his handsome face. “No. At least, not any real ones like you.”
Blood rushed to my face. Half because of his compliment, half because he understood the difference between real and fake red hair, and half because I had been too dense to realize what he’d been saying.
And yes, I know that’s three halves. “You know, you’re supposed to butter the rolls, not your girlfriend. ” Girlfriend?!
Chastity yelped, like that could somehow undo what I’d just done.
What kind of crazy girl refers to herself as someone’s girlfriend five minutes into the first date ? I coughed and took a sip of water.
Dr. Lyons laughed and nodded toward Chastity and Madison’s table. “What about them? Wait, isn’t that the girl that was at your apartment the other night?”
“What? No.” Don’t look at them! “I’ve never seen those people before in my life. And they’re clearly a lesbian couple debating the existence of vampires.”
He laughed and looked back at his menu. “So what are you gonna order?”
I took the moment to shoo Chastity and Madison away.
“We’re helping,” Chastity mouthed silently at me.
“Go away,” I mouthed back.
She gave me her sassiest expression.
Get out of here, you psychos. I knew Single Girl Rule #34 dictated that they had the right to be here, but they were too freaking close. They were supposed to spy on me from across the restaurant. This wasn’t spying. This was an invasion of privacy.
“Ash?” Dr. Lyons said.
“Hm?”
“I asked what you were ordering.”
“Oh. Probably the petite filet Oscar. With a side of lobster mashed potatoes. And a bottle of the 1986 Pinot Noir.”
Dr. Lyons’ eyes got big. “Sounds delicious.”
“I’m just joking. I’m not going to get a $120 dinner and a $600 bottle of wine. I’d only do that on our second date.”
“Oh thank God.” He wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead. “I want to show you a good time, but I do still have to pay my rent.”
“I’m actually just going to get the shrimp and grits. You?”
“Probably the chicken tagine.”
“Exotic.”
I heard Chastity laugh, but I didn’t acknowledge her presence. Chicken tagine is exotic, Chastity. #Exotic. Boom, nailed the hashtag thing again.
“I got a taste for it during my tour in the Middle East.”
“The Middle East? Were you there for Doctors Without Borders or something?”
He fidgeted with his water glass and looked down at it. “No. I was in the army.”
“Wait, so let me get this straight. You’re a pediatrician and a veteran? Do you also feed homeless children and sing to the elderly?”
He smiled and looked up from his glass. “Only on weekends. Although with my voice, that would probably be considered elder abuse.”
The waiter appeared and rattled off the specials.
I couldn’t really focus though. All I could think about was how this date had really turned around.
The conversation felt natural. He laughed at my dumb jokes.
He was possibly a real-life superhero. Who knew dating would be so easy?
I was hardly even sweating anymore. Which was really saying something, because soon I’d have to talk to the waiter to give him my order, a thing I’d hated ever since I was a child.
You can’t tell someone not to speak to strangers and then throw out the rules when a stranger shows up at your table with an apron.
Just thinking about it made me start sweating again.
But then something wonderful happened.
“I think we’re ready to order,” said Dr. Lyons. “Ash will have the shrimp and grits and a glass of Sauvignon Blanc.”
Oh my God. Did he really just order for me? That was like…a dream come true. Best. Date. Ever.
“Ow ow,” said Chastity. She knew how much I hated ordering.
I tried to give her a subtle thumbs up. But I got distracted by the fact that her copy of Twilight was upside down in her hands. She was being so obvious. Scram!
“That was what you wanted, right?” asked Dr. Lyons when the waiter walked away.
“Uh, yes. Hell, you could have ordered me anything and I would have eaten it. I freaking hate ordering. Wait…how’d you know to do that?”
Dr. Lyons looked down and straightened his placemat, a hint of red coming to his cheeks. “Lucky guess?” He was definitely lying.
“Oh my God! You Facebook stalked me.”
He scrunched up his face. “Maybe?”
“You totally did. You must have seen my post about Chastity ordering for me at Wendy’s.”
“So what’s your favorite color?” he asked.
“Nope. You’re not changing the topic on me. Out with it. Admit you stalked me.” Since when did so many hot guys stalk me?
He mumbled something.
“Say it.”
“I stalked you.” He did his best ashamed face. “Please don’t be mad.”
“Mad? Quite the opposite. I’m honored that you took the time to stalk me. In fact, I feel a little bad that I didn’t return the favor.”
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Chastity trying to get my attention.
Girl, can’t you see that I’m nailing this date?
The conversation continued from there. I learned all about how he had grown up in a military family. His dad was the stereotypical gruff drill sergeant, while his mom was sweet and gentle. The yin to his dad’s yang.
“I also had a little brother,” he said.
Had? I couldn’t think of the right words to ask if his little brother was dead, so I just stayed silent and let him continue.
“Mikey left us when he was five. Leukemia.” He looked away and blinked, almost like he was holding back tears. “He was the reason why I decided to become a pediatrician.”
“Dr. Lyons,” I said. “I’m so sorry.” Tears filled my eyes as I pictured Rosalie. And I could feel my throat getting tight as I tried not to cry. I knew all too well what it was like to lose a sibling.
He suddenly laughed. “Did you just call me Dr. Lyons?”
“Uh…yes?”
“Do you not know my first name?”
“What? Don’t be crazy. It’s…” I searched my brain for what his first name was. But there was nothing. “Gr…”
Dr. Lyons raised an eyebrow.
“Ro…”
He shook his head.
“Phi…”
“Nope.”
“Gah! Fine. I don’t know your name. Is that so wrong?”
“Anthony,” he said. “Anthony Lyons.”
“Right. That was my next guess.”
He cracked a smile. “Sure it was.”
Chastity slammed her hand down on the table as she tried to get my attention again.
Nope. I didn’t need her whispered advice right now. I was doing fine all on my own. Couldn’t she tell? “I think Mikey would be very proud of you. Especially since you’re totally slaying this date.”
“Really?” He looked so happy.
“Yes.”
“What about you?” he asked. “Any siblings?”