Chapter 61
It had been weeks.
Weeks since graduation. Weeks since everything broke open. Weeks since Kairi stopped knowing what normal was supposed to feel like.
Matagal siyang nakatayo sa harap ng salamin habang pinaglalaruan ng mga daliri ang laylayan ng shirt niya na kanina pa niya inaayos. Dalawang beses na rin siyang nagpalit. Wala namang mali sa suot niya. Wala ring tama. Pero it felt unfamiliar.
Her phone lit up.
Zoe: Nandito na kami.
Maya: No pressure. Pero miss ka na namin.
Zoe: If you cancel, I'm dragging you next time.
The last time they had seen each other in person was graduation day. After that, it was mostly chats. Si Zoe, nag-uupdate. Si Maya, voice notes. Memes at kung anu-ano lang.
Si Kairi, bihira lang mag-reply. Hindi rin siya sumasali sa calls.
She always said the same thing.I'm okay.I just need time.
Her door creaked open.
Lara leaned against the frame. "Kanina ka pa diyan sa harap ng salamin."
Kairi exhaled. "I'm going."
"You're thinking about not going."
Hindi siya sumagot.
Lara crossed her arms. "You don't have to be okay, Kai. Just go."
Kairi swallowed. "I might not know what to say."
"Then don't say anything."
"I might feel...weird."
"You will," Lara shrugged. "Everything is weird right now. Pero hindi naman iyon reason to stop living."
Napatingin si Kairi sa mga kamay niya.
"They're your friends, Kai. Alam na nilang may mali. You don't have to perform."
A pause. Then—
"Just go sit with people who love you."
Tumango si Kairi.
"Okay..."
Lara smiled a little, satisfied. "Good. Wear the white one. You look less like you're attending a funeral."
Kairi rolled her eyes. "Get out."
And Lara just grinned before leaving.
The café smelled the same.
Coffee. Milk. Air conditioning that was too cold. People talking over laptops. Cups clinking. A barista calling names.
The familiarity hit before she could prepare for it, making her chest tighten.
Memories lived here.
Muntik na siyang umatras. Pero—
"Kairi!"
Maya was already halfway out of her chair, waving both arms the second she saw Kairi. Si Zoe naman, sabay ring napatingin mula sa table nila at marahang napangiti.
Kairi walked toward them, her steps slowing the closer she got.
Hindi na naghintay si Maya. Tumayo siya nang tuluyan at hinila agad si Kairi sa isang mahigpit na yakap, like she was making up for weeks in one moment.
"You scared me a little," bulong ni Maya sa balikat niya.
Napabuntong-hininga si Kairi, saka dahan-dahang itinaas ang mga kamay para gumanti ng yakap. "Sorry."
Maya pulled back but kept her hands on Kairi's arms, scanning her face like she was checking something.
Tumayo na rin si Zoe.
"You came," Zoe said, like she didn't fully trust it yet.
"I said I would."
"You cancel things."
Sumulyap si Kairi sa kanya. "Not this time."
Hindi na sumagot pa si Zoe at lumapit na kay Kairi para yakapin siya. Hindi man kasing tagal ng kay Maya, but it was just as tight.
When she pulled away, she tilted her head, studying Kairi. "Well...you look alive."
Napakurap si Kairi. "Compliment ba 'yan?"
Nagkibit-balikat lang si Zoe. "Could be."
Maya bumped Zoe lightly with her elbow. "We missed you."
"Na-miss ka talaga namin," mahinang ulit ni Maya.
Kairi nodded, eyes dropping briefly to the table.
"I know..."
A thin pause settled between them. Pero hindi naman mabigat.
Maya glanced at the table, then back at Kairi with deliberate brightness.
"Okay," she said, clapping her hands once. "Umupo na tayo bago pa mag-start si Zoe ng another interrogation."
"I don't interrogate," reklamo ni Zoe habang sabay-sabay silang umupo. "I observe aggressively."
"That's worse."
And just like that, the fragile edge of the moment softened.
"And and," Maya said, stretching her arms. "Before tayo maging emotional ulit, university requirements are evil. I'm drowning."
Kairi blinked. "Already?"
"Already," Maya repeated dramatically. "Bakit ang daming forms? Bakit kailangan nila ng birth certificate ko in three different ways?"
Zoe laughed. "Because universities love suffering."
Napangiti si Kairi. Maliit lang, pero totoo.
They talked.
About enrollment portals. Medical requirements. Schedules. Orientation rumors. And how weird it was that they would be in the same university but different degree programs.
"Ugh, I hate na hindi tayo magkakaklase," reklamo ni Maya.
"We'll still see each other," sagot ni Zoe.
Kairi listened more than she spoke at first. But they pulled her in naturally. They asked what program she chose, complaining about deadlines, and joking about commuting.
It felt normal.
Patuloy lang sila sa kwentuhan hanggang dumating ang drinks and foods nila.
Kairi wrapped her hands around the mug, feeling its warmth.
They talked until the conversation slowed just like the way it does when the important things run out at ang tanging natira na lang ay ang katahimikan.
Tumingin si Zoe kay Kairi. "How have you been?"
The question landed differently this time. Not the chat version. Hindi rin easy version.
