Chapter 67
Holiday break had finally settled in.
It had been months and finally, walang deadlines na naghihintay kay Kairi. Walang exams and reports. Wala ring readings na naka-highlight at nakatambak sa desk niya.
The apartment she shared with Zoe and Maya had gotten noticeably quieter after all of them went back to their respective homes for the break.
It felt strange.
She had become so used to hearing Maya moving around the kitchen in the mornings and kay Zoe na palaging nag-ra-rant about whatever inconvenience life had thrown at her that day. Without them, the apartment felt larger than usual.
So umuwi na rin siya.
The first few days passed lazily. She slept longer than normal, helped her mother around the house kapag may pinapagawa, at halos gabi-gabi silang magkakasama sa sala habang nanonood ng TV.
Lara would argue with their father about the most random things, and somehow, that had become part of the routine.
It was normal and something she hadn't appreciated enough before.
Saturday morning arrived with sunlight already slipping through the curtains.
Kairi woke earlier than expected and lay in bed for several minutes staring at the ceiling. She could hear faint movement downstairs.
Someone was already awake.
Eventually, bumangon siya at naglakad papuntang kusina. Her mother was standing by the counter, sorting reusable bags.
"Morning, Ma," Kairi mumbled.
Agad napatingin ang mama niya. "Kai, anak, bago yata 'yan. Tuwing umuuwi ka rito, tanghali ka na kung gumising."
Kumuha ng baso si Kairi at nagsalin ng tubig.
"Nakakapagod din matulog, Ma."
Her mother laughed at that.
Kairi leaned against the counter habang umiinom at pinapanood siyang ayusin ang mga dala niya.
"Palengke?"
"Mm-hm. Before maubos ang mga magaganda at fresh na paninda."
Kairi nodded absentmindedly. Then something occurred to her.
"Sama ako."
Huminto ang mama niya. "Ha? Ikaw? Sasama?"
Napatawa si Kairi.
"Bakit parang sobrang shocking naman, Ma?"
"Dahil noong huli kitang inaya, ang bilis mong sumagot ng 'no.'"
"Really?"
"Yes, anak. Really."
Uminom pa siya bago nagkibit-balikat. "Wala rin naman po akong gagawin."
Something softened in her mother's smile. "Then bilisan mo."
"I just woke up, Ma."
"And vegetables don't wait. Mag-ayos na."
"Okay, okay."
Pag-akyat niya sa hagdan, narinig niya agad ang sigaw ng nanay niya mula sa kusina.
"Pakibilisan! The good vegetables disappear first."
"Five minutes!"
"Ten!"
"Kairi Lei!"
Naglakad si Kairi sa tabi ng nanay niya, bitbit ang isa sa mga eco bags habang pinapanood itong makipag-tawaran sa isang nagtitinda ng gulay na mukhang matagal na niyang kakilala.
Hindi naman talaga siya nakikinig.
Her attention had drifted somewhere else entirely. The familiar pathways and corners. And the familiar feeling of being there.
And before she realized it, a memory surfaced.
Miss Herrera standing sa harapan niya while looking slightly confused by how Kairi had suddenly appeared next to her.
The memory was so clear that Kairi almost smiled.
Back then, she had avoided teachers whenever possible. She avoided conversations and people. Pero somehow, siya mismo ang unang lumapit kay Miss Herrera. Even now, years later, hindi pa rin niya ma-explain nang maayos kung bakit.
Her mother glanced toward her. "Anong nginingitian mo?"
Napakurap si Kairi.
"Was I smiling?"
"A little."
She looked ahead again.
"May naalala lang po."
Her mother nodded. "Good memory?"
Something good?
Kairi thought about it. About a teacher standing beside a vegetable stall. About coffee. About conversations she never expected would matter.
About slowly becoming someone she never thought she'd be.
"Yeah," she said softly. "Something good."
Mukhang sapat na iyon para sa nanay niya. Hindi na ito nagtanong pa. Hindi rin naman nila kailangan.
Nagpatuloy lang sila sa paglalakad.
A few minutes later, sandaling huminto si Kairi sa tapat ng isang maliit na café.
That same café.
The one they had ended up in after unexpectedly running into each other at the market. The one where Miss Herrera had reluctantly agreed to sit down with her.
Sinundan ng mama niya ang tingin niya. "Gusto mo bang mag-coffee muna?"
Napatingin si Kairi sa café.
For a second, napaisip siya. She could go inside.
