Chapter Eleven #3
Reaching out, he took one of her hands and brought it to his lips, kissing it sweetly. He couldn’t think of anything else to do. He couldn’t think of what to say. All he did was kiss her hand, more than once, before looking her in the eye.
“You have done nothing,” he said hoarsely. “I am sorry if my behavior has upset you. That was not my intention.”
His gentle kisses on her hand brought a lump to Annavieve’s throat.
“I am your duty,” she said, struggling not to cry because she saw so much emotion in his face.
“You do not have to explain yourself but I wish you would tell me what I have done to make you cold towards me so I do not do it again. I… I do not want to offend you, Kevin. I would rather die than upset you.”
He kissed her hand again, pressing her fingers against his stubbled cheek.
“You are my duty,” he murmured, “but I fear I am becoming attached to my duty. You need not say anything to that regard because it does not matter; neither of us has any right to feel anything at all. So if I seem cold to you at times, it is because… because my emotions are getting the better of me where you are concerned and that is not something that should happen. You will forgive me for telling you this, but I did not want you to think you have done anything wrong because you haven’t… I have.”
Tears sprang to her eyes, coursing down her cheeks.
“Oh… Kevin,” she stifled a sob. “I have felt the very same thing. You are everything a woman could want in a man, in a husband, and when I look at you, I find myself cursing God that you are not the man I married. I wish with all my heart that you were.”
She was beginning to cry and he shushed her softly, wiping at her cheek, kissing the hand he still held in his big grip.
“No tears, sweetheart,” he said, happier and more grieved than he’d ever been in his life at her admission. “You must not cry.”
She couldn’t help it. “But this is wrong,” she said, unable to stop everything from coming out.
“This is all so very wrong. I want to be with you. I adore everything about you, but I am married to a man who cares nothing for me. I had never known happiness in my life until I experienced it with you. I feel as if we are both trained beasts for Dorset, to perform when he commands it. It is my destiny in life to be used as a pawn but you… you are a legendary knight. He should not command you to do such immoral things. None of this is right!”
He had his hand on her cheek. “Mayhap it is not right, but for now, it is what we must do,” he whispered.
“Hush, now. Do not upset yourself so. We will ride to Longcross and we will spend time together, as demanded by the duke. Two nights ago, I dreaded those demands but now… now I do not. It is wrong of me to look forward to our time together, but I do. I am coming not to care that it is wrong.”
She sniffled. “Nor I,” she whispered. “But this situation we find ourselves in… will it always be like this?”
He shrugged. “I am not for certain,” he said quietly. “It is far more complex than you or I can possibly imagine. De Ferrers wants me to impregnate you.”
“I know.”
He lifted his eyebrows, a gesture bordering on frustration. “He told me he would send you away as soon as you conceived for the duration of your confinement.”
“Send me where?”
“To Sempringham,” he replied. “Considering you will be pregnant with my child, I am not entirely sure I will allow that.”
“Allow what?”
“Any of it.” He stroked her cheek, wiping away the tears that were falling. “Please stop your tears, now. We must leave. We have already been here over-long and I fear for your safety.”
Annavieve wiped at her face, quickly, and set the reins aside.
Dropping to her knees on the footrest of the wagon bench, she was eye-level with him.
She reached for Kevin at the same moment he reached for her and they came together in their first true and genuine embrace.
It was powerful and warm and full of untapped promises of pleasure, both emotional and physical.
It was the most satisfying embrace either of them had ever known.
“I told you that I have never loved anyone save Magda,” she whispered, squeezing him so tightly that she was nearly strangling him. “I was wrong. I love you, too.”
He buried his face in her neck, smelling the faint scent of the woodsy soap he had loaned her. He’d never noticed the scent much until this moment; now, it smelled just like heaven to him. Gently, he kissed her neck.
“You have my heart as well,” he whispered, pulling back so he could kiss her cheek and her forehead. “But no one must know, Annavieve. If de Ferrers were to find out that my duty has become more than simply following his orders, it could cause great problems for us both.”
Her brow furrowed. “But why?” she wanted to know. “He does not want me. Why should he care?”
Kevin cocked an eyebrow, cupping her lovely face in his big hands.
“Because no one is to know that it is I who consummated your marriage,” he said.
“It is all in secret. How do you think it will look if the new duchess is in love with her husband’s knight?
It will reflect badly on us all, so no one must know anything. Is that clear?”
Annavieve nodded solemnly. “Not a word,” she said. “I swear it.”
He smiled at her, his eyes glimmering warmly. “Good lass,” he said. Then he reached over her and picked up the reins, handing them to her. “Come along, now. We must reach Longcross by sunset.”
Kissing her hand one last time, he made his way back over to his horse, gathering up the animal’s reins and mounting. Instead of riding ahead of the wagon, this time he rode beside it.
The berg of Longcross came into view far too soon as far as he was concerned. He could have traveled this road, riding beside Annavieve, forever and a day.
For the first time in over six years, Kevin realized that he was truly and deeply happy.
He was also truly and deeply in trouble. God help him, he knew it.