Chapter 34
"I am being honest."
"Then say it, Miss."
Tumayo si Kairi mula sa kainuupuan niya.
Miss Herrera's gaze followed her as she moved—not with surprise, but quiet focus, as if she had already expected this part.
Kairi's steps were slow but steady. Kahit nanginginig ang palad niya at parang sasabog na ang dibdib, her body didn't hesitate.
She walked toward Miss Herrera and stopped beside her chair.
She didn't touch her. Not yet.
Pero inilapat niya ang kamay sa sandalan ng upuan. She leaned in slightly, just enough para maramdaman ang presence niya—para iparamdam na hindi siya aatras. Just enough to be felt.
Don't shake, she told herself. Don't look away. Don't give her space to hide.
Miss Herrera didn't flinch. Hindi siya umatras, hindi rin umiwas ng tingin. Her eyes met Kairi's fully, steadily. Even with only inches between them.
"Say what you felt, Miss," Kairi said again, softer this time. "Say what you feel."
Miss Herrera studied her up close—her eyes, her breath, the sharpness in her jaw, the trembling just beneath her skin.
"I felt something," she said slowly, voice low. "Real and terrifying. And I hate how much I still feel it."
Kairi's chest rose, but she didn't blink.
"Kairi, naiisip kita," Miss Herrera went on. "When I shouldn't. I wait for you to show up, even when I pretend not to care. I told myself I had control. But last night proved I don't. Not entirely."
Napalunok si Kairi, forcing herself not to look away. Don't fall apart now. You asked for this.
"Then why send me away?" she asked, her voice cracking. "Why pull me in, then shut the door?"
"Because I panicked," Miss Herrera answered. "Because I knew if you stayed, I wouldn't stop."
The silence between them buzzed—heavy, trembling, sharp as glass.
Kairi looked down at her hand on the chair. She didn't move it.
"You say you want honesty. But you're scared of what it means."
"I'm not scared of that," Miss Herrera said, gaze unwavering. "I'm scared of losing what's left of the boundaries I've tried to keep."
"You already lost them," Kairi whispered.
Still, Miss Herrera didn't deny it.
"So what do I do now?" Kairi murmured. "Just...live with this? With the fact that you feel something and pinipili mong hindi ito maramdaman?"
Miss Herrera leaned forward slightly—not touching, but meeting her halfway. "I'm choosing to protect you."
"No," Kairi said, eyes burning. "You're choosing to protect yourself. Because I'm the one walking around not knowing what the hell I am to you. I'm the one who gets left outside your door."
Miss Herrera's lips parted, pero walang lumabas na salita.
Kairi took a breath. Her voice was quieter now. "You've gotten close to Sir Mark."
There it was.
Miss Herrera blinked, once. "Kairi—"
"Miss, palagi na lang kayong magkasama. Talking. Laughing," Kairi said, the edge slipping into her tone. "You don't look guarded with him."
"I know I'm not supposed to feel this," she added quickly. "Alam kong wala akong karapatan. I have no right to care who you're close to. But I still do."
"That doesn't make you wrong."
"It makes me stupid," she muttered, still too close. "Because I'm the one standing here asking for answers na hindi mo naman kayang ibigay."
Miss Herrera let out a slow breath. "Would it help if I told you he's not important to me the way you think?"
Hindi agad sumagot si Kairi.
"He's a friend. He's kind. He helped when I was just starting here. But Kairi, he's not the one I think about when I'm alone in my apartment. He's not the one who lingers in my thoughts after class."
That made Kairi falter, just slightly. Her fingers curled tighter against the back of the chair.
"I'm not proud of it," Miss Herrera added. "But I won't lie to you anymore."
Tumingin si Kairi sa kanya. "Then say it, Miss."
Miss Herrera met her eyes—really met them.
"I miss you when you're not around. I notice your moods. I remember how you looked last night, and I hate how much I want to remember it again."
Kairi's heart slammed against her ribs. Don't react. Don't fall into it again.
"And I want to kiss you again," Miss Herrera whispered. "More than I want to be careful right now."
Kairi breathed in slowly, shaky. Fuck.
"Then do it," she said. Her voice was quiet. Steady. But underneath it—a dare. A challenge. Please mean it.
But Miss Herrera didn't move. "That's the line. I won't cross it again."
Kairi's jaw clenched. Of course she won't. Not now. Not when I'm finally right here.
"That's easy to say after you already did," she snapped. "You kissed me, Miss. You didn't hesitate. Don't act like this is one-sided."
"I'm not," Miss Herrera said, steady. "I told you—I won't lie to you. Not about this. You deserve the truth, even if it complicates everything."
Gusto ng umatras ni Kairi. To breathe. But she stayed.
Her fingers still on the back of that chair, body still leaning forward—close enough to touch, to fold, to fall. Don't ask for too much, she told herself. Don't want too much.
"Do you want me to lie?" Miss Herrera asked again.
"No," Kairi whispered.
"Then don't ask me to act like none of this matters."
"I'm not. Miss, I'm asking what I'm supposed to do with everything I feel."
"You're allowed to feel it."
"And you?" Kairi said. "What do you do with yours?"
Miss Herrera's voice lowered. "I carry it. I sit with it. I try to live with it without destroying either of us."
Kairi closed her eyes, just for a second, like she could breathe through the ache in her chest. Then she looked at her again. "You kissed me. Told me I was the only one you ever had to fight yourself over. Then this morning, nothing. Just...tea."
"I didn't know how to talk about it without ruining everything."
Kairi stepped back a little, like her body couldn't take being that close anymore. "Then maybe it should be ruined. Because this in-between? This pretending we're okay when we're not? It's worse, Miss."
Miss Herrera's voice broke on the edge. "I never wanted to hurt you."
"Well, you did."
They stood in that.
No accusations left. No more dodging.
Just truth, breathing between them.
Then—finally—Miss Herrera leaned back. Her voice was soft now. "You can go."
Kairi didn't move.
"I said—"
"I don't want to," she said, this time gently. "I want to stay."
Tumingin si Miss Herrera sa kanya. No protest. No surprise.
Just quiet. Just full.
Then she nodded once.
"Then stay."
Kairi dropped her hand from the chair. Her bag slid from her shoulder and landed by her feet. She sat back down slowly, letting the weight of her body settle again—less guarded now. But not softer.
They didn't speak again.
The space between them wasn't tense anymore—but it wasn't easy either. It just...was.
No more pretending.
Not for either of them.