This Is War - Chapter 25 – The Most Influential Fashion Icon of the 1940s
The game for the grand finale of Society Wars was a childhood favorite of mine: capture the flag.
Well, kind of. Instead of the teams playing in the front yard and back yard of some suburban home, the sides here were the girls’ cabins and the guys’ cabins.
And instead of tagging people to get them out, we’d be using high-tech laser tag equipment.
But the most important change of all was that it wasn’t a flag being captured. Instead, they were trying to capture me.
So it wasn’t actually capture the flag at all. It was Capture the Princess.
Ocelot gave us each a list of rules and told us we had two hours to prepare our strategy.
That seemed like overkill to me, until I realized that me not getting captured was the only thing keeping Cole from having his way with me.
And based on my experience with him at the casino, I assumed he’d do it in front of the entire camp.
Just thinking about it made my palms all sweaty.
“Please tell me you’re amazing at capture the flag,” I said to Tanner.
“I’ve never played before.”
Of course he hadn’t. He’d grown up overseas or something. He’d never had a normal American childhood.
“But in war, as in business,” said Tanner, “the most important thing is to know your enemy. In this case, that’s Cole and Chastity. So what do we know about them?”
“They’re dirty cheaters,” suggested Diablo.
“Bingo,” said Tanner. “Which means we should probably go somewhere a little more private before we start planning our strategy. Any one of these people could be a mole.” He gestured to our dozens of teammates.
Most of them were already doing some target practice with the laser guns. “Who do you trust?”
“Well I definitely trust Diablo.” I smiled up at the giant man. “I’m forever in your debt for ripping off Chastity’s bikini.”
He patted my head with his Shaq-sized hand. “Any time, Princess.”
I was pretty sure he was saying that he’d rip her bikini off any time rather than saving my life any time. But the way he said it was still comforting. I was glad to have him on my team now that he wasn’t sabotaging everything.
“Trust anyone else?” asked Tanner.
“Frankie.” She was, after all, my handmaid.
“You can trust my brother,” said Diablo. “And my boy Nigel.” At first I thought he was joking, but then he cupped his hands to his mouth and yelled, “Yo! Nigel! Get your ass over here!”
Nigel scurried over. “Greetings, Big Diablo,” he said as the two did a ridiculous secret handshake that ended with Nigel gently cupping Diablo’s ass cheeks while Diablo massaged his shoulders.
“What the hell is happening?” I whispered to Tanner. “Are they gay lovers?”
“Maybe?” he replied. He seemed just as confused as me. “I didn’t know they’d ever talked…”
“What?” asked Diablo. “You don’t like our handshake?”
“It was…interesting,” I said.
Tanner held up his hand to get our attention. “We can circle back to that later. But for now, is there anyone else that you guys trust?”
We all shook our heads.
“I can vouch for Isadora and Giovanna,” said Tanner.
I almost fell over in shock. “You can?” Since when did Tanner know the soapy shower lesbians?!
“Yeah. I recruited both of them to the Society. They’re good girls.”
“We need to have a serious talk about your definition of good girls . And do you really think they’ll have a lot to offer in our war room?”
Tanner raised an eyebrow. “You’d be surprised.”
“Indeed,” agreed Nigel. “Never judge a bitch by her tits.”
“Nigel!” yelled Tanner. “What did I say about using that phrase in polite company?”
Nigel shrugged.
I would have laughed if I hadn’t been so nervous about losing the Society Wars. We had a battle to plan!
We rounded up the rest of our inner circle and headed to my princess suite. Tanner cleared a table and rolled out a map of the camp.
“So as I was telling Raven,” began Tanner, “the key to winning this battle is to get inside the heads of our enemies. We’ve already established that Cole and Chastity are cheaters and probably have at least one spy in our camp, which is why we’re having this meeting in Raven’s princess suite. But what else do we know about them?”
“Cole is a big, dumb grade-A beefcake,” said Nigel. I thought he growled a little bit at the end, but I couldn’t be sure.
“Well he is big,” agreed Tanner. “And he is fairly strong. But I don’t think he’s dumb.”
“But you whooped his ass in chess,” said Diablo.
“I did. But it wasn’t because he was dumb. It was because he was overconfident.”
I nodded. “Yeah…he’s super cocky.”
“So the question is: how can we use that against him?”
Uhhh… I had no idea.
It looked like Isadora was about to speak up, but Tanner spoke again before she could. “Before we answer that, it might be important to discuss his past strategies. Have any of you faced him during his undefeated streak this summer?”
“I’ve been here for all of them,” said Diablo. “But he keeps changing his tactics. Sometimes he sits back and waits for us to attack, while other times he hits us hard within the first five minutes. A few times he’s even split his entire force into two-man strike teams to hunt down our princess.”
“Interesting…” said Tanner. “And what about the princess? Does he usually hide her in a specific spot?”
Diablo shrugged. “No idea. We’ve never found the blue princess, no matter who she is.”
“You’ve never even spotted her?”
“Nope,” said Diablo with a shake of his head.
“That’s great news.”
“It is?” I asked.
“It is,” said Tanner. “Because it means that Cole has one hell of a hiding spot for her. If I had to guess, I’d say he probably hid his princess in the exact same spot every time.”
Diablo gestured to the map. “But we’ve searched everywhere.”
“Even in the cabins?”
“No. No one is allowed to hide in the…” Diablo stopped mid-sentence as a horrible realization came to him. “Shit, Cole is a cheater.”
Tanner smiled. “Now you see why it’s so important to know your enemies. I propose we task a third of our team with searching the cabins. All in favor?”
Everyone agreed.
