This Is War - Chapter 28 - The Spit Roast
I tried to kick off my thigh-high boots, but of course they wouldn’t come off. Apparently the locks on them were not just for show.
Oh well. There was no time to mess with them. I just had to run as fast as I could and pray that Cole slipped and fell back into the lake.
My progress was extremely slow. My heels sunk into the mud if I put any pressure on them at all, so I had to basically speed-tiptoe through the forest. I must have looked like a total weirdo, but I didn’t care.
All that mattered was running away from Cole to give my team enough time to go get Chastity off the roof of the clubhouse.
About three minutes into my escape, I heard branches crunching behind me. A quick glance back told me everything I needed to know. Cole had made it up the cliff, and he was closing in on me. Fast.
I screamed and tried to run faster. It was no use, though. Any second, I’d be swallowed up in his soaking wet arms.
Damn it! When I’d seen him splash into the lake, I’d thought for sure I’d won. But now… I didn’t even want to think about what was going to happen to me.
I looked over my shoulder once more. Cole’s footsteps sounded like they were literally right behind me. Because they were. He reached out and…stopped dead in his tracks. The LEDs on his armor blinked out as Cole looked down in disbelief.
“Raven!” called Tanner as he jumped off a golf cart, his laser gun still pointed at Cole.
“Ryder! You saved me!” I ran over and threw my arms around him. He twirled me around, the scent of sweat and blueberries washing over me. For the first time since he’d left me on that boat three months ago, I was completely and unabashedly thrilled to see him.
“Of course I saved you. Did you really think I’d let you lose?”
“Not even for a second.” Well…okay. Maybe for a second.
Angel and Diablo had been very convincing about Tanner’s intentions.
But staring up at him now? I believed that he only had eyes for me.
I was so happy that if he asked me right this second if I was stalking him in that sexy voice of his, I’d probably just say yes.
He put me down and brushed a loose strand of hair out of my face.
Please kiss me.
I thought he was about to, but then Cole cleared his throat.
Freaking Cole!
I looked over at him, trying to come up with the perfect snarky comment to sum up his epic failure. Not only had he lost, but he’d lost by telling me exactly where Chastity was hiding. What a dumb-dumb.
Before I could come up with a more eloquent phrase than, “You lose, dumb-dumb,” Tanner cut in.
“Man,” said Tanner, stepping towards his vanquished foe. “I have to admit, that was an epic showdown. Well played. And sorry that things got a little heated there in the swan boats. Sometimes I’m a bit too competitive.”
Wait, why is Tanner suddenly being so nice to Cole? I kind of liked how much they fought over me.
Cole nodded and gave him a fist bump. “No worries. It was about time someone gave me some real competition.”
“Well look at you two, suddenly being so mature,” I said.
“Come on,” said Tanner. “Let’s get back to camp so we can celebrate.” He scooped me up and carried me over to the cart. Then he turned back to Cole. “You need a ride?”
Cole shook his head. “Na. You won fair and square - you’ve earned some time with her. But don’t let it go to your head. You may have won the battle, but you’re going to lose the war.”
“We shall see,” replied Tanner. He hit the gas and sped off.
“We did it!” I yelled as the wind whipped through my hair. For the first time since I’d realized that Cole was trying to bang me in front of everyone, I felt like I could actually breathe.
“ You did it,” corrected Tanner. “One question though…why was Cole so wet?”
“He caught me sooner than I thought he would. So I had to improvise a bit to make sure we’d have enough time to track down Chastity.”
“And…?”
“And I pushed Cole off the cliff into the lake.”
Tanner burst out laughing. “Are you serious?”
“Yup.”
“You know you could have killed him, right?”
“It seemed like a risk worth taking. He was gonna spit roast me with some rando!”
Tanner suddenly got serious. “So, about that…”
“What?”
“Um…well…”
I shoved his arm. “Spit it out.” I didn’t know what he was about to say, but I had a feeling I wasn’t gonna like it.
“Don’t be mad, but…” He paused.
“But what? If you don’t tell me this instant, I’m going to push you out of this golf cart.”
“Okay, okay. So Cole wasn’t going to spit roast you with some rando.”
