Stalker Problems - Chapter 63 - The Spaceboy Collection
This was the best night of my life. I hurried up the stairs to my apartment. Literally nothing could ruin my mood. Not the fact that I was running in heels. Or that I was still sticky from champagne. I couldn’t wait to see what Tanner’s surprise was.
But when I turned out of the stairwell, my heart sank.
Oh no.
There were seven big boxes stacked by my apartment. And Homeless Rutherford was next to them.
“Hey!” I yelled. “What are you doing? Those are mine!”
He dropped something and then looked over and gave me a saucy little wave.
Then he sashayed away down the hall. I’d seen him happy before, but never like this.
It was like he was at a pizza buffet and had just gone to town on the whole spread.
Except it hadn’t been a pizza buffet. It had been my presents from Tanner.
“You better not have licked anything!” I yelled to him. But I knew in my heart that he had.
I scanned the boxes to try to identify what he’d licked. An opened letter sat on top of one of the boxes. That must have been what he’d dropped when I caught him. I wanted so badly to read it, but I had to take proper precautions. So I opened up my apartment to get my rubber gloves.
“Hey,” said someone as I walked into my apartment.
“Ah! Rape!” I threw my keys at the rapist.
Chastity just barely dodged them. “It’s just me! Calm down!”
“Sweet lord, woman. Why would you scare me like that?”
“Why would I scare you ? You’re the one who texted me that Tanner was a vampire and that I needed to call the police if you weren’t home by midnight.”
“Did I do that?”
“Yes!”
“Well in my defense, I just had the best night ever, and…”
“And is he a vampire or not?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” Honestly I didn’t even care. If he was a vampire, he hadn’t tried to kill me yet. And he was amazing and perfect and beautiful. I couldn’t walk away now. I was in too deep.
Someone knocked on my open door. My next-door neighbor. “You okay?” she asked. “I thought I heard you scream something about rape…”
“Yeah,” I said. “But it was just Chastity.”
She gave Chastity a weird look. “So you’re good? Rutherford didn’t try to rape you?”
“No. But I think he licked my boxes.”
My neighbor laughed. “I don’t know why he always licks your stuff. See you later.” She walked back toward her apartment.
I frowned and turned to Chastity. “Did she just say Homeless Rutherford only ever licks my stuff? What the actual hell? I assumed he licked everyone’s everything. Why did he single me out?”
“Maybe he likes you,” Chastity said.
“Gross. And speaking of licking things…why didn’t you bring those boxes in?”
“What boxes?” asked Chastity.
“All the ones outside my apartment.”
“They must have just been delivered. Oooh. What’s inside?”
“I don’t know yet, but I know they’re from Tanner. I need my rubber gloves.”
“More Odegaards?!” Chastity was over by the door in a flash. Apparently she didn’t care that the boxes might be contaminated, because she lifted up the certainly-licked letter.
I read over her shoulder:
Ash,
I had Odegaard design a special Spaceboy themed collection for the launch party tomorrow. I can’t wait to see which outfit you choose.
See you at the pier at 8 pm.
-Tanner
P.S. Chastity can take her pick as well, but I have a feeling I know which outfit she’ll want…
“Tanner is officially the most amazing man ever,” said Chastity. “He’s definitely going to ask you out tomorrow at the party.”
“I’m 100% sure that he won’t.” I tried to act casual. But I was definitely beaming.
“Why? Did something happen at the cake tasting?”
“Not really. Just the usual… Had a wild sex dream on the way there. And then we tried some cake. And then he asked me to be HIS FREAKING GIRLFRIEND!”
“WHAT?! Are you serious?!”
I nodded.
“Ahhh!” She tossed the note aside, bear-hugged me, and then started jumping up and down with me. “We did it!”
“I have to admit, I didn’t think that your crazy advice would work. But it totally did. He was so freaking jealous about what happened at Club Onyx that he couldn’t even help himself.”
“I told you it would work!”
I nodded. “I owe you one.”
“I’ll be more than happy to take half of these clothes as my payment.
But before we get to that, I need to know…
Did you two bang it out on the way home?
I bet that limo ride was fire emoji fire emoji fire emoji.
” She fanned herself with her hand. “Oh! And how big is his penis? Eight inches?” She stared at me. “Nine inches? A FOOT?!”
