42. Nikki
When the buzzer sounded,I was in the middle of a reality TV binge, wearing my comfiest pair of sweats while curled up on my sofa with a giant bowl of popcorn. I’d spent the day journaling, walking, and spending time with the girls to try to figure out how I was going to talk to Rome about the baby.
I thought I was ready. I had it all planned out. I’d tell him that he didn’t have to be involved and I didn’t need anything from him, but I wouldn’t keep the baby from him if he wanted to be a father.
I didn’t want to open the door to a relationship with him, because I knew he couldn’t offer me what I really wanted. The past few months had taught me that I was no longer happy to accept life as the placeholder. That had become a self-fulfilling prophecy; I thought it was all I deserved, so it was all I asked for.
In reality, I deserved so much more.
Rome couldn’t offer me the kind of love that lasts decades and only gets stronger, and I didn’t want to settle for scraps.
I’d pour all my love into my child, and that would be enough. It would have to be.
I was calm. I was at peace. I was ready.
Then the buzzer rang.
Putting the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table, I groaned as I sat up. I hit the pause button then rubbed my eyes and hauled myself up to my feet. The nausea from the first trimester had passed and I was feeling more energetic, but it was late.
“Hello?” I croaked, pressing the button on the intercom.
“Nikki—”
I took my finger off and the line went dead. Wide-eyed, I stared at the speaker as my heart took off at a gallop. That couldn’t be?—
A buzz interrupted my thoughts. I answered, my finger trembling as it pressed the button. “H-hello?”
“Don’t hang up,” Rome said, breathless. “Please. I need to talk to you.”
The thumping in my breast was so violent I put my palm to my chest as if I feared my heart would jump right out. Suddenly, my throat was dry.
He knew about the baby. He was here to confront me about it.
Roseanne? She might have told her husband, and he would have congratulated Rome. Of course. I never should have met with her. I should have sent her a polite rejection email and avoided her completely.
But then I wouldn’t have reconnected with the girls, and I wouldn’t have realized just how wrong I’d been about my place in the group.
“Come on up,” I said, resignation sinking into my pores. I pressed the button to unlock the front door, then quickly tidied my front room. I fluffed some pillows and shoved the bowl of popcorn in the kitchen. I folded the throw blanket that had been wrapped around me and stacked some books on the shelves in the corner.
He knocked.
I stared at the door like it might jump over and smack me, then took a deep breath. I was being ridiculous. This wasn’t going exactly to plan, but that didn’t mean it was a disaster. Rome was here in person, wasn’t he? He hadn’t sicced his team of hotshot lawyers on me. That boded well.
I hoped.
The lock felt stiff as I opened it, the door heavier than usual.
And Rome was there on the other side. I hadn’t quite believed it until I saw him. His eyes were bloodshot, and his hair was a mess. He looked like he was wearing a tuxedo, which was strange. Had he come straight from an event? Was he drunk…?
“Can I come in?” His voice was raspy, but he didn’t slur, and he didn’t smell like alcohol.
I nodded, opening the door. “Sure. Can I get you something? Water? Uh—actually, I only have water.” I let out an awkward laugh that died on my lips when I saw the look on Rome’s face.
He looked…distraught.
“Nikki,” he said, stretching his hands out toward me and quickly pulling them back. “I—I wanted to apologize. The way I treated you… You deserve so much better. I’m sorry.”
I blinked. “Oh. I—thank you.”
“I’ve realized a lot of things over the past twenty-four hours, and one of them is how precious you are to me. Is there any way—could you ever forgive me? I’d like…” He shoved a hand through his hair and released a sharp breath. “I’d like to just erase everything I said to you and tell you that yes, I want everything you offered, but I know I messed up.”
His gaze skimmed down my body and back up again, and I felt a strange sense of detachment. Here was a man that I’d loved, standing in front of me telling me everything I’d wanted to hear.
But if he knew about the baby, then he was only doing this because of his future child. Not because of me. He’d left me wallowing on my own, humiliated, broke, and isolated. He’d turned his back on me when I told him I wanted a real relationship with him. That hadn’t been enough. All the time we’d spent together, the secrets we’d shared, the promises we’d made—they meant nothing. They weren’t enough.
