Chapter 65
The dining table at Ella's house was full.
Three families squeezed together around it where chairs were pulled close and plates were passed from hand to hand as the air filled with overlapping conversations.
The house had always been like this whenever they gathered.
It was loud, warm, and halos imposibleng magkaroon ng katahimikan nang kahit limang segundo man lang.
Nakaupo si Kairi sa pagitan ni Lara at isa nilang mas batang pinsan na tahimik lang na kumakain habang pinapakinggan ang chaos sa paligid niya.
Sa kabilang side ng table, pinunasan ng mother ni Ella ang kamay niya gamit ang napkin bago nagsalita.
"You know what this girl told us last week?" she said, glancing toward Ella. "She wants to move out."
Several heads turned immediately.
Ella didn't even looked embarrassed. Tuloy lang siya sa pagkain.
"To a condo," her mother continued. "Somewhere closer sa office niya."
Ella's father snorted.
"Closer to work," he repeated, shaking his head ."O mas malayo lang sa mommy mong hinihintay ka tuwing umuuwi kang lasing?"
Sabay-sabay natawa ang mga nasa paligid ng mesa.
"Dad," Ella pointed her fork at him. "First of all, hindi ako umuuwi nang lasing every time."
"Most of the time lang," sagot agad ng father niya.
"Exaggerated naman."
Her mother raised an eyebrow. "Is it?"
Ella groaned.
"I'm too old para sermonan gabi-gabi," reklamo niya. "May trabaho na ako."
Sumandal ang tatay niya sa upuan. "Listen to this one."
Ella rolled her eyes and glanced down at the table.
"Anyway," she said, gesturing vaguely. "Si Kairi nga naka-move out na before me and Lara. Wala namang issue."
Napunta agad ang tingin ng ilan kay Kairi who paused briefly in the middle of lifting her spoon.
"I did say something," singit agad ni Lara. "I specifically said she was crazy."
"You did," kalmadong sabi ni Kairi.
"And yet umalis ka pa rin."
"That's different," Ella's mother said. "Kairi had reasons."
Ella leaned back in her chair.
"And ako, walang reasons?"
Her father chuckled. "Ang reason mo ay gusto mong umuwi ng alas dos ng madaling araw nang walang naghihintay sa sala"
"That's a valid reason. Right, Mom?"
More laughter followed.
Nagpatuloy ang asaran sa buong mesa. Comments were thrown back and forth. Cousins were adding jokes of their own.
Kairi mostly listened, eating slowly while the conversation bounced around her.
Then her gaze drifted toward Ella. For a moment, pinagmasadan niya ang pinsan niya. As if remembering something she had meant to ask but hadn't.
Sa living room naman, nagsama-sama ang ilan sa mga magpipinsan sa paligid ng center table. May naglabas ng drinks at may nag-play ng music. Lara was already there, laughing at something while holding a glass in one hand.
Kairi slipped away at lumabas sa back door.
The night air was cooler outside. The backyard was dimly lit by a single yellow light near the door, leaving most of the space in soft shadows.
Kairi stepped onto the familiar patch of concrete near the back wall.
Then she stopped.
One year.
A whole year. Pero parang wala namang nagbago rito.
She leaned lightly against the wall, crossing her arms as she looked out toward the dark yard.
Then may narinig siyang mga yabag sa likod niya.
The back door opened.
"Kai?"
She glanced over her shoulder.
Ella stepped outside, closing the door behind her.
"You disappeared," Ella said, walking closer.
"Nagpapahangin lang."
Tumabi si Ella sa kanya at sumandal din sa pader. For a moment they simply stood there.
"You okay?" Ella asked.
Kairi nodded. "Yeah."
"Ang tahimik mo during dinner."
Kairi shrugged lightly. "I was listening."
Ella gave a small hum.
"Si Lara, pangalawang glass na yata," she said. "She's not lasting the night."
"Definitely not."
They both smiled faintly.
Nagpatuloy ang usapan nila tungkol sa mga simpleng bagay. Work. Family updates. One of their cousins who had recently started a new job. Random things lang hanggang sa tumahimik ulit si Kairi.
Nakatitig lang siya sa harapan bago nagsalita.
"Have you heard from her?"
Ella's shoulders tensed slightly. Hindi na niya kailangang itanong kung sino ang tinutukoy ng pinsan.
"Kairi..."
"I'm just asking, Ella," Kairi said gently.
Ella shook her head. "You already know what I told you."
Dahan-dahang tumango si Kairi.
"Any news?" she asked anyway. "Anything at all? Alam mo ba kung nasaan siya ngayon?"
Ella hesitated.
"Kai—"
"It's okay," Kairi said quickly. "It's been a year."
Pinagmasdan siya ni Ella nang mabuti.
"I'm okay," Kairi continued. "Really. Gusto ko lang malaman."
Ella looked down for a second before answering.
"It's the same thing I told you before," sabi niya nang mahina. "The last time we talked, sinabi lang niya na aalis siya."
"That was it?"
"Wala na siyang ibang sinabi, Kai."
Ella had given her the same answer a year ago. At kahit ngayon, hindi pa rin siya sigurado kung iyon lang ba talaga ang buong katotohanan.
Back then, halos paulit-ulit niyang kinukulit si Ella. Paulit-ulit siyang nagtanong. Looking for gaps, inconsistencies. Hoping na something different would slip out.
Now, she didn't push anymore. Part of her still hoped there was more. But not in the way she used to.
Silence settled between them again.
Pagkaraan ng ilang sandali, napatingin si Kairi sa baba malapit sa paa niya at bahagyang ngumiti.
"You know," she started. "This is the exact spot."
Napalingon si Ella. "Hm?"
"We used to just stand here."
Realization crossed Ella's face. "Oh..."
Kairi nodded toward the wall. "She'd stand right there with her cigarette."
Napatingin si Ella sa kanya na parang hindi makapaniwala. "And hinayaan mo lang siya. You won't even let me hold a cigarette near you."
"Well, sa kanya kasi, it was different. With her, it wasn't annoying."
Ella squinted at her.
"You're unbelievable."
Kairi leaned her head lightly back against the wall.
"She'd stand here in the dark," she said, glancing toward the dark yard. "Hawak ang cig like it was the most normal thing in the world."
She paused.
"And somehow, I could breathe."
Ella looked at her quietly.
"So you're saying smoke helped you breathe?"
"No," Kairi said with a small smile. "Just her."
Napatawa si Ella.
"So Gianna gets special privileges," she said. "But I don't."
"Correct."
"That's unfair."
"It is."
Pareho silang natawa, the sound fading slowly into the night.
After a moment, Ella spoke again.
"How does it feel?" she asked.
Bahagyang lumingon si Kairi.
"Talking about her like this," paliwanag ni Ella. "Bringing all of that back."
Kairi thought about it.
"It still hurts," she admitted. "But not the way it used to."
"How so?"
Kairi exhaled slowly.
"Before, it felt like everything inside me was breaking all the time."
She paused.
"Now it just feels like something that's already broken."
Ella frowned slightly.
"That doesn't sound better."
Kairi rested her shoulders against the wall again.
"It still hurts," she repeated. "But now, I know how to carry it."