Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
Eve
Carter’s kisses feel like promises.
Promises of the future. Promises of loyalty and commitment. Promises of sacrifice. Promises of forever…
And it all scares the shit out of me as much as it excites me.
How can Carter’s words incite such fear and wonder, all at the same time? He’s given up everything for something we’ve only just started. It seems too soon. Too much. Too fast.
All I can think is that someday he will take off his rose-colored glasses and reality will slap him in the face and he’ll see everything he’s given up for me, and resentment will set in and our relationship will slowly fester into a disaster of a bloody wound that will painfully and slowly die.
It’s terrifying.
And yet, thrilling, somehow, the idea of the future…
And Carter? Carter is nothing but comforting.
Tears stream down my face as a result of all of these emotions thundering inside of me. Carter is so sweet, so kind, so gentle with me. His arms wrap around me as he continues to talk, saying anything he can think of to make me feel better.
I want it to work.
I want the tears to stop.
I want the fear to wash away and reveal the courage that I know is lying just under the surface.
“I’m so sorry for all the tears,” I admit to Carter. “There’s so much to worry about.”
“There is a lot to think about, Eve, that’s true. We have to make some plans. Have some difficult conversations. But I think we can get through it together. Honestly, I think we can get through almost anything together.”
“You have so much faith in us.”
“Yeah, I do,” he says, smiling at me. He leads me over to the couch and we sit down before he pulls me into his arms. I lay my head on his chest, relishing the warmth of his body. “Tell me everything that’s on your mind. Let’s talk through it all.”
He’s so fucking great, I can’t help but smile.
“I’m worried about…a lot.”
“One thing at a time.”
“Okay,” I say, taking a deep breath. “First, I want to be clear about something. I love everything about you, Carter. I love that you’re smart. You’re so funny and kind. Not to mention so fucking sexy and handsome.”
I pause, looking over at him with disbelief that this beautiful man is sitting in front of me, so patiently listening to my every worry.
“Ooh, I like this, go on, don’t stop now,” he teases.
I laugh, shaking my head. “I’m telling you all this, not to inflate your ego, but because I want you to understand that despite all my worries and fears, I adore you and I want to be with you for a myriad of reasons.”
“Oh, so it’s not just for my hot bod?”
“Mainly, yeah, but you know… I do happen to like it that you can complete a full sentence.”
He nods slowly, a sweet smile on his face.
“Anyway, all of that being said, yes, I’m worried about the impact our relationship will have on our relationships with my father and Aiden and your mother. I guess we don’t have to worry about your career at the university anymore.”
“Right, I torched that obstacle right out of the water.”
“Ugh,” I moan, shaking my head. “You’re so cavalier about it.”
“Because I knew, deep down, it wasn’t the right fit for me. You need to trust me on this.”
“Fair enough,” I say. His arms tighten around me and I snuggle in closer.
He’s delicious and I never want to move from this spot.
“My father and Aiden will never approve of us being together, you know that, right?”
“And if they don’t approve, what’s the worst that can happen?”
“With my father, it would have been that he’d take away my school funding. But I turned my papers in this morning to get everything transferred to my name.”
“You did?” Carter asks, excitement rising in his voice.
“Yep,” I say, a trace of pride singing in my voice. “That’s why I left early.”
“Oh, now, I see,” he says. “I’m proud of you, Eve. See, you were eliminating obstacles, too.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I say.
“So, if your dad can’t fuck with your finances, then what’s the worst he can do?”
“Just be angry, I guess.”
“And Aiden?”
“The same, I suppose. I’m not that close to my father, but it would hurt if Aiden cut me out of his life.”
“I think I can handle Aiden. He may not disapprove as much as you might think. Remember, he has a little experience with this too. Maybe he’ll be understanding and have a little empathy for us.”
“That’s true,” I say.
We lay there for a moment, our hearts beating together.
“What about your mother?” I ask, finally.
“That might be a little harder of a nut to crack. My mother has some deep-seeded issues that’s going to take a long time to reframe. I’m not sure it’s possible, to be honest. But if she chooses to cut herself out of my life because she doesn’t approve of the person I love, then I figure that’s her loss.”
“I can’t imagine not having my son in my life. Especially if it’s you.”
“My mother isn’t like most people.”
“I’m sorry, babe,” I say.
“It’s all good, I’m used to it. If I lose her, it’s just one more price to pay that’s worth it.”
“You’re going to lose everything because of me,” I say again, the tears falling once more. I can’t believe he’s willing to do this. It’s just so much loss that it’s hard to fathom.
“Listen, Eve, I need you to stop blaming yourself. It’s killing me to see you so upset, babe. None of this is your fault, and even if it was? Guess what? You’re worth it. We’re worth it. And if you need me to remind you of that fact every single day, I’ll do it until it sinks in.”
“That might be necessary,” I admit.
“You’ll be surprised to see how patient I can be.”
His smile is like a warm salve on my heart.
I feel so grateful to have come to this place with him.
My tears are still flowing, but I kiss him gently, again and again, hoping our love will be enough to make all this pain go away eventually.