Chapter Twenty-Eight
“I don’t get how you drink this stuff.” Parker screws his nose up as he sips on the red juice. “It tastes like dirt.”
“That’s because the only things you ingest are champagne and energy drinks. I think your body rejects anything healthy.” I make a loud sucking noise as I finish my own juice.
It’s a carrot, beet, orange, and ginger blend, and it’s my favorite. But no matter how many times I order it for the boys, Jackson and Parker won’t stop acting like I’m making them drink battery acid.
Aleksander pretends he hates it, but he always finishes his before even I do. That’s a win at least.
“I’m healthy,” he challenges, kicking a stray pebble on the sandy sidewalk.
“Sure,” I drawl, tossing my empty cup into the nearest recycling bin.
The action causes my jaw to clench slightly at the slight tug of pain.
My ribs are still a little bruised. I’ve been taking it easy, hoping it would speed up the recovery, and it’s worked, mostly. I still can’t lift anything heavy, but I can officially reach up and grab things off the top shelf without feeling like someone is punching me in the process.
I can also take full breaths again, which is why I wanted to walk along the ocean and enjoy the salty, fresh air.
It’s taken three weeks to get to this point.
I’d spent most of that time resting up in Missouri after Vegas. Partially, it was because I was heading there for Thanksgiving anyway, and partially, it was because I didn’t want my dad to be more worried than he already was. It gave him a sense of comfort to be able to watch over me.
Of course, Parker had flown out to join us between all his press events. He is in even higher demand since his record-breaking win at the Divizion Championship Series. I, personally, am proud of myself for not joining him at those events.
All right, I’d tried to, but my body physically hadn’t let me.
On the plus side, being practically bedridden had shown me that I don’t need to micromanage the boys as much as I have been. Surprisingly, they’d behaved at all their events. I’m not sure how long it will last, but I am grateful for it.
Parker throws the last third of his juice in a nearby trash can, and I scowl at him as he slings an arm over my shoulders.
I huddle into his warmth, saving myself from the cool December air rolling off the dark blue ocean.
“What’s going on in that mind of yours, love?”
“Just thinking how impressed I am none of you boys have done anything ridiculous for almost a month.”
“That you know of.”
My eyes flick up, and I pinch my brows together.
“Kidding, kidding,” he laughs.
“You better be.”
We finally make it back to the beach parking lot, and Parker unlocks the Porsche, opening the door for me.
I hesitate in front of the car for a second before sliding into the passenger seat, scolding myself in the process. I’d done a lot better this time around after the accident. There are still those moments of panic that have resurfaced after so many years, but another added bonus to going back to Missouri is that I’d been able to start therapy back up to make sure I wouldn’t fall prey to my old fears.
I am doing pretty well, if I say so myself.
The nightmares are dwindling, I hadn’t had any panic attacks, and I’m not avoiding cars.
Although, my desire to get back behind the wheel is becoming nonexistent.
“Mind if I take us somewhere?”
I pull my attention from the ocean breezing past and look at the blond prince beside me. Somehow, he gets more and more hot every single day.
“Sure.”
We pull off the highway and start weaving around a couple of side streets. My eyes dart around our surroundings, trying to figure out where we are going. Eventually, my eyes catch on a sign for an out-of-service highway, and the car rolls to a stop just at the entrance, as he shifts it into park.
I keep my mouth shut, not wanting to sound skeptical. I’m not going to lie. The way he’d framed it, I thought it was going to be somewhere a little more romantic than, well, this.
My juice might taste like dirt to him, but this road literally is dirt.
“How long has it been?”
“What?”
“Since you’ve driven. How long has it been?” he clarifies slowly.
“Uh, I stopped around the time you hired me.”
“Were you driving a lot before that?”
Alarm bells begin ringing in my head.
“Not really.” I shake my head. “Why?”
He nods his head a few times, thinking about something. Something that I instinctively know I’m not going to like.
“Do you want to drive again?”
It isn’t the question I’d expected.
There is such clear honesty swirling in his eyes that it makes my chest tighten.
I let out a sigh and let my head fall back against the headrest.
“I don’t know.”