“So we know how we’re going to catch Chastity, but that’s only half the battle. We’ll still need to protect Raven from Cole.”
Isadora cleared her throat. “I have a few ideas.”
This should be good. I had a feeling she was about to suggest that she and Giovanna distract him with a threesome.
“We could honeypot him,” she said.
I knew it! Wait…what does it mean to honeypot someone?
“But I doubt that would work,” continued Isadora. “He seems to only have eyes for Raven.”
“So what do you suggest instead?” asked Tanner.
“Well…Giovanna and I have also been part of all nine battles this summer. And no disrespect, but I don’t think Diablo’s assessment is correct.
In every instance, Cole has sent out half a dozen scouts.
And their recon has dictated the rest of his battle plans.
I believe he has three basic maneuvers.” She nodded to Giovanna.
Giovanna apparently knew what that meant, because she pulled a tube of lipstick out of her purse and drew a big red X on the map right in the center of our territory.
“Let’s say Cole’s scouts found us guarding our princess at that X,” continued Isadora. “He’d respond with Maneuver Alpha - a full-on assault.”
Giovanna drew a line of red Xs in Cole’s territory. “If, on the other hand, his scouts saw us planning an offensive, he’d assume a defensive position and slaughter us as we entered his territory. Maneuver Beta.”
Finally, Isadora took the lipstick and drew a giant question mark.
“And if we tried to hide our princess to buy us time to search for their princess, then Cole would revert to Maneuver Charlie in which he splits his team into search parties. On the three occasions when this has happened, they’ve found our princess before we could find theirs. ”
I blinked my eyes. I had not been expecting such a nuanced assessment from Isadora and Giovanna. What had happened to the girls who loved taking group showers and flashing the entire camp?
“Which tactic would leave him most vulnerable?” asked Tanner.
Isadora took a moment to consider his question. “I think we’ve seen that all of those scenarios result in our destruction. So instead I propose we decorate the tree with false blossoms.”
“Huh?” I asked.
Isadora and Giovanna looked at me like I was so dumb.
“Decorate the tree with false blossoms. You know…from Sun Tzu’s Art of War .”
What the hell is that?
Tanner nodded. “Oh, that’s clever. You really think that will work?”
Isadora gave Tanner a wicked smile. “It’s worked for us before. The details are classified, but let’s just say that there’s a terrorist sitting in jail somewhere still trying to figure out how he hadn’t realized that the beggar on the side of the street was actually a female commando.”
Giovanna laughed. “That poor guy. I’ll never forget the look on his face when you tore off your wig and shoved your gun in his face.”
What?! “You two were special forces?”
“Yeah,” said Isadora as if it was totally normal.
Suddenly her in-depth assessment of Cole’s battle plans made a lot more sense.
“So how do we do this false blossom thing?” I asked.
“Well…that depends.” She turned to Nigel. “Could you sew up a second princess dress in the next hour?”
Nigel put his hand on his hip. “Was Adolf Hitler the most influential fashion icon of the 1940s?”
“Yes?” replied Isadora, sounding just as confused as I was.
“Damn right.” Nigel snapped and walked away.
“Does anyone know what just happened?” I asked.
Diablo looked at us like we were all idiots. “He said he’d do it. How was that not clear?”
That wasn’t exactly what I was asking. I was more curious about the fashion icon comment. But I guess Hitler had gotten a lot of people to dress a certain way…
Isadora turned back to the map. “Assuming Nigel can come through, we’ll buy ourselves some time and take out a sizeable chunk of Cole’s forces. But we’ll still need to hide Raven somewhere.”
Tanner spun the map around to get a better look at it. “That’s it! Raven, how would you feel about a redo of our first date?”
“Are you suggesting that we fake an FBI raid?” I asked. “That would be pretty epic.”
Tanner laughed. “No, after that.”
“Distract them with the world’s most delicious gyros?”
He shook his head. “Before that.”
“You’re gonna have to help me out here.”
He pointed to the part of the map labeled zip line course. “While they’re searching for you on the ground, you’ll be perched in the trees. And if they do happen to look up and see you, just zip away.”
“That’ll give everyone a nice view,” said Diablo. “Right up your skirt. I like it.”
“What he means is that it’s a great idea,” said Angel. “I like it too.”
So they both want to see up my skirt?
“But how is she going to get up there in her heels?” asked Frankie.
“Heels?” I asked.
“Well, technically boots.” Frankie held up a pair of bright red, thigh-high boots covered in straps and…locks?
“What are the locks for?”
“To make sure you can’t take them off.”
“So you’re telling me that not only do I have to evade 40 super athletes, but I have to do it in six-inch heels?”
“Yup! But hey, look on the bright side. It also makes you walk slower if the enemy catches you and makes you walk back to the feast area.”
“Oh great. That’ll make me feel so much better when I’m stuck in the mud.”
“I got you,” said Diablo. “I can carry you to the zip lines.”
I didn’t doubt that he could do that.
“Speaking of heels,” said Frankie. “You should really start getting ready.” She plugged in her curling iron.
“But you already did my hair and makeup.”
“Yeah, and then you went and fell in the lake.”
I shot a nasty look at Tanner. “Only because a certain somebody decided to go all kamikaze with our swan boat.”
“It worked, didn’t it?” asked Tanner.
I didn’t bother answering him.
“Before you get ready, shouldn’t we come up with a backup plan?” asked Isadora. “I’m not comfortable with our whole strategy hinging on the assumption that Chastity will be holed up in one of the cabins.”
“Good point,” agreed Tanner. Then his eyes lit up and he ran to the elevator. “I’ll be right back. I just got the best idea.”