68. Haven
Chapter 68
Haven
“Last chance, Heavenly.”
I look up into Kai’s sparkling green eyes, concern etching a deep furrow between his wild eyebrows.
“There’s no coming back from this.”
I lift my hand, cupping his face. “I want you. I want this.”
He drops his head, and his body is heavy on mine as he lowers himself onto me. Leaves crackle and crunch under our makeshift bed. Just a blanket pulled over what we could scrape together over the cold ground beneath our favorite tree.
The towering maple sits sentry over the clearing where we first met. The one where we’d brainstorm our next adventure.
I’d been planning this for three years.
On the day I turned sixteen, Kai would take my virginity under this tree.
It’s all I ever wanted.
All I thought I needed.
And the day was finally here.
Only problem is my period started this morning. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to let that ruin my special day. I’m wearing black, anyway. Black panties, black dress.
It’s been my favorite color lately.
Matches my mood most days.
We haven’t been out here for nearly four years. It’s a miracle we even managed to both be here today. But Kai swore an oath to me…even if he didn’t know what the hell I was making him promise.
All I told him back then was that on my sixteenth birthday, come hell or high water, he would meet me under this maple tree. In exchange, I’d do anything he wanted. An eternal IOU.
I thought it was romantic as hell, and while Kai was confused at first, it looks like he’s coming round to the idea.
I laugh, and Kai pushes onto his palms, hovering over me again. “What’s so funny?”
“Your face,” I say through another laugh. “When I told you what we’re doing here.”
He grins, shaking his head as he looks away. “Yeah, you can be glad I made it. My girlfriend wanted me over at her house today.”
“You have a girlfriend?” I hadn’t meant that to come out like a banshee’s shriek, but here we are.
Kai’s grin is even wider than before when he turns back to me. “Every time, Heavenly. Every time.”
I growl as I punch his arm, and then his weight is on me again.
“You don’t need a girlfriend,” I mutter. “You’ve got me.”
His eyes lock onto my mouth, and my lips part in invitation. But he hesitates, and then goes for my neck, planting me a flurry of light kisses on the side of my throat.
I groan, eyes sliding shut at the way it feels.
We’ve kinda done stuff like this before. Never full-on-the-mouth kissing or anything, but whenever I was curious about how something felt, I’d rope him into an experiment.
He’s played with my boobs.
Fingered me a few times.
I gave him a handy once.
I never made a big deal out of it. Then it would have been awkward for both of us. When I told him I wanted him to deflower me—because yes, of course, that’s how I phrased it, I’m a damn lady—I thought he’d laugh it off.
But he just went really, really, quiet…
And then nodded.
Like he’d been waiting for this.
He slides a hand over my underwear, and I moan, bucking my hips up. That makes him huff against my throat, like he’s pleasantly surprised he still has that kind of effect on me.
But then I feel wetness oozing out of me, and my face goes scorching hot. He has to hurry before it’s all a bloody mess down there.
I usually don’t bleed a lot at first, but after a few hours…
It’s late afternoon. There’s already a chill in the air, but the sunlight that pierces through the maple leaves above finds its way down to me, painting warm spots over my legs and arms.
“I want it, Kai.” My words are frantic, my breath speeding up. “Please. Now.”
He huffs again, and then we’re both tugging at my underwear, trying to get it down my legs. But he doesn’t just stick it in like I thought he would.
He touches me first. Softly. Teasingly.
“Can’t just dive in,” he murmurs against my collarbone. “Gotta get you wet…”
Kai trails off. Groans, hard.
I’ve never heard him make a sound like that, not even when I jerked him off last year.
“You’re already wet,” he says, sounding confused, surprised, worried.
“I’m turned on,” I say. “You know how long I’ve wanted this?”
He tips his head back, a flickering unease in his eyes. “How long?”
“Since I was thirteen,” I lie. Because it’s been a hell of a lot longer than that, and I know he’ll freak out.
But it doesn’t help. He’s freaked out, anyway.
Color leeches out of his face. His lips tremble. “Haven…”
I know what’s coming.
How he’ll blurt out some excuse, and then he’ll leave, and I’ll never, ever, ever, ever have sex again because I’m in love with him, always have been, and he’s the only one that I’ll ever let touch any part of my body.
“No, no, no,” I whisper frantically, snatching his wrist. “Please, Kai. You promised.” I manipulate his fingers, push them inside me.
My eyes roll back, and I moan even louder, encouraging him, trying to tell him without speaking everything that’s pouring through my head.
He slides his fingers deeper, but slowly, and my eyes flicker open. I moan again, and his eyes drop to my mouth. He pulls his fingers out, pushes them in again.
“Yes, that’s good. Just like that,” I murmur, rolling my hips. I slide a hand down his chest, his stomach, to his jeans. I unzip him and fumble as I try to take out his dick.
But he’s just watching me. Fingers moving so slowly, it’s like he’s on another planet.
Meanwhile, my body’s going through the fucking wringer. I get his dick out, struggling at first because it’s hard, but then it gets easier, because he’s going softer.
“What’s wrong?” I tug at him, trying to make him hard again.
It took barely anything to make him come, but that was years ago.
“Kai, please.” I put my hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at me. “I want this. Don’t you?”
He pushes his head against my hand, eyes closing. “We do this, and then what, Haven?”
I don’t like it when he calls me that. I prefer Heavenly. Miss H is even better. That’s when I know he’s in a really good mood.
But now?
“What do you mean?”
“I’m in college,” he rasps. “You’re still in high school. What? We gonna start dating now?”
I push up onto my elbows, and he pulls his fingers out of me. I can see blood on his fingers, but he hasn’t noticed yet.
It all hits me at once. How pathetic I am. How desperate. How damn na?ve, asking him to do this for me.
He’s always thought of me as a kid. Even after all these years, nothing’s changed.
Self pity flashes into anger.
“Who said I wanted to date you?” I snap. “I just want you to fuck me.”
I scramble out from under him, pulling up my panties, streaks of blood on my leg.
Guess that’s when he finally notices. When he finally sees.
“Haven! You’re bleeding! Did I hurt you?”
I spin on my heel. “Things have changed since the last time you saw me, Kai.”
He falls back when I advance on him, but I follow and seize his wrist. Hold his hand up so he can see just how much blood is on his fingers.
“Believe it or not, I’m a woman now. And this—“ I cut my eyes to the blanket under us “—would have been amazing.”
“Haven—” He pulls his hand free, trying to sit up, but I shove his chest, sending him down again, because yes, he hurt me.
I feel like I’m dying inside, and for the first time ever, I don’t see my pain reflected in his eyes.
“I hate you, Kai! You’re a fucking loser!”