Chapter 2
CHAPTER 2
Holden
Five years ago...
If I had to eat one more fucking casserole, I might puke right in my mother’s casket.
“Thank you so much,” my dad’s voice boomed beside me. Even when he should sound grateful, he can’t keep the authoritative quality out of his voice. “Pulled pork, Holden’s favorite. Wasn’t this so nice of the Lawrence’s, Holden?”
I cleared my throat, and with a tug on my tie, forced my gaze up to Mrs. Lawrence and her daughter, Megan.
My ex-girlfriend.
The girl my family fucking ruined… and who ruined me in return. The rims of her eyes were swollen and red, her lashes, black and spikey, like she’d been crying. Like it was her goddamn mother lying dead on a satin pillow in a pine box, not mine.
The wake had ended an hour ago and now we were expected to host a fucking party at our house.
Leave it to my father, the senator, to turn my mother’s wake into the event of the season.
A small smile touched my lips because the irony was that Mom wouldn’t want it any other way. In some ways, they really had been the perfect couple.
If only my father hadn’t cheated on her.
With my acting professor.
I couldn’t prove a damn thing, of course, but something in my gut told me Mom knew.
And though she didn’t mean to kill herself by popping so many pills and drowning them in gin, she never seemed to care one way or another if she lived or died.
It finally caught up with her.
The only reason it hadn’t caught up with her sooner was because I’d always been there in the past to pick up the pieces. I was always there to carry her to the bathroom. To make sure she vomited. To hold her hair back and keep her hydrated.
Guilt edged its way into my gut. It had always been my job to care for her. I should have called more. I should have checked in. Especially when I saw Dad and Professor McCay together.
If I couldn’t even keep my own mother safe, how could I ever be a good partner to Katherine?
Dad cleared his throat, pulling me from my dark thoughts as he handed me the still warm Pyrex dish. “Yes, thank you Mrs. Lawrence,” I finally said after another one of my father’s warning glares.
“Megan actually made it, you know,” Mrs. Lawrence said, looking at her daughter with a proud smile. “She’s graduating from culinary school next year after a...” Mrs. Lawrence’s gaze snagged on my father. Uneasy silence stitched the seconds together until she finally said, “After a gap year.”
Coming up on four years of culinary school and yet a pulled pork casserole was the best she could do?
Dad smiled down at her like he hadn’t set out only a few years ago to destroy us. Like he hadn’t been the sole reason for the demise of our relationship. “Wow, congratulations, Megan. Well done. Sometimes a break is just what we need to get our heads on straight, isn’t it?”
She eyed him briefly, eyes narrowed and guarded. “Thanks,” she said. “After I transferred, I really found myself, you know?”
She shifted her glare to me as she spoke.
Fucking hell. Not that my dad and I didn’t deserve her hostility. But maybe my fucking mother’s funeral wasn’t the time or place.
“Holden, why don’t you and Megan bring the casserole inside while I get Mrs. Lawrence a drink.”
I swallowed my sigh and nodded. “Come on in, Meg.”
This was how it went all evening. People came by to ‘pay their respects.’ And if it was a kid my age, my dad sent us away to hang out in the basement. Then when the doorbell rang, it was my cue to run back upstairs for a quick greeting. To get hugged. Cried on. And told what a great woman Mom was.
“How are you holding up?” Megan asked as she followed me into the kitchen.
I yanked the handle of the fridge, and all the items on the door clattered together loudly.
“Fine,” I muttered, scooting the eight other casserole dishes around to try to make room for one more.
“Holden.” Her hand fell to my waist, long fingernails pressing little half-moon shapes into the cotton of my black button-down shirt. “I know I haven’t seen you in years but come on. Talk to me.”
Of course I’m not fine. My fucking mom died .
Still facing the fridge, a knot unfurled in my chest as I heard her soft exhale. “What are you doing here, Meg?” I asked quietly, with a quick glance around to make sure no one was listening. Last we spoke, I told her to run far the fuck away from me and never look back. To which she replied: Happily.
“My mom made me come.” Meg took a step away from me, leaning the small of her back against the granite kitchen island. “She still thinks you and I are meant to be. Like somehow if I marry you, I’ll end up the next Jackie fucking Kennedy.”
Almost on cue, she smoothed her silky brown hair knotted in a tight bun at the nape of her neck.
I slid a glance across the room to where Mrs. Lawrence and my dad were still chatting near the bar cart. “Does your mom not know ? —”
Meg snorted. “She knows… enough. She just doesn’t care.”
God, these fucking people. All of them. Meg’s mom. My dad. Professor McCay. Was there something about becoming an adult that made you smash your moral compass?