It is the truth. I don’t really need to drive. There is the company rideshare account, plus Francis and the boys. Even Stevie drives me sometimes, although she is an awful driver. Sure, it means I am reliant on people but…
An ugly spore sprouts deep within my chest the more I toil with the thoughts. It begins to stain me from the inside out, clawing at me to look at it. To acknowledge what I’d been ignoring.
That I’d fallen back into my old pattern.
It isn’t that bad, honestly. It’s not like I am avoiding being in cars all together. But just glancing at the wheel of the car and imagining my own hands on it has a knot forming at the base of my throat.
Crap.
“Does it scare you?”
Parker places his hands on top of mine, and it’s then that I realize I’ve been fidgeting with my fingers.
“I don’t know.” My voice is softer this time.
It’s also a lie.
Parker unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out of the car. I watch as he crosses to my door and pulls it open. He holds a hand out to me, and I watch it warily.
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
“Then trust me.”
I know where this is going. I’m not oblivious. And yet there is a part of me that is thankful. Because I know I don’t have the strength to force myself to do this alone. But Parker? Having him tell me that it is okay, that I can do this, somehow that makes it all better. I am relieved to give the power to someone else.
I undo my seatbelt and take his hand. I let him lead me to the driver’s side, and my heart rate begins to spike. My eyes dart all over the interior of the car as he lowers me into the seat and fiddles to get it into position for me. I don’t move an inch, staying perfectly still as he leans in and clicks my belt in for me.
That click resounds in my ears, like a gun being cocked.
“Breathe, love.”
I zone back in and notice Parker has taken a seat next to me.
“I’m not really sure a Porsche is the best car to get back into driving,” I deflect.
“It’s a straight shot. Six miles of nothing but road that comes to a stop. You can’t mess it up.”
“And if I do?”
“This is my cheapest car, it’s fine.”
He says it as though he has forgotten I know exactly how much effort—and money—he went through to get these custom blue sports cars. I am grateful this isn’t his new Lamborghini, I guess.
“My license is expired,” I tell him.
“There are no police here. It’s an abandoned highway.”
“I don’t think I can do this.”
My palms sweat.
“I know you can.”
“Why does this matter so much to you?”
“Because you matter to me.” I shiver at the sincerity, his words rippling over my skin in a cool wave. “I hate the thought that this fear might still rule you. I want to help you get control of that again. Just like you helped me.”
“I didn’t help you.”
“Ah, that’s where you’re wrong, love. I wouldn’t have gone to the run in Vegas if you didn’t push me to leave that hospital room, and I would’ve regretted it.”
Regret.
I would regret letting this fear fester.
I want to take that control back.
My hands curl around the steering wheel, and I let myself just feel the smooth leather for a moment. My chest constricts, but I take several deep breaths, letting myself even out.
I move my foot to the gas pedal and pause.
Wait.
Which side was it on again?
“Right.” Parker slides his hand behind my neck and begins massaging it.
Heat flushes my cheeks, but some of the tension starts to ease away at his contact.
“You have to use your thumb to push down on the center of the gear shift, and then you can move it into drive.”
I nod, repeating the instructions silently in my mind as my hand rests on the knob.
Looking ahead, the road seems a lot longer than six miles.
I just focus on the feeling of Parker’s hands.
Mechanically, I shift the car into drive. My foot presses down on the pedal, and the car purrs to life. The sound of the engine startles me, and I immediately slam my foot on the brake. The car jerks forward slightly. My body catches on the seatbelt.
I want the ground to swallow me up right now.
“Good start,” Parker encourages.
I look at him doubtfully, but his smile doesn’t wane.
“Try again.”
A small puff of air passes my lips, and I slowly let the tension out of my foot, easing it off the brake. The car rolls forward.
My heart pounds in my ears.
“That’s it. Now, the gas pedal.”
I rest my foot over the pedal and apply the least amount of pressure possible. This time, I’m ready for the feel of the engine around me. The car gently continues its progression forward.
“Nice, just a little more.”
I bite my lip.
“Come on, Syd.” Parker keeps up his ministration, kneading my tight neck muscles. “You’ve got this.”
“Okay.”
