26. Victoria
VICTORIA
Birds chirped outside, pulling me out of bed. The smell of coffee wafted somewhere in the distance. I dragged my ass to the bathroom, shedding my clothes all on my own for the first time in two days.
It was time for me to get the fuck up.
I’d given the anniversary the day it asked for.
I’d given the day after to crying in the shower with a man who didn’t apologize for being there.
But today was game day. The big day. The day that our team played for their lives in order to get to the championship.
I had to get to Caldwell Arena and get things ready.
My general manager had the operational checklist handled: the Zamboni, the drink stations, the food kiosk setup with The Hideout.
That wasn’t my job. My job was the forty-seven unanswered emails, the league filing Seth had been holding for me since yesterday, the arena security contract renewal I’d pushed to Friday and then ignored, and the three calls I owed to people who had been patient enough not to chase me.
I had completely checked out for forty-eight hours.
My team needed me to check back in.
I hadn’t so much as checked the news in two days, for crying out loud. I didn’t know if my daughter was still in it. I didn’t know if they were still tearing Colton apart. Hell, I hadn’t even checked the headlines on my phone. Fucking Christ, I hadn’t even picked up my phone!
I owed a lot of people a lot of ‘thank you’’s for helping me get through this.
Rhett specifically.
I thought about him standing at the stove stirring soup like he did it every day.
The way he’d been in and out of that bedroom for two days without ever once making me feel like a burden or a project.
The way he moved through this estate, my estate, the one I’d barely lived in, like he already knew where everything was.
Like he’d been learning the layout of my life the same careful way he learned everything else about me.
Quietly. Without announcing it. Without asking permission.
I thought about waking up in the dark and feeling the steadiness of him breathing beside me, solid and real and understanding, somewhere below conscious thought, that it meant I was safe. That whatever today was going to bring, I wasn’t going to face it alone.
I thought about his hand covering mine in the car. His thumb across my knuckles. The way he always tucked that same rogue strand of hair behind my ear, like it was the most natural thing in the world, like he’d been doing it for years instead of weeks.
Three years, in his case. Three years of watching. Paying attention. Showing up in the left corridor when everyone else went right.
I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at my hands in my lap.
I’d been certain of it for weeks and kept not letting myself say it. But sitting here in the early morning quiet of the bedroom I’d designed and never slept in, wearing the grief of another anniversary, I let myself say it properly.
Ryan would have liked Rhett Calloway very much.
And Ryan, who was always better at the forward motion than I was, would have been absolutely insufferable about telling me so.
I picked up my heels from the floor, slipped them on one at a time, and stood up.
Time to get back to work.
I took my time cleaning up. I took my time slipping into one of my suits.
I needed to feel normal again. Even though it was game day, even though I had the option to dress down, I gussied myself up.
I piled my hair high, securing it in a claw clip.
On went the makeup. On went the pencil skirts that made me feel powerful and alive.
I slipped into my blackest, tallest, nicest heels that still shimmered beneath any light that touched it.
I slipped on earrings. Put on gold bangles. Plucked my fucking eyebrows.
I emerged a new woman, ready to take on whatever came next for her.
The estate was pretty empty, though. That didn’t shock me. Brynn was probably already at the bar, helping to figure out the menu for the game. Coach and Rhett were no doubt already at Caldwell Arena doing whatever the fuck pre-game ritual those two had going on.
And me?
I snatched up my purse, grabbed my cell phone, and headed straight toward my office at Caldwell Arena.
I didn’t stop moving until I unlocked my office.
Despite Rhett telling me that he, Coach, and Brynn had helped out with my responsibilities, my office didn’t look touched.
I turned on the light and hung my purse up on the coat rack next to the door.
I shrugged out of my professional blazer, the same tone of black as my skirt and heels.
My blouse ruffled softly with the air conditioning that kicked on, and I raised my hands above my head, just to feel the relaxing pop of my back.
Then I slipped over to my desk and fell heavily into my chair.
The first thing that I did was log into my desktop.
I saw my shifted schedule with a hell of a lot of rescheduled meetings coming up.
I pulled up my work email and typed away at personal emails to everyone I had to reschedule.