“He wasn’t?”
Tanner shook his head. “Nope. He was going to spit roast you with me.” He pulled a blue bandana out of his pocket. “Did I forget to mention that I’m actually on the blue team?”
“What?!” What the fuck is happening?
“Last night Cole told me how excited you were to get spit roasted, so we came up with a plan to make sure we were the final two members of the blue team. I hope you’re ready for a wild time.” Tanner turned and undressed me with his eyes.
“You’re joking.”
“I’m not.”
“But, but… You two hate each other!”
“We do. But I’m willing to put that aside for your pleasure.”
Oh my God. I couldn’t breathe. All things considered, I’d done a pretty good job of not freaking out all day about my potential punishment.
I kept thinking that Tanner would save me.
But now, he was going to be the one doing the punishing.
Wait a second! I was finally going to get to have sex with Tanner! And Cole. In front of everyone.
It was hard to fully grasp the odd mix of emotions I was feeling. Excitement. Horniness. Sheer terror. Confusion.
Did this mean that Tanner wanted to be with me? Or was this some sort of weird anger bang to get me back for telling him I never wanted to see him again?
“What happened to you wanting to protect me? Just last week you totally freaked out when Cole almost banged me at the casino.”
“I didn’t want to miss out on all the fun.”
“And DODO?”
“Banging you as part of Society Wars won’t tip DODO off that we’re together. Especially if you’re banging Cole too.”
We’re together? I stared at him, trying to process everything he was saying.
“You look skeptical,” said Tanner. “Isn’t this what you want? What are you afraid of?”
“Um… Germs. AIDS. Public speaking. Centipedes. Being late.”
“I feel like most of those don’t apply to this situation.”
“Sure they do.”
Tanner nodded. “Well if it makes you feel any better, both me and Cole have been tested for AIDS. And centipedes don’t really like it out here in the woods. I picture them more in basements.”
None of that matters! I’m not freaking doing this! Right? Or am I going to do this? Because I really, really wanted to be with Tanner. Even though I knew I shouldn’t. “What if I refuse?”
“Then we won’t do it,” replied Tanner like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Wait, what?”
“We don’t do it. What kind of rapey perverts do you think we are?”
“The rapiest kind.”
“The Society has a strict no rape policy. Didn’t you read the contract? Rape is clearly prohibited in clause 49c.”
“Oh right.” I’d almost forgotten about that.
I’d been kicked out of the Society before for violating that specific clause.
Even though it had nothing to do with Incident #2 and Dr. Lyons.
Which, for the record, was the only time I’d ever tried to rape someone.
And I hadn’t even been successful at it.
#RapingMenIsHard. I leaned back in the seat and took a deep breath.
I almost even laughed thinking about my epic hashtag usage.
Because of the word hard. And how un-hard Dr. Lyons had been when I’d groped him at the doctor’s office.
Tanner pulled the golf cart to a stop and got out his phone.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Ah, found it.” He handed me his phone. It was open to a princess suite contract on the Society app. He scrolled down and pointed to clause 4:
4) The losing princess shall be spit roasted at the victory banquet by two members of the winning team. The men participating in the spit roast shall be determined in the following way:
4a) Men who have a direct role in her capture get first dibs.
4b) If three or more men are involved in the capture, then the princess shall choose.
4c) If the princess is unable to choose, then the men shall have a rock-paper-scissors tournament. See clause 8d for specifics.
4d) If it is a solo capture, then the man with the most wins during the earlier events…
There were like 12 more subclauses that seemed irrelevant, so I just skipped to the next part.
5) Refusal to participate in the spit roast shall constitute gross misconduct, which results in immediate termination as specified by clause 49d of the Society’s membership agreement.
5a) And in the case of refusal to participate, for her stay in the princess suite, including food and handmaid services, the princess shall be charged a total of $245,120.
I had to read it three times. If I didn’t go through with it I had to pay that exorbitant fee for the room?! “Please tell me that $245,120 is payable in Monopoly money.”
“Nope,” said Tanner as he started driving again. “US dollars.”
Shit! I had been saving money like a boss over the past three months, but not that much money. Not even close.
