Chapter 17
Kairi lay motionless on her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.
The weight of her mistake pressed down on her chest, suffocating her, drowning her in regret.
She hadn't slept. Not a wink. Kahit anong pilit niyang ipikit ang mga mata, bumabalik lang ang eksena sa isip niya—Miss Herrera's warm lips against hers, the way she had kissed her back for that fleeting second before pulling away in shock.
A tear slipped from the corner of her eye, but she wiped it away immediately.
She refused to cry. Hindi niya deserve umiyak.
Bakit siya iiyak? Dahil ba nagsisisi siya?
Dahil ba natatakot siya sa pwedeng mangyari?
Wala siyang karapatan. She had no right to break down when she was the one who crossed the line.
Then, her alarm rang.
Kairi flinched, yanking herself out of her thoughts. Napamura siya sa isip. How is she supposed to go to school today? Paano niya haharapin si Miss Herrera?
Her stomach twisted as she forced herself up. Hindi siya pwedeng mag-absent, so she dragged herself to the bathroom, got dressed, and left the house. Her steps were slow, hesitant, as if her body itself was resisting.
By the time she reached the school gates, her heartbeat was erratic.
Shit, shit, shit.
Her palms were sweaty as she neared the classroom. And when she peeked inside—
Nasa loob na si Miss Herrera at busy sa desk. Ang composed tingnan ng guro niya, na parang normal lang ang lahat, na parang walang nangyari.
Kairi clenched her fists. Mabilis na pumasok si Kairi sa silid at agad na pumunta sa likod para umupo. Nakayuko lang siya dahil na rin sa takot na magtama ang mga mata nila ni Miss Herrera.
Then the bell rang and Miss Herrera started discussing.
Not once—not even once—did Miss Herrera's eyes land on Kairi.
Kairi sat there, struggling to focus. She kept stealing glances, hoping for even the smallest reaction—inis, galit, disappointment, anything. But there was nothing. No shift in expression, no hesitation in her voice. Para bang walang nangyari kagabi, na parang wala sa room si Kairi.
The class felt excruciatingly long, but when it finally ended, Kairi stayed behind. Her heart pounded in her chest as she mustered up the courage to walk toward Miss Herrera.
Then finally, their eyes met.
But there was really nothing in Miss Herrera's eyes. Just emptiness.
Ang kanina'y panic na nararamdaman ni Kairi ay napalitan na naman ng takot.
Hindi pa man nakakapag-isip si Kairi ng sasabihin ay nagsalita na si Miss Herrera.
"Nothing happened last night, Kairi. So, just go."
Miss Herrera's voice was steady. Her voice was as cold as the breeze the night Kairi kissed her—it was painfully cold.
Kairi froze, staring at her. Pero ni hindi na siya tiningnang muli ni Miss Herrera. She had already moved on to fixing her things, like Kairi wasn't even there.
So Kairi left. Just like that. And as she walked away, she kept repeating those words in her mind.
Nothing happened. Nothing. Happened.
She tried convincing herself, just as Miss Herrera had convinced her. Nothing happened.
Nang matapos ang klase ni Kairi, she decided to take a walk home—something she had never done before. It was supposed to be a twenty-minute walk. Pero inabot siya ng isang oras sa paglalakad.
Madilim na nang makauwi si Kairi na agad ng pumasok sa kwarto niya. She curled up on her bed, stomach empty since yesterday, but she didn't care. It was easier this way.
Her body was drained, her mind exhausted, and eventually, sleep took over. But it was restless. And when morning came, everything felt just as heavy as the night before.
And this—this became her routine.
Days passed and it was just a monotonous cycle. Wake up. School. Home.
Kairi barely spoke. She ate less. And she slept even less.
Napansin ito ng mga kaibigan niya at sinubukan siyang kausapin, but she shut them down, telling them she needed time alone. Kaya hinayaan muna nila si Kairi, pero hindi siya pinabayaan—always watching her from behind, dragging her along even when she didn't want to.
And Miss Herrera?
She wouldn't even spare a glance at Kairi. Hindi niya ito tinatawag sa recitation, although hindi naman na nagtataas ng kamay si Kairi. It was as if Kairi had turned invisible.
Kaya tumigil na rin si Kairi. She stopped trying and hoping. She accepted the pain because that was all that was left.
"Alright, for this project, you'll be working in pairs," Miss Herrera announced. "Find a partner."
Kairi didn't move. Wala siyang energy makipag-usap, let alone work with someone. She figured she'd just do it alone. Pero bago pa siya makapagdesisyon, may humila na ng upuan sa tabi niya.
