Chapter 14 Sagitta
Sagitta
As my anxious mind retreated into its dark corners, my body switched to autopilot. I returned to the apartment, unloaded half the groceries from the fridge, and did the only thing I knew how to do well. The only thing I’d never fucked up.
Cook dinner.
I welcomed the way the onions stung my eyes. I didn’t cry often, but it felt cathartic for them to hurt now. I wiped the tears against my shoulder and kept chopping aromatics. Having a task to focus on stopped me from thinking too hard about the day’s events.
How badly I’d screwed up Chase’s life. How guilty I felt. How, when he got home, he’d rightfully kick me to the curb after my catastrophic failure.
My throat tightened. I swallowed past the painful lump. No time to cry. I had to cook dinner. If it was the last thing I did here, at least I could feed Chase a proper meal.
And then what? When he asked me to leave, I’d trudge back to the temple and beg Cygnet for his help finishing the job I couldn’t handle.
Hot shame prickled the back of my neck. I wasn’t looking forward to that mortifying conversation, and I wasn’t looking forward to leaving Chase’s apartment and going back to my normal life.
I wanted to stay.
A sharp thud echoed through the kitchen as my knife cut through the ginger and hit the wooden chopping block beneath.
The half-eaten soft pretzels from the mall trembled on the counter.
I grimaced. It pained me to think about Chase’s dietary habits.
Would he go back to chugging protein shakes and eating plain pasta the minute I left?
By the time I finished dinner, the sun brushed low against the horizon. The apartment glowed deep orange and pink.
It was late. Where was Chase?
As I covered the food to keep it hot, I heard the front door jiggle. My heart raced as Chase burst inside. His hair was swept in every direction, and his cheeks were pink from exertion. The set of his brows made me think they’d been furrowed for hours.
But his expression flipped when he saw me.
“Sagitta,” he rasped. Relief dripped from his voice. “Where have you been?”
I blinked. Did he expect me to be elsewhere?
“I... I’ve been here the entire time,” I told him.
Chase let out a sigh that was almost a wail. He ran over, grabbed me, and hugged me hard.
Heat rushed to my face. I stayed frozen, not sure why he was reacting that way.
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” he cried.
“Wh... what?”
“I searched the whole mall, top to bottom—twice. When I didn’t find you there, I retraced my steps to all the places we’d been together. The donut shop, the sex toy store, even the fucking alley we kissed in.”
My heart thumped with frantic, syrupy beats. Why did he sound so relieved?
“The only place I didn’t check was the temple ‘cause I didn’t want to run into Cygnet, but I was this close. Then I came back here and checked. Fuck, I’m glad I did.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, confused and dazed. “I thought... I thought you wanted me to leave you alone.”
Chase escaped the hug so he could face me. His expression twisted into pure confusion. “Why would I want that?”
My chest contorted into knots, squeezing the pain up and out. The difficult words finally poured out of me.
“Because I failed you. The one thing I’m supposed to be good at, and I couldn’t do it. And today, my incompetence as an exorcist cost you your job.”
Tears stung my eyes, and this time they weren’t from the onions.
Understanding dawned on Chase’s face. He gripped my shoulders. “Dude, fuck that. You’re more important to me than some shitty minimum wage job.”
I sucked in a small, sharp breath.
I’m important to him?
“Is that why you look so scared? Because you think I was pissed about getting fired?” he asked.
I hadn’t even realized that I looked scared. Normally I was better at hiding my emotions, but today was rough. It got under my skin.
“That, and the fact that you’re still possessed,” I mumbled.
Chase blew out a breath. “Yeah, okay. That sucks. And it sucks that I got fired. But...” He grimaced. “I was being a moron. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. None of what happened was your fault.”
Self-deprecating anger flared in my chest. “Yes, it was. If I’d performed that first exorcism properly—”
“—then we wouldn’t be together right now,” Chase stated.
He said it with such resounding finality that it made me stop and stare.
“Then... you’re not mad at me?” I asked.
A breathy laugh escaped him. He embraced me again, his strong arms curling around my back. His body heat and the comforting scent of his hoodie soothed my spirit. As my tightly wound tension evaporated, I closed my eyes and relaxed into his body.
“No, dumbass,” Chase mumbled into my shoulder. “I was worried as fuck, though.”
Emotion choked my throat. I breathed through it. I didn’t want to cry on him.
“I should’ve told you I went home,” I said.
“Well, I shouldn’t have been an ass, so we’re even.”
I appreciated his words, even though I didn’t fully believe them. It was my fault that he was still possessed. If I was stronger...
Chase sniffed the air. “Is something burning?”
Cursing, I wriggled out of his arms and ran to the stove, but it was too late. The bottom of the pan was burnt. The food was just charred enough to be inedible.
A wave of despair hit me like a truck. Frustration, anger, and self-hatred made me sink down to my knees.
The one thing I was good at, and now I’d fucked that up, too.
I was two seconds away from a total mental breakdown when Chase lifted me from behind, brushed my hair aside, and kissed the back of my neck.
A hot, vivid shiver coursed down my spine. It annihilated any thoughts except fuck, that felt good.
“It’s okay,” Chase promised. “We’ll redo it together, yeah?”
My heart pounded hard and fast. It took me a second to form thoughts again. Finally, I nodded and put down the metal spoon clutched in my fist.
“Let’s make something easier,” I mumbled. “Can you get some garlic?”
Chase planted another kiss on the back of my neck and I bit back a gasp. “You got it.”
He scanned the counter for the paper bag containing the garlic, then paused when he noticed the half-eaten soft pretzels.
“Wait... are these the pretzels from the mall?” he asked.
“Yes. I held onto them for you.”
His gaze melted into a pair of puppy eyes. “Dude, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”
I disguised my flustered reaction with a snort. “Oh, come on.”
