Chapter Four
“Father.” Turning away from his woman -- his woman -- in the healing tube was the hardest thing Kahn had ever done. “I know Mikkril is your brother, but I do not believe he is telling the truth about what happened on Earth.” He had to be careful here. Kerrek loved Mikkril as if they were full-blooded brothers instead of half brothers. Kerrek would acknowledge Mikkril’s deception if it could be proven, but he would not accept half-baked theories and assumptions. “Look at all the evidence and listen to what this Earth woman has to say. It can only serve to give you more information. You can decide later how much weight to give her statement.”
“Listen to her?” Kerrek sounded incredulous. “After she assaulted me?” He paused, looking suddenly weary. “I fear I already know the truth of it.” He looked at Kahn fully. “You think she is telling the truth?”
“I do,” Kahn said without hesitation.
Kerrek spoke to the doctor, “Can you repair her internal damage?”
“Yes, sir. I can even repair the damage to her reproductive system if you wish it.”
Kerrek gave Kahn a sidelong glance and spoke softly, knowingly. “Do you wish it, my son?”
Kahn actually blushed, horrified. He knows ! “I -- Father --”
“Do it,” Kerrek said, grinning at Kahn. “This woman is your future queen and she will need to have more babies.”
Now, this was unexpected. “Wait,” Kahn said, raising a hand in the doctor’s direction. Turning to his father he said, “You have no problem with a union?” How could he not have known his father would have seen things this way?
Kerrek shrugged. “The Universe directs us in ways no one can predict. Given the fact that so many of our warriors were eager to sacrifice an entire world to ‘preserve our people,’ perhaps it is time Gothe’mar learn that all life is precious. Not just the lives of our own people. If this woman has captured your heart, who am I to forbid a union?”
“My relationship with her is… complicated,” Kahn said somewhat uncomfortably. There was no way Kerrek was going to believe any of this.
His father only smiled. “I can imagine. Mine with your mother was, also.” The king chuckled as if remembering. Then his merriment faded and his eyes misted over.
“You miss her a great deal.” Kahn’s voice was soft, quiet with respect.
“She was my soul’s mate. I will find her in the Chamber of Souls when my spirit departs this body.” He smiled. “But, yes. I miss her a great deal.” Kerrek paused and looked at Kahn. The force of that stare was enough to make even Kahn the Merciless squirm. “Kahn,” Kerrek said, carefully, “is this Earth woman your soul’s mate?”
Kahn’s mouth went dry. “Yes,” he managed. How would his father react?
Kerrek merely smiled. “So your time has come. It’s not something I expected -- no one has ever found a soul’s mate outside the Gothe’maran people. This will be the bridge they need to accept Anna as their queen. It is the very heart of our beliefs.”
He clapped Kahn on the shoulder. “I will go now. Don’t leave her side. If this had happened between your mother and I, she would have skinned me alive when she got out of that healing tube. I’m sorry I treated her so harshly, Kahn. You should have said something.” He paused. “That’s something else you’re going to pay for.” Still chuckling, his father turned away to consult the doctor and dismiss the guards who had accompanied them.
Anna’s anger at Kahn had been bitter. He knew she had trusted him to protect her and he had failed. Had he better prepared her for what was going to happen when she reached Gothe’mar, told her she was being accused of her son’s attempted murder, she might have been better equipped to deal with everything. As it was, he had led her into a situation that could very well have gotten her killed. Instead, he had bedded her. Eagerly. He chose to try to get her to accept him, to trust him, instead of telling her the king of Gothe’mar suspected she had murdered her own son. Anna trust him? Probably not in this lifetime.
That had cost her, too. One simply did not assault the king. She was lucky she had survived. She wouldn’t have if Kahn hadn’t stayed the guards when he did. Not that she would see it that way. Not that she should. His father’s last words haunted him. He had denied her in front of his king and his people, not to mention his father, something she would never forgive.
Right now, Kahn could only wait. He had to be the first person she saw when she came out of that tube. He had to gauge her feelings through the link so he would know what he needed to do to regain her trust.
“Sir.” The doctor was speaking to him now. “Shall I proceed? I need to see to her injuries.”