"Tayo na lang," Alice said, flashing her bright smile.
Kairi sighed and nodded, too tired to argue. Alice pulled her chair closer and immediately started talking about potential topics. Kairi just listened, nodding absentmindedly. Hindi niya rin alam kung may naiintindihan ba siya sa mga sinasabi ni Alice.
Kairi was not the same anymore. Dati naman ay gusto niyang involved siya sa lahat ng group projects. Gusto niyang naririnig ang input ng lahat at sinisigurong maayos ang magiging output nila. Pero ngayon, parang nawalan na siya ng gana. It's like she just stopped caring too much.
"Hey," Alice suddenly poked Kairi's side.
Napaatras si Kairi. "Ano ba?"
"Bakit ang tahimik mo? This isn't like you," tanong ni Alice nang mapansing nakatulala lang ang katabi.
Kairi just shrugged.
Alice's eyes twinkled. Then, out of nowhere, she continued poking Kairi's side, tickling her.
"Alice! Stop!" Kairi pushed Alice's hand away, trying to suppress a laugh. But Alice grinned, continuing.
Kaya napilitan si Kairi na lumayo, trying to defend herself.
"Nakatingin si Miss Herrera," someone whispered.
Napalingon si Kairi, and sure enough, Miss Herrera's eyes were on them.
But the moment Kairi met her gaze, Miss Herrera looked away.
Alice chuckled. "See? I made you laugh."
Kairi rolled her eyes but couldn't suppress a small smile. "Yeah, yeah. Let's start working."
And she did. For the first time in days, Kairi felt like she was actually present. That was Alice's effect on her. She made her laugh, kahit saglit lang.
Since then, madalas na silang magkasama. Lunch together. Walking around campus together. Going home together. Alice even switched seats just to sit beside her. It was like their junior high together all over again—except different.
Kairi's friends noticed. They tried talking to her, but Alice would always pull her away before they could get too close.
One evening, Zoe showed up at Kairi's house.
"Hey, Kai. Can we talk?" tanong ni Zoe pagkabukas ni Kairi ng pinto.
Kairi hesitated but eventually stepped aside, letting her friend in. Zoe sat at the edge of the bed while Kairi lay back down.
"Kai," Zoe started. "Alam kong hindi ka okay. I don't know what's going on with you, but I know something's wrong."
Hindi kumibo si Kairi.
"And now you're spending a lot of time with Alice. Kai, I just...I need to remind you kung paano ka niya trinato noon. She was manipulative. She used you, hurt you."
Kairi stiffened.
Nakilala niya si Alice noong junior high. They were close—just like now. Too close, in fact, that Kairi spent less and less time with her other friends, giving most of it to Alice. Para silang inseparable noon. But that closeness was never safe.
Alice had a way of pulling her in, only to push her away.
It was always like that. Alice would disappear when Kairi needed her the most, only to reappear when she needed Kairi.
It was always on Alice's terms. At hinayaan lang siya ni Kairi.
She let herself be used, let herself be manipulated, because she cared for Alice.
"And now, you're suddenly close again? Are you sure she's not using you again? Or maybe—" Zoe hesitated. "Maybe you're the one using her."
Kairi let out a dry chuckle. "That's not it."
"Then, ano?"
Kairi sighed. "Everything's fine, Zoe."
"What about Miss Herrera?" Zoe asked the one question Kairi had been avoiding.
Napatingin si Kairi kay Zoe dahil sa tanong nito. What about her?
"Ikaw na rin naman ang nagsabi na it's impossible," Kairi answered, almost whispering. "So, I stopped. I'm done, Zoe."
The truth was, hindi niya masabi sa iba. Hindi niya kayang sabihin how foolish she had been. How she had ruined everything. How she had crossed a line she should've never crossed.
How she had kissed their teacher.
"Kai, that doesn't mean you should throw yourself into something worse."
At hindi na muling nagsalita pa si Kairi.
Zoe exhaled, realizing she wouldn't get through to her. "Okay. Just...we're here for you, yeah?"
At tumango lang si Kairi. Alam niyang gusto lang makatulong ni Zoe, ng mga kaibigan niya. Pero masyado pa talaga siyang maraming iniisip and she didn't want to burden them with it.
Zoe stayed a little longer before leaving.
And when Kairi was alone again, her mind drifted to Miss Herrera. Then to Alice.
Alice.
Ginagamit lang ba talaga niya si Alice para makalimutan si Miss Herrera?
Kairi shook her head, pushing her thought away. No. Alice made her smile, laugh. That was all.
No one was using anyone.
Right?