“I mean it.”
My pulse was a constant rapid thrum as we prepared the new meal. The back of my neck tingled where Chase kissed it. I was grateful that the dish was second-nature to me, because otherwise I’d be too distracted to do anything but mindlessly stir a pot.
“By the way, I have two major updates,” Chase said as he peeled the skin off a garlic clove. With a premature grimace, he added, “You might get pissed at me, though.”
At this point, I was emotionally exhausted. The only thing I could feel was relief. And possibly arousal.
“Try me,” I said.
He handed me the naked clove. “After I left the food court, I ran into Lily. I felt crappy, and I was in a desperate mood, and I kind of told her everything.”
That was... not great.
I sighed. There was no taking it back, and I was too drained to be angry at Chase. “It is what it is. I assume she’s trustworthy?”
Chase nodded. “If there’s anyone I’d trust to keep a secret, it’s her. And I think she actually believed me, too.”
That was a surprise. Most of society didn’t believe in demons or supernatural entities. But her belief in Chase’s unusual tale spoke of her belief in him. Somehow that eased my nerves about Chase breaching confidentiality.
“All right. What’s the second update?” I asked.
Chase snorted, more chipper now. “You’re not gonna believe this. I’ve got some new info on our demon, Faust.”
“Don’t call him our demon,” I grumbled. “What did you learn?”
Chase cleared his throat and declared, “He’s asexual.”
The statement took me so off guard that I nearly dropped the package of noodles on the floor.
“You’re joking,” I said dryly.
“Nope.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Then he must be joking.”
“Dead serious,” Chase confirmed. “That’s why he went AWOL at the sex toy store and only reappeared the next day. Besides, I can usually tell when he’s joking around and when he’s not. He was definitely serious about his sexuality.”
I stared at him silently for a few more seconds before lowering the noodles into the pan. I could barely process the concept of an asexual demon. Wasn’t that like a dog that refused steak, or a rabbit that turned its nose up at carrots?
“Okay. I don’t know what to do with this information,” I admitted.
He shot me an easygoing grin. “Me neither, but I know you’ll figure something out.”
Chase’s faith made my chest clench. He wasn’t angry at my failure. And he still believed in me.
I felt like I didn’t deserve his faith. Like I didn’t deserve him.
Suddenly, an idea sprang to my mind, clearing the fog of doubt like a holy arrow piercing the darkness.
Could that really work...?
My gaze snapped to Chase. He dutifully watched the wok, stirring it once in a while so it didn’t burn, oblivious to what I was about to suggest.
“Chase,” I said.
“Yeah?” he replied, still peering into the wok.
“If what the demon says is true, and he’s kept at bay by sexual topics and situations...”
He lifted his head to face me.
My heart beat wildly. I forced past my embarrassment to spit out the next words.
“What if we had sex?” I suggested.
His face turned pink, and it wasn’t from the steam.
“Oh. Um. I didn’t think about that,” he stammered. “But wait. What about the time on the couch...?”
“We were intimate, sure. But did it count as sex?”
“I’m not sure,” Chase said, flustered. His lashes brushed his cheek as he glanced down, then back at me. “Like, I know sex means different things to everyone. Maybe he doesn’t count handjobs.”
My whole body grew hot from the inside out. I was barely used to discussing my emotions out loud, let alone sex.
“It meant something to me,” I admitted, hoping my face didn’t look as flushed as I felt. “But perhaps the demon has a different definition.”
I watched Chase’s throat bob as he swallowed. “You mean, like, penetration?”
We blinked at each other in awkward, fidgety silence.
I wrenched my attention back to the wok, relieved to escape from the unspoken question hanging in the air.
My heartbeat was frantic, like I’d drank too much caffeine.
The longer the quiet stretched on, the more I doubted myself.
Was that a stupid thing to suggest? Would it even work?
“Is the demon speaking to you?” I asked.
Chase shook his head. “Not since I got to the apartment.” He opened his mouth, then hesitated. “You know, it was Faust’s idea to check if you were here. It’s weird. It’s almost like he likes it when we’re together.”
My brow furrowed in confusion. “But you said he’s asexual. Wouldn’t he want to avoid that?”
“Romance and sex are different things,” Chase mused. “Maybe he’s fine with one but not the other?”
My mind swarmed with questions. What was Faust planning? Every other demon I’d dealt with was simple and easy to understand, but I couldn’t make heads or tails of Faust’s actions. At the end of the day, what did he want from Chase? What would make him abandon his vessel?
This is the best lead we have so far, I thought. We’d be fools if we didn’t at least try it...
“Well? What do you think?” Chase asked.
I couldn’t believe this was where my career had led me. I clenched my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose.
Shit. My career.
If everyone at the temple knew I fucked my client, my career would be over.
But what if that was the only way to rid Chase of the demon’s influence?
In that case, didn’t the ends justify the means?
It was always a noble act to help a possession victim.
That was my genuine belief... yet that didn’t stop me from feeling guilty about all of this.
Dammit. Now this was turning into a logistical nightmare. Did I need to draw up a contract, or would verbal confirmation suffice? Why was sex so fucking complicated?
Chase touched my arm, pulling me from my thoughts.
“What do you want?” he asked gently.
The warmth in his eyes was almost painful. Every time I thought I couldn’t be more fond of him, he gave me a look that melted my heart.
I put my hand on top of his. “The same thing I’ve wanted since the start. I want to help you, no matter what it takes.”
He smiled, then looked sheepish. “Okay, but do you actually want to have sex with me, or are you just doing it to exorcise a demon?”
I blushed furiously. He was really going to make me say it.
“Yes, I want to have sex with you, okay?” I snapped.
He laughed. “You’re so cute.”
A flutter of warmth tickled my chest. It almost frightened me how excited I felt.