The speedometer crawls higher as I press my foot down. I get used to the feeling of the car humming around my body and the way the driver’s seat hugs me.
Soon, we’re moving at a casual fifteen miles per hour up the derelict highway. It’s not as awful looking as I’d first perceived it to be. The higher we get, the clearer the view becomes, and my curiosity heightens at what awaits me at the top.
“Perfect, at this speed we’ll reach the top in twenty minutes,” he softly teases.
I purse my lips. “I thought I could take my time.”
“You can, or you can go a little faster; we’re not in a school zone.”
I risk a glance in the rearview mirror, then the side mirrors. There is no one else around.
Nerves wriggle their way through my body, and I flex the iron grip I have on the wheel. So far, it has been going well.
I push down a little more, watching as the number climbs.
Every time I think I might freak out, every time my shoulders tense and my thighs lock, Parker’s there with soft words and deft fingers, chasing the fear away.
I focus on the feeling of his thumb rubbing strong circles up the length of my neck. The way his fingers occasionally drum out a calming beat across my skin.
After a few more minutes pass, he reaches forward and turns up the music volume, allowing a small trickling of sound to filter through the car. A smile tugs at my lips as I recognize one of my current favorite songs.
I’m cruising at a solid thirty miles per hour by the time the car crests the hill. I notice that the highway begins to fall away to the natural elements, the asphalt broken up by sprouting weeds and dirt.
“You can stop here.”
I nod, bringing my foot to the brake and inching the car to a stop. Parker reaches down to shift the vehicle into park with his free hand, but he uses the one on my neck to angle my face toward him.
The golden smile on his face is contagious, and I feel the corners of my lips tugging as my own face splits into a grin.
“You did it. You fucking did it, Syd.”
His free hand cups my jaw, and he pulls me into a dizzying kiss. All the nerves running through me pop and fizzle like champagne, turning into sheer joy. My heart warms, and my tongue slides against his for the briefest moment.
Then, I laugh.
I laugh with no regret, the sound bubbling out of me. My head tilts back, and I close my eyes as my chest continues to rumble with the giggles.
Parker’s thumb glides across my cheek, and I distantly register the wetness. Tears pool in the corners of my eyes, spilling from me with no stop.
I just laugh harder until it turns into a sob.
Parker rushes from the car, running to my side and pulling open the door. He undoes my seatbelt and pulls me into his arms. I curl into his chest, letting him slowly lift me up as the tears continue to flow freely from my body.
They aren’t sad tears, not completely. Yes, there’s a part of them that still mourns my brother, that weeps for the fear and pain I went through in each accident.
But more than anything, they are tears of freedom.
They’re the realization that I’m moving forward. That I’m letting go of the last tendrils of hurt that I was clutching onto. That I am finally allowing myself to heed my brother’s words and live.
No regrets.
These tears are grateful. Grateful for the man holding me. The man who vowed to never leave my side and has proven just that. The man who has pushed me just as much as I’ve pushed him. The man I’ve held feelings for, for far too long.
The man I just might be in love with.
***
I blink through groggy eyes as I land on a soft mattress. My eyes adjust to the darkness, and I register Parker tucking me into his bed.
“What time is it?”
“Half past.”
The last thing I remember is being curled up in his arms as we sat on a bench and watched the sunset fall behind the ocean, chatting ideally about life. I told him about my brother, our childhood and everything between. The nights when I would catch him sneaking in after curfew. The afternoons he would pick me up from school and take me for fro-yo. That he’d indulged me and played dolls as a preteen when anyone else would have laughed. The way he’d also played video games, and I would sit with him on the couch as he played and would doodle in my coloring books. How Carson had been my knight, but that I’d been the one in control of the car when his life ended. How his death broke me for years. That I’d moved to California in memory of him.
“Thank you,” I whisper. “For everything.”
“I’d move the moon for you, Sydney. You don’t even need to ask.”
He curls into bed behind me, and I drift off in the comfort of his arms and the knowledge that I never want to leave them.
***
I watch him sleeping next to me. I memorize every inch of his face. The strong blond brows, the small scar on his temple, the barest hint of stubble on his chin.
My hand itches to reach out to trace the gentle slope of his nose. My thumb begs to rub over his full bottom lip.
