Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
brEN
Iexited my truck and glanced up at the castle as I did every morning. I’d wanted such a morning for so long and shouldn’t be as grumpy as I was. But damned Margaret Halbrook and her committee kept me on the phone for an hour, and I was late getting to the tower house yet again.
Protecting the Veil was my responsibility, and nothing should stand in the way of that. Certainly not their claims that they held stewardship over many of the thin places in Ireland.
I headed for the door of my former home and stepped inside. I didn’t intentionally seek out Selene every time I entered the castle, but my heart didn’t rest until I laid eyes upon her.
I found her across the hall, working with Maeve and Rian, all intent upon their work. It was rare that I could look upon her without being noticed, so I took the moment to take her in.
She wore her hair tied back as usual, though I much preferred when it hung loose, auburn waves drifting across her shoulders. I couldn’t see her eyes, but I remembered them. Gods, I remembered them. The way she’d looked at me right before she’d kissed me that first time.
Even if I lived a thousand years more, I’d never get that image out of my mind.
A deep hunger burned in me as my gaze traveled down her body. I suspected she longed for me as I did for her. But I might never know. It seemed wrong that something had brought us together and yet kept us apart.
There must be a reason.
I raised my gaze and found she’d caught me staring. I dipped my head in greeting, hoping she hadn’t noticed me for long. “Morning.”
She mirrored my gesture. “Morning.”
The others turned and repeated the same before they all promptly went back to work. I’d gone four days without the gift of her smile, and I missed it.
I strode to the old oak table, where I settled and opened my laptop. Invoices needed to be paid, and I needed to focus on a more substantial defense plan. Especially in the places where I didn’t need anyone’s permission to enter.
They couldn’t watch me every minute, wouldn’t know the countermeasures I could put in place before the whole gods-damned Veil came crashing down around us.
I suspected whoever was behind the recent happenings assumed they only needed to continue as they were, and that failure was just a matter of time.
I’d told no one but Cormac of my true concerns, and I hoped the others believed I was an ignorant guardian, unaware of the entirety of what was happening beneath my nose.
If so, they were wrong.
Maeve laughed, drawing me back to the present.
Her gran was an unknown, but my gut warned not to discount her. She was sharp and composed and had given me no specific concerns. But I’d sensed the Fae blood in her. Most bloodlines had been thinned by generations. Hers too. But not as much as others that I’d encountered.
It explained things I’d been uncertain about since Maeve arrived. The woman had never quite registered as fully mortal. I’d noted it and said nothing, because she seemed harmless and Selene needed her.
Now I was revising my understanding of what harmless meant in that context. Selene had walked out to the lake with Gran and come back different. Something had settled in her that hadn’t been there before. She moved through the hall with a steadiness that hadn’t been present a week ago.
Something had changed, but I’d forfeited the right to ask directly by withholding information from her. The irony was hard to swallow.
“Hold it right there,” Selene said from across the hall, clear and focused. “Let the mortar set before you test the edge.”
I held my gaze to the screen, resisting the urge to watch them, and read the same sentence twice. Selene said something to Rian, and he laughed, quick and unguarded. She chuckled in return.
I looked up to find Rian crouched near the base of the archway leading to the stairs with a chisel, his dark blond hair falling into his eyes, his attention fully on the stonework in front of him.
They were working on the deteriorated stones near the stairwell.
Several had already been removed and replaced.
A few remained, including one halfway up the wall that had given the crew trouble from the beginning.
I knew that stone. I knew exactly what had damaged it.
My father had insisted that the great hall was the perfect place to practice sword forms. My mother argued it was the perfect place to damage good masonry, and she’d been proven correct.
She’d told the story many times, always with the same disbelieving laugh, always ending the same way. “He swore it was harmless. I never believed a word of it.”
The fracture had occurred before I was born. The mortar to repair it had never properly set around it, just as she’d said.
I had not thought about that incident in ages. The memory crept in, bittersweet, leaving her voice precise in my mind. I could still picture the way her eyes crinkled before she laughed.
I held it for a moment and then let it fade. Thoughts of them still left an ache, but I’d learned to tolerate it, for it was closely tied to the memories, and I couldn’t have one without the other.
“These are almost loose enough,” Rian said. “The one up higher will be the problem. We’ll need ladders.”
I watched as he retrieved one and then another from the far side of the hall and carried them back, opening Selene’s for her before he positioned his own.
She moved toward the ladder and stepped on the first rung.
The ladder wobbled, struggling to find balance on the uneven stones, and I immediately stood.
Rian noticed too and gripped it, holding it steady as she ascended. They had their backs to me and didn’t see my actions, but Maeve did. She arched a brow as she studied me.
I dipped my head in acknowledgment and strode to a crate of documents as if that had been my intention all along. I made a pretense of searching for something, pulled out a random file, and returned to my work area, unable to look in her direction lest she suspect more than she already did.
The woman was astute. I’d give her that.
I could only focus for a moment before I glanced Selene’s way to ensure she was safely balanced. She and Rian had both climbed and stood only a few feet apart, both angled toward the stubborn stone.
I blinked and refocused on my work.
Until they laughed. Selene leaned in toward Rian. “Take your time. Don’t hurry it.”
“Listen to her,” Maeve said from below.
He shifted the replacement stone and then sighed. “Fits perfectly now. How did you know?”
I couldn’t see her face, but I imagined her expression as she answered. “Experience.”
It hit me then that she wasn’t just a woman restoring my castle. People listened to her and followed her naturally. She was capable when I’d been treating her as if she wasn’t.
Selene shook her head with patient amusement, and I pushed away thoughts of what it would be like to work beside her restoring my beloved castle.
I’d never questioned the oaths that bound me, but I cursed the gods now. I’d finally gained entrance to my family’s home and still couldn’t follow my heart. My mother had spoken of something similar once in a private moment. She’d whispered of those who feared the power of strong bonds.
Not long after, she’d been killed.
Physical distance from Selene was necessary. But I could do something about the emotional distance. I did not enjoy being at odds with her, and I accepted I was ultimately the one who’d caused it.
Even before our argument in the abbey, I’d created unnecessary distance, more than what was required. And I’d not given full consideration to what she’d done when she’d encountered and contained that wraith alone.
She’d felt the Veil tear before I reached her. She’d stood her ground at the abbey, and her choices had been reasonable based on the information I’d given her. It was unfair of me to fault her for that.
Maeve’s gran had visited and obviously told her something, while I’d given her none of what she’d needed from me. She’d taken what I’d taught her and done her best to protect herself and others. Her actions weren’t reckless, even if they were unnecessary from my perspective.
Her bravery had come from a place of self-protection.
I’d learned enough to know she was a person who relied on herself.
Asking her to abdicate that to me, when she obviously was capable of certain things, equated to shutting a door in her face.
I’d treated her like a child, telling her no without explaining why.
I owed her more than I’d given.
She deserved to know more about the breaches and what I suspected was behind them. About Margaret and others. About why I’d kept so much from her in the name of protection.
And I needed to ask her what Gran had said.
To ignore all that might ultimately cost more than keeping her in the dark.
Selene’s declaration of success caught me. I watched Rian hold her ladder as she descended, and the three of them discussing next steps.
I moved my gaze to the fireplace and considered what they’d accomplished working together. The stonework was clean and sound. The structure stood as it was meant to. The hall had changed because the work had been done correctly.
I closed my laptop and stood. “I’ll be back shortly.”
Selene acknowledged me with a distracted lift of her hand before returning her attention to the stonework.
I watched her for another moment and then walked out.
I had an evening to prepare.
And, for the first time in weeks, the truth to tell.