Chapter Twenty-One
I’m worried.
I squint through the flashing purple and blue lights, trying to make sense of the clamoring bodies. Someone bumps into me, and I look down at a girl with glazed eyes. She just gives me a dizzy smile as she continues to sway to the music.
This is the last place I want to be.
My feet carry me through the crowd of sweaty people. Heat sticks to my skin, plastering my clothes to my body.
I’m so not dressed to be here either. My ‘90s bell-sleeve dress sticks out like a sore thumb in this upscale night club full of beautiful, scantily clad women.
The bouncer had given me quite the side-eye until he’d noticed how short the dress was, something that I am becoming more self-conscious of as I push through the crowd. In my rush to leave, I had just thrown it on over my bandeau bikini.
I was lucky that Deer was able to get me on a private jet over to Miami at a moment’s notice. Suspicious of exactly where said jet came from but grateful, nonetheless.
Five and a half hours were spent gnawing on my thumb as I tried to get to the boy who was ignoring my every call.
I’d gone through every emotion under the sun during that flight, most of them the anger variety. I was livid that he wouldn’t speak to me. Upset that he’d shut me out. Frustrated that I couldn’t reach him.
But more than anything, I was worried.
And that worry, that deep-seated fear, won out over the anger. It flushed it away because all I care about is that he is okay.
There is a part of me that is mad at myself, too. Mad that I hadn’t been here. Mad that I was states away soaking in a hot spring and getting massages while he suffered.
Parker likes to put on a brave face, but I know all that he hides underneath that. He isn’t used to losing, to not getting what he wants, and I didn’t know how he would handle it.
This is everything I’d feared when the tournaments started up.
I break through the crowd and spot an elevated area below the raised DJ booth. The security guy manning the roped-off area is a clear signal to the exclusivity. If Parker is anywhere, he’ll be there.
I only make it a few steps before there is a loud hiss and smoke billows out from the raised DJ stage. I suck in my shock as the cold haze surrounds me. My head tilts up to see two men flanking the DJ with spray guns, shooting out a flurry of bubbles.
My gaze locks on one man in particular.
That glowing blue mask looks down at me, and it sends a chill through my skin. We stare at each other for a few seconds. I hold my breath, waiting a beat before taking a step toward him.
He bolts.
“God dammit,” I mutter.
One second, he’s standing above me in a cloud of smoke, the next, he’s gone.
My eyes track through the crowds and spot him making a beeline through the roped-off area. He stumbles in his escape, leaning into some random guys before righting himself. His spray gun is thrown haphazardly onto a table.
That mask flashes again when he turns back briefly to see where I am before continuing on his way.
Hurt stabs into my chest like a poisoned dagger.
I push the feeling aside as I move to catch up to him. I don’t know this club like he does, but I’ve chased after these boys my fair share of times, so I can track him like he’s a rabbit on the loose.
I keep my eyes on the back of Parker’s head as he races to get farther from me. I make it into a back hallway, and a security guard tries to stop me. I huff out a silent apology as I duck under his arm and kick him in the back of the legs.
A loud bang has me altering my course, and I round a corner in time to see one of the emergency exit doors swinging closed.
I follow suit, pushing out into the balmy night air.
“Parker!” I yell at the figure running down the alleyway. He pauses briefly at my words. “You can’t run forever.”
Part of me hopes that I’ve broken through.
That part of me is very na?ve.
Parker keeps up his escape, but he’s a mess. He isn’t even running in a straight line; he keeps veering slightly off course. He manages to successfully exit the alley and runs onto the main street. Even at three in the morning, downtown Miami is still a busy city.
I am going to kill him for putting me through this.
The crowds of people slow him down and, finally, he stumbles and fails to correct his balance in time. Parker falls to his knees, and it gives me the window I need to catch up to him.
My hand closes around the crook of his elbow. I hold tight, knowing that I cannot afford to let him go.
People keep moving around us, but I see nothing except the scared man in front of me. He doesn’t say a word. Doesn’t move. I keep hold as I crouch before him, sinking back on my heels. My free hand comes up to caress the side of his mask, and I stare into those blue Xs that I know hide pain.