Now that I was carrying his baby, I was enough?
My jaw hardened. “You did mess up, Rome. I’m not sure I can give you what you’re asking.”
His shoulders slumped, despair entering his gaze. “I—I understand. I thought…”
“I know,” I said, when he didn’t continue. “Listen, I appreciate you coming here. I was planning on calling you this week. I’m sure we can come up with a coparenting arrangement that works for both of us. I’ll be looking for full custody, especially when the baby is an infant, but?—”
I clamped my lips shut at the look Rome gave me. His frown had deepened with every word, and now he was staring at my stomach like he’d suddenly turned into a human ultrasound machine.
His gaze lifted up to meet my own. “You’re pregnant?”
I blinked. Frowned. “Isn’t that why you’re here?”
“You’re pregnant?” He repeated the question as a whisper.
Suddenly, I realized that I might have made a mistake in my assumptions. I opened my mouth then closed it again. All my carefully planned speeches vanished. I forgot everything I’d written in the journal and everything my girlfriends had encouraged me to say.
Because the look on Rome’s face transformed from shock to joy to…to agony. He dropped his gaze to the ground and covered his face with his hands, drawing in a long, shuddering breath. My own emotions were running riot through me. My eyes watered and my heart still hadn’t returned to its normal rhythm. It was hard to breathe.
“You didn’t know?” I croaked.
He shook his head, swallowing thickly. “No.”
I blinked back my tears. “So everything you just said…you said it because you really want me? Not just because I’m pregnant with your baby?”
The silence that stretched between us was taut. It vibrated with the tension of all our unsaid words. It held us apart and kept us together, so we were both frozen a few feet apart, trembling, watching each other for the slightest sign.
Rome was the first to move. He stumbled forward, and then I was closing the distance and our arms were around each other. His lips dragged over my jaw as he placed kisses over every bit of skin he could find. When he finally reached my lips, Rome kissed me like a man starved. He held my face with both hands and kissed me until we both had to stop for breath.
One of his hands slid down my side and came to rest on the side of my stomach. His eyes were full of unshed tears when he met my gaze, his lips glistening from our kiss. “Is this real?” he whispered. “Is this happening?”
“I’m not sure.”
His gaze flicked between my eyes, and that sharp agony returned to his expression. “You thought I was only here because I wanted the baby. You thought I was apologizing because I found out you were pregnant.”
A boulder had lodged itself in my throat, so all I could do was nod.
Rome closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine. He kept a hand on the side of my bump as his body trembled, our breaths mingling near our lips.
When Rome pulled away, he didn’t go far—only a couple of inches, far enough that he could meet my gaze. “I love you, Nikki. I didn’t even know what love was until you came into my life. Maybe that’s why it took me so long to realize the bone-deep fear I felt was just one facet of my love for you. I’m nothing without you. I have nothing without you. I came here ready to get on my knees and beg you to forgive me, because the way I treated you was selfish and wrong and cruel. You are the light of my life, Nikki. You’re the one who makes me want to wake up in the morning, who makes me reach for the other side of the bed before I’ve even opened my eyes.”
“Rome—”
“Let me finish,” he interrupted softly. “Let me apologize properly, because I know you were offering me the kind of relationship that I didn’t even know existed, and I threw it back in your face. I’m sorry I pushed you away. I’m sorry I let my fears of abandonment and rejection get in the way. I’m sorry I let you stand in my office and strip off your armor to show me your vulnerability without doing the same thing. I’m doing it now. You’re the air that I breathe and the food that I eat. You’re what I need to live, Nikki, and I’m sorry I ever made you feel differently. I know—” He took in a shuddering breath, a tear escaping from the corner of his eye. “I know it’s a lot to ask for you to accept my apology, especially because I haven’t even been here for this”—he stroked my side—“but please. Please, I’m begging you, baby?—”
“Shut up and kiss me, Rome,” I said, because I couldn’t take the pain in his eyes, and I felt like I was dying from the few inches of distance between us.
He didn’t have to be told twice. Rome crushed his lips to mine and wrapped me in his arms. I parted my lips on a sigh and his tongue slid against mine, sending a shiver coursing down my spine. He tasted like home, like love, like happiness.