"Not okay," she said, not lying this time. Then, after a small breath, "But better than before."
Agad lumambot ang expression ni Maya. Tumango si Zoe, like that answer made sense.
They talked a little more. About sleep, days blending together, and her parents being careful. At si Lara na nakakainis in a helpful way.
Then Zoe asked it.
Carefully, but directly.
"Have you heard from Miss Herrera?"
Kairi froze.
Napalingon agad si Maya kay Zoe nang nanlalaki ang mga mata. Hindi niya in-expect iyon. Usually, siya ang nadudulas, ang nasasabi ng mga hindi dapat sabihin.
Zoe had always been the careful one.
Maya opened her mouth. "Zoe—"
"It's okay," Kairi said.
She stared at her drink for a moment.
"No," she finally answered. "I haven't heard from her."
The words sat there.
Hindi nagmadali si Zoe. Hindi sumingit si Maya.
Dahan-dahang huminga si Kairi.
"I went to her apartment," tuloy niya. "That time during our family dinner."
Tahimik lang ang dalawa.
"You know, I thought maybe nasa gym siya, watching at hindi ko lang siya nakita. I kept thinking na I just didn't look hard enough."
Humigpit ang hawak niya sa mug.
"Pinuntahan ko siya, but she wasn't there. I knocked. I stayed. Then sabi ng neighbor na baka naka-move out na siya."
Maya whispered. "Kairi..."
Mahinang umiling si Kairi na parang pinipigilan agad iyong comfort bago pa siya bumigay.
"That was when it sank in," she said. "She's gone. Hindi lang basta lumayo. Just gone. As in wala na."
Silence again. Heavier, but safe.
"What happened between you two...before that?" Zoe asked softly.
Sandaling nag-isip si Kairi.
"You already know we got close. Really close," she said. "But...it wasn't just admiration anymore. It was real. For me. For her too, I think."
A pause.
"We kept trying to stop. Then not stopping. Then trying again."
Maya's eyes were glassy now.
"And in the end," tuloy ni Kairi nang mahina na ang boses. "She regretted ever crossing the line with me. She asked me to leave pero hindi agad ako pumayag. We argued hanggang sa kusa na akong umalis."
Her throat tightened.
"Then she left after that."
The table stayed silent.
Zoe asked gently. "And your family?"
Kairi let out a small, disbelieving breath. "I broke down. Like...really broke down. I told them everything. Well, hindi naman lahat. But enough."
Maya leaned forward. "How did they react?"
"Of course, galit na galit si Papa that night," Kairi admitted. "Hindi dahil nagmahal ako. Pero...everything else. The situation. About me, hurting. Hindi niya alam gagawin niya and it was scary."
Dahan-dahang tumango si Zoe.
"My mom stayed," tuloy ni Kairi. "Si Ate Lara rin. Then...the next evening, nag-usap kami. They said they'll try. Gusto nila akong tulungan."
"They said that?" Maya whispered.
Kairi nodded.
"They offered therapy. I didn't take it. Not now. But...they're there." She swallowed. "They're trying."
Zoe leaned back slightly, exhaling. "That's big, Kairi."
Mabilis na tumango si Maya. "That's really big."
Kairi stared at the table. "It doesn't fix it."
"No," mahinang sabi ni Zoe. "But it means you're not alone."
That sentence stayed.
Nagdalawang-isip si Maya. Pero—
"Do you...miss her every day?"
Hindi agad sumagot si Kairi.
"Yes," she said honestly. "But it doesn't crush me every minute anymore."
"Do you regret loving her?" Zoe asked.
Napakurap si Kairi. That question felt different.
A long pause. Then she answered—
"No."
Medyo nagulat pa siya sa sarili niyang sagot.
"I regret how it ended," she added. "I regret the things I said. I regret na hindi ko agad naintindihan ang side niya. But loving her?" She shook her head. "No. I never will."
Inabot ni Maya ang kamay niya sa mesa at marahang pinisil.
"You love someone," mahinang sabi ni Maya. "That's not something regretful."
Zoe nodded. "And you survived the ending. That matters too."
Kairi felt something loosen in her chest.
Nanatili lang sila doon hanggang sa unti-unting bumalik sa lighter topics ang usapan—orientation, commuting routes, and Maya's dramatic fear of university professors.
At one point, someone ordered another drink. It was the same one that Miss Herrera used to get.
Napansin iyon ni Kairi na naging dahilan ng saglit na paninikip ng dibdib niya.
Pero hindi siya umalis. Hindi siya nag-shut down. Nanatili siya sa usapan kasama ang mga kaibigan.
She laughed once. Then again.
When they left the café, the air outside was warm.
They stood on the sidewalk a little longer, kagaya ng ginagawa nila dati after school.
"Same next week?" Maya asked.
Kairi hesitated, then nodded. "Yeah."
Zoe smiled. Medyo nakakagulat na pumayag ang kaibigan niya pero she was glad. Their friend is back.
They said goodbye. And Kairi chose to walk home alone.
Na-mi-miss pa rin niya si Miss Herrera. Naiisip. Wala namang nabura. Walang nawala. But the memory felt less lonely now.