2. Clive
Clive
“W hat?” I stare at Kay, trying to see what her angle is. A tropical vacation? With her? That’s like asking to get food poisoning in paradise. She’s making it sound like we’d be going on a cruise, a big happy family all over again. Only this time without the family part.
“You look confused,” she says. “Maybe you’re going deaf in your old age?”
“No,” I say. “I heard you. I just don’t believe it.”
“We have that place in Cozumel,” she says.
“I have that place,” I say. “You said you preferred the house in St. Moritz.”
“Yes, that’s the far superior property, but I’ll miss Mexico. The ocean, the sun?—”
“The tequila.”
She shrugs like that’s a given. “We’ll take one last trip. The four of us.”
I can’t decide if she’s serious or if this is one of her old mind games. Either way, I don’t like it. “And I suppose this is all about Jack,” I say.
“I think we could have a good time,” she says. “After everything that’s happened.”
“I’m not sure Jack’s the one you should worry about.”
“That’s exactly why we should go.”
I lean back in the chair. It creaks a little, not used to the weight of a human. “What’s your angle, Kay? We’re not getting back together.”
“Angle?” she says. “You wound me, Clive. And you’re arrogance is staggering. I don’t really want to reconcile.” She almost sounds offended, but there’s that gleam in her eyes. I know it too well. She’s up to something. I take the bait.
“All right,” I say. “I’ll bite. Tell me what you’re getting at.”
“It’ll be like old times. Before things got…difficult.”
“Is that what you call it?” I say. “Difficult?”
“Before you lost interest,” she says. “And started spending more time with your other wife.”
“The one that doesn’t give me trouble?”
“The one that pays you more attention.”
“The company,” I say. “It doesn’t talk back.”
“Jack could be like that.”
“He is like that,” I say. “Since he’s typically nowhere to be found.”
“Which is why we should do this.”
“Kay, listen,” I say. “I’m just now getting out of this. Do you really think I want to spend more time around you?”
“It won’t be like that,” she says. “It’ll be different.”
“How?”
“You’ll have a tan.”
I let out a long breath. “I’m still not seeing why you even want me there.”
“You need a vacation, Clive. You’ve been working too hard.”
“That never bothered you before,” I say.
“Think of it as a goodbye present to me.”
“You’re already giving me that,” I say, looking at the divorce papers.
“Oh, come on. We can relax. It’ll be fun.”
“You have a strange idea of fun.”
“Tell me about it,” she says. “I married you.”
“Cute,” I say. “Very cute.”
“It’ll be great for us.”
“Us?” I say. “There’s an us?”
“Of course,” she says. “You, me, Jack, and Becca.”
There it is. Becca. It’s the first time I’ve heard her use the girl’s full name, and it won’t be the last.
“This is about her, isn’t it?” I say. “You’re up to something.”
“You make it sound so devious,” she says. “It’s not.”
“You think I’m going to watch you push Jack into a proposal when he’s mistreated that poor girl for years?” I snap, unable to disguise the anger in my voice.
“They’ve been together for years,” she says. “It’s going to happen. This will just speed things along.”
“It’ll be a disaster.”
“Clive.”
“Like every vacation we ever took.”
“It’ll be good for him,” she says. “And for you.”
“For me?”
“Come on, Clive,” she says. “One last hurrah.”
“This is a bad idea,” I say. “A terrible idea.”
“Is that a yes?”
She’s pressing hard. Too hard. I think of Becca, how quiet she is, how she puts up with Jack the way I used to put up with Kay. There’s more to her than Jack will ever see, and I’ll have to stand by while he shows her less attention than he does to his new golf clubs.
“She’s in love with him,” Kay says, trying to read my face.
“She’s in love with something,” I say.
“You know what I think?”
“Do I want to?”
“I think you’re jealous,” she says.
“Kay—”
“No, really. I think that’s it.”
“Jealous of what?”
“Someone else taking over your company. I think you’re scared to let go.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” I say.
“Maybe,” she says. “But I think I’m right.”
“You’re not.”
“Then prove it. Come with us.”