Kahn hesitated only a moment. “Yes. Proceed, but do not repair her reproductive organs. It must be her choice.” He started to turn away, but faced the doctor again. “Can you identify the problem she had with her pregnancy that caused it to be difficult?”
“Yes, sir. It is easily correctable. A minor problem with the shape of her uterus. Fixing that should solve any problems for birth in the future.”
“Then hold your findings and keep them ready. If she decides she wants this, we’ll do it later.”
“As you wish, sir.” The doctor turned back to Anna’s healing tube. “This will take a while, sir. Go rest. I’ll call when she’s close to regaining consciousness.”
Waiting had never been harder.
* * *
When Anna opened her eyes, Kahn’s face was the first thing she saw. At first she smiled. It must have all been a very unpleasant dream.
Then the tall, thin doctor came into view. “How do you feel, madam?”
Not a dream after all. Well, shit.
She sat up, swinging her legs over the side and remaining that way for a moment before answering. “Fine. Will I still be able to see my son?” Her voice was bitter and she forced herself not to look at Kahn. If she did that, he’d see her hurt. If he didn’t already feel it. She’d give almost anything to be able to block her feelings from him at that moment.
“Of course. All is ready. We are simply waiting for you,” the doctor said, not unkindly. “Please follow me and do not touch your son until I tell you. This process is delicate and cannot be disturbed or he could be in danger.”
Anna followed him without a word. Let him stew. If he even cared. She couldn’t feel him and didn’t want to try.
Gazing into the encasement, she got her first look at her son. The tiny boy was resting comfortably on his back, one hand tangled in the tuft of dark hair on his head. It was like he was sleeping peacefully in his crib.
Grief over losing him, joy at finding him again, all the emotions were so overwhelming, she staggered and would have fallen into the contraption had it not been for Kahn’s steadying hands. She immediately shrugged away from him and focused her undivided attention on what was happening to her son.
When the doctor flipped a few switches and pushed a few buttons, the incubator started to hum with life. Soft lights surrounding the baby on the inside began to glow softly.
“Beginning cellular restabilization. This will hurt him for a couple of seconds, but will pass and the process will be completed. Do not touch him or the healing tube until I tell you it is safe.” The doctor waited for her to acknowledge his words before he turned away again and flipped another switch.
As she watched, Alex sucked in a breath and then screamed so that Anna’s first instinct was to snatch him up, but Kahn held her back, whispering, “Wait, tarae . Only a second or two more.”
Anna looked to the doctor, beginning to feel frantic. Tears slid down her face unchecked. She could not bear another second of this. Her son needed her… again. And unlike the last time, she would be there for him.
“Please! He needs me,” she sobbed.
“You may go to him now, madam. Cellular restabilization completed, patient’s vital signs normal. Congratulations, madam.”
Anna didn’t wait to hear the doctor’s last statement. She rushed to Alex the moment he’d let her and was now cradling her son against her chest, comforting him and crying with him.
After a few minutes, Alex’s cries stopped and he looked at his mother. “Hello, booger.” That name had always made him giggle. This time was no exception. The child giggled through the tears and started cooing and gurgling as any five-month-old should do.
“I need a bottle for him and some baby food.” She looked to the doctor for help, but Kahn had a bottle already in hand.
“Give him this and I’ll see what we have on Gothe’mar that is similar to what you would give him on Earth.”
She took the bottle without acknowledgement and began feeding her son. She only hoped they would let her finish this one thing before they took him away from her. There was no doubt in her mind that they would take him. Worse, she knew there was nothing she could do. Fighting would only cause her more injury and distress her son. Frustrated, lost in despair, she knew she was beaten.
“He needs a diaper and clothes. And he is used to sleeping with his Buggly Bear.” She started to cry again despite her resolve not to. “Some… someone will have to… rock him to sleep because… I-I’ve never put him to bed by himself,” she said between sniffles. “And he n-needs… a n-nightlight.” She was rambling and she knew it, but couldn’t seem to stop herself. Giving him up this time would kill her. Without Kahn to sustain her, she knew she would grieve herself to death.
Then she felt strong, warm arms surround both herself and Alex. Even as angry as she was at Kahn, she couldn’t stop herself from turning to him for help.
“I can’t let them take him away from me, Kahn,” she sobbed. “Please help me. I’ll do anything, anything! Just please don’t take him from me.” She was crying uncontrollably now, to which Alex pulled back and looked at her, then at Kahn, then back at her and started giggling.
