Chapter 33
Erica
I trudge up my apartment stairs, carrying Josie in my arms with my work bag slung over my shoulder.
The elevator is down again, leaving me with four flights of stairs to walk up, which wouldn’t normally be a big deal, but add on the bag carrying my laptop and a nineteen-pound baby, I’m sweating and I’m only at the second floor.
Josie giggles as she squirms slightly in my arms, seemingly enjoying my struggle.
“Hey, wiggle worm. Nuh-uh. Mommy is having a hard time as it is.”
She nuzzles her head on my shoulder as I ascend the final flights of stairs.
I walk down the long hallway to my end unit, the one feature I splurged on for a better view of the city and to have less chance of noisy neighbors to wake up Josie.
I set her down on the floor and she balances on her two feet, holding onto my legs for support.
“Look how strong you’re getting, girl. Soon you’ll be walking and then mommy will really be in trouble.” I laugh softly.
I fish out my keys and insert them in the door, opening it.
I hold Josie’s hands and help her as she waddles inside, gripping my hands tightly.
She looks up at me proudly and I can feel myself tearing up.
It feels like just yesterday she was in my arms at the hospital.
It was just me and her. I barely remember the doctor or the nurses being there because I was completely lost in her.
I had gone in terrified, going through labor on my own, and come out feeling so strong and so full of love. Where has the time gone?
I lead Josie to her play area and set her up with a variety of toys to keep her busy while I start on dinner. She yawns and rubs at her eyes sleepily, and I wonder if she’ll make it to dinner.
“Daycare wearing you out, huh, baby girl?” I call from the kitchen, keeping a watchful eye on her as she lazily pulls her stacking rings toward her.
I start pulling things from the fridge to throw dinner together.
Chicken, steamed broccoli, rice. I’m keeping it simple tonight because I’m pretty drained from work, and all the emotional baggage that comes with it.
Troy surprising me today also kept me on my toes.
I feel like when I’m around him now, I have to be careful what I say, for fear I might let slip everything that’s going on.
Troy can be protective. I can’t imagine what he would do if he found out about Marco being Josie’s father and everything that’s happened since we reunited.
There’s a knock at the door and I glance at it in confusion. I’m not expecting anyone. I wipe my hands on my apron and walk over to the door. I look out the peephole and see a younger guy holding a big bouquet of flowers.
“What the?” I whisper to myself as I start turning the locks on my door before opening it.
“Hi?” I say more as a question than a greeting.
“Good evening, miss. Are you Erica Gunner?” he asks, checking his clipboard tucked under his arm because his hands are occupied by the two dozen… no three dozen white roses in his hands. I can barely see his face over them.
“Yes, but are you sure these are for me?” I furrow my brows.
“Yes, ma’am.” He holds them out a bit unsteadily.
I take them from him, surprised by their weight. Maybe there are four dozen roses.
“Can you sign for them?” he asks.
“Uh, sure. Let me put these down.”
I turn and place the vase of flowers on the entryway table, casting a quick glance at Josie, who is busy playing, before turning to sign his outstretched clipboard.
“Thanks,” he says as I sign a sloppy signature. “The sender wants to be notified that they were received.”
“And who is the sender?” I ask curiously.
“I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’m not able to tell you that. But there’s a card in there somewhere.”
I nod. “Well, thank you.”
“Have a good night,” he says before popping in his AirPods. I can hear the music from where I’m standing. Some sort of heavy metal.
I slip back inside my apartment and lock the door behind me.
I look at the flowers taking up the whole entryway table.
They’re probably the most beautiful flowers I’ve ever seen.
A stark white that looks almost velvet. The petals gently layered over each other like little hugs.
I don’t see a thorn in sight on the deep green stems. I turn the vase, looking for the card.
I spot it nestled inside the vase. I dig it out and open it, letting out a faint gasp as I read the words.
I’m sorry for being such an idiot. Please forgive me.
XO,
Marco
I read the words over again to make sure my eyes aren’t playing tricks on me.
They aren’t. This beautiful bouquet of flowers is from the man who told me just this morning how he wants nothing to do with me.
That he wished he never met me. I shake my head in confused disbelief as I run my thumb over the typed print, as if he wrote it himself.
I don’t understand what could have changed since this morning to be apologizing to me.
He had been so angry. It doesn’t make sense.
And why is he the one who is apologizing?
I’m the one who lied to him. I’m the one who has been keeping this life-changing secret all to myself, even after we had grown closer.
Another thought creeps in my head as I try to put the fragmented pieces together.
A thought that makes me clutch my stomach, trying to catch my breath.
