Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
PAIGE
“What don’t you get?” Ford asked, blowing on his steaming mug of tea.
“Anything,” I said. “Why did you say Griffen would kick you out before me? Why doesn’t Savannah want you here? And why do you seem to think you’re the villain?”
“I think I’m the villain,” Ford began, “because for most of this story, I have been.” He sipped at his tea, leaning back into the soft armchair.
“Griffen and I were closer than brothers when we were kids. Despite the few years between us, we might as well have been twins. Other than our hair color, we looked alike, talked alike. We both wanted to grow up to run the Sawyer empire together. We were going to do it right—not be assholes like our father—while bringing endless wealth and glory to the Sawyer family.”
I could picture it exactly, even if I didn’t have the same experiences to draw on. Two little boys, big dreams.
Ford looked into his teacup and sighed. “My father was an expert manipulator. He liked nothing better than to set all of us against each other. He kept us isolated and desperate for his approval. But I can’t blame him for what happened.
I was weak.” He rolled the mug between his palms, seeming to soak in the warmth as if he was frozen to the bone. “I hate admitting that.”
I wanted to reach out to him, to squeeze his hand. To hug him. To comfort. But we weren’t there yet, and I also didn’t want him to stop talking. I stayed where I was.
“Griffen was two years older and always just a little more of everything. More charming, smarter, a little better with girls, sports. He was a better shot. I was still pretty fucking good at everything I did, but never as good as Griffen. And my father noticed every time I fell short. It became a secret language between us—him acknowledging my inadequacies with the raise of an eyebrow or a stray comment—and I let him get to me until the brother I loved more than myself became my only benchmark. And then he became the enemy.” Ford shook his head and took a sip of tea.
He stared into the mug for a long moment before his eyes rose to meet mine, the beautiful sea-green shadowed with guilt.
“I thought if Griffen was out of the way, I could finally come first. I was twenty-one and so goddamn self-centered.”
My heart ached at the life he’d described.
“I don’t have any siblings,” I said slowly, “so I can’t relate to that part, but I know what it’s like to live with a parent who’s never satisfied.
I don’t know who I would have become if I hadn’t gotten away from her poison.
I don’t think I understood until she died that it wasn’t about me.
I was never going to be good enough. I could have made a billion dollars and cured cancer, and she still would have found fault with me.
” I took a long inhale of the tea, letting the herbal spice blend soothe the raw wound in my heart.
It had taken me a while, but now I knew that understanding my mother didn’t erase the hurt.
“What happened with Griffen?” I asked. “What did you do?”
“I don’t want to tell you,” he said, “but you should know what kind of man I am.” He set his mug on the side table with a click and crossed his arms over his chest. “My father was involved in a business deal that was going to make everyone involved a lot of money. It was with Forrest’s—Sterling’s fiancé’s—father.
In a way, it’s the reason Forrest came back to Sawyers Bend. ”
I nodded to let him know I followed the story so far. I was vaguely aware of Forrest’s past with the Sawyers, but I hadn’t known that Ford had played a role.
“Griffen and I found out our father was planning to double-cross Forrest’s dad, Alan, and take everything.
We agreed we wouldn’t let that happen and started putting together a plan—but the whole time, I was undoing everything Griffen did to protect Alan and his company.
I thought that if I could rescue the deal for my father, it would tarnish Griffen in his eyes, and I could finally be number one.
I didn’t think he’d go as far as he did.
In the end, my father exiled Griffen for trying to undermine the deal.
He threw him out with only a backpack, banning him from Heartstone and Sawyers Bend.
Prentice walked away with Alan Buckley’s company, and I took everything that was Griffen’s.
His fiancée, his position in the company—all of it. ”
I sipped my tea, processing. The way he described what he did without defending himself told me everything I needed to know about how much he’d changed. “How long ago was that?”
“Sixteen years,” Ford answered.
“And your father died two years ago?”
“Eighteen months,” Ford said.
“And that’s when Griffen came home?” I asked.
“Yep.”
“So, what happened after Griffen left? What came between sixteen years ago and eighteen months ago?” I asked.
Ford picked up his cooled tea and took a long sip before shaking his head—not in negation, but in what I thought was remorse.