Normally, that would have been enough to stem the flow of tears, but it only made Anna cry all the harder and hug her squirming son closer. She knew that the next moment could possibly be her last with him and she wasn’t letting go for anything.
“ Tarae , relax. No one is going to take Alex from you.” Kahn released her and led her to the door. “Come. Let’s get Alex to our room. He needs rest.”
Not trusting the reprieve, Anna clung to Alex. The relief was almost as overwhelming as the earlier grief, but she held on to her control. She wasn’t sure why things seemed to have changed, but she wasn’t questioning her good luck. Lord knows she deserved a little for a change. Kahn guided her to a suite and into the bedroom where a gigantic, very comfortable looking bed awaited her. There was an assortment of infant clothing and supplies in one corner, and Kahn brought her a fresh diaper and a sleeper.
“Here. Dress him for bed. He will need sleep.”
He was right. Alex was rubbing his eyes even as he tried valiantly to avoid that awful creature called sleep. Anna changed and dressed him. Crawling into the big bed with him, she sang softly as she rocked gently back and forth, Alex wrapped snugly in her arms. It wasn’t long before he doddled off, looking as peaceful as an angel.
“We need to talk, tarae .” Kahn’s voice was husky with emotion she couldn’t feel. But when she turned to him, the feelings suddenly swamped her. Sorrow. Overwhelming sorrow .
Her grip tightened on Alex and the child whimpered but continued to sleep.
“Please, let’s talk, then you can rest with him. You both need sleep, but we need to clear the air so we both know exactly where we stand.” The Kahn standing beside the bed pleading with her was not a Kahn she had ever met before or even suspected might exist. He looked like a lost little boy. Vulnerable. This is because of me .
She let his feelings flow over her and deciphered them as best she could. His sorrow stemmed from the possibility that she would not be able to forgive him. He believed there might be no hope for him. And he just might be right.
“Will my decision have any bearing on whether or not I get to keep my son?”
Kahn’s startled expression told her all she needed to know about that. He had no intention of trying to use Alex to keep her in his life. Hearing him say it, however, was a step in the right direction for him. “Of course not! Alex belongs with you. No one will deny that anymore.”
“Then, if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather spend this time with Alex. I don’t much feel like talking to you right now, Kahn. I’m really not sure I ever will again.”
She turned her back on him, cuddling herself against the body of her son, and tried to ignore his devastation. It wasn’t easy. He didn’t say a word. He respected her wishes, but the depth of his despair almost caused her to change her mind.
No. He had to truly understand how much he’d hurt her, betrayed her. He was apparently so ashamed of her that he had let her be beaten, and almost let her lose her son because he wouldn’t defend her. Because he seemed to be afraid of letting his people know he was involved with her.
Which brought up another question: just how involved did he see them? He’d said he loved her, but were their definitions of love the same? She tried to tell herself that she owed it to him to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, he had given her Alex back and that was worth more than she could ever possibly repay, but she just couldn’t bring herself to forgive and forget that easily.
She’d sleep on it. If she still hated him in the morning, she’d ask him to take her home. If not, she’d talk to him. It seemed the only reasonable thing to do at this point. He’d just have to understand.
* * *
Kahn was smiling, his hand outstretched while he held Alex with his other arm. Anna tried to take his hand, but found the gap just too big to bridge. But he had Alex. She had to try. She could almost grasp Kahn’s hand…
Alex laughed. The sound was haunting somehow instead of joyous. Kahn looked at the little boy and grinned a “proud poppa” grin, then turned his gaze back to her. He was no longer smiling. Instead, there were tears in his eyes and his hand slowly dropped to his side. He seemed to be falling away from her.
But he wasn’t. She was falling away from him.
She tried to find a hold, but all she found was air. She was reaching into nothingness and the two people she loved most were slowly but surely falling away from her. She screamed …
And sat up in bed, drenched in sweat and gasping for breath.
One quick look to her right assured her Alex was still sleeping.
She needed to splash a little water on her face and get a drink. Anna carefully and quietly gathered all the pillows she could find on the bed and arranged them around Alex. Sliding out of the bed, she made her way to the dimly lit bathroom.