It was a quick, simple message, stating that if they needed access to me sooner than my schedule provided that I’d be working over the weekend now that I felt better.
And after getting dozens of those things sent off, I leaned back in the leather chair.
I didn’t even get a deep breath in through my nose, however, before my office door slammed open.
Revealing my daughter.
Carrying two cups of coffee.
“Morning, Mom,” she said with a bright smile as she kicked my office door closed.
I smiled and motioned for her to sit in front of my desk. “I figured you’d already be on this end of town.”
She set one of the coffees down in front of me before taking a seat. “It’s good to see you up and about.”
“I have a lot of thanking to do, starting with you.”
“Psssh,” she said, waving her hand through the air, “no, you don’t. We only had to touch your work once this week. Just long enough to get people rescheduled.”
“No one put up a fuss?”
She sipped her coffee. “Not even a little bit.”
“Good.”
“Maybe they’re as sick of you as you are of them.”
I shot her a look, but I couldn’t help but join her in her giggle. “You’re a mess.”
“I get it from somewhere.”
That made me laugh as I reached for my coffee. I took a long pull of the black cold brew, relishing the crisp taste.
Today was going to be a good fucking day.
I was determined to make it as such.
“Have you seen the news at all?” my daughter asked.
I leaned back in my chair, crossing my leg over my knee. “I haven’t turned on the television yet, no. Did Coach have to give that press conference this week?”
She nodded. “He gave it. But he didn’t have to use it for what its intended purpose was.”
I paused. “You mean…”
She smiled over the rim of her to-go coffee cup. “We haven’t been in the news since the game, Mom.”
I smiled. “Good. I’m glad.”
I felt her studying me as I took another swig of my coffee. I’m not sure where the hell my next set of words came, but they flew out of my mouth before I could catch them.
“He’s a good guy, Brynn. I hope you know that.”
She grinned. “Colton or Rhett?”
I clicked my tongue and tried to push off her question with a snicker and a long pull from my coffee. But if she inherited anything from me, it was that steely gaze. Her brown eyes that she inherited from Ryan pinned me to my chair, and I watched as she drew in another breath.
“An age difference is only what you make of it, Mom,” she said.
I rolled my eyes and sighed. “Brynn, it’s not that simple.”
“It really is. Look at me and Colton. We—”
I shook my head. “It’s different for men. They can get away with a lot in this day and age, still. But older women?”
She grinned. “So you have thought about Rhett that way.”
My face fell flat as I met her grin with a deadpan stare. That was until she laughed.
Which, of course, kicked up my own laughter.
“You know,” Brynn said through her giggling, “Colton said something to me the other day that really helped. Do you want to hear it?”
I calmed my own laughter with another sip of my coffee. “Any other day, I’d say no. But this coffee is extra good today, and I feel open.”
“You know I’d say it anyway.”
“You are my daughter, after all.”
She giggled with delight, and she almost looked… proud… to have me as her mother.
It struck a chord with me.
“Seriously, though, Mom. I really think you should hear it,” she said before she downed the rest of her coffee.
I had to admit, Coach had been a fabulous counterpart for her despite my hesitations in the beginning.
So why not listen to his advice? I’d have to anyway, if they were going to be together for the long haul.
And every time I caught my daughter staring at him when she thought no one was looking, I knew exactly what I was looking at.
Coach would be family before too long if things continued on like that with them.
“All right,” I said as I set my half-cup coffee down on my desk, “let’s hear it.”
Brynn cocked her body toward the trashcan near the door and tossed her to-go cup through the air. It bounced off the rim of the trashcan before dropping into the basket, and she pumped her fist into the air before turning to face me.
I just sat there with a smirk on my face as she tucked her legs beneath her in the chair.
“Colton says that we’re never going to be able to forget what happened to Dad,” she said with confidence as if she believed every single word that man uttered, “but we can give him something happy to watch on the other side. He wouldn’t want me to be miserable, and he certainly wouldn’t want you to be miserable any longer.
And I figure, after hearing it that way, that if he’s going to be dead?
And he’s going to be watching over us, like you say he is?
