This Is War - Chapter 42 – Looking Like an Absolute Snack
My entire body ached when I woke up. Literally every inch of me was sore.
Did yesterday really happen?
I rolled over and rubbed the sleepy out of my eyes.
I hoped that when I opened them I would be back in my apartment.
That the Emerald Oasis had just been the craziest sex dream ever.
But nope. I was definitely not in my apartment.
Because last time I checked, I hadn’t redecorated with a bajillion posters of swimsuit models in seductive poses.
Some of them had even forgotten to put on their swimsuits.
If I didn’t know better, I would have thought for sure that I was in a frat house. But I did know better, so I knew that this was just Cole’s childhood bedroom.
Makes sense.
“Cole?” I muttered.
He wasn’t here. I couldn’t believe that he hadn’t snuck up here last night. I mean…I was lying naked in his bed. All he had to do was pick the lock and come snuggle me.
And yes, I know it was weird to be naked in his parents’ house. But I wasn’t about to sleep in my dress. And the clothes his mom had given me - a pair of sweatpants and an itchy t-shirt - were way too hot and uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, they were my only option unless I wanted to eat breakfast in the buff. Because as I looked around the room, I realized my dress was missing. Where the hell was it?
I threw on the itchy clothes and checked myself out in the mirror.
I expected my red hair to be everywhere and for my face to look like a naked mole rat thanks to my invisible brows and lashes.
But Tanner’s bracelet fixed all that. My dark hair was a lot less susceptible to frizz than my natural hair.
And it even made my brows and lashes dark.
Tanner may have been an awful person, but his bracelet invention was ridiculously awesome.
I followed the aroma of freshly cooked bacon all the way downstairs to the kitchen.
Cole and his dad were sitting at the kitchen counter while his mom added a stack of pancakes to an already ridiculous spread of food.
Bacon, eggs, hash browns…all the best things.
But the yummiest thing of all was Cole when he stood up to greet me.
In his thin gray sweatpants and white T, he was looking like an absolute snack .
I tried to avoid checking out his package in front of his parents, but I couldn’t help myself. Maybe he actually was as big as he claimed…
“Good afternoon,” he said.
“Huh?”
He pointed to the clock. 2:30.
Geez. I couldn’t believe I’d slept so long. Actually, I could. Yesterday had been the most exhausting day of my entire life.
“Grab a plate,” said Mrs. Halifax.
“Please tell me you didn’t wait for me to start cooking…” The thought was horrifying. Being late to breakfast was one thing, but making everyone wait until 2:30 in the afternoon? Mrs. Halifax would have been totally justified if she’d slapped me across the face with a pancake.
“We always eat a late brunch on Sundays,” she said.
I couldn’t tell if she was lying. But it was nice of her to not make me feel too guilty.
In fact, I had a lot more to feel guilty about than just being late for breakfast. “I’m so so sorry for what happened last night,” I said as I filled my plate with bacon and eggs, being sure not to make eye contact with Cole’s dad.
“It’s really fine,” said Mrs. Halifax. “We’re just so glad that Tate finally brought a girl home to meet us. I was starting to think he might be a gay.”
I choked on my eggs. A gay? Who talks like that?
“Mom,” said Cole. “Just because I don’t bring girls home doesn’t mean that I’m gay.”
“Well I wasn’t sure. You remember the Petersons, right?
Their boy Trevor used to have all of those sexy lady posters in his room too.
But then at Thanksgiving one year, well…
let’s just say the turkey wasn’t the only thing getting stuffed at the Petersons.
” She shook her head. “Poor Mrs. Peterson still hasn’t fully recovered from what she saw. ”
Cole’s dad started laughing hysterically.
I officially loved his family.
I wolfed down a strip of bacon and then finally mustered the courage to face Cole’s dad. “How are you feeling?”
“I feel great,” he said. “Well, as good as you can feel after having a heart attack.”
My eyes got big. “You really had a heart attack? I thought it was just a panic attack?”
“Panic attack? Ba! What kind of sissy do you think I am? It was a heart attack. The paramedics said it was one of the worst they’ve ever seen. But it’s gonna take more than that to take me down.” He puffed his chest out.
Cole looked at me and mouthed, “He’s lying.”
Ah, so Cole gets his perviness AND his cockiness from his dad. “Well I’m just glad you’re okay,” I said. “I promise we won’t sneak in again.”
“That’s good, but don’t be strangers either,” said Mrs. Halifax as she finished the final batch of pancakes. “You two are welcome any time. I keep telling Tate to come visit more, but he’s too busy for us now that he moved to the big city.”
