Chapter 50
Marco
W hen I open my office door, I’m surprised to see it’s not empty, but instead the one person I’ve been longing to see is sitting inside.
I clear my throat nervously and Erica turns in the armchair she’s sitting in, her dark hair draped over one shoulder and her green eyes looking up at me through a few nervous blinks of her lashes.
“Hello,” I say softly, not sure if I should smile or give a solemn nod. She’s hard to read, and it drives me crazy not knowing what’s going on in that beautiful head of hers. The last time she was in here, she was serving me custody papers and slamming a tabloid on my desk.
“Hi,” she says with a hint of a smile.
At that, my heart begins to slow from the nervous, rapid pace it’s been beating against the inside of my chest. I walk over to my side of the desk and take a seat in my chair, trying to ignore the way her perfume wafts toward me, sure to linger far after she’s gone. I welcome it.
“Busy morning?” she asks.
“You could say that,” I say, thinking over the delicate, yet complicated meeting I just had. It was longer than I anticipated, and judging by how Erica’s sitting here, she must have been waiting awhile. I’d feel bad, if the meeting weren’t so pressing.
She looks down at her hands nervously, as if not sure what to say next.
I’m not sure either, so we sit in silence for a few moments.
She came to see me, so I’ll be patient in waiting to hear what she has to say.
I don’t want to risk saying the wrong thing and have her walking out of here. I’m tired of seeing her leave.
Ever since I saw her last night after my somewhat drunken mental breakdown, I realize how important she is to me.
How important Josie is to me. I don’t want to lose either of them.
I wonder if I already have, after seeing her with that stranger last night in the fancy restaurant.
I can’t erase the image of Josie asleep on his shoulder from my mind.
I didn’t even see his face, yet I keep imagining who he is and coming up with scenarios in my head. None of them turn out well for me.
Which is why I decided to call up the florist early this morning to pick up a large bouquet of roses, even more extravagant than the last. Though Erica had ignored the prior, I thought maybe this time if they were accompanied by a handwritten note, then maybe it would be enough for her to simply see me.
It seems to have worked because she’s here now.
She’s still looking down at her hands, her fingers slowly tangling around each other, giving me time for my eyes to wander over her.
She’s as beautiful as ever, and my heart feels like it’s in her hands.
Somehow, I miss her even though she’s just a few feet away.
I could reach over this desk and touch her, but I can’t.
It’s cruel how little I’ve been able to touch her in the time I’ve known her.
Each time left me selfishly wanting more.
I wonder if the man from the restaurant has felt the places my hands have eagerly explored.
I hate the thought as soon as it enters my mind, leaving my stomach turning.
My eyes run over the bare skin of her collarbone to her neck, as if looking for any evidence he might have left behind.
I shake my head, knowing how ridiculous I’m being.
“Thank you for the flowers,” she says finally. “They’re beautiful.”
“I’m glad you like them,” I say with a nod.
“And the note…” she says, her voice drifting off and I wonder if she’ll regain control of it, but she’s still looking down at her hands. I desperately want her to continue with her thought, but she doesn’t.
“I know you don’t want me a part of her life…I just…” I look down at my own hands and shake my head. “I just don’t know how I’d be able to stay away now that I know she exists.”
“Marco…” she says, gently interrupting.
I look up to see her green eyes looking back at me, a dark forest green. I could get lost in them, never emerging from the pine trees that grow within them.
“I had dinner with my brother last night,” she says.
I don’t know where she’s going with this, but I do know the flood of relief I feel knowing that it wasn’t a date she was on at that restaurant.
Josie was asleep on her uncle. That’s why she was so comfortable, not because she had grown used to someone else who unknowingly took my place.
I let out a long, quiet breath through my lips, trying to focus on anything else but the celebration going on inside my head.
“We got to talking about everything. Well, not everything . He just helped me put things into perspective.” Erica shakes her head as if she’s trying to gather her thoughts.
She sucks in a breath before letting it out, her cheeks puffing slightly with air.
“Anyway, it isn’t fair to keep Josie all to myself. ”
“Really?” I ask in surprise, not sure if I’m hearing her correctly. I’m scared to believe what she’s saying because it feels too good to be true.
Erica nods slowly, and I can feel she’s still uneasy about this. It hurts, but I’m happy in the direction we could be heading.
“I’ve been protective of her. Maybe to a fault. I don’t know how to be anything else.”
“She’s your daughter. I understand.”
“She’s your daughter too.”
