Chapter 17
Erica
I try to catch my breath as the cab drives away from the mistake I almost let myself make.
I can still feel Marco’s breath against me, catching in the back of his throat as his lips came closer, almost as if he was just as nervous as me.
I hate myself for wanting it, for closing my eyes and letting it even get as far as it did.
The words “you’re beautiful” still floating in my head like a bouquet of balloons.
Agreeing to go with him to tonight’s event had been a bad idea, but he had been so convincing in saying he needed me there, and in the idea of getting the exclusive for my column.
If I’m being honest, the idea of dressing up and going to something so extravagant was appealing.
It had been so long since I had stepped into that world, and to do it with him was more thrilling than I would like to admit.
It seemed like everyone at the gala was looking at him, and how could they not?
In walks one of the city’s most eligible bachelors, most wealthy on top of that, in a black tux that put every other man in that room to shame.
I could hardly breathe when he picked me up looking like that.
I knew as soon as I saw him that I had made a mistake in coming, but it was too late to turn back and go inside my apartment.
And it felt so good to feel beautiful in this ridiculously expensive gown that he paid for.
I run my hands over it now and sigh, wondering how I got myself into this mess.
How am I supposed to face him on Monday?
As the cab pulls up to my apartment building, I hand him cash to cover the drive and a tip before stepping out onto the sidewalk.
I feel like Cinderella coming home from the ball.
I left in a fancy carriage and am coming back in a yellow pumpkin with black checkers on the side.
I pick up my gown defeatedly and walk into my building, taking the elevator up to my floor.
Inside, I find Sadie dozing off on the couch with a book open on her chest. I recognize it as one of my friend Monica’s books.
It’s one of her first novels, a romance about two people who can’t seem to get the timing right to be together.
I remember reading it last year. I wonder if Marco and I had met at a different time, under different circumstances, if something might have happened between us.
It had felt so real the night we met, like something you would read in a romance novel where you’re rooting for the couple to make it.
I tiptoe down the hall, my gown swishing behind me, and open the door to Josie’s nursery. I’ve made this walk too many times lately, visiting her while she sleeps after missing her all day. I stroke her soft hair with my hand and lean in to kiss her.
“I love you, Josie,” I whisper.
I want to wake her up and see her eyes light up when they see me, but I know I need to let her sleep.
I have all weekend to be with her, with no distractions from work or Marco.
At least I have that. I slip out the door and walk back to the living room where I carefully pry the book from Sadie’s fingers and place it on the coffee table.
I lay a blanket over her. It’s nearly midnight. She may as well just sleep here.
After I flick the lights off, I go to my room and get washed up for bed.
I hang the dress in my closet, my fingers running over the soft fabric fondly.
It’s such a beautiful dress. One that I had picked out with Marco in mind.
I feel stupid now for trying so hard when I know nothing can happen between us.
It’s like I want him to want me, but I won’t let it get that far.
It’s really not fair to him. Or me. I don’t know how I’m supposed to continue working with him.
I’m just happy I have the weekend to clear my head.
For all the thoughts running through my mind, I surprisingly fall into a deep sleep quickly.
The next thing I know, the morning sun is pouring through my white linen curtains.
I sit up in bed, wearing my favorite flannel pajamas, and wonder if the night before had even happened.
It feels like some sort of dream. The glass dome building fragrant with the freshest flowers that hung overhead like a pastel watercolor sky and tables adorned with towering candles, flickering in the dim lighting. It really was a ball from a fairytale.
I hear cabinets opening and closing in the kitchen, and I remember Sadie slept over. I pull the covers off me and walk down the hall to find her making coffee with Josie slung on her hip.
“Good morning,” I say.
“Well, if it isn’t sleeping beauty?” asks Sadie with a smile.
“Thanks for letting me sleep in.”
“Of course. Thanks for tucking me in last night.”
I reach for Josie and she lets out a little giggle as I scoop her in my arms and twirl her around the kitchen.
“Mama,” she says through her laughter as she clings tightly to me.
“I missed you, baby girl.”
I nuzzle the space between her ear and her neck and breathe her in.
“How was your night?” asks Sadie, pouring two cups of coffee.
“It was good,” I say, gratefully taking one of the cups. “The event was beautiful. It was at the botanical gardens. Beth would have loved it. It was like being in a real-life fairytale.”
“And you looked like a real-life princess last night,” says Sadie.
She had helped me do my hair and makeup after work yesterday, at the same time calming my nerves that were dancing around in a frenzy.