The more I look at him, the more I want him.
His lashes flutter seconds before his eyes open. Those baby blues are the kind of color women go mad for. They hold every emotion under the sun, clear as day. Right now, they speak a story of adoration, and I smile in response.
“Hey, beautiful.” Parker juts his neck forward to place a kiss on the tip of my nose.
“Why do you always do that?” The question leaves my mouth instead of staying in my brain. I wince before giving him a sheepish grin. “Morning, handsome.”
Parker huffs out a laugh, the corners of his eyes crinkling before he plops another kiss atop my nose.
“I do this because it’s instinct. Every time I look at you, the air is stolen from my lungs, and all that remains is this need to be with you, to be touching you.” I suck in a breath at his words. “That, and you have the cutest button nose that just begs to be kissed. It’s not my fault you have such a kissable face. Just reap the benefits, love.” He throws me a cheeky grin before he lifts out of the sheets. I lament the loss of his warmth as he pads into the ensuite.
I watch him through hooded eyes as he walks back into the bedroom. Parker quirks a brow, running a hand through his messy platinum hair.
“If you keep looking at me like that, I might just eat you for breakfast.”
“Maybe that’s what I want.”
Heat blazes across his baby blues as that growing want swirls low in my belly.
“Be careful, Sydney.” His voice is low and thick.
I let my gaze trail his naked figure. I don’t know why I ever got mad at him for sleeping nude. He is sculpted like a statue.
Slowly, I lift the sheets from my body. When Parker had put me to bed last night, he’d taken off my clothes, so I am just in my lingerie.
I drag my ring finger languidly up my bare stomach and through the shallow valley of my breasts and across my shoulder. I butterfly my left leg and drop my other hand to trace a path up my inner thigh, pausing right at the seam of my panties.
Parker reaches down and strokes his thickening cock, watching my every move with the precision of a pro gamer.
My eyes are locked on his the entire time, and the tension between us grows hot and heavy.
I bite my lip and let my finger dip under the lace. I inhale deeply as I feel the gathering wetness between my thighs.
Parker pounces on the bed at a speed I can’t even track, positioning himself between my legs.
“Come on, Sydney. Show me how much that pretty cunt glistens for me.”
My stomach flips at his words.
He tears off my panties and runs two fingers up my slit, bringing my want to his mouth and sucking on it.
“My favorite meal.” He grins before hauling me above him and switching our positions. “Now sit on my face and ride me. I want to drown in your taste.”
His tongue dips into me, and I try not to crush him.
“Fucking suffocate me,” he growls from below before he grips my hips and forces me down.
I squirm almost instantly at the intense pressure his tongue creates dipping into me. For all his teasing words, this boy has a mouth that works wonders. I don’t even have to remind myself to relax into the feeling. When I’m with Parker, he’s the only thing on my mind.
There is no doubt that he has ruined me for anyone else.
My breath hitches as his finger starts to rub quick, hard circles on my clit. His tongue and finger work in tandem, like a synchronized swimming team, teasing me closer and closer to the edge. My hips move on their own, matching his pace.
It feels like I am racing up a spiral staircase; with each step, my orgasm crests higher and higher.
I lose myself in the feeling, tipping my head back and taking everything for my own. He said to suffocate him, and suffocate him I would. My hips grind against his mouth, plunging his tongue deeper and deeper.
The intensity sends me jumping off the top of the staircase, and I dive into the abyss.
My thighs tighten around Parker as my pelvis pushes off the mattress with the orgasm pulsing through me. Parker’s fingers dip into the rolls on my hips as he keeps me from lifting off him completely, drinking me in.
Just as the high starts to wane, he flicks his tongue over my sensitive clit and my hips buck again. He pulls out from under me and grins. “Delicious.”
He sits up and leans forward, capturing me in a blinding kiss. My hands curve into his shoulders, my nails biting into his skin as I pull him to me. He tugs on my lower lip, and the small flash of pain has my body heating again.
Parker trails his tongue up my neck before sucking on my earlobe. His voice is low and raspy as he whispers into my ear.
“I want to watch that ass jiggle as I pound into your sweet cunt from behind.”
