Chapter 41
Erica
A fter my dinner at Sadie’s, I don’t hear from Marco for the rest of the weekend.
My friends and their incessant whispering probably scared him off.
I felt like I was in middle school when a crush would call, except Beth was the only one excited and Sadie was calling him foul names under her breath.
I thought it would be better to just cut the call short, even though I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to hear his voice.
Now it’s Sunday evening, and I’m giving Josie a bubble bath before bed, sad that the weekend is over and I didn’t speak to him again. I don’t even know what Marco wanted. He had never called me before. Our communication was left to emails and texts, but a phone call was different. More intimate.
I know I could have called him back today, but I’m still trying to sort out the past few days.
The past year, really. I don’t know how to process how we went from strangers to enemies to something more, all while having a baby between us.
A baby, who up until recently, I was the only one who knew about.
I was the only one who loved her, protected her.
Now, someone else wants to step in and do the same. At least, I think so.
I’m still unsure of Marco’s intentions, whether they’re pure or calculated.
I think I know him well enough to know he wouldn’t want to hurt me or Josie, but then again, I hardly know him at all.
Sadie pointed that out after dinner. Even though I had made it clear that I didn’t want to talk about it anymore, it’s not easy for Sadie to tuck away that mama bear part of her.
She told me she doesn’t trust Marco, and I shouldn’t either.
She said I’ve protected Josie this long, that I can’t let a recent night of lapsed judgment with him or a trip to the zoo convince me that we can have some happy ending.
Beth stayed silent, even though I knew what she was thinking.
Despite how different my best friends are, I know they mean the best, and their intentions are always pure in wanting the best for me and my daughter.
“You’re a loved little girl,” I say to her now.
She splashes in the water, sending bubbles and water flying.
I wipe the bubbles from my forehead and grin at her.
She grins back through lashes that look even longer and darker now that they’re wet.
I cradle her cheek before finishing her bath.
I wrap her in her yellow duck towel and carry her to her room.
As I put her diaper on and a fresh pair of pajamas, I think about how lost I would be without her.
Before Josie, my only purpose had been working at the paper and defying the patriarchal world I was born into.
Now, she comes before everything else. It’s like she gave me another purpose that I accidentally fell into, but now couldn’t imagine life without.
I settle into my rocking chair in the corner of the room and pull her close for a nighttime feed.
I know these days are numbered, and the thought of her getting older brings tears to my eyes.
Despite how challenging it’s been being a single mother, the days have gone fast, teaching me something new in each one.
I don’t know if I’d ever be able to live without her, not even in a split custody situation.
Which is why tomorrow morning, I plan on getting in touch with that lawyer.
The next morning, as Josie and I begin our walk to the subway station, I call April Goss. As much as she intimidates me, I know she’s a no bullshit lawyer, and that’s what I need. Plus, she doesn’t cost a fortune, unlike other lawyers I had looked into.
“Hello?” she answers.
“Hi, Ms. Goss? This is Erica Gunner.”
“Ms. Gunner. I thought maybe I scared you off after our initial meeting.”
“No, I just needed some time to think everything over, but I want to move forward with drawing up the papers.”
“It’s a big decision. I understand. I have an opening today, if you want to get the ball rolling.”
“What time?”
“One o’clock.”
“I’ll be there,” I say, not wanting to waste any time. I’ll just take a late lunch.
“See you then.”
I hear the click of the phone and take a deep breath. I’ve taken the first hard step. Just I don’t know how I’ll be able to take the next one.
At work, I drop Josie off at the daycare, reluctant to let go of her today. Maybe it’s because I know Marco knows she’s here and can come down and see her anytime he wants. I give her extra kisses before handing her over to the daycare worker.
“I’ll see you later, lovebug,” I say, watching as she’s led to the morning’s music class.
Now I just need to get up to my department without any run-ins with Marco.
The last thing I need is for my resolve to be broken by him looking at me with those deep brown eyes and flashing that smile that should be illegal.
I feel foolish for getting swept up by him in the first place.
Like just because some handsome man gives me attention, I would risk the little family I’ve built.
Yet I know it’s beyond what he looks like.
Beyond that, he’s a billionaire. I come from that life.
I couldn’t care less how much money he makes or what kind of apartment he lives in.
The little I know about Marco through the intimate times we’ve had together or the personal conversations we’ve had, I know there’s so much more behind his looks.
Behind his success. I’ve barely just tapped the surface, but I can’t go any deeper into it.