I don’t know if she’s ever said that to me, and the words feel like they are mending all the broken parts of me. I want them to echo over and over in my head, alongside the way Josie says my name.
Mah-cooooo.
I can hear it now and it makes me smile.
“I’m sorry that I missed the important parts of her life up until now. Of your life,” I say regretfully.
“ I’m sorry for being the reason why.”
“It couldn’t have been easy going through all of that alone. You’re probably the strongest person I know.”
“Strong, yes. Stupid, definitely.”
“Don’t say that,” I say, shaking my head.
“I just didn’t know how you would take it,” she says, her lips pulling to one side thoughtfully. “When I found out who you were. Who you really were, I got scared. The way everyone painted you out to be was a billionaire with a ruthless heart.”
I laugh softly to myself, knowing my reputation paints a different picture than who I really am. It’s had its way of protecting me in a way. People are too scared to get close, which is good because I’m too scared to get close to anyone.
“I didn’t think you would want anything to do with being a father. I thought you’d see it as an inconvenience, or a trap. I thought it best to keep her blissfully unaware that you even existed. To be honest, I think it would hurt me too much if you rejected her.”
“How could I ever?” I ask, looking at her intently.
“I know now that I was wrong. I see the way you are with her. I see the way she is with you. She’s obsessed. I can’t go a day without her saying your name.” Erica laughs to herself. It’s good to hear her laugh.
“The feeling is mutual,” I say.
“I’m willing to let you in our lives, so you can spend more time with her. But you have to be patient with me. Up until now, I’ve never had to share her with anyone.”
“I understand. I’ll take anything I can get.”
“But you have to promise me something…”
“Anything.”
“You have to promise you won’t seek full custody of Josie.”
I’m shocked she would even think such a thing, but then again, she’s seen me as this ruthless businessman who sees what he wants and takes it.
I wish more than anything that she could see me as me.
Marco. The man she met on the rooftop, having a night together that I can’t and will probably never forget.
“You’re her mother. I would never take that away from you. Or her.”
Erica nods solemnly.
“I’m sorry about the custody papers. I thought you were trying to get close to her, so you could take her away from me just to hurt me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper because my chest hurts from her words.
“And then the whole thing with the tabloid. I panicked. To know someone knows about Josie…our lives…”
“I understand. You had every reason to panic,” I say understandingly. “About the tabloid…”
She looks up at me fearfully, as if another shoe is about to drop.
“No, no. Don’t worry.” I put my hand up to ease her worries.
I see her shoulder drop in quiet relief. “What is it then?”
“I figured out who was leaking information to the press.”
“What? Who?” she asks, her eyebrows raised.
“It was as I suspected. It was a staff member in the daycare.”
“Fucking bitch!” says Erica loudly as she shakes her head.
I try to hide my amusement at her vulgar outburst.
“Yes, well, she’s gone now.”
“Wait. R-really?” asks Erica in disbelief.
“Mhmm. That’s the meeting I was in this morning.
My attorney looked into the situation and we were able to get a name.
She joined us this morning and we let her know that she could be facing time for leaking confidential personal information about a minor.
She’s been fired and is probably on her way out now, but not before she signed an NDA. ”
I see Erica’s eyes welling up with tears as I deliver the news. I want to reach over and gently grab her hand, but I keep my hands on my lap and let her soak in this new information.
“We won’t have to worry about her anymore,” I say. “Josie is safe.”
“I-I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I want Josie to be safe. It kills me to know that someone who works here would ever do anything so damaging. I’m just glad that your name and hers were left out of it.”
“But what about you?” she asks.
“I’m fine. I’m old news by now.” I wave her off.
She stands slowly from the chair she’s in and I follow her lead.
I come around to walk her out the door, but am surprised when she pulls me in for a hug.
For a moment, I don’t know what to do with my hands because they’ve craved this.
My entire body has. I give myself permission to hug her back, but gently as if she might break underneath them.
“Thank you,” she says softly. “Really.”
“Of course. Thank you for giving me a chance.”
She pulls away, sooner than I’d like and gives me a weak smile before turning and walking out the door. I watch her go before sitting back at my desk. I can’t believe what just happened. She’s giving me a chance to be a father to Josie. I never would have expected today to go like this.
After the stressful meeting with my attorney and former employee, my mood was anything but lifted, but now it feels like all the pieces are falling together to form a beautiful, but still complicated picture.
I should be happy, but a part of me feels like one big piece of the puzzle is still missing.
Erica said I could be a part of Josie’s life, but she didn’t mention anything about being a part of hers.