Stalker Problems - Chapter 44 - Refund Emergency
Tanner was waiting for me outside my apartment building. Concern was etched all over his perfect face.
“Is everything okay?” he asked as I approached. He frowned even harder, presumably because of my puffy eyes and running make-up.
“Not really.”
He pulled me into a hug. I felt so safe in his arms. His big, stupid, stealing arms. I pushed him off. “You lied to me.”
“About…?”
“Joe’s credit card. The shoes. You said the card got declined.”
“Oh, right.” He looked so pleased with himself. “Yeah, I did lie about that.”
What the hell, man? “I need you to undo whatever you did.”
“And why would I do that?”
“Because Joe came to the park this morning and threatened…”
Tanner waved it off. “Don’t listen to him. The police will laugh him out of the station.”
“What?!” I screamed. People were starting to stare at me. “Now I’m gonna get arrested?! Since when is it illegal to make a film of yourself? I was over 21. I can prove it.” Right? Was there some law I didn’t know about when it came to filming solo sex tapes? Oh God, oh God, oh God.
Tanner lowered his eyebrows. “Whoa, slow down. Illegal film? What are you talking about?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“The credit card. Dumb-Dumb Joe forgot to take your name off the account. So technically all you did was buy $200,000 worth of Odegaards with your own money.”
I shook my head. “He’s not threatening to have me arrested.”
“Oh. Then what’s he threatening? What film are you talking about?”
“There’s a uh…” I looked around. I really did not want to have this conversation on a public sidewalk. Or with Tanner, really. But I didn’t have a choice here. I had no idea how to fix this. And he might. “Can we go up to my place to talk about this?”
“Of course,” said Tanner. “Whatever it is, I’m sure we can sort it out.”
I was drenched in sweat by the time we reached my apartment door. This was going to be the most awkward conversation of my life.
“Wow. That’s a lot of shoes,” he said the minute we walked in the door. “I totally did not think about closet space when I sent you all these.”
“Damn right it’s a lot of shoes,” I said. “That’s what got us into this mess in the first place. Wouldn’t it have been enough to buy like…two pairs? Rather than 70?”
“Do you not like them?”
“Not if they get my sex tape leaked all over the internet!”
Tanner raised both eyebrows. “A sex tape?”
“Yes! Joe has a sex tape of me. He held it over my head to take everything from me in the divorce. That’s why I live in this dumb little apartment. And now he’s threatening to post the tape on Pornhub unless he gets his 200 grand back before midnight.”
“For real? And he hit you with all this on today of all days?” Tanner looked pissed. I had never seen him look so upset before. “What an asshole.”
“That’s not all. He pretended to come in peace.
Said he didn’t want me to be alone on Rosalie’s birthday.
And then after we shared what I thought was a genuine, nice moment, he sprung this on me.
Oh, and he finished things off nicely by telling me that it was good Rosalie was dead so that she’d never learn how much of a slut I am. ”
Tanner made a noise, almost like a growl. Dark circles formed around his eyes. His anger was somewhat terrifying. And also kind of sexy. And vampiric?
“I’m gonna kill him,” he said.
“As much as he definitely does deserve to die, I’d really prefer if we just give him his money back.
He’s not worth you going to prison for murder.
” Then I thought about what I had done. I just asked Tanner to give my ex $200,000 like it was nothing.
Which it kind of was for Tanner…but still.
I couldn’t ask him to do that. “I’ll find a way to pay you back for the shoes.
I’ll work overtime until I’m old and gray.
Or maybe we can just return them? Do they even have a return policy at fancy places like that?
Just please don’t let him leak that tape. ”
“That tape will never see the light of day. I promise.”
I let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”
“And don’t worry about the shoes. They were free.”
“But someone…”
“Well, they cost a bit to manufacture. But it wasn’t close to $200K. Odegaard has pretty healthy profit margins. Compared to some of my other businesses, at least.”
What? I gaped at him. “You own Odegaard?”
“Well, technically I am Odegaard.”
“Didn’t that brand start in the late 60s? Mr. Odegaard must be at least 80 years old.”
Tanner cleared his throat. “Long story. Anyway, back to that sex tape of yours. What’s on it? Is it like a solo deal, or…”
I slapped his arm. “Ugh, stop. Men are disgusting.”
He put his hands up. “I was only asking so I’d be sure I get the right tape from Joe. All the copies of it.”
“Sure you were,” I said, rolling my eyes. “But…you really think you can get him to give you all the copies?”
“Yes.”