Maybe sit at the same table. Maybe stay longer than necessary. Maybe let herself get lost in old memories again.
The thought lingered for a moment.
Then faded.
She smiled. "No, Ma."
Tumaas ang isang kilay ng nanay niya. "You don't want coffee?"
"Not today."
"Okay ka lang ba, Kai?"
Kairi laughed.
Napakunot-noo agad ang nanay niya. "Bakit ka natawa? Seryoso akong nagtatanong."
"I know, Ma. I'm okay."
And they continued walking.
When Kairi glanced back one last time, it wasn't because she expected to see anyone there.
It was just a café. Nothing more. Nothing less.
After lunch, umalis siya ng bahay para magpalipas ng oras sa labas. Wala naman talaga siyang specific na pupuntahan. Gusto lang niyang maglakad-lakad.
Hindi niya namalayan na papunta na pala siya sa café malapit sa dati niyang high school.
The streets felt smaller than she remembered. Or maybe she had simply gotten older.
Habang naglalakad, napadaan siya sa isang bookstore. Immediately, she slowed. Napatigil ang tingin niya sa malaking glass window at bumalik sa kanya ang alaala ng araw na iyon.
The two of them standing inside. Pareho silang hindi okay. Pareho ring hindi sinasabi ang gusto talagang sabihin. Parehong nagpapanggap.
Masakit pa rin alalahanin pero hindi na katulad dati.
Noong una, every memory felt like reopening a wound. Ngayon, it felt more like touching a scar. Still there, still sensitive. But healed.
Well, mostly.
Matagal na nakatayo si Kairi roon. It was long enough that she could have walked inside. Long enough para maglakad ulit sa pagitan ng mga shelves na dati nilang dinaanan. Long enough para itanong ulit sa sarili ang mga tanong na ilang taon niyang bitbit.
Where are you? Bakit ka umalis?
Naisip mo rin bang bumalik? Did you ever miss me?
The questions still existed. Hindi na siguro mawawala ang mga katanungan sa isip niya. Pero ngayon, they felt distant.
Eventually, nagpatuloy rin siya sa paglalakad hanggang sa mawala na sa likod niya ang bookstore.
And she didn't look back.
Hindi pa rin nagbago ang café malapit sa dati niyang school. Pareho pa rin ang menu. Pareho pa rin ang music. Pareho pa rin halos ang ayos ng mga mesa.
She ordered a drink and found a seat near the window.
For a while, pinanood lang niya ang mga taong dumadaan sa labas. Individuals, families, couples, and friends. Life continued as it always did.
Her gaze drifted across the café then landed on a familiar table. There was nothing special about it. Except, she remembered exactly who had once sat there.
Miss Herrera.
Waiting. Trying very hard not to look like she was waiting. Pretending she wasn't checking the door every few seconds.
Napangiti si Kairi sa sarili niya.
"You were terrible at pretending," bulong niya.
Bakante ang upuan ngayon.
Of course it was. Ilang taon na rin ang lumipas. Matagal nang umusad ang mundo.
At siya rin.
A younger version of herself would have stared at that table for an hour. Mag-iisip kung nasaan na si Miss Herrera. Kung babalik pa ba siya at kung may chance pa ba.
Pero habang nakaupo siya roon ngayon, may napansin siya.
Matagal na palang natapos ang paghihintay. Hindi naman basta natapos lang today. Hindi rin kahapon. At baka nga hindi ngayong taon.
Hindi niya alam kung kailan nagsimula.
Was it somewhere between university classes? Family dinners? Or late-night conversations with friends?
New memories. New routines. New versions of herself.
Unti-unti, tumigil siyang maghintay.
Nami-miss niya pa rin si Miss Herrera. Hindi naman nagbago iyon.
She still loved her in some complicated corner of her heart. Hindi rin siguro nagbago iyon.
Pero hindi na umiikot ang buhay niya sa possibility na baka may bumalik pa. Na baka isang araw, bumukas ulit ang pinto.
Because the truth was simple.
Miss Herrera had left and Kairi had stayed. Isa ang umalis. Isa ang nagpatuloy.
The realization settled over her slowly. Masakit pa rin. Not because it was new. But because finally, tanggap na niya.
Her fingers tightened briefly around her cup before relaxing again.
Outside, people continued walking past the window. Inside, someone laughed near the counter. Tuloy lang ang buhay.
Kairi looked once more at the empty table.
Then she looked away.
And finally, pagkatapos ng napakahabang panahon, she no longer felt the urge to search.