“I’ve got you,” I whisper.
His head falls forward to rest against my own, and we stay like that for a few moments.
“I botched it, Syd.” The words are slightly slurred, and they are muffled by the mask. But even still, I hear the ache, the disappointment.
“It was one run. You’ll get it next time. And even then, if you don’t, we will try again. It doesn’t define you.”
He shakes his head, the top of the mask rubbing against my bangs. “But it does.”
“It doesn’t.”
“You don’t get it.” He rears back from me so quickly I almost fall on my ass. “It means everything.”
My brows knit in confusion. I know he is torn up over the loss. It was his first one. But this is so much more. I don’t get why it’s affecting him so strongly, why he’s letting it eat away at him. There are more chances to qualify.
I open my mouth to push but close it when I finally take note of all the people passing by us giving us odd looks.
Dammit.
“People are beginning to stare. Let’s get you back to the hotel.” I give his arm a light squeeze before pulling him to stand with me.
He tries to tug out of my grasp, but I level him with a hard glare before signaling for a nearby taxi. It takes extra effort than usual to get him inside. He’s more than a little tipsy right now, which isn’t a common occurrence for him.
We ride in silence through the traffic until we reach the Covington. I keep my expression neutral as I get him out of the car. There are still a handful of reporters camped outside, and this isn’t going to be a good look.
One of the security guards from the hotel comes to assist me, but Parker shrugs him off with a grunt and stalks into the hotel on his own. Magically, he manages to walk in a straight line and mask his slightly inebriated state.
I bite my tongue as I rush to follow him, but I make sure to mentally catalog which reporters have their cameras trained on us, to follow up with later. I stay close on Parker’s heels until we get to his hotel suite. He reaches into his pockets, searching for his key card, but comes up empty.
I sigh, pulling a copy from my handbag and scanning us inside. I’d gotten the key card from his sister when I’d come looking for him initially, just to find his hotel room empty and phone dead on the ground.
I’d only been able to locate him because Phoebe had made sure one of their security detail was following him.
We move in silence.
I go to the small fridge and pull out a bottle of water. He opens the balcony door and steps out into the night.
Parker leans against the railing, and my heart cracks in two.
I walk behind him, placing the bottle on the small outdoor table before tugging on his elbows.
He turns to face me. I reach up, the tips of my fingers grazing the sides of his mask. I push up on the balls of my feet to slide his mask off and drop it to the side.
My breath catches as I look up at the heartbreakingly beautiful man before me. Without the mask, there’s nothing to hide the raw ache falling across his face. I search his eyes, looking for an answer in the hurt.
“What happened?”
He lets out a bitter laugh and turns away from me. He grips the railing with both hands, leaning his body back. His long arms keep him from falling over as he tips his head completely back, eyes closed. His hair turns the color of moonlight as it flops in the air.
A troubled prince with a crooked crown.
“Parker, don’t shut me out. You can talk to me.” I hug my arms around myself to ward off the growing chill.
“I can’t.”
“You can.”
“No, Syd. I can’t. I fucked up. It feels like the sky’s falling, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.” He opens his eyes, and I’m stopped by the dead look of defeat in them.
“I don’t get it. It was just a match.” My voice is small and confused.
I hug myself tighter.
Every part of me is screaming to do something to make this better. I’m freaked out because I’ve never seen him like this. I’ve never seen Parker so desolate, so without hope.
Sure, he messed up the run. I watched it twice through on my flight over and saw the exact moment his attention strayed. I also saw the tension he tried to hide the second he took the stage, the precursor to his mental state. They were things we could work on. I also knew Mathias would have his back, that he would have his own guys go through the tape and gameplay to help Parker improve before the championship. This wasn’t the end of the world. It was just a small road bump.
“I couldn’t beat Creep. How am I supposed to be the best if I can’t beat him? How am I supposed to be the best when I mess up on stage? I get distracted by a flicker of light when my concentration is supposed to be steel.”