“I’ll try to bring him back,” I said.
“Thanks. Oh yeah, I almost forgot…” She popped up and disappeared into the other room for a second.
When she returned, my black cocktail dress was draped over her arms. “Here’s your dress, Raven.
I hope you don’t mind that I washed it. You really should be more careful with such an expensive dress.
Whatever you spilled on it sure was hard to get out. ”
Oh my God. My face turned bright red. Did she know that she’d just washed cum out of my dress? Between Cole’s teenage years and his dad’s porn addiction, I was sure she’d had to deal with her fair share of cum stains. She must think I’m such a slut.
“Oh yeah,” I said as casually as possible. “I think someone spilled cornstarch on me at the party.”
Cole shot me a sideways glance.
Shit! Worst excuse ever. “Let me go put this with my things…” I took the dress and ran away to Cole’s room as fast as possible.
I needed a minute before I could go back and face Mrs. Halifax after that, so I grabbed my phone and…
Twenty missed calls? That seemed bad. Especially since half of them were from Chastity. The other half were from Tanner. But I wasn’t really interested in hearing whatever dumb excuse he had for leaving me last night.
I clicked on Chastity and called her back.
“Ash! Finally!” she said.
“What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“Uh, yeah. I’m fine. But you’re not gonna be if you don’t get your ass to the office ASAP.”
“The office? But it’s Sunday.”
“Apparently that doesn’t matter to Mr. Frost. He may be hot, but he’s such an ass. Speaking of hot guys… How did the prank go last night?” She sounded so excited.
“Well, Dr. Lyons facefucked me in front of Cole.”
“Ahhh! I can’t believe he had the balls to do it! Wait, you said facefucked? Not actual fucked?”
“Yeah. He said he’d only fuck me if Cole got jealous and honked the horn. But Cole is such a deranged pervert that he just filmed the whole thing.”
“Oh em gee!” squealed Chastity. “You’re totes gonna win an Onxyie.
As long as he uses the right caption. How about…
You couldn’t afford to lose your license.
Luckily you have the best girlfriend in the world.
Something like that. I dunno. I’ll keep thinking.
Send me the footage and I’m sure I’ll get some better ideas. ”
“He deleted the footage.”
“Damn,” said Chastity. “Oh well. We can always film another. And next time, let me film it. I’ll get the perfect angle to make his cock look huge. ”
“There’s not gonna be a next time!”
“You don’t wanna blow him again?”
“No. I mean…yes. I don’t know! I just meant I’m not gonna film it.”
“But Single Girl Rule #7: Pics or it didn’t happen.”
Pics! “I can’t believe I didn’t tell you!
Cole didn’t take me to that swinger party to bang his high school crush.
He took me there because Kat has been the photographer at the Emerald Oasis for years.
He thought she might have pics of Rosalie from a spit roast. So he snuck in and stole her flash drive. ”
“And?”
“And I haven’t looked at it yet! Cole took me back to his parents’ house to use their computer, but his pervy dad had crashed it by looking at too much porn.”
Chastity laughed. “Well get your ass back here. I can’t wait to see those photos.
And also, if you’re not back by 5 pm, I’m pretty sure Mr. Frost is going to fire you.
Or try to. I’m sure we can find a way to make him change his mind.
Oh! And I can film it to replace the gif you lost. What angle do you think we should take with the caption?
Should he be your boss? Or should he be your boyfriend’s boss?
I’m thinking… Your boss fired you, but because he’s a good guy, he still let you watch him fuck your girlfriend before security escorts you out. ”
“What? I’m so confused. It doesn’t sound like the boss is a good guy at all if he fucks his employee's girlfriend. Especially after firing the poor guy. That’s just adding insult to injury.
And why was the guy’s girlfriend even there for the firing?
Did they both work at the same office in this scenario? ”
“Who knows? But you can totally picture Mr. Frost doing that to someone, can’t you?”
“I actually can, yeah.”
“Perfect!” said Chastity. “That’s what we’ll go with. I’ll go find a guy to stand in as your boyfriend for the gif. See you in a couple hours!”
“What?! No! I just said I could picture Mr. Frost doing that. Not that it was going to happen this afternoon.”
“Then how else are you going to avoid getting fired? The email very clearly said that we had to be at the office by 5 pm.”
“Let me see…” I put her on speakerphone and clicked through to my inbox. The first message was from Mr. Frost at 6:30 this morning. It was addressed to me and CCed to Chastity.
Good morning ladies,
Apologies for the short notice, but we need to talk. Meet me at the office at 5 PM.
-Xander Frost