I settle in at my cubicle and begin going through my emails that are somehow piled up from over the weekend, even though I cleared it out on Friday before I left.
Writers never sleep, I remind myself. I used to do the same thing over the weekends when I was sending my own articles in to the head of the editorial department.
Who is now me. I try to remind myself often that this is the dream I’ve always wanted.
It may not have been the ideal way for me to obtain my new role, but I’m here, so I’m digging in and trying to be grateful.
Surprisingly, the morning goes by quickly, and when I finally glance at the clock, it’s nearing 1 p.m. I feel a slight sense of doom come over me, knowing what I’m about to do.
I don’t know if it’s April and her blunt way of putting things, or dreading the process we are about to dive into.
I don’t know how long these things take, and I’d rather it not drag out, giving Marco more opportunities to change my mind.
I gather my things and head out, acutely aware of my surroundings, and breathe an internal sigh of relief when I make it outside the building. I make the short walk to April’s office and arrive a few minutes early. As I wait in the waiting room, I get a text from Sadie:
I’m proud of you. You’re one brave mama.
I smile down at my phone, but it feels more like a grimace.
I had let her and Beth know my plans to move forward as soon as I got off the phone with April this morning.
Beth was more hesitant, thinking that I was rushing into my decision and not giving Marco enough time to make his true intentions apparent.
Sadie was all for it. Again, the difference between my friends is astounding, but they say opposites attract.
Me: Thanks. I’ll let you know how it goes.
“Ms. Gunner,” says April from the open doorway leading down the hallway to her office.
“Please. Call me Erica,” I say, standing from my seat.
She smiles and gestures me to follow her. Soon, we are settled in her office and I’m bracing myself for what comes next. She must sense it because she gives me a knowing smile.
“I know our initial meeting was a little rough. I apologize for my brashness. It comes with years of doing this job.”
“I’m sure it’s won you many cases, though,” I say.
“This is true.” She smirks before softening her face. “I hope you know that I do want what’s best for you and your daughter. And if this is what you think is best, then I’m happy to represent you.”
I look at her worriedly.
“If it gets that far, of course. My hopes are that these papers will be the end of it.”
I nod, feeling a little more comfortable.
“Now, I need to know from you exactly what you’re wanting or not wanting from Mr. Vallejos in terms of being a father to Josie.”
I look down at my hands. Memories of him at daycare holding her, or her squealing with laughter upon her shoulders at the zoo flash in my mind briefly. It’s like it was a role he was born to play, but it’s better I take that role away now before he gets even closer.
“I don’t want him in her life at all,” I say, trying to sound confident.
“So absolutely no visitation rights?”
“No.”
“Not even supervised?”
“No.”
April nods and jots down some notes on her legal pad.
“And what about his relationship with you? Since you work for him, this can be tricky. It’s similar to a restraining order in many ways…”
The words “restraining order” make my heart stop. It sounds so serious, like he’s done something wrong.
“I don’t want anything like that. He hasn’t done anything wrong.”
“I understand that. I’m not saying it is a restraining order, but it’s somewhat similar in nature.”
“I just want it to go back to the way it was where he was unaware she existed.”
“How did he find out about her?”
I take a deep breath, realizing I haven’t been fully transparent about everything. I look down at my hands, wondering how to go about explaining how complicated everything has gotten.
“If we want to be successful in this, you need to tell me everything, Erica,” says April seriously, her eyes narrowed.
“Marco and I became involved romantically a few weeks ago.”
April sits back in her chair and looks perplexed.
“It was only one night. The next morning, he saw a picture of Josie on my phone and put two and two together. They’re practically twins…”
“What happened then?”
“He freaked out. Told me to leave. We didn’t speak again for a little while, but then he sent flowers apologizing. We ran into each other at work and he asked to meet her. I felt bad, so I let him. We went to dinner and to the zoo, but that’s been it.”
“So, he’s had numerous points of contact with her…”
“Yes,” I say quietly.
“This makes things complicated. I’m not going to sugarcoat it for you. You’ve willingly let him in your daughter’s life and now want to take that away.”
I nod, fighting back tears.
“It doesn’t make drawing up the papers any more difficult, but as far as him agreeing to sign them, that may be a different story.”
“I understand.”
“Okay. Then let’s get down to the nitty gritty.”
We spend the next hour going over the finer details, with me not realizing how much goes into it.
I thought it would be simple, but of course, nothing like this is.
I leave April’s office, knowing that tomorrow I will have the papers sent to me for me to give to Marco.
It’s a scary feeling knowing what I’m about to do.