As she pressed the button that would give her cool water, she looked in the mirror over the sink to confirm her suspicion. She looked as bad as she felt. She ached in her chest and upper abdomen and even though there were no marks, her face felt like it should have been black and blue. Her eyes had dark shadows underneath them and her skin was damp. Her lips were so pale, they almost disappeared into her face.
Dropping her head and bracing herself on the countertop with her hands, she bit back a sob. She’d been hard on Kahn. Damn hard. True, she had reason to be, but his misery wasn’t wasted on her. She knew he was only trying to do the right thing for himself and his people. Knowing he was so off balance, she was miserable because she wasn’t big enough to put aside her anger and try to see things from his point of view. She just couldn’t understand why he hadn’t told his father about her. Why had he treated her as if he didn’t know her? Like they didn’t have intimate knowledge of each other.
She began to cry. Losing Kahn was going to be harder than she thought given the short time they had known each other. Then again, she had wanted him on some primitive, emotional level since the first time she saw him. She could forgive him for anything except not wanting her. He might want her in private, but if he could not acknowledge their relationship in public, before his people or even his family, she could not be with him. She would not be his mistress. She had more self-respect than that.
Lost in self-pity, she turned around when she heard water sloshing gently behind her just as Kahn raised his big body out of the bath.
“Anna.” His voice was husky, rough. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked almost as bad as she did. But he was still beautiful to her. So beautiful it hurt.
Water clung in a mesmerizing array of droplets to the fine hair on his chest and arms. The dim light accented the hollows and sinew making him look more powerful and sexier than ever before. Instantly, her pussy began to weep with wanting him. But it was the ache in his voice that drew her undivided attention.
She looked at him. Really looked at him. The sorrow in his face mirrored her own, and a little sob escaped before she could stop it. She almost ran into his arms. Almost. Pride held her legs rooted in place and stubbornness raised her chin.
“ Tarae . Please. I was looking out for both of us.” His face was shadowed and it was hard to read the emotions there, but what was inside was another story. “I was trying to be a leader instead of a mate.” He rubbed his eyes wearily with a hand. “My family has held the throne of Gothe’mar for over a thousand years because the people believe my family held their best interests at heart. I feared they would not accept a queen not of Gothe’mar on the throne.”
“I don’t understand.” Her eyes narrowed.
“My father is king of all Gothe’mar. My family has reigned for longer than any ruling family in recorded history. It is my duty to lead and look after our people, to put their lives above my own. I have been burdened with this since I was first old enough to understand what it all meant. I have always been taught that my people’s needs come before my own.” He moved a little closer to the pool’s edge, closer to Anna. “As my father has recently pointed out, in thinking of my duty to my people, I neglected the most important duty of all -- that to you. Our relationship is not about me solely. Without you, there would be nothing. I would be nothing.” She could feel him will her to look at him, and she couldn’t help but meet his gaze. “I should have treated you with more respect.”
“Yes. You should have.” Anna wanted him with all her being. She wanted to reach for him, to move into his arms and feel his body around her. She could feel part of her soul being torn apart knowing that she could never be what this man needed. Her heart was breaking.
Kahn moved toward her a little more, his arm reaching out to her before he dropped it. “My father approves of our union. He seemed a bit amused by the situation I’ve managed to create for myself where you’re concerned. He will help me figure out how to see you accepted by our people.”
“Kahn,” Anna stated warily, not sure how to express herself without further hurting him. “I can’t be anyone other than who I am. If you think your people can’t accept me as I am, then I’m sorry. I won’t live a lie even to please you.”
“I would never ask that of you.”
“What were you thinking when you treated me like you did? You were obviously concerned about it then. Why should I believe things have changed now?” Anna was trying very hard to express her anger, her hurt, reasonably. All she really wanted to do was rush into his embrace and fuck him until neither of them could move. Either that or slap his handsome face.
“It was a mistake. A huge mistake. One I’ll regret for the rest of my life. I asked for your trust, then showed how little I deserved it.”
This side of Kahn was so unexpected. This was a man who commanded armies, who was to be king of his world. He inspired fear and dread in the hearts of all who saw him. Yet he was willing to show Anna just how vulnerable he really was when it came to her. She was torn. If she walked away from him, he probably wouldn’t drop his pride a second time. On the other hand, if she gave in, he’d know he just had to act contrite and she’d forgive him anything.