The very least we can do is give him a smile. ”
Her words stole my very breath away. She said they came from Coach, but I would’ve believed if someone told me they had come from her.
My daughter had grown into the most outstanding young woman, despite the fact that I knew she moved back home because of my struggles.
It’s why I always took her in. It’s why I never made her pay for anything.
It’s why she’d never want for anything. She felt responsible for me. A child for their parent.
And I wasn’t sure what I had done wrong to make her think that.
Tears crested my eyes and I looked away. I swallowed hard again, trying to keep my emotions under control. There was so much truth in those words. So many hard things to swallow.
But not a single word told a single lie that moment.
“Coach said that, huh?” I asked, clearing the knot out of my throat.
Brynn smiled brightly, her eyes shimmering with tears that I knew mimicked mine. “He has his moments. You know, when he’s not barking at the team.”
“HEY! WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU ABOUT WEIGHT ROOMS ON GAME DAYS! GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE AND GET YOUR ASSES ON THE ICE! WE GOT A STADIUM TO PREPARE TONIGHT!”
Coach’s bellowing voice pushed a laugh up the back of my throat and quickly overtook my body. I leaned forward, allowing the sound to flow out of my body as my shoulders shook. Brynn slumped down into her chair, giggling into her palm as Coach Mercer’s voice echoed down the hallway again.
“STONE! JETT! CUT THE SHIT! PUT YOUR DAMN STICKS UP AND STOP FUCKING AROUND!”
I allowed my head to fall back in laughter as his voice continued bellowing.
“AND FOR FUCK’S SAKE, LANGLEY, PUT ON SOME GODDAMN PANTS, YOU WEIRDO!”
The howl that came from Brynn’s throat only made me laugh harder until our laughter drowned out Coach who kept barking out orders to a set of most-likely-very-excited men who were ready to get their asses out onto the ice.
I leaned back in my chair, enjoying the laughter that filled my office after what felt like the longest week of my fucking life.
My daughter wiped tears from her eyes as I reached into my desk, pulling out a tissue box.
“Oh my God,” I said as I pulled out one for myself.
Brynn leaned toward my desk and plucked one for herself as well. “Jesus Christ, what perfect timing.”
I dabbed beneath my eyes, trying not to smear my makeup. “I swear, this place is a madhouse.”
“And we wouldn’t have it any other way.”
I cleaned up my eyes and fanned my face before my attention fell back to my daughter. “Does he make you happy?”
She didn’t hesitate when she smiled from ear to ear. “Incredibly happy, Mama.”
“Good.”
“Does Rhett make you happy?”
“Does that matter?”
She scoffed. “Your happiness always matters, Mom. I don’t know who the hell convinced you that it didn’t, but it does. So I’ll ask again: does Rhett make you happy?”
I reached for my coffee and took another long pull of the now-lukewarm drink. But, slowly, even though I still couldn’t spit out the words, I found myself nodding my head.
And I didn’t hear my daughter freak out.
She didn’t start cursing or accusing me of replacing her father.
She didn’t point her finger at me and erupt like the nightmares I struggled with sometimes.
She didn’t scream at me for betraying her father.
She didn’t accuse me of cheating on him, or replacing him, or trying to erase his existence.
None of the things that plagued my nightmares came to fruition.
Instead, all she did was get up, come around behind my desk, and then she threw her arms around my neck.
I stood to my feet, towering over my daughter as I wrapped her up in a massive hug.
I pulled her head to my chest, cradling her the way I did when she was little.
Cradling her like I did the moment I had to tell her what had happened to her father.
I dropped a kiss to the top of her head, ignoring the soft outline of plum-colored lipstick that I left at the crown of it.
I twirled my fingers into the small curls at the nape of her neck that she never could get to stay in the ponytails she wore.
And as she squeezed me around my waist, her whispered words finally came forth.
Brynn pulled back and wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand. “Dani keeps telling me I’m being an idiot about all of this. She said, and I quote, ‘if the man makes you happy, the rest of it is just noise.’” She sniffled. “She’s flying in for the championship, by the way. I got her a ticket.”
“You should tell him then,” Brynn said as she hugged me even tighter, “because Rhett has it bad for you.”