And he’d come here for me.
“You’re not mad I didn’t tell you right away?” I asked, breathless, between kisses.
“I didn’t deserve to know,” he said, dropping to his knees in front of me. He pulled my shirt up over my bump to kiss the slight swelling, framing my stomach with his broad hands. “I didn’t deserve that courage from you. Not after I already pushed you away.”
I combed my fingers through his hair, only realizing tears were falling from my eyes when one landed on the back of my palm. His hair was cool and silky, a contrast to the rasp of his stubble against my stomach. He pressed his cheek to my skin and sighed before glancing up at me.
“Never again, Nikki,” he said, solemn. “I’ll never put you second. I’ll never make you feel small. I’ll never make you question whether I’m here for you, and you above all others.”
My breath caught, vision blurring with tears. But there was one thing I had to ask, even though the answer was obvious. “And you want the baby?”
Rome let out a soft breath and stood. He put his thumb on my chin and tilted it up to capture my gaze, his other hand wiping the tears from my cheek. “Nikki, I’ve wanted to put a baby inside you since the first time we slept together.” His grin was rueful. “It scared the shit out of me, but it’s true. I’m in love with you,” he added simply, “and I’ll do anything for you and our child. Yes, I want the baby. But I want you more.”
I softened against him, hooking my arms around his shoulders. “I’m in love with you too,” I told him, a tremulous smile on my lips. “That feels good to say.”
“Damn right it does,” he growled. I yelped as he picked me up, striding across the apartment to the bedroom. “I love you, Nikita Jordan. And I’m never letting you go.”
I laughed as he placed me down on the bed, propping himself up above me before laying a soft kiss on my lips. “I like the sound of that,” I told him, then curled my hands into his lapels and brought him down to my mouth once more.
The groan that came from Rome undid me. Heat curled deep in my core, and I spread my knees to let him nestle between them, loving the weight of his hips against mine.
He lifted his torso off, brows drawn. “I don’t want to crush the baby.”
I grinned. “Guess I’ll be on top.”
Rome huffed, then shuffled down, dragging my sweatpants with him. “First, this,” he said as he put his mouth to my core.
I arched on the bed, a gasp escaping my lips. I shoved my fingers through his hair and ground on his lips as Rome groaned, spreading my legs wide so he could feast on me properly.
I came just a few moments after he put his fingers inside me, a bright, intense orgasm that left me panting. Then a frantic energy captured us both, and articles of clothing were flying across the room as we rushed to get naked. I straddled Rome’s hips and placed my palms on his bare chest, unable to stop smiling down at him.
Happiness fizzed in my veins, ramping my need for him higher. His hands bracketed my hips, thumbs stroking the edge of my bump.
“You are so beautiful,” he said, eyes on mine for a moment before they dropped to my breasts, my stomach. His hands stroked up my sides, exploring the new curves of my body, and I believed him. I felt beautiful in my changing body. I loved the way he stroked the new contours of it, the shape of my stomach, my swollen breasts.
Impatience nipped at me, even though I could tell Rome would be happy to stroke my skin for an eternity. I lifted myself up and reached between us, stroking the hard length of him. He groaned, hands squeezing on my breasts as I lined his cock up with my entrance.
“Nikki—”
I dropped myself down onto him and rocked. Rome gasped, eyes flying open, hands dropping to my hips. Pleasure splintered through me at the feel of him inside me, skin to skin, the length of him stretching me deliciously.
“You feel so fucking good,” he groaned, one hand clamping on my hip while the other slid to my stomach. I expected him to reach for my clit, but he kept his hand on my bump, stroking softly while his hips rolled into mine. Our movements became deeper, more languid, and I leaned forward to prop my hands on his chest.
“I love you,” he said, happiness suffusing his features. “I love you so much. Love your body. Love the baby you’re growing for us. Love the life we’ll have together.” With every sentence, he thrust up from under me a little deeper, until I whined and gasped atop him, clinging to his shoulders as heat wound deep in my core.
“Rome,” I gasped, grinding my hips into his.
“Ride my cock, gorgeous,” he commanded. “Let me feel you squeeze me.”
