Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Suzie
The warm weight of Pete on one side and Dexter on the other should feel suffocating after what we just did, but it doesn't. It feels... safe. Comforting, even.
Their combined body heat makes the room feel like a furnace, but I’m not moving an inch. Pete's hand strokes lazy circles on my back, and Dexter's fingers tangle with mine.
It's perfect.
Too perfect.
That's the problem.
A quiet sigh escapes me, and Pete's hand stills.
"You okay, babygirl?" His deep voice is soft like he's scared of shattering whatever this is.
I bury my face into his chest, inhaling the faint scent of his signature shower gel. It's grounding, but it doesn't stop the swirling thoughts from flooding my brain.
"I don't know," I admit, my voice muffled against his skin.
Dexter shifts beside me, propping himself up on an elbow. His free hand brushes a strand of damp hair from my face. "Talk to us, sunshine," he urges gently.
I glance between them, their faces lit with concern. The words I need to say are caught in my throat, tangled in fear and doubt. But if I don't say them now, things will just get drawn out, until it's too late to have these kinds of conversations without my tiny secret affecting things.
"I'm scared," I finally whisper.
Pete's hand resumes its soothing strokes. "Scared of what?"
My eyes close, the weight of their attention heavy but not unwelcome. "Of this. Of how good this feels. Of what happens when your month here is up, and you go back to your lives."
The silence stretches between us, thick and suffocating. I force myself to keep going, to push past the lump in my throat.
"You already have each other. You don't need me. Not really. And I... I could fall for you. I'm already halfway there, and it's terrifying because I know how this ends. You leave, and I'm just forgotten, left to pick up the broken pieces like the last time Pete broke up with me."
Dexter's sharp inhale cuts through the air and Pete pulls me closer, his hold almost desperate.
"Suzie," Pete says, his voice low and firm. "That's not?—"
"No," I interrupt, sitting up and pulling the sheet around me like a shield or some kind of armor. "Don’t tell me it won't happen. It's happened before. People make promises, say all other good things, and then they leave when it gets too hard. Or they break up with you for your own good and send you halfway across the world." A sob escapes, and I take a deep steadying breath, trying to get control of my emotions.
How the hell had I let it get to this point? We were enjoying each other just a few short moments ago and now I was in the middle of a manic meltdown.I know it’s likely pregnancy hormones, but I can’t say that out loud, nor can I stop the emotions from spiraling.
"What happens when you both realize this is too hard?”
Dexter sits up at this too, his expression stricken. "You're not hard work. A relationship with you... Sunshine, it's everything. We?—"
"We've been planning. Planning to move here," Pete blurts out, his voice cutting through Dexter's. "We're looking into transferring here. Making this a permanent move. If this is where you want to be, this is where we want to be too."
His words hit me like a slap, and I stare at him in stunned silence.
"What?" My voice trembles, disbelief and anger bubbling to the surface.
"We didn't want to push you too fast," Dexter adds quickly, sending a sharp glare in Pete's direction. "But we've been talking to our clients and contacts, figuring out how we can make this work long-term."
"Long term?" I repeat, the word tasting bitter in my mouth. My heart is racing now, not from the warmth of their presence but from the sheer panic clawing its way up my throat. "You're serious."
Pete reaches for me, but I scoot back, my head shaking wildly.
"No! No, no, no, no. You don't get to make these kinds of declarations. You don't get to—" My voice cracks, and I swallow hard, trying to steady it.
I don't know what hurts the worst. Them making big decisions like these without talking to me about it, or knowing that I wasn't important enough two years ago. Why is he willing to uproot his entire life now, but not then?
"You don't get to play with my feelings like this," I bite out. "You don't get to waltz back into my life, make empty promises, and think I'll just fall in line because I like being told I'm a good girl."
"Suzie," Dexter pleads. "That's not what this is."
"I need you to leave," I say, cutting him off.
Both of them freeze, their faces pale with shock.
"What?" Pete's voice is barely above a whisper.
"You heard me." My chest aches, but I force the words out. "Get out. Both of you."
"Suzie—" Dexter tries.