In the end, she searched her own heart. She couldn’t make herself believe that Kahn was anything other than an honorable man. He had been unsure of how to handle things, probably for the first time in his life. Second-guessing himself had proven to be a mistake and he was admitting it. How bad could he really be?
Before she could change her mind, Anna pulled her sleep shirt over her head and slid her panties off her hips, stepping out of them as she walked to the tub. “We’ll sort things out.” She slipped into the water and into Kahn’s embrace, feeling the squeezing sensation around her heart ease a little. When he would have claimed her mouth, her hand came up against his lips to stop him. “This is to get the physical relief we both need and can’t fight, Kahn. Things are far from settled between us. Do you understand?”
“Yes, tarae . But it is a beginning.” He smiled at her, a tender smile full of love and relief and hope.
He did kiss her then. Slowly, languorously, savoring the very essence of her. Anna knew he needed her as much as she needed him and it was a heady sensation. She thought she would climax from his kiss. His feelings were hers and she knew how much he appreciated the dance her tongue was doing with his.
It was impossible to tell which feelings were her own, but she didn’t care. The only things in the world that mattered to her were this man in her arms, and the baby sleeping on the impossibly large bed in the next room.
“We have to be quiet, Kahn. I don’t want to wake Alex,” she breathed. How she managed to form that thought was beyond her. She could hardly think of anything other than the talented mouth currently moving over her own.
He chuckled and it warmed Anna’s heart to know she had driven the desolation from him by just accepting him once more. “I don’t think I’m the one you need to silence, tarae . I seem to remember you making quite a bit of noise the last time.”
“Did I? I thought it was you bellowing when you filled my cunt with your cream.” She knew what the crudeness of her words did to him. She could feel the lust rise within him, within herself.
“Perhaps we should try it again.” His voice was a growl. “See who screams as she gets pounded with my cock.”
That did it. Anna knew she needed him inside her, riding her, taking her body any way he saw fit. The recent emotional upheaval needed release, and the man she loved was going to provide it in spades.
He palmed her ass and lifted her until she instinctively wrapped her legs around him. She rubbed her cunt against his heavy erection and felt his muscles tense as he suckled her neck. As he lifted her just a little higher, probed her slick opening with the head of his cock, she found his mouth with hers.
Instead of the quick entrance she expected, Kahn slipped just inside, halting her movements with his strong grip on her buttocks. He moved his kisses to her breasts and sucked one nipple into his mouth. The water supporting her as much as possible, Anna let her head fall back.
Kahn began to increase the pressure of his mouth on her nipple. Still he wouldn’t let her ride him as she wanted to. He held her against his body so that she was unable to get more of him inside her no matter what she tried. Her breast ached and throbbed where his mouth was attached, making her pussy spasm around his cock. Her juices mingled with the water lapping around them. Her clit pulsed in time with her heart, and she could feel her impending orgasm just out of reach.
“Please, Kahn. I need you inside me,” she pleaded. “Give me more of you. All of you.”
Kahn growled as he thrust into her. The emotions swirling inside him were chaotic. She felt his need to be a gentle lover this time warring with his need to claim her as his, to dominate his mate into accepting him. He didn’t just need her body, but her. All of her. Everything that was her.
“What do you want?” It was more demand than question. “What will it take to get you to come?”
“You,” she gasped. “Your cock. Ramming into me. I need your cock, Kahn.” She could only whimper now. She was coming apart inside. Still he didn’t move more than a fraction of the pace she needed. The teasing only served to drive Anna higher and higher without ever reaching the pinnacle.
“Look at me, Anna,” Kahn said, halting all movement now.
She didn’t want to meet his gaze. Though she knew he needed her, wanted her, she also knew there was a reason he thought his people wouldn’t accept her. She knew she shouldn’t want him, knew his people probably wanted him to marry someone befitting their future king -- one of them. But she couldn’t get enough of this man. God help her, she loved him with all that she was.
“Anna.” His voice was gentle yet gruff with emotion and lust. When she finally did look at him, it was through a haze of shame and desire mingled with love and so many emotions she couldn’t name them all. His piercing eyes bored into her soul and he paused a moment before he spoke.