Maybe he’s up to something. Maybe he’s planning something to hurt me, and these flowers are a way to soften me up.
To let him back in. But for what? Is it to get Josie?
He told me he wants nothing to do with her, or “it” as he so kindly put it.
Maybe he had just said those words out of anger, and he didn’t really mean them.
Maybe he does want to be her father, so he can somehow take her away from me.
To hurt me in a way he knows would cut me to my core.
I feel my knees buckle underneath me. The smell of roses consumes me and I step backward, away from them.
“Mama?” says Josie from the floor, sounding confused.
I turn to her and give her the best smile I can.
“Mama’s okay, Josie. I’m right here.”
I walk over and sit on the floor next to her, pulling her onto my lap and pressing her tightly against me. I breathe in her baby scent, hoping it never fades. Hoping I never lose it. The thought makes me want to die. Truly. To be without my daughter is unspeakable. Unfathomable.
I don’t think Marco is that diabolical, but they don’t call him The Shark for nothing.
I want to call him, ask him what this is about.
I feel like my brain is screaming questions at me, coming up with different scenarios that all end terribly.
I shake my head, trying to clear it. I’m going to ignore this.
I will pretend I never received these flowers, even though he will know I signed for them.
Whatever he’s up to, I’m not going to play into it.
I rock Josie back and forth while she tries to squirm away from me to get to her toys. She must have gotten a second wind. I let her go and she crawls back to her stacking rings, shaking them above her head. I see the flowers in the corner of my eye. They seem more threatening than beautiful now.
I pick up my phone and open the group chat I have with Beth and Sadie.
Me: SOS. Meet at my place.
Sadie: Uh-oh. On my way.
Beth: I’m closing up the flower shop now. Be there soon.
Me: Thank you. I’ll have dinner waiting for you.
I feel a small sense of relief knowing my friends are on their way.
I should really call them sisters after everything they’ve helped me through.
I owe them so much. The least I can give them tonight is some chicken, rice, and broccoli.
I pull myself to stand and head back to the kitchen to finally start on dinner.
An hour later, we are all sitting around the coffee table with our dinner in bowls steaming up toward the ceiling. We wait for it to cool, the vase of flowers sitting in the middle of the table, as we throw ideas around on what it could mean.
“They could mean he’s actually sorry. I mean, you two did share something. It’s hard to just throw that away. Maybe you’re looking too far into it,” suggests Beth. Of course, she’s always looking for the good in people. The love in a story.
“You didn’t see the look on his face when I met with him this morning. You didn’t hear his voice. It didn’t shake. Didn’t falter. He meant what he said. I keep replaying it back in my mind and it’s worse every time.”
“Well, anger makes you act a certain way…”
“Yeah, in a way that could possibly hurt Erica. Or Josie,” says Sadie.
“He wouldn’t hurt Josie. He’s a good person. He’d probably spoil her rotten though, and she’d forget all about me,” I say, trying not to let my voice crack.
“She could never forget you. And that’s not going to happen,” says Sadie, reaching over and squeezing my hand reassuringly.
“How do we know that?” I ask. “This is why I’ve been keeping Josie a secret for so long.
I couldn’t risk letting Marco come into her life only just to walk out on her.
Or worse, I couldn’t risk him taking her away from me.
I’ve completely blown it.” I put my face in my hands, suddenly not hungry for the food before me.
“That’s not going to happen either,” says Beth. “You know what I think about the flowers, but if you’re that worried that it means something else, then maybe it’s time you hire a lawyer.”
“I can’t afford a good one,” I say, shaking my head. “Not one that can go up against Marco and his slew of expensive attorneys that would rip mine to shreds.”
“You can’t just give up.”
“Maybe you can ask your brother…”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “He can’t know about this. Any of it. I’ve gone this far without his or my family’s help. Thanks to you two. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“You’re strong on your own, Erica,” says Beth.
“And you’ll be strong if this thing ever goes to court. Whether or not you have the best lawyer, you’re going to be prepared to fight for your daughter,” says Sadie.
She pulls out her phone and begins typing.
“What are you doing?” I ask curiously.
“I’m finding you a lawyer.”
“Thank you. Really. For everything.”
I look between my two best friends, and over at Josie who sits in her booster seat eating little pieces of steamed broccoli.
She’s blissfully unaware of what’s going on around her, and that’s the only silver lining in this moment.
I’ve done everything possible to protect her ever since she was born.
All I’ve ever wanted is for her to be healthy and happy.
To be loved immensely. I know that I’ve done that as her mother.
If it comes down to it, and I need to prove that to a judge, I will. I will do whatever I can to keep her with me.