“And how exactly are you gonna do that? Have Marty burst into his apartment and waterboard him until he hands them over?”
Tanner considered it. “I guess that would work. But I have a better idea.”
“Are you sure we can’t do the Marty thing?”
“Trust me. I got this.” There was no doubt in his voice. And that made me believe him.
“God, I wish I’d never made that tape. I’m such an idiot.”
“There’s nothing wrong with making a sex tape.
Everyone’s doing it these days. The Society even has a workshop about it on the first Tuesday of every month.
They have some really interesting pointers about lighting and camera angles.
But I think they might under-emphasize the importance of not sending your sex tape to an asshole.
” He pulled a little black book out of his jacket and jotted something down.
“I guess you’re probably not going to be making any more sex tapes after this though, huh? ”
“Nope. Now can we please focus?”
“Hmm?” He closed his notebook and looked back up at me. “Oh, right. We need to get your tape back. Just give me one moment…” He opened his computer bag and pulled out a golden genie lamp. “Just rub the lamp and wish for your sex tape back from Joe.”
I crossed my arms. Tanner’s antics were usually funny, but not at a time like this. “Are you serious right now? You really went out and bought a genie lamp just to mess with me?”
“You mean the way you bought me garlic bread and threatened me with holy water?” he asked, deadpan.
“How many times do I have to apologize for that?”
Tanner tapped his finger against his lips. “Probably about three more times.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry. Now can you please go get my sex tape? This isn’t a joke.”
“I told you. Rub the lamp…”
You’ve got to be kidding me. This wasn’t the time for jokes. He was seriously bad at reading the room. “Fine. Toss it to me.”
He looked horrified. “You want me to toss my lamp? How would you feel if someone asked you to throw your most prized possession?”
This was getting ridiculous. No. It was beyond ridiculous.
But he clearly wasn’t going to do anything until I played his stupid genie lamp game.
So I walked over to him and grabbed his stupid lamp.
I expected it to look like cheap dollar store plastic, but based on how much it weighed, it might have actually been solid gold.
Of course it is - he’s a billionaire. “How much did this thing cost?”
“It’s priceless.”
“Mhm.” I rubbed the side of the lamp. It made my fingers feel all weird and tingly. Almost like an electric shock, but the jolt didn’t hit me all at once. I pulled back. “Happy?”
“You have to make your wish.”
“Oh, right. I wish for…”
Tanner put his hand up to stop me before I could finish making my wish. “Be careful with how you word it. I’m not mean-spirited, but as a genie, I do tend to have a bad habit of misconstruing wishes.”
I pursed my lips. This whole genie thing stopped being funny about five minutes ago. “I wish for you to get all of the copies of my sex tape from Joe Dickson.”
Tanner nodded approvingly. “Well done. Especially for a first wish.”
“I’m glad you approve. Now can you please go deal with Joe? We only have until midnight!” I was seconds away from having a total meltdown and throwing Tanner’s new shiny toy across the room.
“Yup. Just give me one moment here…” He rubbed his hands together and then snapped his fingers.
I glared at him. He really needed to learn when it was appropriate to joke and when he needed to be serious. “Are you done messing around?”
Tanner ignored my question. Instead, he pulled a flash drive out of his jacket pocket and tossed it to me.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Your sex tape. What else would it be?”
I shook my head. “That’s not…that’s not possible.” He hadn’t moved.
“Check it.”
I pulled out my laptop and plugged in the flash drive. There was a single video file on it. I clicked the file and… Oh my God! I slammed my laptop shut before Tanner could see. “How did you get this?”
“Magic,” he said with a wink.
I shoved his arm. He was such an idiot. A sexy, wonderful, prankster of a perfect man. “I can’t believe you had it this whole time. I was literally dying inside thinking Joe was gonna leak it. Is this the only copy?”
“Nope.” Tanner reached into his jacket and pulled out three more flash drives.
“Seriously, how did you get these?”
“I told you. Magic.” It looked like he was unsuccessfully trying to hold back a smile.
“You’re infuriating.” And amazing. God, he really had me going. “You’re sure these are all the copies?”
Tanner nodded.
A wave of relief rushed over me. Finally, after all this time, I was free from the fear that Joe might leak it. And it was all thanks to Tanner. How could I ever repay him? I was free! I was finally fucking free of Joe’s threats! Without thinking, I jumped into Tanner’s arms and kissed him.
He hadn’t been expecting it. He stumbled backwards and fell onto the sofa. I straddled him as I ran my hands through his long hair. With all the stress gone, all I could think about was devouring him.