“I would offer to pay it for you, but I know you don’t want me interfering with your love life.”
“No! I didn’t mean that. I take it all back. I want you to interfere with my love life.” Obviously. I was considering letting him spit roast me. But if he just paid the fine I wouldn’t have to.
“Nope.” He shook his head. “I’m not falling for that trap.”
“So you’re really going to make me do this?”
“What are you so afraid of?”
“We already went over that.”
Tanner laughed. “I meant specifically about the spit roast.”
“It’s like public speaking only a million times worse. Because I’ll be naked. And having sex. With two men!”
“That’s nothing to be ashamed of. And in a way…
it’s easier than public speaking. Giving a speech is hard work.
Getting spit roasted is easy. Honestly, Cole and I have a lot more to be worried about than you.
What if we can’t get it up? Or cum early?
Or accidentally make eye contact with each other? ”
I laughed at the thought of it. “Well, that would definitely be embarrassing for you. But it’s different since I’m a girl. You’ll get high fives afterwards. I’ll get slut shamed.”
“The Society is a slut shaming free zone.”
“I doubt that. But even if it is…I still don’t want all those people seeing me naked. I have stretch marks on my ass.”
Tanner slowed down and turned to look at me. His deep brown eyes drank in every inch of me. “Your ass is a work of art. And anyway, everyone here has already seen it thanks to that dress.”
“This is not a dress!”
“As one of the most renowned fashion designers in the world, I have to respectfully disagree. Ah, we’re almost here!”
It was fully dark now, but the feast area was impossible to miss.
It was lit up like a Christmas tree with a gazillion white lights strung between the trees.
A fire blazed in the center of it all, and I was pretty sure I saw a pig being spit roasted.
To be clear - I’m talking about an actual pig on a stick spinning over a fire.
Not a girl bent over between two dudes. And then a horrible thought occurred to me.
“Wait. Please tell me you aren’t going to spit roast me over an open flame.”
Tanner pretended to be offended. “Of course not! What kind of freak do you think I am?”
“The kind who wants to spit roast me with another dude!”
He laughed. “Guilty as charged. But luckily for you, I’m not a monster. If you really don’t want to do it, then I’ll pay the fine. Hell, I’ll even find a way to let you stay in the Society.”
“What’s the catch?”
“The only catch is that you take a few minutes to make your final decision. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for you to experience something that most people can only fantasize about. Sex isn’t something gross and evil that should only be done behind locked doors.
It’s beautiful, and it should be celebrated.
” He pulled the cart to a stop outside a tent near the feast area.
The tent blocked my view, but I could still hear the ruckus of all the campers standing around the raging campfire.
He hopped off the cart and put his hand on my shoulder.
“I’ll be back in five minutes. Think about it.
” He trailed his finger down my arm as he got out of the cart, just barely brushing my skin.
A shiver went down my back. I wanted him. I’d wanted him since the first day I’d set eyes on him. But not like this. Right?
Frankie popped her head out of the tent. “Hey girl,” she said in her always-bubbly voice.
“Hey,” I said absently. My mind was elsewhere.
She skipped over and grabbed my hand. “Come on. Let me touch up your hair and makeup. I want to make sure you look perfect before your big entrance.”
Oh God. Big entrance? This can’t be happening.
Frankie pulled me into the tent. It was primarily set up as a kitchen, with servers rushing in and out, but there was also a little vanity with those super bright lights. I sat down and Frankie started re-braiding my hair.
“I don’t know if I should do it,” I said.
“What?” asked Frankie. “You have to do it! You’re going to have so much fun.”
“You think so?”
“Yes. Just forget about all the people watching and enjoy yourself.” She grabbed a medieval-looking goblet off a server’s tray and shoved it in my hands. “Here, this will help.”
I downed it in one gulp.
“Actually, I think you should definitely run away.”
“What? Why?”
“Because as your handmaid, I’m second in line.” Frankie looked so excited.
No! You don’t get to have sex with Tanner. He’s mine! And in that moment, I knew what I had to do. I wanted him. Despite the awkward circumstances. And I wasn’t going to share him with someone else. Even if he was willing to share me. God, I’d lost my mind. “I’m going to need another drink.”