His dirty words steal the breath from my lungs and send a fresh wave of desire through me.
Need is the only thing on my mind, the need for him to be inside me.
I immediately flip over, pushing myself on all fours. My pussy still pulses as the remnants of my orgasm beat through me.
I look at him over my shoulder. Parker watches at me with the heat of a thousand suns, stroking his cock languidly.
My mouth waters at the sight of his strong hands on his enormous length. Pride ignites within me at the knowledge that I’m the one who makes him that hard.
“Come on, or were you all talk?” I tease, but it comes out all breathy.
He smirks, pulling a condom from his nightstand and rolling it on.
I keep my eyes on him the entire time, never leaving him once. His icy blues stay on me as one hand grips the globe of my ass. He guides his thick cock up my wet center, and I bite back a moan at the sensation.
I’m hungry for him. Hungry for all of him.
His tip pushes in, teasing.
Then he slams into me fully, and I cry out in relief, watching as he smirks. He pistons in and out, filling me to the brim.
My arms give out, and my chest pushes into the mattress as he picks up his rhythm. The new angle deepens his thrusts, and we both moan at the sensation.
I love the way he stretches me completely, becoming one with me. I lose myself in the feeling.
Parker’s grip on my ass tightens, and his thumb inches dangerously close to a very different hole.
“Oh my God,” I gasp as it sends a zing through my body.
Parker lets out a deep laugh. “Oh?”
His thumb rubs a bit closer, and my stomach does a flip.
“This okay?”
“Yes,” I breathe.
His finger continues to rim the outside of my ass as he pounds into me, and my core tightens as my senses short-circuit.
“Oh God, oh God, oh God,” I chant, my voice pitching higher with each repetition.
“Am I your god now?”
“You can be whatever you want if you keep that up.”
“What if I told you it could be better?”
“I—” I gasp as he slams back into me, stars bursting in my eyes. “I’d say show me.”
He pauses in his pounding and reaches across to pull his nightstand open. Through watery eyes I recognize the bottle of lube. I suck in a breath as the cold liquid hits me, the feeling strangely sensitive.
Parker resumes moving inside me, but it’s slower this time as his finger continues to rim me in time with his rhythm. My core tightens in expectation.
My body begins to relax as my orgasm continues its steady build. The tip of Parker’s finger pushes, and I gasp so loudly, it’s like I steal all the air around us. The sensation is odd at first, but I quickly become acclimated.
“How does it feel?”
“Good,” I hum, pressing farther into him, aching for release.
His speed picks up, and his finger pushes in more. My body completely overloads with pleasure at the dual sensations. I’ve never felt anything like this before, and I don’t want it to stop. I want more. I want everything he can give me.
“God, I love this ass,” he grunts. “You’re so fucking sexy.”
The guttural tone of his voice and the praise send me over the edge. My orgasm cascades over me like the final note in a sonata. My body chimes with satisfaction as I come.
“Oh, God, Parker.”
I’m not sure how, but it seems like every orgasm with Parker is better than the last.
I won’t tell him because I don’t need to feed his self-love any more than necessary, but I am starting think he wields some sort of sex magic.
“Fuck, Syd, I’m coming.”
His hands grip my ass cheeks so hard they burn as he pounds into me, pushing me farther into the mattress. He comes with a grunt, and I look over my shoulder to watch him fall off the edge.
He tips his head back, and I admire my prince as he gives me a lazy grin.
“Best sex.”
“Definitely one for the books.” I smile.
He pulls out of me and places a kiss on my nose before he throws the condom in his trash can. He grabs a pair of discarded sweatpants from the floor and slips them on.
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“To get us some breakfast from the kitchen. I need some fuel before we go round two.”
“Round two?” I squeak.
I’m not sure my vagina can handle that.
He sits on the corner of the bed and pushes my sweaty bangs from my forehead.
“I can’t get enough of you, Sydney.”
I smile at him. “You better bring back a feast and lots of coffee.”
He boops my nose, and I watch as he leaves the room, keeping my eyes on his ass the entire time. I guess we really are a perfect match. An ass-obsessed couple.
I laugh to myself and roll over, staring up at the ceiling.
I have no regrets.