“What about your prince?” she asks, eyeing me curiously before taking a sip of coffee.
“My boss ,” I correct her, “was fine.”
“ Just fine?” She raises an eyebrow.
“Until he tried to kiss me…” I say.
“Oh, my gosh, Erica!” she says, her voice shrill.
“I stopped him before it happened.”
“Oh whew.” She wipes imaginary sweat from her brow.
“But I think part of me wanted it…” I admit, looking out the window, remembering the almost kiss.
“Well, duh. He’s a handsome billionaire and a really good lay.”
“Sadie!” I say, my eyes widening as I look at Josie.
“Oh, come on. She doesn’t know what I’m saying.”
I laugh as I shake my head.
“Are you sure it is a good idea for you to continue working for him?”
“No. Probably not.”
“What are you going to do?”
I chew my lip. “I don’t know…”
I spend the rest of the weekend thinking about my predicament and weighing my options while spending time with Josie.
We go to Central Park for a sunset picnic and to feed the ducks.
We go to the library for reading time. We visit my brother Troy and his little boy.
It is the perfect one-on-one time that I had been missing since taking my new position at work.
All the while, I can’t stop thinking about Marco and what almost happened.
Monday morning, I wake up early and pull my laptop into bed, along with Josie who watches some morning cartoons.
I type up a resignation letter to give to Marco today at work.
I realized late last night that I can’t continue to work for him if there are feelings involved.
It’s too complicated with work, and especially since I have Josie.
I can’t get too close to him for fear he will find out about her.
I’ve already gone too far by entertaining the idea of a kiss.
I print out the letter and get ready for work, dropping Josie off at daycare on the way.
I give her a kiss goodbye, feeling the tears well up in my eyes as I turn and leave, knowing I’m about to screw up our future by ripping away any security without having another job lined up.
I’ll have to figure something out. I’ll spend the next two weeks scouring the internet and newspaper listings for a job, while I wrap up my time at The NY News Daily.
I can barely bring myself to think about leaving something I’ve known for so long.
I arrive at the office, and it feels like the letter is screaming from my purse, outing me to everyone. I am surprised to see Marco is here early. I decide to give him the letter now before I lose my nerve. I knock softly on his open door and he looks up, surprised to see me.
“Erica, please come in,” he says with a faint smile.
I close the door behind me and take the seat across from him.
“I just wanted to—” I start.
“Please, me first,” he says pleadingly. “I want to apologize for what happened Friday evening. I don’t know what came over me.
I should never have tried anything with you.
I just couldn’t help it. I know that’s no excuse.
You just looked so beautiful. Well, you always do.
I just thought maybe we could try again. It was stupid.”
I look at him and realize this is the first time he’s ever really stumbled over his words like this.
They’re tumbling out of him like he has no control over them.
I’m not used to this version of him. It’s humbling.
I try not to get wrapped up in it though, so I hold my hand up for him to stop talking.
“What’s done is done,” I say.
He nods, looking somewhat relieved, not knowing what comes next. I pull out the envelope from my purse and slide it across his desk.
“What’s this?” he asks, looking from the envelope to me.
I take a deep breath. “My letter of resignation.”
“No,” he says. “I can’t accept this.” He pushes the envelope back to me without even opening it.
“I can’t stay here, Marco. Working for you, it’s too complicated. Too messy. You have to understand.”
“I know I screwed up, okay? But don’t do this.”
I’m not sure if he’s talking about the morning he left me or for trying to kiss me. Another reason why I should quit. We have too much history, even though there’s so little of it.
“I don’t see how I can stay.” I look down at my hands.
“And I can’t run this paper without you.”
“You’ve done it before,” I remind him, being well aware of his little journalistic empire he’s been building.
“But this one is important. More important.”
“Why is that?” I look up at him curiously.
“Because it means the most to you,” he says softly, and in his eyes I see he means it.
The words pierce through the armor I’ve put up and I’m defenseless against them and the way he’s looking at me right now. I realize I’m not going anywhere.
“Okay,” I say in almost a whisper.
“Really?” he asks, sitting up straighter.
“I’ll stay. But what happened on Friday night can’t happen again. You are my boss. I work for you. That’s it. There will be nothing more than that. Do you understand?”
He swallows hard and gives me a solemn nod. “Yes.”
I pull the envelope toward me and stand up, walking out of his office feeling like a fool. I had gone in there so determined to leave, but he somehow convinced me to stay. I try to tell myself I’m staying for the good of the paper, but I’m starting to wonder if there’s another reason.