“I’m not jealous,” I say. “I just don’t like seeing Jack treat Becca that way.”
“She doesn’t mind. You’re the one who does.”
That makes me stop. Kay knows how to get to me, and she’s been doing it long enough that she’s right more often than not. I want to walk away. I don’t want to walk away.
“It’s a terrible idea,” I say again.
“For who?”
“For me.”
“Then why are you thinking so hard?”
“I don’t know what you expect,” I say. “You know how Jack is.”
“Yes,” she says. “That’s why we should do this. To help Jack settle down.”
“This is going to end badly.”
“It’s going to end,” she says. “That’s all you care about.”
I look at her, at the way she’s already certain she’s won. And the thing that scares me is that she’s right. About more than I want to admit.
“What do you think it will be?” she says. “A week in paradise?”
“It’ll be a week in something.”
“Then you’ll come?”
“Don’t hold me to it.”
“I thought you loved a challenge,” she says.
“I used to.”
“You used to love me.”
“I’m a little more careful with my investments now.”
“That’s funny,” she says. “You’re investing in the same thing again.”
She has a way of making me do what I don’t want to do. She also has a way of getting herself into trouble.
“Two weeks,” I say. “That’s when I can get away.”
“Two weeks is perfect,” she says.
“I’m sure it is,” I say. “For you.”
“Then it’s a date,” she says.
I get up and stretch, shaking my head at how easily I gave in. It was supposed to be easy. Just get the papers signed, say goodbye, and leave Kay behind. But it never works that way. I start for the door. I have to get out before I agree to more than I want.
“Where are you going?” she says.
“Home,” I say. “Remember, we live in different places now.”
I let myself out and get in the car. She watches me go, arms folded like she’s conquered a new territory. The smart thing would be to cancel the trip and tell her I’m busy. But for some reason, I don’t.
The last thing I should be thinking of is Becca. Kay was right about that. She’s right about more than I’ll ever admit, even to myself. Becca is why I’m agreeing to the trip. Becca is why I’m going to regret it. Becca is what I want and can’t have.
* * *
I drive back toward the city, but I’m unsure how Kay got me to say yes. Not sure how I let her. I should cancel and tell them I’m too busy, but it’s not going to happen. I know myself too well. I’ll be there, right in the middle of the mess she’s creating.
The smart thing is to back out. Let them have their fun. But I’ve never been known for being smart. Or backing out.
The road stretches out, and I have nothing but time to think. Becca. How she looks when Jack’s saying something stupid, that faraway look in her eyes, makes me want to rescue her. To tell her there’s more to life than the crap Jack’s feeding her. I want to show her she can do better and make sure she knows I’m part of the better.
I’m worse for her, and I know it. I’m almost twenty years older than her. But it’s not stopping me. Nothing will.
The radio plays an old rock song playing that I can’t name. She’s like that, Becca. Something I used to know, something I’m trying to remember. It’s been years since I’ve wanted anything so much.
Kay thinks this trip will fix things with Jack. Maybe it will. Perhaps it’ll make him wake up and propose. Or maybe it’ll make Becca wake up and leave. Either way, I’m there to watch. Either way, I want her. More than I should.
The sky is gray with snow coming, and it’s easy to imagine Mexico. The heat. The ocean. The chance to be near her. That’s why I said yes. To make sure Jack doesn’t take her for granted. He will, but I’ll be there when it happens. She’ll need someone, and maybe that someone will be me.
I laugh, a short, loud sound in the car. It echoes, making me feel less sure of everything and like I’ve already lost.
Becca is out of my reach, but I keep reaching. I keep wanting. It’s going to be the death of me. But if I have to die, she’s not a bad way to go.
For the life of me, I don’t know why she’s stuck with Jack for so long. Becca could have anyone. Jack’s careless with her heart, but it won’t matter. She loves him, and that makes her blind.
An inexplicable sense of panic overwhelms me as I consider all the possibilities. I pull into the garage and take a long breath. I didn’t think Kay would win this round. I didn’t think I’d say yes. But she and I did, and there’s no backing out.