“A lot of wasted time,” he said slowly. “I spent the first half of it kissing my father’s ass.
Thinking if I could just be more of what he wanted, then everything would finally feel good again.
I’d stop missing my brother. I’d be happy.
But nothing I did was ever good enough for Prentice Sawyer, even when I worked by his side.
Even after I’d protected him and double-crossed my own brother.
To the outside world, I was the heir to Sawyer Enterprises.
But at home, I was a constant disappointment, a fuckup, and a failure.
Vanessa was a nightmare of a wife. She’s dead now, and I feel guilty saying it, but it’s true.
Any woman who would dump her fiancé for his younger brother as soon as said fiancé was disinherited…
Well, I should’ve known how that was going to work out.
But all I could see was what she showed me. I was an arrogant, selfish idiot.”
He paused, and then his tone dropped lower.
“And then things got dark. My father started getting involved in business that wasn’t so aboveboard.
One of those deals almost got Finn killed—and I didn’t stop it.
” Self-hatred spiked through his words, so sharp I could feel it.
“I’m surprised Finn can even look me in the eyes.
He’s like Griffen in that. Or maybe he’s just so happy with Savannah and Nicky that he doesn’t have it in him to be bitter.
He should hate me. Instead, he acts like everything’s fine. ”
I was still caught on the almost got Finn killed part. “How exactly did you almost get Finn killed?”
Ford drew in a slow breath and let it out.
Instead of answering, he said, “I came here tonight to tell you that what I said in the taproom was wrong. This can’t happen.
You could have gotten seriously hurt that day in the parking lot.
And even once we catch this guy, we don’t know that there won’t be another. I’m not safe to be around.”
I met his eyes, not backing down. “Then no one needs to know I’m around you.”
“Telling you the truth about the time between then and now is probably enough to change your mind anyway,” he said.
I doubted it. “Tell me, and we’ll see.”
“My father was doing business with gangs out of Mexico, moving various illegal goods—mostly arms. Nothing so ‘unsavory’ as trafficking drugs or humans. It was all very professional, dealing with men in suits carrying briefcases. Except when it wasn’t.
We were at a sticking point in our negotiations, and unaware of any of this, Finn decided to go to Mexico on spring break.
He was a sophomore in college. We considered telling him that Mexico might not be the safest place for him to travel, but we didn’t. ”
Ford drew in a breath, and his eyes, when they met mine, were so sharp with pain I had to bite my lip to keep from reaching for him.
He looked away, fixing those tortured eyes on his almost empty mug.
“I think, in retrospect, my father may have dropped enough hints to point his contacts in Finn’s direction.
They kidnapped him, trying to use him as leverage.
And my father said this was an opportunity to show them what hard-asses we were.
That Finn was a liability, and he wasn’t going to come to anything anyway, so he might as well be useful.
He was going to let them kill my brother—his son—to get the edge in a business negotiation.
He was going to let them kill Finn for money, and not even that much money.
It was more about ego, about who’s got the bigger dick, who’s tougher.
And for that, he’d sacrifice his own child. ”
I took a sip of tea to cover my shock. What the fuck?
What kind of father would do that? And this was the man who’d raised this family I’d come to love?
Ford carried so much guilt over the decisions he’d made—and from what I’d heard, he should—but he didn’t seem to recognize that he’d been just as much a victim as Griffen or his siblings.
I knew what it felt like to be told, over and over, that you were a disappointment, never good enough, no matter what you did.
If I’d had the opportunity to deflect my mom’s criticisms or thought I could rise beyond them, I might have taken it too.
Looking back, I was glad my only option was to leave, and so grateful for the Bellinghams’ job offer my freshman year.
Without them, I wouldn’t be the woman I’d grown into.
They’d given me a home and family, along with a job.
They’d taught me what love was supposed to look like.
Ford hadn’t had anything like that.
“What did you do?” I asked him. “After they kidnapped Finn?”
His shoulders rose in a scrunch and fell abruptly. “Nothing,” he said. “I didn’t call the FBI. I didn’t intervene and make a counteroffer or pay the ransom. I did nothing.”
“How did Finn get away? Did your father—”