Chapter Eleven #2
Saskia thought there was moisture on her face, though she couldn’t bring herself to check, because that would mean letting go of him. And she was tired of letting go of him.
“I just love you, Thanasis,” she said, with all the love and sorrow, regret and hope she had inside of her. “I hope you know that. I love you so much.”
Slowly, he switched their arms so he could take her hands in his, and then he was the one gazing at her. And she couldn’t read a single thing on his face. He looked so stern. He looked so terribly forbidding.
She thought, this is actually happening. He’s going to end it after all of this and I have no one to blame but myself.
“You loving me is convenient,” he told her, in that dark, stirring way of his.
“Because Saskia, I have loved you this whole time. I thought you knew. I loved you from my very first glimpse of you in front of that execrable painting. And every single thing I learned about you since then has made me love you more. There has never been a single moment that I have been the slightest bit ashamed of you, nor could there ever be. When I told you that I was trying to keep you safe, I meant it. From Pavlos.”
“I wish I never heard his name,” she threw out, almost like she was in anguish, but her heart was doing cartwheels inside of her chest.
He loved her. He said he loved her.
“Did you think that I had left you?” he asked, studying her face.
And to her surprise, when she nodded, he laughed.
He laughed so hard that she found herself smiling too.
He laughed and he laughed, and then when he sobered, he pulled her closer.
“I did not spend five years disbelieving your death, then grieving your loss, to leave you simply because you did not choose to tell me every single facet of your new existence. You do not owe me any explanation about your memory, fos mou . My only concern was that I had taken advantage of you when I could remember what you could not.”
“If you did, I can only hope that you’ll do it again,” Saskia said. She smiled. “And soon.”
Thanasis smiled back. He pulled her closer and kissed her, on her forehead. On each cheek.
And then, finally her lips.
But not the way she wanted him to. Not that all-consuming fire.
He set her back from him once more, and smiled when she scowled up at him.
“I wanted to come before you the man I should always have been,” he told her with all of that same ruthless intensity.
“I spent all this time thinking that I could make this work. That I could spread myself between my father and myself and somehow be whole.” He shook his head.
“But what I cannot do, what I will not do, is leave you some kind of bargaining chip in the middle. He might not have known that you were mine first, but he will know you are mine forever. And I will not have him within a breath of you, Saskia. Not ever again.”
“I don’t care about him,” she said at once.
“But I do,” Thanasis replied, and his dark eyes glittered with that temper that she knew only she got to see.
“That is where I have been. I have separated myself from that waste of a man, at last. I have severed our business relationship. As expected, he dramatically disowned me on the spot, and I’m delighted.
I don’t know why I didn’t do it sooner. From this point forward, there is no relationship between us.
He will never see either one of us again. ”
And he was holding her so tightly that she moved closer, and made sure she was holding him, too. That they were holding each other.
“Thanasis,” she began, but he shook his head.
“That is not all,” he told her. “I had to find a way to forgive my mother, too. I have been so angry with her for staying. I have blamed her for putting up with him all those years when the truth is, I don’t know why she did it. Maybe she thought she was protecting me.”
Saskia thought her heart might burst. “Maybe,” she said softly, “you should forgive yourself, too. You were a child. Maybe you were angry at her because it was easier than the fear you must have felt, growing up in such a volatile environment.”
“I will become the man you deserve,” he told her, his voice a raw vow. “I promise you, Saskia.”
“I realized that the only reason I was interested in him is because he reminded me of you,” she told him then, urgently.
“Not his personality, of course, but there were glimpses. You come from him, after all. Every now and again, I would see the ghost of you and it kept me happy. Happy enough to overlook everything else.”
“I do not wish you to have to overlook anything,” Thanasis gritted out at her. “I do not intend for you to suffer through anything, for anyone. You deserve the world, Saskia. And I intend to give it to you.”
“I love you,” she said again, and it tasted so sweet that she said it once more.
She thought she could say it forever, over and over and over, and never get sick of it.
He smiled at her then, and it was a real, rare, beautiful smile. If she hadn’t already been crying, she would have started then and there.
Then he stepped back.
And while she watched, not sure if she was shocked or delighted—or both at once—Thanasis dropped easily down to one knee. His eyes on her, he reached into the pocket of his coat and pulled out a small box.
Saskia held her breath. Her hands moved to cover her mouth.
He cracked open the box and nestled there within it was an exquisite ring, a gorgeous diamond set with smaller ones all around it, and it shined so bright it was impossible to look at it and not smile.
“Marry me,” Thanasis said to her, and though his voice was deep it was a question, not a command.
“Be my wife. The mother of my children. The light of my life. Because you are already the love of my life, Saskia. This is true when you lived, this is true when you died, and it is only more true now that you are mine again.”
He did not shift. He kept his gaze trained on her, with all their lost futures bright and shining there between them.
“I cannot imagine a day without you. I have already lived too many of them and I do not wish to do it again.” His expression grew even more intense.
“I am not ashamed of you. I do not want to hide you. And I will protect you from anyone who comes for you, whether it’s my father, my silly half siblings, or anyone else who is foolish enough to imagine that I will not use every last thing in my power to keep you safe, happy, and filled with as much joy as you can bear. ”
“Yes,” Saskia whispered. “With everything I am, everything I was, and everything I hope we will be, yes , Thanasis. I can’t wait to marry you. I can’t wait to grow old with you. I can’t wait to live our whole lives together, the way we’re supposed to do.”
Then she sank down on her knees too, and cried without restraint or the faintest shred of shame when he slipped that ring on her finger.
And when their mouths finally met again, she knew at last that she was home.
That they were home.
That this sweeping, life-altering, all-consuming kiss, made of fire and love and the rest of eternity, would always be the only home they needed.