Katherine flashed in my thoughts momentarily, and not for the first time this evening. Talk about a moral compass, of everyone I’d ever met, Katherine was the best. The most honest. The sweetest. The least likely to take any bullshit from anyone.
Which only made my mom’s words from before ring all the louder in my head.
“I love you, Holden,” Mom said, her voice raspy and hoarse. “I love you so much. But if you truly care about this girl, then you need to get rid of her before you ruin her like your father ruined me.” Her words stung, slapping me in the face. But it was the truth in them that hurt the most.
Meg’s sigh pulled me back to the present, as she continued. “Mom thinks that it’s all part of the game.”
“She thinks what my dad did was acceptable?”
She nodded her head. “Even though he crushed me, used me, she said that your dad was just ‘looking out for’ his son. And that he was right to do so.”
Even just hearing that again turned my stomach. “He was just looking out for his fucking Senate seat,” I sneered. “Don’t let anyone else convince you otherwise.”
Nevermind the fact that his little test of Meg’s loyalty involved fucking seducing her himself. Getting her an internship with one of the top chefs in town. Convincing her to cater a dinner for him and some friends. Then inviting her to have a drink afterwards when she was cleaning up and…
Well, the rest was history.
He succeeded.
As much as I hated to admit it, my dad is a charming man. And if I’m half as handsome as he is when I’m in my forties, I’ll consider myself lucky.
Meg fell for his shit hook, line, and sinker.
And Dad filmed it all for me to see. Showing me how she wasn’t up to the task of being a Dorsey if she can be that easily seduced.
But isn’t that the fucking pot calling the kettle black?
My mom wasn’t even innocent in all this. I’m not sure if she was in on it from the start, but when Dad played the video for me, she merely lifted the gin martini to her lips and said: See, Holden? Now, is this what you consider wife material?
Hell, Meg and I had only been dating a few months when he pulled that stunt. We were eighteen. Marriage wasn’t even on my fucking brain yet.
She’s a nice girl and all, but even now, standing here with her, I didn’t feel any zing in my heart. No flip of my chest at the sight of her. We’d never been in love.
“Holden,” Meg said, pulling my thoughts back to the present. “I need to talk to you. Privately. There’s things you don’t know about ? —”
From down the hall, the doorbell rang.
Dammit. I knew my dad would want me there by his side when he answered it, but I needed to get this off my chest.
“Meg,” I started, whispering. “I’m so sorry. For everything. What my dad did, there’s no excuse–”
“You’re right,” she said, interrupting me. “But I know you had nothing to do with it. I tried to reach out to you after, but your dad ? —”
“It wasn’t my dad,” I admitted. “I didn’t want to see you. I know it wasn’t entirely your fault, but you did cheat on me. With my father. I’m more over it now than I ever have been and I don’t want to hate you anymore.”
She pulls back like my words physically struck her. “Holden,” she whispered. Licking her lips, her eyes darted over my shoulder to where our parents milled about. “There’s more that followed that night ? —”
I groaned. “I really don’t want to hear about how your affair with my dad continued after we broke up.”
“No, Holden, please ? —”
The doorbell rang again and with a glance over my shoulder, I caught Dad’s angry gaze as he made his way down the hall toward the door. “Shit. I have to do the whole receiving line thing,” I said. “Can we talk after?”
Meg nodded, slowly, lifting her wet gaze to meet mine. “It just makes me wish we hadn’t given up so quickly...”
That’s not how I felt at all. Sure, I wish we hadn’t ended in the terrible way we had. But I knew Meg and I weren’t meant to be. I had no regrets that we had ended… only about how we ended.
My pulse slammed in my ears, blood coursing through my veins. From down the hall, I heard Duncan’s voice booming. “Mr. Dorsey!” Even at an event as solemn as a funeral, Duncan couldn’t seem to keep his voice low.
Megan brushed her hand down my arm. “Holden? Is there any chance for us in the future?”
“I…” Shit. No, there wasn’t.
More voices murmured from down the hall. Not just Duncan’s.
She wishes we hadn’t given up so quickly? Did she even remember the last week we were together? It was horrible. Up until this week, it had been the worst of my life.
“Holden.” Meg said again. Pinpricks flooded my vision. Squeezing my hand, she tugged me closer. “You’re really pale.”
She pressed her cool palm to my cheek, leaning closer. So close. I could smell the peppermint of her gum.
“I’m fine.” I tried to step back, but my head was spinning and I felt dizzy.
“You don’t look fine.”
Through my haze, I registered her concerned look. Then, Duncan appeared behind her. I took a beat as the person standing next to Duncan also came into view.
Katherine.
Katherine was here?
Of course she was. Katherine would always be here.
No matter how much I pushed her away, my Juliet wouldn’t break.
And for the first time in a week, I didn’t feel so broken, either.