I laughed. “We didn’t bang. Just lots of making out.”
“For real?”
“Yes.”
“Weird.”
“Why is that weird? I think he’s just like…old-fashioned or something. Maybe he’s waiting for us to say the L-word before we bang.” He had briefly mentioned courtship. He was just an old soul. And a little weird. Just like me.
“Well then why didn’t you tell him that you love him?”
I laughed. “Because I don’t love him yet.” It was a lie and I was pretty sure she knew it.
“Who are you most excited to see every day at work?” asked Chastity.
“You,” I lied.
Chastity stared at me. “Really?”
“Fine. Tanner.”
“Mhm. And what do you think about at night when you’re trying to fall asleep?”
“Whether or not I have to pee again before I fall asleep.”
“What else?” she asked.
“Tanner.”
“And why do you do your makeup and put on real-girl clothes every day?”
“To look good for Tanner.”
“I rest my case. You love Tanner. And really…even if you don’t, you should still just say it. Anything to get that D, girl.”
I tried to hide my smile. I did pretty much spend every waking moment thinking about him.
And seeing him was always the best part of my day…
God, I was so in love with him my heart was about to explode!
I tried to focus on the boxes he’d sent me.
I needed to get all this love talk under control.
The last thing I needed was to accidentally tell him I loved him and scare him off.
For now, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. That was perfect.
“So are we gonna open these boxes or what?” I asked.
***
“I don’t know if you love Tanner or not,” said Chastity. “But I love him.” She’d said that a lot last night while she’d tried on every outfit he’d sent. And most of this morning. And this afternoon.
“Look at this outfit!” she said. “It’s exactly what I envisioned.” She turned to check out her ass in one of the dozens of mirrors in my gigantic closet.
“Don’t forget these.” I handed her some metallic blue thigh-high boots.
“YES.” She pulled on the boots and then finished things off with a big space helmet.
Just like she wanted, she was a female version of the Spaceboy dancers.
I looked away just in time as she unzipped the white bodysuit and shook her tits in the mirror.
“I’m totally gonna fuck Spaceboy tonight.
And you’re gonna fuck Tanner. The only question is…
which outfit shall you use to seduce him? ”
I stared at the pile of metallic blue and pink clothes and shoes. We’d been in my closet trying them on pretty much all of last night and most of today.
“I don’t know,” I said. “How about you choose for me?”
“Okay.” Chastity picked up the tiniest little bikini that had ever been made. “Wear this.”
My eyes got big. “No! I can’t wear that in public!”
“You told me to choose…”
“Well choose again. That was a bad choice.”
The metallic pink lingerie she chose next was almost somehow worse.
“Nope. No way. This is a classy work party. Not a gentlemen’s club.”
“It’s a Spaceboy concert. Futuristic lingerie is a perfect fit.”
We went back and forth like that for another hour or so before finally settling on a blue bikini, thigh-high boots just like the ones Chastity was wearing, and a mesh cover-up.
I went to the bathroom and did my makeup before sending a picture to Madison to see what she thought. Her response came a second later:
Madison : You look beautiful. Liz agrees. Btw, do you have an extra ticket for her?
Liz!? No! Why would she tell Liz about the party? Having Liz there would totally ruin the vibe.
Also, Madison thinking I looked beautiful was a bad sign. It probably meant this outfit was way too sexy… Or that I looked butch or something. But there was no time to change. Because Nigel had just appeared out of nowhere.
I almost screamed when I saw his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Where had he come from? “Nigel?”
“Mistress Ash.” He was staring at my tub instead of at me. “It’s time to go.”
“One second.” I took a deep breath and put on a second coat of mascara. Chastity had most likely let him in. So it was all fine. As far as I could tell, Nigel was harmless. Unless he’d been instructed to bag me again.
“I think Chastity and I are both ready,” I said and turned to him.
He blinked at me. “Chastity?”
“Yeah.”
“Who is this person you speak of?”
“My friend. You met her the other night. And she just let you in.”
Nigel shrugged. “I don’t recall.”
What was with him and hating Chastity? “Um. Okay. Well, we’re ready.”
“I guess there’s room in the limo for Chastain.”
Chastain? Come on, he’d literally just heard me say her name.
“Bring her if you must, Mistress Ash.”
I grabbed my Spaceboy sunglasses and headed out the door. It was party time.