“Parker—”
“I’m embarrassed, Sydney.” His voice cracks, and my heart splinters with it. His eyes swirl with the force of a stormy ocean as he pushes himself to stand straight. “I told everyone I had this championship in the bag, but I don’t know if that’s the truth anymore. I’m scared. I’m scared everyone is going to think I’m a joke.”
“You’re not a joke.” I tentatively reach out and hold the tips of his fingers. “And this wasn’t the championship, Parker. It was one run.”
“One run that I lost. What if I can’t beat him? What if I lose the championship?”
“What if? You’re not anything less if you don’t win the championship. You are still one of the best. You are one of the top ten most-watched video gamers in the world, Parker. Creep and those others don’t even come close to you. Why are you putting so much pressure on this?” I squeeze his hands, begging for him to let me in.
“Because I told my grandfather I would win.” He pulls out of my grasp and walks back into the room, grabbing the water bottle and cracking it open as he goes. He sits on the foot and downs half the bottle before tossing it aside.
I know his family means the world to him; they are thick as thieves.
I shut the balcony door behind me and crawl onto the bed. He leans forward on his elbows, and his hand comes up to spin the hoops in his cartilage nervously. I kneel next to him and wait.
“I’m going to lose my inheritance.”
The words are spoken so softly I almost miss them.
“Not the whole thing but—” He flops back on the bed and presses the heel of his palm to his eyes. “God, Syd, I’d been so desperate to prove myself, and it seemed like such a smart idea. Now I just feel dumb.”
“What are you talking about?”
I wish I could read his mind, understand what is going on right now. I’m trying to read between the lines, but I don’t want to jump to conclusions. Not when he is in such a fragile state. I’m scared that I could break him when all I want to do is help him stay together.
He throws his arms out next to him and sighs.
“Remember that rumor a few weeks back? Before the Wyreless shoot.”
Parker tilts his head to the side to look at me. I nod, thinking back to the conversation we had.
“Turns out there was some truth in that tea.”
“Martin is trying to run you out of the company?”
Crap.
I should have looked into it more. What a rookie mistake on my part.
“Sort of.” He pushes up on his elbows and gives me a sad smile. It’s the worst expression he could have given me. “The entire board is trying to get rid of me.”
“What? Why? Because they want more control?”
“Well, it turns out you can’t be the heir to a company if you never plan to inherit it. The board doesn’t want me to keep my stake in the company if I’m not going to do anything with it.”
Oh. I mean. That does make sense, logically. But it doesn’t really make sense for them to take away his shares as a result.
“Why can’t they just remove you as the heir and be done with it?”
“There’s a bunch of politics,” he sighs. “I own twenty percent of the company as it currently stands. My grandfather is fighting with the board over it and doesn’t want to rock the boat just yet.”
“Wait, your grandfather supports this whole thing?”
“Yeah. He told me he doesn’t see any value in my career as a gamer.”
Oh God. That is awful. I know how close he is to his family. I can’t even begin to imagine how blindsided he must have felt. I know his parents are supportive, so I’d just assumed that everyone in his life was. I thought he had it easy compared to the others.
I didn’t know how wrong I’d been.
“I’m so sorry, Parker.” I reach out and hold his hand in mine.
“He gave me a choice. Step into my role as the heir and work at the company or forfeit my shares and, essentially, my Covington inheritance.”
I suck in a breath.
Dread pools in my stomach. Family is everything to Parker; there’s no way he could accept being thrown out of it.
I start to get mad.
Why would he keep this from me? From all of us?
This would affect everything.
Why didn’t he trust us, trust me?
“What did you pick?”
“Neither, for now.”
“What?”
“I made him a deal. He’s trying to force my hand because he thinks gaming isn’t serious. So, I told him I would prove otherwise. I would prove that I am the best at what I do and that it matters. I told him I would win this championship. He said if I could do that, he would stop the board from taking my shares, that I could still be part of the Covington conglomerate even if I didn’t work for them. I was going to have the best of both worlds. Turns out I can’t have my cake and eat it too.” He curls onto his side and tugs my hand close to his chest. “I lost to Creep. If I lose to him again, I lose everything.”
Now it all makes sense.
