Journal Entry 14
Aheeva of House Thorn
Nordin,
Another letter to you that will never see the light of day; only the light of Saga’s fire pit.
Do I intend to reduce every word I will ever write to ash? No. I hope that someday I can preserve my thoughts, but this would mean I’d want to reread them.
Right now, I have no desire to revisit this chapter in my existence. All I want is the possibility opportunity to start my next chapter already. However, until I leave Isam?r, what new life can I begin?
I now share Mor’s desire to find us a way out of this stifling valley.
Are you jealous that I’ve forgiven her but not you?
Do you wonder why I did?
I bet you think it’s because she wasn’t the one to hold my palms over the fire, but that’s not it. I forgave her because she never took advantage of my weaknesses. She never kept me weak like you did.
You kept me small, caged by your protection, frantic for your regard.
You watched me claw at the edges of myself, desperate to fit in, knowing I never would without your help.
Perhaps I’m wrong, but sometimes I wonder if this is why you pursued me. After all, what better way to keep the wool over my eyes than to slip beneath it with me? In the dark, you would’ve become the only thing I could see.
You already were.
Your pretense of love blinded me.
I might hate your mother for numerous reasons, but I don’t hate her for forcing you to confess. The only thing I hate is that you didn’t choose to do it yourself when I was eighteen. Or nineteen. You should’ve told me!
Mor should have also, but she worried I’d hate you for burning away my magic. I might have, but wouldn’t that have been better than me hating you for reducing me to a subservient shell of a woman?
I told Saga, by the way. I told her everything.
At first, I thought she might’ve known that her beloved brother had burnt my hands, but lo and behold, she was certain that this is how I’d come through the portal. That you’d made up my accident so that the pack wouldn’t ask questions.
Also, she was stunned to find out that valkyrie magic dwelled only in hands since she’d learned that their magic resided in runes that could be placed anywhere on the body. But Mor explained that the Empresses—and Emperors—can be distinguished from others because their magic strives in their hands.
When they touch those they deem worthy of magic, they’ll transfer Freyja’s runes on parts of the body within the person’s reach (so the wielder can pull out the magic and direct it with their hands), but never directly on fingers.
The choice is purely strategic, for it keeps their “heirs” from rune-casting as swiftly and powerfully as the Twelve.
Eleven?
Does House Thorn still feature on the Ljosam?rin map, or did you erase my clan from Freyja’s family tree the day you erased my runes?
Saga thinks not, since Taeric’s curse endures. But then she also thinks that I must still possess a shred of magic. Mor said that if I had, my wrist would’ve healed instantly. It’s mending, but far from mended.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what Koppar told me on ?rrot, about the Ragnarok Trials. If I competed and won, would I get my old runes back? Would I receive a new set? Or would my blood reject another House’s runes?
I’d ask one of the elders or Mor if I weren’t so worried about getting Koppar into trouble.
I hope you’re well, my W Nordin. I might hate you, but I’ll never wish you ill.
Do I selfishly hope you’re feeling like shit and extra remorseful? Absolutely.
If you felt no remorse for injuring someone you claimed to love, then that would make you an actual monster.
Like Havrik.
Prove to me the world that you’re better than that disgusting waste of fur.
Best,
Regards,
(How does one end a letter to the man who played so hard and carelessly with her heart that he ended up ripping it from her chest?)
I suppose I could say: take care,
Aheeva
(Will the sound and sight of my birthname ever not feel strange?)
P.S. I hear your war preparations are still underway.
I hear all the Jarls have agreed to them, even Heinous Havrik.
Though I suspect the latter only agreed in the hopes of expanding his domain.
I imagine you realize this. You might be a liar, but you’re not an idiot. Unlike me… Fenrir, what an idiot I was.