"Go!" I shout, my voice breaking on a sob. Tears blur my vision as I clutch the sheet tighter around me.
They don't argue. Pete's shoulders sag as he climbs out of bed, gathering his clothes in silence. Dexter hesitates, his eyes searching mine for something, but I look away.
When the door finally closes behind them, I collapse back onto the bed, tears streaming down my face.
The silence they leave behind is deafening.
The tears don't stop, no matter how tightly I hug myself, no matter how many deep breaths I take. My chest heaves, each sob tearing through me like a storm I can't contain.
Why the hell did I just do that? Why the fuck am I such a huge mess?
The second they walk out, the silence becomes unbearable. The weight of the empty space where they should be presses down on me, crushing and suffocating.
But it's what I had to do. Right? I need to protect myself. But more importantly, I need to protect my child.
I curl up on my side, the sheet still wrapped around me like a cocoon. My mind is a battlefield of doubt and regret. I told them to leave because I didn't believe they'd stay. My fear chased them away.
But they left. They actually left.
The thought pierces my heart, the pain sharp and unforgiving. A small broken laugh escapes me, bitter and hollow. Of course they left. It's exactly what I knew would happen. But it’s just more than I expected—more than I want to admit.
I wipe at my face with trembling hands, trying to steady myself. I can't keep spiraling like this. Not alone. I need someone to pull me out of this funk, and there's only one person who comes to mind.
Fumbling for my phone on the nightstand, I rush to dial Annie's number. The phone rings twice before her cheerful voice answers.
"Suzie! Hey babe. How's your visit with the two hotshots going?"
The sound of her voice is like balm to my raw nerves, and I take a shaky breath.
"Hey," I manage, my voice hoarse. "Are you busy?"
"Not for you," she says instantly, her tone softening. Gone is the previous teasing note to her voice, quickly replaced with nothing but care and love. And worry. "What's going on?"
The floodgates open, and the words tumble out before I can stop them. "They left, Annie. I mean, I chased them out, but they actually did go, and now I don't know what to do."
"Whoa, whoa, slow down," she says, her voice gentle but firm. "What happened?"
I sniffle, wiping at my face again. "I... I freaked out. They told me they were planning to stay, to move here, and I kind of just exploded. It felt too big, too much, and I told them to leave."
"Oh, Suzie." Her voice is full of sympathy, and it makes my chest tighten even more.
"I was scared, Annie," I admit, my voice cracking. "I was scared they'd change their minds, or that I'd never be enough, or... I don't know. And now they're gone, and I'll have to raise this baby by myself!"
My declaration is met with a heavy silence.
For a moment I think the call might have dropped, but then Annie's voice comes back, filled with surprise and something softer.
"Oh Suzie, baby." Her voice is soft, filled with sympathy and only brings more tears to my eyes. "Are you okay? How are you feeling?"
"I don't know," I admit, my voice trembling. "I haven't told them. I was scared and wanted to be sure that they were here for me, and not a baby. And now they're gone and I can't tell them!" I wail.
Annie sighs, and I can practically hear her thinking. "You're dealing with a lot, so I'm going to try to keep things chill. But babe, you need to tell them. It's not fair to them not to know. I'm assuming that you're keeping the baby, from the way you're talking?"
A hiccup escapes and I sniffle, trying to wipe away the mess of tears. "Of course I am."
"Do you want your baby to grow up without its fathers?"
There's no censure in her words, no judgement. But I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt regardless.
She interprets my silence as an answer. "So then you need to tell them."
"I know," I whine. "But not yet, okay? And you can't tell my dads. They'll either fly down here to kill me or hunt down Pete and Dexter to castrate them."
Annie sighs before responding. "Fine. But I don't like keeping a secret this big so you've only got a week tops before I tell them."
With her promise to keep her silence and another urgent plea for me to reach out to Pete and Dexter again, we say our goodbyes.
It wasn't the friendly cuddle I'd have liked, but it was close enough. I tug the sheet tighter around me and pull a pillow to me, cuddling it as I let more tears fall.
Tears for my broken heart.
Tears for my little secret.
Tears for a future I'm not at all sure I can have.