Powerless to resist the order, I rode him until pleasure drenched me from head to toe, until I trembled with the need to come, until his sweet words of love and praise ran together in my head and all I heard was my own thundering heart.
Then Rome’s hand reached between us, and he found that bundle of nerves so desperate for his touch. I came with a cry, riding the man I loved, while he told me how amazing I felt and how beautiful I looked doing it. He groaned, and I opened my eyes to see a desperation enter his eyes. I was still coming down from my orgasm as another wave of lust crashed through me.
It was the look on his face that did it. The craving—for me. His hands moved over my hips to stroke my ass, then he was lifting me off his hips and placing me down on my hands and knees. His movements were rough, but he supported me until I was steady.
“Need you,” he said, kneeling behind me, his hand dipping between my legs to feel me. I whined as I backed into his touch, shivering as he let his fingers slide up higher to tease my rear. “I want your ass, Nikki. I want all of you. Want you to be mine.”
It wasn’t what I expected, but it sent a dart of excitement through me. We’d hinted at this. It had excited me before, in the heat of the moment. And now…
My heart thundered, and I pointed to the nightstand. “Lube.”
His breaths were harsh as he tore the top drawer open, pulling out a squeeze tube of lube. He coated his fingers and brought them to my crack, and I jumped at the coldness of them. His other hand made soothing strokes over my hip and flank, and he slid a finger inside me.
“You look so good like this, Nikki,” he said, voice a bare rasp. His finger stroked me, in and out, and I grunted, fingers curling into my sheets. “Relax, baby. We won’t do anything you don’t want to do.”
I nodded. “Okay,” I whispered.
“You still good?”
“Yes.”
He added more lube—and another finger. His free hand dipped between my legs to tease my clit, and my thighs began to tremble. I let out an unfamiliar, keening noise, hips backing into his touch as my body craved more. I wanted to share this with him. Wanted to know what it was like. Wanted to break every barrier that could exist between us, tie us together forever.
His fingers scissored and stretched until I begged him for more. Then he was there, his cock covered in lubricant, the head of it intruding against me.
“Okay, gorgeous?” he said, his voice quiet—belying the tension I could feel emanating from him.
“Yes,” I replied on a pant.
Then he was there, pushing into me, and the stretch became intense. But Rome was slow, soothing me when I tensed up, praising me when I took him deeper. Our bodies were slick with lube and sweat and my own arousal. With every inch of his cock that entered me, I felt a little more tension release. It felt good. Pleasure began to fizzle in my veins, dark and intense. When he finally seated himself inside me, I let out a huff of breath and glanced over my shoulder.
His eyes were dark as they met mine. The muscles of his neck were stark as he held my hips, stroking me gently, moving his hips a fraction of an inch to get me used to the movement.
Then, despite the intensity of the moment, his lips split into a wide smile. “I love you so much,” he told me, and he began to move in earnest.
Maybe it was his words that started me flying over the edge, or the way he reached around to play with my clit. Or maybe it was the intrusion in my ass, the stretch and pleasure of feeling him there. Whatever it was, it didn’t take long for me to bury my face in my pillow to muffle my screams, body trembling as I received him. I came harder than I thought possible, pleasure blinding me as it splintered through me. Distantly, I heard Rome let out a rough grunt, his movements becoming jagged. When he joined me at the peak, his release hot inside me, another wave of pleasure ran through me.
It was the single most erotic, intense experience of my life. I collapsed on my side as he eased out of me, and the bed dipped for a moment as he disappeared. I heard the shower run for a few moments, and then Rome returned with a washcloth. He wiped the mess between my legs with gentle strokes, meeting my gaze when he was done. His eyes were bright, his cheeks red.
What undid me, though—what made it all finally feel real—was the gentle, feather-light touch of Rome’s lips to my forehead. He set the washcloth aside, and I closed my eyes and snuggled into him with a smile on my lips and hope anchoring itself in my heart.
There’d be more time for talking later, when my heartbeat was back to normal. For now, I pressed my skin against Rome’s and let myself settle into the knowledge that I belonged to him, and he belonged to me. This was the real deal. True love. The two of us together—forever.