“You do not fully understand the bond between us, tarae . It cannot be denied by you because you think I believe you unsuitable for me, and I cannot deny it simply because my people might not want their future king mated to an off-worlder. I swear to you by everything that I am, I am your mate and Alex’s surrogate father first. I’ll be a king second. I’ll do my duty to my people, but my family will always come first from this moment forward.”
“And if your people don’t accept me? If you have to choose between your people and me and Alex?” Anna had never been so unsure of herself in her life.
“Then we will leave. We will build a life together with love, and Alex will know that we love him and each other.”
Anna knew in her heart that Kahn was telling her the truth as he saw it. So she simply clung to that and hoped it would be enough. “Make love to me, Kahn,” she whispered.
And he did.
The slow, even thrust of his hips began again. The slick, gliding sensation of their bodies melding beneath the water was heady indeed. It didn’t take long before Anna was as frenzied as she had been earlier, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, locking her ankles.
She ground her pussy onto his cock as she twisted her hips, threw her head back and cried out. Kahn’s grip on her ass tightened and his nostrils flared with his effort. He released one cheek of her buttocks to run a finger down the seam and gently delve into her rear entrance. When he pushed past the tiny ring of muscle, Anna only suppressed her scream by biting his shoulder. The sensation was almost overwhelming in its pleasure. When he added the second, then the third finger, she had had all she could take.
“Oh my God. Kahn!” She exploded onto his cock, his fingers up her ass. Never had she felt so full. His grunts came with every stroke as he fucked her with a fever she’d never known existed, the corded muscles, tendons and veins of his face, neck and arms straining his skin. Just as her own climax was ebbing, he gave one mighty thrust and her name on his lips made a guttural, primitive sound in his own passion.
They clung to each other, the water rocking their bodies gently as if to soothe and relax them. Kahn spoke first.
“You are my life, my sweet Anna. Give me your trust and I promise I will not disappoint you again. Give me your heart and I’ll treasure it always.”
Anna stiffened. “You’ve got to give me time, Kahn. I promise to try to trust you, but it’s not just me now. I can’t afford to stumble into another situation like before. Do you understand?”
“You wouldn’t be a good mother if you didn’t take that into consideration. Of course I’ll give you time.” He kissed her forehead. “You will be asked to testify at the trial tomorrow. Will you at least trust me to see you safely there? It wouldn’t surprise me if Mikkril tried to hurt you before you can speak out against him. His life is on the line, after all.”
Anna looked at him, startled. “I never thought of that. Alex will be the most vulnerable. Since I’m obviously no match for a Gothe’maran warrior.” She thought for a minute. “I’m not thrilled about this. We have a long way to go, Kahn, and since I don’t have much of a choice, I know we’ll be safer with you than anyone else.” When he looked a bit crestfallen, she sighed. “I’m sorry if I sound harsh, but taking chances with my son’s life is not the way I’d choose to test how much I can trust you. From my viewpoint, I simply have no alternative. I may have issues with you, but you’re the only Gothe’maran I believe actually cares if we get there alive or not.”
Anna searched deep down for a gut feeling to tell her what she should do. “I think I do trust you. Even though things got a little out of hand when you brought me to Alex, I know you didn’t expect me to pick a fight.” Needing to lighten the mood a little, she said, “I caught you off guard when I slugged your father, didn’t I?”
Kahn groaned. “Don’t remind me. You would have been killed if I hadn’t intervened. I don’t think anyone in our whole history has ever hit the king before.”
“King. God, Kahn. I can’t believe your father is the king of Gothe’mar! That you’re next in line to be king. This whole situation is ludicrous.” She would have laughed if she hadn’t already started to become aroused again. His cock was still inside her, causing the most delicious sensations to thrill her cunt once more.
He chuckled. “Being heir to the throne has its advantages.”
“Oh yeah?” Anna wiggled her hips to draw his attention to their joined bodies. “Like what?”
“If I were anyone other than the king’s firstborn son, I would be on duty, not in this bath making love to my woman.”
“Hm. And if you were king?”
He flashed her that wicked grin. “My woman would be making love to me instead.”
Anna laughed, feeling lighthearted for the first time in a long while. “I guess it really is good to be the king.”