I lie down on the bed and curl into a fetal position to match him, lining our bodies up as mirrors. Our hands are clasped between us, a connection of strength to ground ourselves.
“You’re not going to lose, Parker.”
“You can’t promise that,” he whispers.
“Okay, sure. I can’t guarantee that you’ll win. But I sure as hell can make sure that you compete to the best of your ability. I can make sure that you train so hard that when you step onto that stage, the likelihood of you losing is so low, it doesn’t even register on the radar.”
“And if I still lose?”
“If you still lose…then I’ll respect whatever your decision is.” The words taste like acid in my mouth.
“Wait, what do you mean?”
“I mean if you decide to work for your family, I’ll support you.”
He frowns, and his hands tighten on mine. “I wouldn’t do that. I could never leave The System behind. I’d be miserable if I didn’t game. It would be like living without my soul. I’d be a wandering husk of myself.”
“Oh.”
“And I wouldn’t be able to see you every day if I left. I’m not sure I would survive without you in my life.”
I smile, relief and something warm spreading through my veins. “I’m not sure I would survive without your sunshine either.”
He brings my hand to his lips and places a soft kiss on my knuckles.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were dealing with all of this?” I ask him.
“It was my burden to carry.” He shrugs. “I didn’t want to drag anyone else down with the weight.”
“Sometimes you have to share that weight, Parker, otherwise it will crush you.”
“But it’s my responsibility, and I didn’t want you to think less of me.”
“Parker. What if the tables were reversed? What if I were dealing with something like this? Wouldn’t you want to know so you could help?”
“Of course. I would never let you suffer alone.”
“That’s how I feel.” I squeeze his hand. “Don’t shut me out again, please.”
“All right.”
“And don’t run off without your phone again, or I’ll beat you with it before getting a tracker sewn into your arm.”
“Violence, love? Really?”
“Really. You scared me half to death with your disappearing act.”
“I mean…I don’t hate the idea of you branding me.” He winks. “Although, I don’t plan on being apart from you again if I can help it.”
I grin, thankful that he is back to joking. “I’m not sure being attached at the hip is a sign of a healthy relationship. Seems a little codependent.”
“Relationship?”
“I—isn’t that what we’re in? Isn’t that what we discussed the other night?” Panic flares.
“It is.” He grins. “It’s just the first time you’ve actually said the word.”
I shove our joined hands against his chest.
“Don’t tease me like that.”
“But you’re so fun to tease.” He leans forward and kisses the tip of my nose. “I like teasing my girlfriend.”
I blink at him. “Girlfriend?”
“That’s generally the term used for someone you’re in an exclusive relationship with.”
“I guess you’re right.”
It hadn’t really occurred to me. Sure, it has only been three days since we had the conversation, but everything between us is so different than any other relationship I’d been in.
“And that would make me your…” He trails off with a smirk.
I press my lips together, biting them as the word sits on the tip of my tongue.
“Boyfriend.” I grin so hard I’m worried my face will split.
“Aren’t you a lucky one? The Parker Covington is your boyfriend.”
He wiggles his eyebrows, and I roll my eyes.
Parker tugs me into his arms and tangles our legs together. My head snuggles into his chest, and I close my eyes, inhaling his scent as I drift off to sleep.
Sandalwood, crisp ocean, champagne…and home.
Parker smells like home.
But it’s not just that. Everything about Parker feels like home, from the beat of his heart to his fingers on my skin. Parker has been part of my life for so long that I didn’t realize how deeply ingrained he is until this weekend.
I had an amazing time with the girls at the spa resort, pampering ourselves to the max. I never knew how calming a mud bath could be until I had one.
Parker had been right; I was running myself into the ground, and I didn’t need to.
He knew how to take care of me better than I could myself.
And, God, I missed him while I was gone. It was this little niggling feeling in my chest as I went about my day. Everything would be going great, and then I’d have these moments where I’d be thinking, “Oh, Parker would love this,” or “He would laugh at this.”
Small things.
But those small things are the most important, and I know that whatever is going on between us is a lot bigger than I’d thought.
It scares me. Especially after everything that happened today.
He is becoming more and more important to me and I just hope I don’t end up burned.